Everything to Nothing

by Mark Henthorne

  ‘I wanted it though, so sorry.’ There was a very awkward silence between them. ‘I think I’ll go home. I need to check on my mum.’

  ‘Okay. Do you want to come back tonight?’

  ‘I’ll see. Depends how my mum is. Is it okay if I call you?’

  ‘Yeah, of course.’ Peter walked over and kissed her, then took her hand and led downstairs.

  ‘Thanks Peter, I had a good night.’

  ‘Anytime. Be careful going home.’

  ‘I will be. I’ll call you later.’

  She reached up and kissed him on his cheek. Then she turned, walked down his path and turned towards home. As she walked she felt very light headed and relaxed, but this was to swiftly change on reaching home.

  *

  ‘Mum, I thought you were cutting down?’

  ‘I had the beer deary.’

  ‘Yeah, I know mum, but the whole point of having the beer is to not have the spirits after the beer!’

  ‘Oh, but I didn’t have the spirits after the beer deary, I had the same at the same time. Look!’

  Sarah’s mum pointed to what looked like a pint of lager. Upon sniffing the lager though Sarah quickly realised that not only was there lager in the glass, there was also a large amount of spirits. ‘What spirit is in this glass mum?’

  ‘Gin. And something else too. Can’t remember what.’

  ‘Gin? Where did you get gin from mum?’

  ‘I found some cash in your room. I used that.’

  ‘You’re fucking joking me mum?! For fuck’s sake! That’s my college money, the money I need to get to college every day and to eat too! Thanks mum, thanks a fucking million!’

  ‘You get some more next week don’t you deary?’

  ‘Yes, but what about the rest of this week mum? I haven’t got a penny!’

  ‘Did you phone up the alcoholics place? Is there a meeting I can go to?’

  ‘I phoned up yesterday mum. You’re fucking banned remember, banned for life! And if you weren’t banned then perhaps I would not have gone out last night, perhaps I would have taken you to the meeting. Perhaps I would not have had sex with a guy all night and not taken more drugs than a Colombian whore! But no, you had to get yourself banned so that is exactly where I spent last night, hiding from you and the upset you give me, getting screwed in every position I could think of while taking copious amounts of illegal drugs! And then, and then to top it all off nicely, you’ve spent my fucking money on something you said you were trying to cut down! Thanks a million mum, thanks a fucking million!’

  ‘Did you have a good night? That’s lovely. Is there a meeting I can go to? An alcoholics meeting?’

  ‘You’re taking the piss?! You’ve got to be taking the fucking piss?! I just told you NO! There is no meeting in our area, we’ve got no money because you keep spending it on booze so I can’t take you to another meeting in another area and we can’t drive because guess what? We haven’t got a car! That got sold a few months ago to get us out of debt with the bank because you keep on spending the money on booze! Vicious circle you know mum, vicious fucking circle!’

  ‘That’s lovely dear. Where did you go last night?’

  ‘A boy’s house mum. I got laid so, so many times and like I said, I took many, many drugs.’

  ‘That’s lovely dear. Did you have a good time? Did you manage to phone the alcoholics place for me?’

  If looks could kill, Sarah’s mother would have disintegrated on the spot. Instead, all Sarah could do was storm upstairs to her room and lie down on her bed. It was only then that she started to feel unwell.

  At first it was mild as the final effects of the heroin wore off. Then she started to get mild stomach cramps, similar to discomfort she felt at certain times during her menstrual cycle. But she was surprised when she put the cramps down to this because she had only just had her period. When she raised herself into a sitting position to see if this eased the cramps, she started to feel dizzy and the room started to spin a little. So she lay back down, and this eased the dizziness, but not the cramps. Then, a little later, nausea descended on her so she scampered to the toilet and spent some time with her head hovering over the toilet. Sarah did not vomit though, so she returned back to her bed and closed her eyes.

  She was surprised when she woke up a few hours later, and was relieved to see that the cramps and nausea had faded. But now there was something else. For some unknown reason, her skin felt itchy, mainly her arm that the drug had been injected into. To her, this was worse than the cramps and nausea. She scratched her arms with her longs sharp nails, leaving long red marks on her previously young, unblemished skin. But, the more she scratched, the worse the itching seemed to get. Closing her eyes, she tried to think whether she had changed her shampoo or cleansing products recently, but her mind seemed cloudy and she could not think. When she opened her eyes, she glanced at the clock and it was early evening. She then spent some time trying to remember who and where she had to go to that evening. Eventually her mind tracked back to Peter, but she was surprised about how foggy and slow her thinking was. And the itching, the itching. After scratching her arms again so much that she cut herself, she decided to take a shower to see if this eased it.

  While taking the shower she discovered that turning the heat up as high as she could stand helped ease the incessant itching. Also, the shower helped clear her head, yet she was surprised again when she tried five times to pick up the bottle of shampoo from the floor of the shower, eventually managing to grab it while overbalancing and she crashed into the tiled wall. Thoroughly she cleansed then returned to her room to call Peter who reluctantly agreed to come and pick her up, so she pulled on some clothes, not bothering with underwear.

  After five minutes which she spent lying on her bed, she heard a car horn outside and she unsteadily walked downstairs. She popped her head into the living room and caught her mum swigging from a bottle containing a bright yellow spirit. Without saying anything, Sarah quietly closed the door and went out to Peter.

  *

  ‘What did you do this afternoon?’ Peter asked her as he slowly made his way through the streets back to his house.

  ‘Nothing. Slept. I’ve been feeling a little sick and I think I must be allergic to some kind of cleansing product because my skin, my arms especially, are so itchy.’

  Peter contemplated this for a moment. During his time searching the internet for information on heroin, he had discovered that this itchy feeling was an effect of taking heroin.

  ‘Might be your shampoo or something. Or might be your washing powder. Have you changed it recently?’

  ‘No, I don’t think so. I can’t really remember.’ Sarah thought this strange that she could not remember, but Peter did not. He knew that heroin decreases mental functioning even after one dose.

  ‘It will come back to you.’

  ‘Hopefully. What are we going to do tonight?’

  ‘I don’t know. Watch another movie, or we could go out?’

  ‘No, I don’t feel like going out. Movie sounds good.’

  ‘Okay, whatever.’

  They completed the rest of the short journey in silence and when Sarah entered the house she went into his living room and collapsed onto the settee. ‘I feel rough.’

  Peter thought she looked rough too, not as attractive as she looked the previous nights they had been together. She had no makeup on and was very pale, yet her bra-less breasts looked brilliant as she lay on her back and he thought he might as well quickly try his luck. He sat next to her on the settee. ‘Roll over.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Just roll over.’ She obliged, and he pulled off her jacket.

  He caught a glance of her arms and was not surprised to see them looking red and inflamed, with clear scratch marks present on them. Pulling up her short sleeved top, he asked her to lift up her arms, which she did, so he pulled the top over her head leaving her naked from the waist up. He whispered in her ear to wait right there, then he ran upstairs a
nd retrieved some aromatic massage oils from his bedroom. Returning to her, he poured some of the oil onto his hands, dripping some of it onto her back.

  Sarah let out a little moan as she felt the liquid land on her back, and she moaned some more as his hands went to work, giving a full back massage. When he worked down to her lower back he reached under her waist and unbuttoned her jeans. Then he slowly pulled them down and was not surprised, but still enjoyed the fact that she was wearing no knickers. He poured some more oil onto her bottom and down the back of her thighs, after which he massaged her bum and her legs. While he massaged her legs, he gently parted them so he could see her pussy, and was pleased to see it shining with moisture. What he did not realize was that this moisture was from his oils, not from her own natural secretions.

  Although she was enjoying the massage, Sarah did not feel any sexual arousal at all, which certainly surprised her. After receiving such a sensual massage, her insatiable sexual appetite would be usually crying out for more intimate touches, but now she felt nothing. When he had finished on her calves, she heard him stand up and remove his jeans. She craned her head round and saw him standing there, naked from the waist down, and a large erection pointing at her. ‘Peter, thank you, the massage was lovely, but I really don’t feel like this tonight.’

  He did not say anything at first, but instead knelt in between her legs and leaned forward so he could whisper into her ear. ‘Remember how you felt last night? Do you not want to feel like that again?’

  ‘I do, but…’

  ‘I’ve got plenty more of the drugs for you. Remember how good you felt when they hit your body?’

  Sarah’s mind was in turmoil. Her body was crying out for some more of the drugs, she knew that the itching and cramps would go if she could have another dose. But she did not want to have sex, not like this, not just for the drug when she was not even turned on. ‘No, I really don’t feel like it…’

  Peter cursed her in his head. ‘Wait there.’

  Peter walked quickly out of the room again, back to his bedroom where he picked up a bag of cocaine and also some of the syringes of heroin. Sarah had not moved so she rolled over to see him when he re-entered the room.

  ‘How about some of this?’ He waved the bag in front of her nose. ‘Or perhaps madam would prefer some of this?’

  Sarah let out a little moan of longing when she saw the syringes being waved in front of her and she leaned forward to make a grab for one of them. He quickly moved his hand away and made a negative noise.

  ‘No, no. I want something first.’

  She moaned again. ‘What?’

  ‘You know what.’

  Sarah sighed and then leaned back on settee and parted her legs. Quick as a flash, Peter threw himself between her legs, forcing them further apart with his body. He quickly lined up his penis with the entrance to her vagina and without warning forcefully slid it into her. Sarah dug her nails into her shoulder, not because of pleasure, but because his strong penetration had hurt her. He was very disappointed to find that after the initial moisture caused by the massage oil, her deeper reaches where dry as bone. Pulling out of her he reached for a bottle of the oils and poured some over the length of his erect organ.

  ‘Peter, sorry, I really don’t feel…’

  But she did not finish the sentence because quickly he pressed himself between her legs and pressed himself down on top of her. He lined up again and slid his oily organ into her. This time the oil made his passage easier, but it was still a discomfort to her. When he started to thrust he enjoyed it, but to her it was misery. With every one of his thrusts he grunted, and she let out a moan which he took to be moans of pleasure.

  After a few minutes though he noticed that she was not moving at all, not like the previous times they had sex. Previously she had bucked under him, rotated her hips and met each of his thrusts with one of her own. Now though it was like having sex with a sack of potatoes. He decided to carry on though, because he was still enjoying the feel of her vagina even if she was just lying there.

  Eventually for her, she felt him tense, heard him moan and then felt his warm, oily ejaculate pour into her. He then lay on top of her for a few more moments, breathing deeply and squashing her, before he drew his penis out of her and she shuddered as she felt him draw out of her now sore vagina. Standing up, he grabbed his jeans and pulled them back on before turning back to her. Sarah had rolled over and had her face buried in a cushion.

  ‘What was wrong? Why didn’t you want to do it?’

  She turned away from the cushion and the look she gave him was one of pure venom. ‘I told you I didn’t want to do it before you forced me!’

  ‘I didn’t force you. All you had to do was say no.’

  ‘I did say no, remember?!’

  ‘Not after I got the drugs, I actually don’t remember you saying no. Speaking of drugs, here’s your reward for having a vagina like a desert and for lying there like a sack of spuds.’ He threw a syringe at her which she caught.

  ‘That’s what happens when a woman doesn’t want to have sex and isn’t turned on! She’s dry and she just lies there!’ Sarah quickly spat back at him.

  ‘Whatever. I’m going for a shower.’ With that, Peter stormed out of the living room.

  For a few moments Sarah lay, breathing hard, fuming inside. Then she said out loud, ‘He near enough fucking raped me the wanker!’ A few moments later she felt the syringe in her hand. She held it in front of her face, contemplating the liquid inside. ‘Fuck it!’ she exclaimed again out loud. ‘If he’s going to do that to me then I’m going to take some of his precious fucking drugs!’

  Spotting her jeans on the other side of the room where Peter had thrown them, she strode across to them and pulled her belt from the loops. She slid down the living room wall so her back was resting against it. Quickly she tightened the belt around her upper arm and slapped the skin on her arm.

  Due to Peter doing it for her last night, she was not exactly sure what she was doing, but as she slapped she saw a blue blood vessel slowly protrude from her arm. Guessing this was the correct place, she laid the syringe against her arm as Peter had done the previous night and slid the needle into the vein. Pausing for a moment, she studied the needle sticking out of her arm and she nearly did not press the plunger. Then she got another sharp stomach cramp and felt her skin still itching. So she pressed the plunger down, the liquid shooting into her vein, into her body. Quickly the opiate raced through her blood, crashing into her brain which released the euphoric feeling into her body.

  Her skin increased in warmth and her body felt weighed down so it was no surprise when she stopped leaning against the wall and her upper body slumped to the floor. As her breathing deepened, through the euphoric mist, she noticed that the cramps had gone, and marvellously the itching had stopped. She descended into a semi-conscious state and was only half aware when Peter came into the room and shook her shoulder.

  ‘You okay?’

  ‘Oh God Peter, that is the best feeling in the world.’ She closed her eyes again and then quickly opened them again. ‘You should try some. Have some with me, please.’

  ‘No Sarah, I’m not going to. You enjoy yourself though; have as much as you want.’

  ‘Okay, I will.’

  With that she closed her eyes again and Peter returned to the settee and turned on the television, simply ignoring Sarah as she was lost to her drug induced ecstasy. After about half an hour he watched her slowly push herself up into a sitting position. He noticed that her recovery time was already shorter than last night and was astonished about how quickly she had become addicted and how quickly her tolerance seemed to be growing. He also thought that if this was how quickly people became addicted to the drug then he was going to make a lot of money selling it on the streets.

  As he considered this, he thought that he was treating Sarah a little like a ‘guinea pig’. He was interested in the effects of the drug and while he considered this some more he decided
he would carry on giving the drug to Sarah to satisfy his own professional curiosity. Since she was rarely or possibly not all, going to be able to pay for it with sex, then he would use her like a scientist would use a rat: for his own experimentation. His final thought on this issue was that it was a perfect idea.

  Slowly he watched her become more aware of her surroundings. While she was coming round he had discreetly placed another syringe in her line of vision and waited expectantly to see her reaction. He was quite disappointed when she came over to him, ignoring the syringe, and sat down next to him on the settee. She placed and arm around him, and her head on one of his shoulders.

  ‘There’s some more if you want it.’

  ‘I know. I’ll have some later if that’s okay?’

  ‘Of course it is. Do you feel up to some sex yet?’

  ‘No, I don’t. Not at all.’

  When she said this he turned back to the television and was only aware of her when she leant back into the settee. After an hour or so she stood up to use the downstairs toilet and when she returned she slumped against the wall again. Peter watched her as she fastened the belt around her arm again and quickly injected the drug. Again, she slumped to the floor and Peter returned his vision back to the television. This process was repeated until the early hours until he had had enough and went upstairs to his bed, alone. Sarah stayed up throughout the night, regularly taking the heroin, not needing or wanting to sleep.

  When Peter returned to the living room in the late morning he found her in exactly the same place, slumped on the floor with a handful of syringes around her. He walked over, checked she was still breathing, which she was, and he noticed that there were no syringes with heroin in them left for her to use in the living room. He presumed that she would be asleep and was surprised that when he gently shook her shoulder her eyes opened instantly.

  ‘Morning. Have a good night?’ She nodded. ‘I need to go out. Do you want me to drop you off?’ She nodded again. ‘Have you slept?’ She shook her head slowly this time. ‘You should.’