All Who Dream (Letting Go)

by Deese, Nicole

  Charlie reached for my hand, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I believe in redemption too, Angie, and I believe that love can heal pieces of our hearts that we never even knew were broken.”

  Briggs looked at his wife and smiled lovingly, pulling at his neck the same way Jackson did when he needed to relieve tension. He looked at me and sighed.

  “I’ll give him a chance, Ang.”

  I knew that statement was difficult for him to say, and I wasn’t about to push him further on the subject. Not being in control was scary—it scared me, too—but I knew his fear ran deeper than that. Not only had he seen my ex-husband try to murder me, he was also the one who saved my life. I would never deny Briggs a voice; he had more than earned it.

  I could only hope that his faith would outweigh his fear.

  **********

  As we took a cab to see meet Jackson by a pancake house he’d suggested, I felt my nerves grow with anticipation. After my passionate speech last night, I woke up with a head swirling with doubt. Everything that had happened with Jackson over the weekend still seemed so surreal. I questioned now if my feelings for him could possibly be reciprocated. Had I been so desperate for him to like me that I had imagined more on his part than what was actually there?

  I hated how much of a girl I really was sometimes.

  But when I saw him, my worries quieted. I smiled as he gave Cody a high five, ruffling his hair as he walked past him to our table. Jackson caught my eye and held it as if I were the only person in the room. The warmth in my chest radiated to my cheeks as he met me. Though Briggs and Charlie stood close, Jackson was undeterred as he lifted my hand to his lips.

  “Good morning, Angie,” he said.

  “Good morning.”

  He turned to each of my family members and offered the same greeting, while keeping my hand tucked in his. As we walked together to the table, Jackson whispered in my hair, “I missed you.”

  And then…my doubt was gone. I hadn’t imagined him.

  “So, Jackson, tell us everything you know about the publishing business…” Charlie started.

  I laughed as Jackson squeezed my hand underneath the table. He humored her all through breakfast, answering her questions and asking several in return. Briggs played along, too, winking at me when Jackson turned his head to speak to Cody. I knew it wasn’t a full-approval, but it was close. It was progress.

  Progress was a great place to start.

  Jackson ever so slyly paid the bill before it was ever brought to the table. This, in turn, earned several more points in Charlie’s book—as if there was ever a doubt where her loyalties were when it came to my love life.

  “I’d like to offer my driver tomorrow when you head back to the airport. The town car will be more comfortable than a cab,” Jackson said.

  I smiled as he spoke to my brother, shaking his hand as we stood to leave.

  “Thanks—that’d be great,” Briggs said.

  When I turned around to speak to Charlie, she was no longer behind me.

  “Where’s Charlie?”

  “Uh—she had to use the restroom,” Briggs said, his eyes roaming everywhere other than my face.

  “Okay…why are you acting so weird?” I asked.

  “I’m not,” he said, suddenly taking an interest in his shoes.

  Charlie came back a moment later and met us in the lobby of the restaurant, her face pale.

  “Hey…are you sick?” I asked, touching her shoulder.

  She shook her head, looking up at Briggs who seemed to be asking her a silent question through his eyes.

  “What? What’s going on?”

  Charlie bit her lip and leaned against Briggs who smiled like a kid on Christmas morning.

  “She’s had a bit of an issue with breakfast lately.”

  I gawked at Charlie for confirmation.

  “I’m eight weeks pregnant.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  As I hugged my sister-in-law, I could feel Jackson’s laser-focused gaze on my face. I ignored his stare the best I could; I didn’t want to feel what I knew his look would provoke in me. Instead, I launched into a list of questions for her: When’s your due date? Who’s your OB? How’s your morning sickness?

  Each and every question was a deflection from the painful reminder that lingered somewhere in the back of my mind: I’ll never have another baby.

  “Want to hear something even crazier? Tori—Kai’s wife—is also pregnant. We’re due four weeks apart! It’ll be so fun to have a prego-pal,” Charlie said, grinning wide.

  The pit in my stomach grew larger by the second, but I pushed it down, refusing to acknowledge its presence.

  “I’m so happy for you, Charlie.”

  “Our first ultrasound is next week. I’ll have to text you a pic since you’ll still be here.” Charlie linked arms with me as we walked to the curb to hail a cab. Jackson, Briggs and Cody were right behind us.

  “Please do.”

  As the cab approached, Jackson pulled me back as my family piled into the back seat. His eyes were intense, so I focused instead on the open button at his collar. He never wore ties.

  “Angie.”

  “Hmm?”

  He hooked a finger under my chin, forcing our gaze to meet.

  “I see you,” he said softly.

  I could only blink, too afraid my voice would give me away. I’d spent years redirecting the pain, and I wasn’t about to show it now and ruin a moment of happiness for someone I held so dear to my heart. That wouldn’t be fair to her.

  “I’m in meetings all day today, but I wanted to make sure you got Pippy’s text about this evening?”

  I nodded, giving him a weak-smile.

  “Okay, I’ll see you tonight then.”

  He touched my arm and gave it a squeeze, aware of the audience around us, one small set of eyes in particular.

  “Sounds good.” I spun around, slid inside the backseat of the cab, and shut the door quickly. I couldn’t stare into Jackson’s eyes for a second more. I needed to push through.

  “Feeling up for some sight-seeing and art museums?”

  “Oooh, yes, good call!” Charlie said at the same time as Briggs groaned.

  We laughed in unison, driving toward Times Square to catch the tour bus.

  Pippy had texted early this morning to let me know my day was wide-open. She had taken the liberty of canceling my bookstore signings—as I’m sure she’d been instructed to do, along with arranging a special night for Cody, as a send-off back to Texas. I was glad she would get to meet my brother and Charlie. For now, that is what I would fill my mind with: busyness. Tomorrow’s meeting, surprise pregnancies, and Cody’s goodbye party, would all need to take a back seat.

  I could only process so much information at one time.

  **********

  Oh. Sweet. Mercy.

  Pippy’s idea for tonight might have been perfect for Cody, but coming off a long weekend, and then a day spent sight-seeing around the city, all I wanted to do was sit in a hot bath and close my eyes—for about a year. Instead, I was at an arcade the size of Texas with a thousand and one people running about. When I sat down at the table she reserved for us, I was fairly certain I wasn’t going to be able to get up again. I was beat tired.

  “Mom, mom! Uncle B and Peter are gonna take me to play Fast and Furious, okay?”

  “Sure, sweetie,” I said, putting my head down on the table and giving him a thumbs up. I just needed a second to regroup, recharge. I gave Pippy and Charlie my debit card and told them to order whatever they wanted food-wise for the group—I knew if Jackson were here I’d never get my way. I hadn’t been allowed to pay for anything in weeks. It was well past my turn.

  I tried to drown out the noise around me by closing my eyes and taking several deep breaths.

  “A little noisy for a nap, don’t ya think?”

  I smiled at the sound of Jackson’s voice and scooted over. While keeping my head propped on my arm like a pillow, I peeked
out from my cozy hideaway to see the gorgeous face.

  “How was your day of meetings?” I asked.

  He smiled. “You’re horrible at deflection.”

  I shrugged. “I wasn’t trying to deflect, Jackson. I was simply interested in your day.”

  “Meetings are meetings, nothing of interest there,” he said, slouching down in the booth a tad to kick his feet up. I noticed then that he’d changed his clothes. He was no longer Corporate Jackson but Casual Jackson. And I’d grown to love that version quite a bit.

  “You nervous about Cody leaving tomorrow?”

  The question hit my gut so hard I felt nauseous. “That’s an understatement. I’m trying not to think about it.”

  “And how’s that working out?”

  I lifted my head then. “What are you, Dr. Phil?”

  He laughed, the right corner of his mouth lifting into a half grin.

  “You look worn out.”

  “Wow, thanks Jackson. Why don’t you just tell me I suck as a human being too? You’re on quite a roll tonight.”

  He laughed heartily, as I pinched my lips together to keep from joining in.

  “Five nice things.”

  “What?” he asked, trying to get his breathing under control.

  “Don’t you know that for every mean comment you make, you’re supposed to offer five nice ones?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

  “I don’t do empty compliments, remember?”

  “Well I don’t do rude.”

  “Seems we’re at an impasse.”

  I pushed his shoulder as he snatched my hand playfully. “Seems so.”

  If we weren’t in the middle of an arcade, I’d kiss him right there. The fire that burned through my skin and into my bones from his touch was more than just a little intense. He must have felt the same, because he let go a second later.

  “Hey, Jackson!” Charlie said, walking up to the table with Pippy, who was balancing several drink cups on a tray.

  “Hey—how did you enjoy your time in the city today?” Jackson asked her, leaving me to regain composure.

  “Oh we had the best day—I’ve actually been here several times on tour with the University, but it was Briggs’ first time,” she said, sitting down and taking a sip of her iced tea.

  “I’m glad. It’s not for everyone,” Jackson said, taking a glass of Coke off the tray and handing it to me.

  “Oh I just love big cities—I don’t think my husband would go for it, but I have always loved the city life,” Charlie crooned. Her hands animated each word she spoke.

  Jackson smiled in response as Pippy handed me my debit card. I took it quickly and placed it back in my purse as he swiveled his head to stare at me.

  “Tell me you didn’t do what I think you did.”

  “Okay. I didn’t do what you think I did.”

  He shook his head. “After dinner. You and me. Air hockey. Winner pays.”

  “It’s already done Jackson.”

  “Nothing is done that can’t be undone.”

  The video-game crew: Briggs, Peter and Cody must have smelled the food because they arrived back at our table about a minute before the food did.

  “Tell me about Soccer Camp, Champ…you excited?” Jackson asked Cody just as he was stuffing his face with a cheeseburger.

  Cody looked at me and finished chewing before he responded. Good boy.

  “It’s way awesome. Our coach—Mr. Denny—is really funny. He wears a different hat every day of practice, and if everyone shows up on time and doesn’t forget anything he brings us a Slurpee the next day.”

  “Wow, he does sound pretty awesome,” Jackson said.

  “Yeah, he is.” Cody nodded enthusiastically.

  “What’s been your favorite part about visiting New York, Cody?” Pippy asked.

  Cody tapped his chin like an old man, thinking. “Making new friends.”

  The collective “aww” that made its way around the table in response to his answer melted my heart. It was moments like this that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. Though he’d never known the love of a father, there was no end to the people who loved and cared for him. My heart ached with pride as I watched him finish his dinner.

  As the first one to finish his meal, Cody stood up and smiled. “Who wants to challenge me to a game of Space Invaders?”

  “I’ll take that challenge, short stack,” Jackson said, faster than I could blink.

  “Cool!”

  A second later, he was out of his seat and walking into the masses with Cody. Briggs smiled at me and shook his head before taking another bite out of his Philly-cheese steak.

  “What?” I mouthed while kicking him under the table.

  “Ouch…really, Ang? You had to kick me? We’re not twelve anymore.”

  “Some of us still are, apparently.”

  He rolled his eyes and then lowering his voice. “He cares about you.”

  My stomach knotted at his words. I was afraid to acknowledge just how much I wanted them to be true. I looked around the table. Thankfully Pippy and Charlie were engaged in baby talk, and Peter had just stood up from the table to go join our troop in the battle against aliens.

  “I care about him, too.”

  “I can see that.” He shook his head again, putting his hamburger down on his plate. “You were right—what you said last night. Your story isn’t finished yet. I never meant to imply that what you’ve been through wasn’t redeemable. I just can’t…I don’t want to see you hurt.”

  “I know, Briggs.”

  “You’re different though—Charlie and I have both noticed it.”

  “How so?”

  He took a deep breath and put his elbows on the table. “It’s like the difference between watching a game and playing in it. You’ve been sitting on the sidelines for years, watching everyone else have a turn…and now, it’s like you’ve finally stepped out onto the field.”

  My brother wasn’t the wise guru-type, but every once in a while he struck gold. I knew exactly what he was saying. Unexpectedly, my eyes filled with tears.

  For two hours we played every game that the giant arcade had to offer—and then some. I watched as Jackson and Briggs hooted and hollered over Cody as he made his way through each new challenge. I was hoping Jackson had forgotten about his little air hockey bet, but of course, that was only wishful thinking.

  “It’s your turn.” He hooked my arm in his and practically dragged me to the air hockey table.

  “Jackson, I am totally capable of splurging every once and a while. I want to pay for tonight—honestly.”

  “And you can—if you win.”

  “You are insufferable.”

  “Thanks,” he said, plunking the flat disk on top of the table. “You know how to play, right?”

  I scrunched up my nose, scrutinizing him. “Of course I do.”

  He flashed a wicked grin, and I nearly had to brace myself against its affect on my knees.

  In the first two rounds I saw the competitive nature that lurked not-so-far beneath the surface in one, Mr. Jackson Ross. I quickly learned that defense was my only strategy. Scoring proved very difficult, but blocking? I could block. By the fourth game, I was growing tired. My sad little bicep was screaming at me to surrender, but I would never do it—not over this particular wager.

  “How’s your arm doing, Flores?”

  “Didn’t your mother ever tell you that bullying isn’t the way to win a lady’s heart?”

  He laughed as he pitched his paddle forward, scoring before I could react.

  “The stakes have already been set, sweetheart. I’m not playing for your heart—I’m playing for your dinner.”

  “Ha—funny. Stop talking; you’re breaking my concentration on purpose.”

  He laughed again.

  Amazingly, I blocked his next two shots and scored one of my own! I twirled around in a circle, suddenly feeling very good about my concentration improvement.

  Jackson l
aughed again. I scored again.

  “Now you need to stop it,” he said.

  “Stop what?”

  “If I don’t get to bully you, you don’t get to dance around.”

  I smiled, scoring another point.

  “And the tides have turned,” I said, belting out my best version of an evil-villain laugh.

  Jackson was not amused. He crouched down as if he were playing in the air-hockey Olympics. I quickly lost all confidence, and it turned out that I had a reason to be scared. When Jackson was motivated, there was virtually nothing that could stop him. He won. Fair and square.

  Because I had agreed to it…I wouldn’t be a poor sport. In my opinion, there was nothing uglier than that. If I didn’t allow Cody to throw tantrums over losing a soccer game, then I certainly couldn’t allow myself to throw one either—no matter how much I wanted to pout.

  “Well-played, Mr. Ross,” I said, sticking out my hand to shake his as he laughed.

  “You’re a well-mannered loser, Miss Flores.”

  I put my hand on my hip. “You really need help in the compliment department, Jackson—regardless of what you believe about them. It’s really quite sad.”

  I laughed as I met up with Cody at the ticket counter. Combined, he had enough to get a rubber snake and a book of temporary tattoos.

  “Cool, huh, mom? I got all this for free.”

  “Yep, way cool.” I neglected to mention all the money that was spent to play the games that got him the free stuff.

  I scratched his head as we rounded up the troops to head out. Walking out to the curb, the summer air closed around us, sticky and hot. Peter and Pippy left together after hugging Cody goodbye and promising to stay in touch. A lump formed in my throat. Jackson was last.