Star Woman in Love

by Piera Sarasini

  * * * *

  Lumiel warned Meta-Cassandra of what was about to happen: the Masters wanted to destroy the Earth for good. It was going to be wiped out. There was going to be a big explosion and, then, nothingness would spread everywhere. They felt that the Blue Planet experiment had come to nothing. She didn’t have much time, they wanted her to go back to Earth and remember, and fulfil her purpose this time around. If she succeeded, the planet would survive. If not, it would perish, and she with it, as her mind was still enmeshed in Earthly memories. Lumiel wanted to help her. Once on Earth, he told her, if she were to discover that she couldn’t carry out her mission, she should come back to Shambhala as soon as possible, before it was too late and she shared the fate of the Earth. There was a portal back to Shambhala in case of an emergency; she should remember that.

  * * * *

  Dublin, 22 December 2012

  The city looked very different when I arrived. I had descended on a dark morning and the sun had not risen yet. At once I realised why I was there: to end it all with you. I had to say goodbye this time. Closure was necessary for the Plan to endure. We were to be no more. By saying farewell, you would be released and I could finally let you go. It would be my final act of love towards you.

  My descent into matter had made me feel very gloomy. Horrid memories had come back to haunt me as soon as my Light-Body had condensed into denser substance. I remembered how cruelly you had treated me, how hard you had found it to get in touch with me, and how coldly the Masters had stopped my memories of you in Shambhala.

  There wasn’t an ounce of me in any these circumstances. I was the victim of other people’s decisions. All the negativity had come from external agents. I was innocent and under attack. If this was the replay I was supposed to enact, I wanted to rebel. If it was you I was meant to find, I wouldn’t comply this time. I no longer wanted to save the Plan: I craved freedom from it, and from you. I knew the way out. Rebellion had worked for Lumiel before. He had taught me how to be myself at last.

  By the afternoon I had booked a ticket for Peru and was ready to escape from my past. Recession-plagued Ireland was no fun place to be. A loveless life was not the one I had ever intended to live. There was a solution, but I had to head to Machu Picchu straight away; I would always be able to return to Shambhala from there.

  Perhaps that was my message to you, pointing you on your way Home again. It was my simple attempt to leave a trail of breadcrumbs for you to follow, in my trail. A part of me was hoping that you would find them. That part of me still had to have you, and take you away from the Earth. The rest of my mind, however, was raging against you. I wanted to be as far away from you as possible. Ah, if I could only forget you forever. For the first time in my existence, I realised I was tired of being alive. I had started to pine for death: the ultimate freedom. The idea of eternity on my own was becoming repulsive.

  * * * *

  Shambhala watching Dublin, last day of 2012

  Lumiel realised that Cassandra’s transformation in reverse was finally complete. She was really ready to become human this time. She could embrace the depths of despair that accompany mortality, and a reality that is impermanent and dangerous. She had learned her lesson at last, she had found the courage. By embracing her limits, her losses, her fears and her hatred, she could now become the beautiful human being he felt that she was always meant to be. And she could finally let go of all the walls around her soul that had kept her a prisoner of her ideals, and separate from the human species for so long. Yes, she had had a tough life. Yes, she had always been afraid of loving lest she lose the objects of her love, just like she had her parents when she was a child. But she was ready now. She was brave and capable of accepting a world without Shambhala, where there were no Masters and no Plan. The plane of matter could now embrace Cassandra’s new life like a long-lost lover. She wanted it more than anything else in the world.

  * * * *

  Machu Picchu, 5 January 2013

  I had greeted the arrival of the New Year in Peru, joining in the celebrations of the tourists staying at my hotel in Lima. A few days later, we had boarded the train in Cuzco early in the morning and had reached Machu Picchu station in a matter of hours. It was the worst of the rainy season. Many among us had refused to climb the sacred peak. I hadn’t come here to quit at the last hurdle and reached the summit of the Machu Picchu Mountain with just the meagre group of visitors led by our guide.

  Leaving the group behind, I went looking for Master Kuthumi’s Ascension Chamber in the ether above a particular spot at the site. I found it easily. As soon as I entered it, I disappeared into a cloud of mist. When the guide couldn’t find me, he tried to trace my steps. He found my bag and camera at the location where I had vanished. General consensus was that I had fallen from a cliff into the menacing chasm below me. Some tourists screamed in horror when the dreadful news was announced to the group. In actual fact, I had simply returned to the Fairy Lake in Shambhala where Lumiel was waiting for me.

  * * * *

  Dublin, 12 January 2013

  Oscar stared at the newspaper article on the kitchen table. The first page was covered by a photograph of the only woman he had ever loved. She was smiling, as he would always remember her. The letters of the headline were jumping out at him, stabbing at his chest and strangling his breath. His hand moved to his heart. His blood turned to ice.

  CASSANDRA MORGANTE, THE SPIRITUAL LEADER AND FOUNDER OF THE TRANSFORMATION MOVEMENT, IS FEARED DEAD. SHE DISAPPEARED A WEEK AGO DURING AN EXCURSION ON MACHU PICCHU. SHE IS BELIEVED TO HAVE FALLEN DOWN A RAVINE.

  The room started to spin. The hole in his heart widened until it swallowed his whole mind. Oscar was back in hell, many years before that day. He was a child at St. Anthony’s Institution. The scary old bogey man was fondling him, making him touch his flaccid member. He forced Oscar’s mouth on his genitals. The smell was disgusting. The bogeyman was revolting. But he had to do as told, or he would kill him. Oscar was paralysed by fear and shame. And then the worst thing in the world happened. He felt the most incredible pain, as if his body was being torn in two. It lasted ages. His soul was stained. His heart was broken. He would never be happy again. He would never be deserving of love again. Never.

  Grown-up Oscar was back in his house. They were talking about Cassandra on the news. The feeling of hurt melted into all-pervading Light. His mind could now encompass everything at once. He was free. He was at one with the only love of his life. Circumstances might tell otherwise. He was lying on the floor in his kitchen. His chest was exploding with spasms. Weakness and despair had him rolled up like a ball, like a foetus on the cold marble tiles. His heart was finally giving up to the infinity that his mind was begging for.

  “Please, my love, set me free... take me with you...”

  The broadcaster’s voice kept churning out words in the background.

  ANY HOPE LEFT OF FINDING CASSANDRA MORGANTE ALIVE AFTER SHE FELL FROM A CLIFF AT THE HOLY SITE OF MACHU PICCHU WERE CUT SHORT TODAY. RESCUE OPERATIONS HAD TO BE ABANDONED DUE TO THE VIOLENT STORMS IN THE AREA. HELICOPTERS CANNOT OPERATE ANY LONGER. NO BODY HAS YET BEEN RECOVERED. MEMORIAL CEREMONIES WILL BE HELD ACROSS THE WORLD THROUGHOUT NEXT WEEK.

  Back in the room, the television kept showing images of his only love. Oscar turned his head slowly and looked up at the screen. Cassandra looked so dazzlingly alive, so forgiving. She had always known of his wound, and had always turned a blind eye to his darkened soul. Now she was gone forever. He had killed her with his inertia. He felt the weight of guilt compress his ribcage. Time had never been his friend. He wished he could touch her. He prayed that he could hold her just one last time. His love for her wouldn’t be in vain in the end. The pain around his heart was squeezing the Life Force out of his body. The pressure in his chest was now unbearable. Oscar wanted to be with Cassandra. He stretched out his arms as if to hug a ghost. She wasn’t there. He was alone in the depths of his desperate loneliness. The claws of those horrible memories star
ted to grasp at his thoughts again. His life had come to a pile of dirt. Death was only welcome.

  * * * *

  The ambulance crew had arrived just in time to resuscitate him. Morwana had accompanied her father to the hospital, still in shock. She had found him lying in the kitchen, looking lifeless. With remarkable calm she had dialled 911 just in time. She was only thirteen and yet she had learnt to think on her feet, as kids of divorced parents often have to. Being Cassandra’s clone, she was also a Star Girl, and this tragic event would make her remember. Oscar’s heart was still weak. He had ended up in a coma following his cardiac arrest. If he were to survive, he would owe his life to his ‘daughter’. But did he still want to be alive now that Cassandra had abandoned him forever?

  * * * *

  Oscar reached the threshold of the Gates of Shambhala. The wound had finally left him for good. His heart was now pure. He got there effortlessly. His physical body was still attached to the ventilator on the third dimensional Earth, in the intensive care of a Dublin hospital. But his soul had finally made it back Home. Love began to pour in; he knew Cassandra was waiting behind those ivory walls.

  He called out to her. Silence came as the unwelcome reply. Oscar was startled. He knew that she was there. He wanted to tell her that he was free now, that he understood the meaning of loving wholeheartedly, with no memory of the past, just the will for the best possible future. He had never managed that before, in his lifetime without her by his side.

  Meta-Cassandra was sitting by the Fairy Lake gazing at her reflection in the water. She couldn’t hear Oscar’s voice. He couldn’t exist for her in Shambhala: the Masters had deleted him from her memory. Yet she felt the sweetest caress on her head, lingering on her cheek. She kept looking at her features in the stillness of the Lake. Then she sighed.

  Lumiel, however, heard Oscar call his loved one with the longing patience of true love. He walked towards the gates and opened them. Oscar’s eyes lingered on Lumiel’s smile and the outline of Shambhala behind him.

  “You’ve gone as far as you needed on this journey, Oscar. Now you can go back. We need more time to bring the Counterplan together. But you’ve just sewn another seam. Well done, my adept. I’ll take care of her to the best of my abilities for a little while longer.”

  Master and seeker shook hands as Shambhala’s Gates closed on Oscar: forever.

  * * * *

  Oscar opened his eyes and looked around. He didn’t know where he was but he understood he had survived death. That was a miracle in itself. There were drips in his arms. The room was spinning. He closed his eyes again. He could still see Lumiel’s smile tattooed on the inside of his eyelids.

  “We need more time...”

  One by one his relatives and friends trickled in by his bedside in the intensive care ward to comfort him. He greeted them with silence. His only thought now was that Cassandra was still alive. The rescuers had to keep looking for her. He told his mother. The doctors had warned her that her son might be delusional during his recovery from massive coronary failure. She would have to play along with him. His heart couldn’t be upset anymore.

  The days turned into a month. When enough strength had returned to his skinny limbs, Oscar was moved out of intensive care and into a private room. By then he had realised that the time had come to put the Counterplan into action. The Counterplan would introduce an element to Cassandra’s life, one that she wasn’t previously allowed to have. If the Counterplan worked, it would create Time, where no time was supposed to be: time for Cassandra and Oscar to be on Earth together.

  He went to the bathroom and turned the hot tap on. He felt that his mind and hers were now one. No time and no distance could keep them apart. The heat from the water covered the mirror’s surface with condensation. Oscar wiped it away to look at his gaunt face. That’s when he saw her: Cassandra’s face in the mirror, staring at him from the steamy glass, reflecting back his love and his anguish. The Twins had bridged the dimensions that kept them apart. Their mutual yearning was drawing them together. Her gaze was pure and familiar: it was inviting him on, calling him Home.

  He wiped a bigger section of the glass with his hand to see her entire face. She was definitely there. He felt the peace that her loving presence had always brought him. He placed his lips on the mirror to kiss her, but she disappeared. The steam from his breath and the print of his lips on the glass were all that was left of that brief, life-changing encounter.

  Things would never be the same again. He knew what to do, he could change the course of history. It had always been his life’s purpose and now he was ready. He took the lift to the roof of the hospital and ventured into the cold air. His pyjama-clad body shivered in the freezing temperature. A light snow was falling. Snowflakes were dancing around him like friendly fairies flying in mid-air, teasing him, daring him. He danced along with them in joy for a moment, but then his heart grew serious.

  He walked towards the parapet and looked at the white blanket covering the car park, twelve floors below him. He had nothing to lose. He gathered the courage to run past the barrier between this life and forever, and ended his troubles on car space number 27. He left the world with a smashed skull, a broken body and a crushed soul. That day was the 14th of February 2013 and Cassandra’s forty-fifth birthday.

  * * * *

  “Dear Lady and Lord Masters: our decision is now final. Time coordinates 21-12-2012 are no longer working. An element was introduced in the Plan that makes it difficult for us to be precise in our time-travelling. Going back to fix the past has now become a real challenge, and no more energy can be dedicated to such a risky pursuit. It was always a danger to rely on human duality to create Oneness, to hope for Cassandra and Oscar to align as Twin Flames and be the pillars upon which we could found the future of an enlightened humanity. We have run out of hope.”

  Everybody nodded. Meta was among those in attendance. She felt sorry for the Twins upon whom the future of the entire human race had rested. The weight of their destiny must have been unbearable. Yet she envied the need that they had for each other. She was perfect, and longing was not the stuff of the perfect. Secretly, however, she rejoiced in the Twins’ mistakes and wished she could be like Cassandra, who would always yearn for Oscar to make her complete. Meta didn’t even have a Twin Soul, as the Masters would often remind her: she was complete in herself. Only Lumiel, who had not yet aligned himself completely with Myriam in Shambhala, could sometimes function as Cassandra’s Mirror when her energy faltered. She rejoiced in the sense of incompleteness brought about by any fleeting moment of weakness.

  Soon it would be over though. Mothership Shambhala was set to return to the Morning Star. Humanity hadn’t ascended. An element among them, apparently, was ballasting the White Island to matter, lowering its frequency and turning it into denser substance.

  Meta was surprised when she was summoned to stand alone in front of the Council. The Masters were saying that she had been chosen to go back to Earth and fix a problem in the Plan. Or to cut a tie forever. The tone in Sanat Kumar’s voice was cold and soulless. No detail was offered. She had to descend to Earth. She would know what to do once she got there. The only choices she would have on the plane of duality would be to either make peace or say goodbye.

  * * * *

  Lumiel had expected Meta to forget her role as Cassandra in the human tragedy played out in the third dimension. He had feigned his own return to Shambhala perfectly. He had fooled everybody. Now his Counterplan could finally be put in motion. That was the only one way to ensure that the Earth would reject the presence of the Masters and their ambitious Plan to align the Blue Planet and its inhabitants with the Morning Star. The Venusians had always treated the Earth as the slower Twin of their birth planet. They had no profound experience of the place. They didn’t know the beauty of the struggle that characterised life on the third planet from the Sun. Transformation is the law of the Universe. No intervention from outside should be allowed, even when it comes from
the pompous Venusians or anyone else, no matter how well-meaning the intent.

  He had been one of them. He wished he could forget the time when he was in love with his perfection and plagued by his loneliness. But then he fell to Earth, the best thing that he had ever done. He would never go back to Venus. His Counterplan would keep him on Earth forever. Cassandra and Oscar were his new powerful converts. Their strength came from their vulnerability.

  Lumiel reached the Crystal Cave that contained the Earth’s Akashic Records. The silver stalactite over the central altar was said to be eternal. It held the idea of Shambhala and the Plan firmly set in the mindset of the inspired inhabitants of the Earth. The golden stalagmite under the altar was equally important to the Venusians. It held the two concepts of Shambhala and the evolution of humanity in place on the White Island. But Lumiel knew how to remove them. He could at last: he simply had to concentrate on the idea of death that had now entered the minds and lives of Cassandra and Oscar.

  So he put his mighty, unfaltering mind to it. First the gold stalagmite cracked and crumbled to the ground. Then the silver stalactite fell and broke into a million tiny shards. No more Plan. No more Shambhala. No more intrusion into the ways of the world. The Masters’ Vision would now fizzle out. No trace of this nonsense would be left in the minds and lives of those who had to endure this idiocy for so long.

  * * * *

  Tara, 21 March 2012

  The joy I felt when I saw you by the Fairy Tree was the highlight of my entire existence. You had come. My memory was clear and my intention was unwavering. We had grown, we were ready. You were standing, waiting for me. I could tell your eyes were grave and your mood was apprehensive. But you were smiling at the sight of me.