The Day Of The Wave

by Wicks, Becky

  ISLA

  Sonthi's speeding fast ahead of us on his bike, with Sasi's hair flailing out behind her. They brought us a scooter so we wouldn't have to rely on Khalua to get us back to the dive shop in time for their morning session, but I feel a little bit like we've been ripped away from paradise.

  'How are you feeling?' Ben asks me now, peering over his shoulder quickly as we leave the jungle track and head back to the main road. I'm clutching his middle, hands splayed on his abs over his shirt; not like they were last night against his naked flesh. I want to be back there in that bed.

  'I'm fine!'

  'Sore?' he asks.

  My cheeks flush in the hot sun. 'I can handle a lot more,' I tell him truthfully.

  'I meant your sun burn!'

  'Oh.' I press my cheek against his back. Sex with Ben was an experience I've been playing over and over and over since I first opened my eyes. It's like a dream I don't want to fade. I want to keep doing it. I want to lose myself in him again and feel him losing himself in me. That's what he did as we both kissed the tears from each other's eyes. We found each other in a place we built together somehow, away from the torture. I've never known anything like it. I feel myself shiver in spite of the heat. We didn't have time for a re-run - we were running late for breakfast as it was.

  When we get to the dive shop, I take my place at the table and pull my iPad out of my bag, sit down and connect to the WIFI. There are several missed Skype calls from Colin, plus a FaceTime message. I clear it without reading it. I don't want him to interrupt my high. I don't want to ever come down. I can't help think of Ben's face, though, when he told me about Toby last night. I swallow a lump in my throat. I just wanted to make his pain go away. I would have done anything he wanted.

  'Did you have fun last night?' Sasi asks me now, surreptitiously, sitting down opposite me and pushing me a cold Diet Coke. 'Nice surprise from Sonthi, yes?'

  'Surprise from Sonthi?' I say, looking up from my email. Ben and Sonthi are carrying tanks to the dive boat already, along with a tall guy from the U.S who's here with his wife.

  'Sonthi says Ben need to be more man,' she says. 'Ben need to stay with you the night.'

  'I think he would have managed,' I say, flushing. I narrow my eyes at her. 'Are you telling me Sonthi booked us into that place last night without telling Ben?'

  She nods, flicking her eyes to them both. I can see Sonthi laughing and nudging Ben on their way back towards us now. They set us up. God, how embarrassing. Amazing, but embarrassing. Ben never said a word! I wonder why. Would he have been 'more man,' as Sasi says, or would he never have initiated anything if he hadn't been pushed?

  'Are you sure you're OK, waiting here?' Ben says, coming up behind me now and putting his big hands on my shoulders. I lean back against the soft black skin of his wetsuit. 'I'll take you back as soon as I'm done, we'll get your scooter, you'll be in time for the school afternoon...'

  'Don't worry about it, I'm OK. Have fun,' I tell him, pushing any paranoia over last night out of my buzzing brain. He leans over me, kisses me right in front of Sasi. I smile under his lips as my heart expands and contracts like a loved-up jellyfish in my chest.

  He jogs off towards the water. I want his dive to go quickly so I can take him into my room back at Shady Palms and carry on what we started; and finished, roughly four hours later. I get tingles every time I even think about it. Last night was the best night of my life.

  My relative inexperience has always caused me to view the act of sex as somewhat naughty, I think, in spite of its beauty. Before last night I can't say I ever really enjoyed it, or even participated as much as I probably could have, both physically and mentally. But no one's ever looked at me the way Ben looks at me; like I'm a lifeline, a friend and a goddess all at once. No one's ever made me want to love them with every single part of me... if I ever really had all of me to give before. That's just the thing, I think. He's opened me up in every possible way.

  A smile stretches out my face. I felt his vulnerability in that room, in spite of the strength of him, pulling me up on that bed, holding my waist, guiding my movements over his body till I took control in a way I never even realized I had it in me to do. Wow... I'm so in love with the idea of loving Ben with all of me. I know it's insane, how fast I've let this thing consume me. Amy would tell me off, I can picture her face; that pouty thing she does.

  But I didn't have a choice. From the second I saw him again I was halfway over that edge. Last night I fell and he caught me. I think we caught each other, actually.

  I have to write that down.

  Sasi's laugh brings me back to the moment. 'What?'

  'You look so in love!' she says, mimicking the stupid smile on my face as I look at Ben climbing on the boat, the guys starting the motor. I pretend to whack her shoulder over the table with my iPad and she dodges me, laughing more. 'I think you are exploding with love!'

  'You're not going to tell Kalaya, are you?' I say suddenly, before I can even sensor myself.

  Sasi waves my words away. 'Kalaya still in Bangkok,' she says, sipping from her Coke can. 'I know true love, like you have with Ben. I have with Sonthi, same,' she adds, sighing almost dreamily herself.

  'Izzy?' A voice behind me.

  My blood freezes on the spot. Oh my God. No.

  'It is you, isn't it?' The voice is louder now, walking towards me. I can't even turn around.

  No, no, no, no, no.

  Sasi's eyes have narrowed opposite me. I can see her looking someone up and down in confusion. I can't turn around, because then it will be real. Then he would have ruined everything in one single second, just like he did before, when I read that email.

  'Izzy?' A hand on my shoulder. I have no choice. I turn around slowly, close my eyes. I'm almost sick as I open them again.

  'Colin!'

  'Hi! Sorry I'm late, baby, I meant to get here for your birthday but I got the flight times wrong, and I had a conference call with New York so I couldn't leave before...'

  'Colin, what are you doing here?' I scramble up. I can't believe this. My heart is galloping so fast I think I might pass out. He pulls me into his arms before I can speak and I get a face full of his sweat-soaked T-shirt. He's wearing a big backpack over his shoulders.

  'Happy belated birthday!' he says.

  I put my hands against his broad chest, push him back. 'Colin, what are you doing here?'

  'I wanted to surprise you!'

  'Who is this?' Sasi asks behind me now. Several of the staff members cleaning masks and BCDs behind us have turned to look now, too. Colin is panting like he's run a mile. He looks so out of place, out of context. He's wearing his oldest green rugby shirt and navy blue khaki pants he bought in the GAP sale. They're a little too tight, I notice now. I ram my hands through my hair.

  'I'm Izzy's boyfriend,' he says now, holding out his hand to Sasi.

  'No he's not,' I snap before she can take it. I pull him away to the side of the shop as the blood rushes to my ears and starts to buzz. 'Colin! You didn't tell me you were coming here!'

  He lifts his black-rimmed glasses from his face, wipes the lenses on the bottom of his T-shirt. 'You didn't give me a choice, you weren't picking up my calls. Christ, it's hot here Izzy, how do you cope?'

  'We broke up, Colin! How did you find me?'

  'Maria told me where you were, after Amy wouldn't.'

  'Wasn't that a big enough hint that I didn't want to see you?'

  He, leans his arm on a tree, still out of breath. 'I just wanted to talk to you, you disappeared on me. Let's talk!'

  'Not here.' I head back to Sasi, who's trying to hear what we're saying without looking like that's what she's doing. 'I need your bike keys,' I tell her. The look on my face must shock her into action because she stands up immediately and fishes in her shorts pockets, throws them to me.

  I walk quickly away towards the gravel path and Sasi's scooter, parked up next to Ben's. Colin follows. 'Get on,' I tell him, swinging my leg over. He
looks at me like I'm insane as I do up my helmet, throw him the spare.

  'You're riding a scooter now? I thought I told you these things were dangerous Izzy...'

  'You told me. Get on,' I say again, flipping up the stand, revving the engine. I'm struggling to keep my voice down, to not go completely crazy at him but my head is reeling. I need to get out of here before Ben gets back. 'Hurry up!'

  'You're different in Thailand, bossy boots,' Colin jokes feebly before climbing on behind me, backpack and all.

  When his familiar arms circle my waist they feel alien, and I feel even sicker, not just at the thought of him touching me anywhere Ben's touched me, but at the fact that in the blink of an eye, Colin has just succeeded once again in doing absolutely everything I never once expected him to do.

  BEN

  'Who's here?' I say to Sasi as she approaches me. She's talking so fast I can't make out any of her words. I'm dripping wet, slipping out of my wetsuit, instructing the guy and his wife we just dove with to put their stuff in the dunk tank for cleaning.

  I can barely remember any of the boat ride back from the reef. One minute we were ascending and the next we were back here. The dive went fine. I went through the motions, pointed out the sea life, paid every bit of attention I should have been paying of course, but the whole time on the boat I was back in that bed with Izzy. I want to get back to her now. I want to bolt her door shut behind us and block out the whole damn world for however long we have until she has to get back to the school. I know I'm probably playing with fire, but I can't stop. I need her like I needed that tank full of air under the ocean just now.

  'Colin,' Sasi says, louder this time. I tell the group to gather at the table with their log books, but she says it again, her eyes wide with urgency now. She stands in front of me. 'Colin is here.'

  Wait. What? I'm frozen halfway to the table as the name sinks in, like she's pointed a magic wand at me and lifted a spell. 'Izzy's ex is here? Are you sure?' I'm sweating.

  'I saw him,' Sasi says now. Sonthi loops an arm around her, looks at us quizzically. 'They left on my bike.'

  My fists clench into themselves. Even my bare toes curl into the sandy concrete floor, but I'm sure she's mistaken. Why the hell would Izzy's ex be here? She broke things off with him over a week ago, didn't she? It must be someone else. Still, my nerves are on edge as we fill out the details from the dive - visibility, twelve meters. Sea life spotted, two lionfish, three groupers, one sweet lips, three clown fish... this is torture.

  'That girl,' the American guy says suddenly, pointing at a photo of Kalaya on the dive shop wall. In the shot she's standing, smiling next to a couple of Germans we just qualified for their Open Water certificates.

  'You know Kalaya?' I say.

  'I think I saw her, in Bangkok. She was wearing a Dream Dive shirt anyway, right?' He turns to his wife. 'She was with some Australian guy with a goatee, totally making out all over the place, remember?'

  His wife rolls her eyes. 'Oh yes, they were in that bar with the jelly shots. You're right, that was her. How funny! Does she work here?'

  Sonthi's laughing now behind his hand. I throw him a look. 'She used to work here,' I tell them as irritation rolls over me. I'd bet my last fucking dollar the Australian guy was Justin. The irony doesn't escape me. What the hell is happening to my life right now?

  *

  Back at Shady Palms I park up and try to make my way at a normal speed down the path towards the huts on foot. I don't want anyone seeing me running, least of all Izzy if Colin really is here. My mind's a car crash. I care more than I should. I care more than I ever have. Would I have been this wound up if Kalaya's ex had shown up after we'd slept together for the first time? Or the chick before that? Or the one before that? Do I even care now I know it took Kalaya all of five seconds to move on with Justin, of all people?

  No. I didn't care about anyone, till Izzy.

  There's no one on her deck when I reach the beach. I open my door, throw my waterproof pack on the floor and shut it loudly behind me. Maybe the noise will bring her outside, if she's in her room. I stand by the closed door, listening hard for any sound at all next door, but I can't hear anything.

  Get it together.

  I almost laugh at my own absurdity as I pull on a new shirt. I step back outside, walk to Izzy's steps, climb them in one leap, knock on the door.

  Silence.

  She must have gone out. Colin probably isn't here at all. Sasi must have misheard. Maybe it was someone else. I press my hand to the glass above my eyes as I peer through the window, but when I block the sun and see into her room, my heart rockets into my throat. A backpack. A huge one, leaning up against her bed on the floor. It's not Izzy's.

  I half sit, half drop onto the wooden chair on the deck, stare out over the tranquil ocean, breathing deeply. OK, so he is here. It doesn't mean anything except the fact that he's desperate, and quite possibly deluded, but it's my own reaction that's bothering me right now.

  I told myself I wouldn't get in this deep. I told myself I wouldn't do it to her. I didn't even mean to sleep with her last night... it just... happened. And now, not only do I want to do it again, but I'm getting wound up about another guy who's quite clearly in love with her.

  Fuck this. This is not who I want to be.

  I can't stop my legs, though. They're running now, off her porch, back up the path to my bike. In under ten minutes I'm pulling up at the store at the end of the street, close to the school.

  'I'll have these, please,' I say to the old man. He's half asleep amid a pile of boxes. I throw a bag of sugary candies down on the counter, hand him some folded notes. In another three minutes I'm driving a little too fast down the gravel road I was so concerned about bringing Izzy down that day she first got her scooter. So much has happened since then.

  The shriek of the kids playing outside hits my ears before I see them. Class is starting in less than an hour but their parents bring them early to play most days. I see Mali first, running out of the school building towards Izzy, followed by three other boys. I see a guy following her out of the building now, onto the grass. Colin. I've never even seen a picture of the guy, but I know it's him. Dread swirls in my stomach like leaden butterflies.

  'Ben, Ben, Ben!' Mali's shrieking my name, running towards me.

  Izzy spins around. Her eyes widen when she sees me, then a look of sheer panic crosses her face. She starts hurrying towards me, but I'm accosted by Mali. 'Ben!' she shouts again, springing into my arms immediately, almost making me drop the candy.

  'Hey, cutie,' I say. Act normal

  'Hey,' Izzy says, stopping right in front of me, wringing her hands. She looks so stressed. 'I'm so sorry, Ben, I didn't know he was coming!' She looks behind her and back to me.

  'He just showed up?' I say, putting Mali to her feet and sending her off with the candy.

  'He says he's booked flights home for us, leaving in three days!'

  I'm so stunned, I can't even speak. I look over her shoulder. Who the hell does this guy think he is? Colin is kicking a ball around now, but he looks up when he feels our eyes on us, slopes across the grass towards us.

  He's tall, not as tall as me. He looks very English somehow; short brown hair that almost looks glued to his head, like a Lego man's. He's wearing reading glasses. Weirdly he looks a little like I pictured he might look - like he wants to be hipster but hasn't quite made it. Is that a rugby shirt he's wearing? I'm an asshole.

  'Hey mate, you must be Ben?' he says.

  I shake his hand. 'That's me. Colin, right?'

  'Ah, so she talks about me?' he winks in Izzy's direction. I can almost feel her simmering.

  Izzy crosses her arms across herself. 'Colin, Ben's the one who set me up here, at the school. He's been showing me... everything.' She flashes me a look that speaks volumes. Her cheeks flame and a sudden burst of something I don't even recognize flares through me. Anger? Irritation? Jealousy?

  'You've done a great job here,' Colin says, g
esturing round him. He puts an arm around Izzy, tries to kiss the side of her head. She pulls away instantly, turns round and walks quickly towards to the schoolroom, shouting to the kids.

  'Time for class! Let's go everyone, who remembers their colors?'

  The class scatters from the play area, start streaming inside. 'They love her,' Colin beams. He's watching her in total admiration and I can't help picturing him with Izzy. Really with her. Like I was last night. The image throws me. I go to follow her inside but he grabs my arm, stands in front of me now, shoves his hands in his khaki pants pockets.

  'Ben,' he says over his glasses. 'I can't thank you enough for what you've done for Izzy, really. She needed to come here, she needed to see all this. You have no idea how different she is now.'

  'Really?' I say, ramming my own hands in my pockets so he can't see my fists balling. I chew on my cheek. Does he know anything about us? Did she tell him we've hooked up? Did she even tell him I exist?

  He laughs, rocks on his heels in his too-white sneakers. 'Bloody hell, she's a different person. She wouldn't even have gone to Brighton before this!'

  I nod, trying to appear indifferent. Even his British accent is pissing me off. I don't know what Brighton is. He looks like a yuppie more than a wannabe hipster, actually. I bet he has a huge house all to himself and an expensive car. I bet he spends a fortune when he takes her out.

  I'm an asshole, he's just in love with her.

  Colin looks behind him now to make sure she's definitely inside. 'We said we'd take a break while we figured stuff out,' he tells me, 'but when I heard her laughing and joking on Skype, and talking about riding scooters and teaching kids... wow. I mean, that's a completely different Isla. I had to see her here for myself. There's room for me, right?'