The Secrets of Black Dean Lighthouse

by Jack Dey

  What tragedy would cause a mother to give up her child into the care of a complete stranger, to be raised contrary to her blood? Didn’t she know or care someone would eventually come looking for her? Didn’t she know someone would be aching to reconnect with her and find her love and a reason to belong? Maybe she did know, hoping her child would one day find her and set her free from her anguish. Becky tried to stifle the torturous thoughts and concentrate on the wonderful man she’d married, realising Brett and his love was the only stability in her life at the moment, and at least she could trust what he said.

  As the grey Kia slowed its hasty approach and negotiated the apartment driveway, Becky’s car lights picked up Jacqui’s little car parked on the verge, suddenly realising why Smiley was dawdling. She laughed to herself at Smiley’s procrastination and remembered her speech about making him propose to Jacqui. But for the moment, she had one thing on her mind and it had nothing to do with Smiley or Jacqui.

  In a rush of mounting eagerness, Becky drove swiftly into the usual parking spot under the apartment, intending to hastily abandon the car and run for the stairs and her man’s comforting embrace, yet before she could remove the key from the ignition, she felt herself encased in strong, familiar arms.

  Fumbling almost frantically, Brett wrestled to loosen her seat belt in an agonised frenzy of fingers and thumbs. Finally winning against the restraining device, he swept her into his arms and with Becky’s feet dangling clear off the ground and pressed hard against his body, the couple exchanged a volatile kiss.

  Tasting her husband’s cologne and eager for his love, she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, returning his fiery passion with equal fervour and fanning the coals of pent up desire for the man she loved into an unstoppable inferno. Burning like an out of control wildfire, the couple’s love erupted, threatening to engulf the surrounds in a wall of intense flaming desire.

  Watching the two people deeply in love and expressing their emotions openly, Jacqui stood in the shadows, smiling and wiping away a small tear at the scene she could only dream of.

  However, Smiley’s, "U..hum," from nearby drew Brett and Becky back into the world, becoming aware of their surroundings once more and with Brett reluctantly placing Becky back down and walking over to Smiley, Brett encased him in a hug.

  “I don’t know how to thank you, Smiley.”

  “I told you I was a good snoop, Boss,” Smiley boasted, glancing nervously back up the driveway at Jacqui’s car. Shifting uneasily from foot to foot and fidgeting, Smiley’s distracted features spoke of extreme discomfort, seemingly vulnerable like a little boy wishing to be somewhere else.

  Becky, however, saw the glance and with a pesky little sister tease, she remembered her promise to Smiley. “Is Jacqui here, Brett?”

  Smiley’s head snapped around to face Becky, and his vulnerability intensified beyond recovery.

  “Yep, I think she’s upstairs waiting for you both to get home, and boy, is she eager to see you, Smiley.”

  Smiley swallowed hard and squirmed, feeling utterly out of his depth. “Why!” Smiley asked, as if he was completely clueless.

  Becky placed her hand on her hip defiantly, intent on blocking Smiley’s escape route. “Yes and I seem to remember a promise I made to you, Smiley, a couple of days ago.”

  “P..promise? What promise?” Smiley stammered.

  “You told me of your feelings for a certain lady in the office and how you wanted to ask her to marry you but you were scared she would say no.”

  “D... did I?” In his mind, Smiley was running, but in reality his feet were two large concrete blocks and just wouldn’t move.

  “Oh no you don’t, mister! I promised I wouldn’t let you pass up another opportunity to make this certain woman very happy. You spoke good sense to me and saved me from making a mess of my life and I am about to return the favour.”

  Brett grinned at the interplay, knowing Smiley was trapped and Jacqui may be in hearing distance, but just to confirm what he thought, “We are, of course, talking about Jacqui?”

  “Of course. Who else has been waiting for Smiley to come out and confess his feelings for her?” Becky grinned mischievously.

  “B... Becky, I told you, I have issues with intimacy. I’m afraid she’ll say no.”

  Suddenly, a woman stepped from the shadows, teasing and expecting a confession. “I happen know this woman really well and I can assure you, she won’t say no,” Jacqui’s face was alight with anticipation.

  “J... Jacqui! Did you hear all that?!” Smiley stammered and off the scale in his comfort zone.

  Jacqui nodded and with her head tilted to one side, she peered back at Smiley... waiting.

  Smiley glanced across at Becky, his eyes pleading, but finding no comfort there, he turned to face Jacqui again. Knees weak and heart pounding, Smiley was trapped, teetering between the love of the woman he’d dreamed about and a deep, debilitating fear of intimacy. With all eyes trained on Smiley, not a word was spoken, but he could feel the air of expectation and it was crushing him. Then from somewhere in the depths of a secret, hidden place, a voice struggled to be heard and bubbled up uncontrollably, escaping between his constricted throat and rolled out onto the ground by his feet.

  “J... J... Jacqui...arr...I...that is...would...you don’t have to, of course...but?”

  “Get down on one knee, Smiley,” Becky demanded.

  Smiley glanced at Becky, grateful for the interruption but noticed she was obviously enjoying his predicament and followed her demand, dropping to his knee and finally reaching for Jacqui’s hand and stumbling through. “Jacqui, I... um... I love you and I guess I always have. You won’t be getting a very good deal... but.”

  “Smiley, you’re proposing, not buying a washing machine!” Becky huffed.

  Everyone laughed and the tension melted.

  “Jacqui, I love you with all my heart. Will you marry me?” Smiley managed to spit out the words, but as the silence extended, Jacqui began to cry.

  She’d been waiting patiently to hear those words for years and now they were in plain sight and with witnesses. Reaching for Smiley and through her sobs, she managed to squeak out a whimpered, “Yes.”

  “You will?!" Smiley didn’t know what to do.

  “Kiss her, Smiley,” Becky instructed.

  “Yes, ma’am!”

  The sounds of cheers and congratulations filled the night and eventually, hand in hand, the two couples headed upstairs. By the time Smiley and Becky had recapped their adventure, it was getting late and Smiley’s nerves had vanished. With Jacqui sitting close to Smiley on the Redden’s sofa and tenderly holding his hand, she was amazed at the story being narrated. Becky finally placed the photocopied document on the coffee table so all could see and briefly explained their theories. As she outlined her thoughts, Brett pointed to the three names circled in red pen.

  “So you think one of these is your birth mother, Becky?”

  “Yep. I don’t know which one and if I can gather from Smiley’s experience, I might not ever know. Two names have an identity confidential block next to their names, which means they don’t want to be found.”

  Smiley began to speak, ”All I was trying to say, Becky, was don’t waste your life searching for someone who might not want to be found. I put my life on hold trying to find my mother. What I should have done was married this beautiful woman a lot earlier and used my spare time to hunt for the ghost.”

  Jacqui squeezed Smiley’s hand delightedly. “O... h! Thank you, Smiley! That was so sweet and I’m so happy... I might even get used to being called Jack,” Jacqui grinned.

  “Nah, I love Jacqui,” Smiley teased and stole a kiss.

  Brett suddenly interrupted, verbalising a thought. “To think this all started over those nightmares you were having, Becky. Did you find anything more about them, Smiley?”

  “No. Not a thing, Brett. Do you want me to keep searching or should I sit on it?”

  “I really
need you to concentrate on other things for the moment, however, if you get a lead or some spare time, by all means continue your search.”

  Smiley nodded. “It’s time I took Jacqui home and I know you guys have some catching up to do, too.”

  As Smiley and Jacqui stood to leave, Becky reached up to Smiley and hugged him. “Thank you again, Smiley. You're just like a big brother.”

  Brett shook his hand. “Ditto for me.”

  The couple turned to leave, when Smiley swivelled back to face Becky. ”You need to sit down with your parents as soon as possible and sort out this mess. Maybe even tomorrow,” Smiley warned.

  Becky’s head lowered and she searched the floor, pondering Smiley’s request. “I don’t know if I can at the moment,” she whispered.

  “Take it from me, nothing will get resolved by trying to punish them. They’ve suffered all their lives by trying to hide this, Becky, and remember what I was told. Your adoptive mum didn’t have to love you and wake up every couple of hours to prepare a bottle and feed you or change your dirty diapers every hour. She didn’t have to send you to school and encourage you to be her bright little Becky or worry herself senseless when you had a fever or you were sick. She didn’t have to lie awake half the night until you came home and fell safely into bed or sacrifice to send you to college when she could have bought another more fashionable home and had a comfortable retirement... but she did.”

  A tear slipped from Becky’s eyes to the carpet, but she quickly wiped her face before another one could escape and tell everyone how she was feeling. “You’re right again, Smiley, and how did you know I was trying to punish them?”

  “Been there, done that and bought the t-shirt.”

  Soon the door closed to Brett and Becky’s apartment, with Smiley and Jacqui heading for their cars, however, Jacqui abruptly stopped Smiley at the bottom of the staircase and kissed him passionately.

  “Wow!" he said, coming up for a breath. "I ain't a spring chicken anymore and if you keep that up, I’ll have a heart attack!”

  “I think you’re a wonderful man, Smiley Williams, doing what you just did for that young couple and I’m going to be extremely proud to be Mrs Jacqueline Williams.”

  Smiley blushed. ”I just don’t want Becky to go through what I did... can we practice that kiss again, Jacqui? That was pretty nice.”

  *~*~*~*

  Chapter 35

  It was fast approaching 3 am when Smiley floated up the stairs to his apartment, dancing with a sense of disbelief, knowing he was now engaged to the most beautiful girl he had ever met and wondered why it had taken so long to pluck up the courage to ask her to marry him. They’d talked into the small hours about buying the ring, wedding plans and where they would live, but he’d baulked at Jacqui’s desire for children, leaving Smiley to worry how far his fear of intimacy extended. Jacqui’s sweet personality made him come alive and she was easy to talk to, feeling completely at ease around her, but he was glad they’d decided to talk in her apartment. Smiley chuckled to himself as he quietly searched his pocket for the keys to his apartment, very sure the state of his would stretch her commitment to him and maybe create the shortest engagement on record.

  Becky had forced him to face his fear and now he’d overcome his intimacy issues to the point of being able to express his longtime love for Jacqui and his desire to take her as his bride, with the rewards of that action realised immediately. Jacqui was a warm and loving girl and the sweet taste of her kiss lingered in his mind. In the past, Becky and Brett had both tried to force the issue with Smiley, but his fear was bigger than any threat, even knowing many men had tried to capture Jacqui’s affections. Smiley grinned again, pleased with himself when Jacqui confessed she’d set her sights on him and wasn’t about to give up on catching him.

  As he grasped at his keys and threaded the lock, Smiley began to think of all the shortcomings and hang-ups he’d developed in the pointless search for his birth mother and wasn’t sure what sort of husband he would be to Jacqui and whether Jacqui could cope with his idiosyncrasies. Overcoming a profound fear of intimacy, to the point of kissing his bride and enjoying it, was one thing. Personal intimacy was quite another thing altogether, leaving Smiley worrying Jacqui may be getting a raw deal.

  With a twist of his hand, Smiley unlocked the apartment door and was immediately assaulted with a choking smell of stale pizza and rotting takeaway Chinese. “Ph-hew!” Smiley choked, waving his hand in front of his nose. It had been five days since a door or a window had been opened to the forgiving outside air and something inside smelt like it had died. He flicked on the light and made a mental comparison between Jacqui’s orderly and tidy apartment and then searched around at the train wreck confronting him. Holding his nose and pulling back the blinds, Smiley opened every window in the small apartment, tripping over junk that had laid for weeks where it had fallen and in the heat of the moment, committed to cleaning up before Jacqui found the mess. But just now, after nearly a week of emotional intensity, he was tired out and was expected at work in five hours. All thoughts of cleaning disappeared as he fell exhausted on top of his bed and slept a contented, Jacqui-filled sleep.

  *~*~*~*

  The events of the past week had tested and stretched her marriage and left Becky exhausted, but being reunited with Brett had re-cemented and enriched her feelings for him. She contentedly slept through the morning, feeling fulfilled, and when she awoke she reached across to where Brett had been and found a single red rose laying on his pillow. Stretching and yawning and holding the red rose to her chest, she couldn’t wait for him to come home from work and once again experience his passion for her.

  Becky threw on her dressing gown and wandered out into the kitchen, intent on starting her day with a rousing cup of coffee, but as she approached the table, Smiley’s stolen photocopy with the names of her possible birth mother lay in full view. Picking up the nefarious document, Becky searched the three names circled with a red pen and then Smiley’s words echoed into her mind.

  You need to sit down with your parents as soon as possible and sort out this mess. Maybe even tomorrow. Take it from me, nothing will get resolved by trying to punish them. They’ve suffered all your life by trying to hide this, Becky, and remember what I was told. Your adoptive mum didn’t have to love you and wake up every couple of hours to prepare a bottle and feed you or change your dirty diapers every hour. She didn’t have to send you to school and encourage you to be her bright little Becky or worry herself senseless when you had a fever or you were sick. She didn’t have to lie awake half the night until you came home and fell safely into bed or sacrifice to send you to college when she could have bought another more fashionable home and had a comfortable retirement... but she did.

  Becky pulled in a breath and sighed at the thought of confronting her parents. Walking sleepily over to the cupboard and finding a clean mug, she set the kettle to boil then reached for the coffee jar and added a spoon of granules to her cup aided by a spoon of sweetener. When the steam billowed from the spout, the kettle automatically cut off the power, prompting her to lift the steaming apparatus and pour the hot water over the crushed coffee beans. The boiling water saturated the granules and forced it to give up its secretive, rich aroma and flavour held tightly in the secluded confines of the crushed tiny bean, turning the clear hot water instantly to an aromatic black. Becky breathed in the rich fragrance and took a sip of the hot, sweet liquid and stared through the apartment window to the bushland behind. But Smiley’s words wouldn’t leave her mind... Nothing will get resolved by trying to punish them.

  Watching the antics of two wood sparrows playing hide-and-seek in the treetops, Becky laughed, but then caught a glimpse of the photocopy again and it seemed to be beckoning her and coaxing her to act. Placing her coffee back down and picking up the photocopy, Becky argued with herself and chided herself for procrastinating, then hearing Smiley’s words again... Nothing will get resolved by trying to punish them, Becky came to a ner
vous decision.

  “Okay, Smiley, you win!”

  Reaching for the phone, Becky dialled a number and then heard Jacqui’s contented voice. “Good morning, Brett Redden's office.”

  “Hello, Mrs Williams,” Becky teased.

  “Becky! Hi...! Yes, I can hardly believe it,” Jacqui gushed.

  “You deserve to be loved, Jacqui, and congratulations. If Smiley misbehaves, just give me a call and we will sort him out together.”

  Jacqui laughed and Becky could feel her excitement.

  “Can I speak to Brett, please?”

  Within moments, Brett answered the phone, making her feel like a schoolgirl swooning at her favourite rock star.

  “Can you pick me up at Em... Mum’s place after work, honey? I’ve decided to catch a cab over and as Smiley said, sort this mess out... Huh? No, I think I need to at least confront them alone to start with and if you come over after work, we can take it from there... No! I won’t! Especially after last night... I love you too, honey... see you at Mum’s.”

  *~*~*~*

  Jacob peered through the lounge room window and intently scrutinised a yellow cab as it came to a stop at the front of their house. Watching a young woman step out of the cab, he wasn’t sure if what he was seeing was an illusion or maybe just wishful thinking and as the taxi drove away, he studied the lone figure staring at the front of the house. Straining to see the face through the window without his glasses, recognition abruptly dawned with Jacob’s dark and depressed mood changing to euphoria and then flashed immediately to intense fear. Feeling sick and with his stomach tightly knotted, he watched Becky walking slowly to the front door, wondering whether she intended to erase them from her life forever and this would be the final time they saw their beloved daughter.

  Emma hadn’t been out of bed since that awful day nearly a week ago, and had all but imploded when the thing she feared the most and had tried so hard to avoid finally caught them up and now threatened to destroy them both. Racing down into the bedroom to try and shake Emma out of her deadened state, Jacob decided he would need her strength as well, to cope with losing Becky forever.