The Gentlewoman

by Lisa Durkin

  Page studied her. “We understand your reticence and apologize for the necessity, but I’m afraid we must insist. If you do not agree to sit on Homeland, your appropriations vote will not be granted.”

  She blanched. “I have the vote locked.”

  “You require the votes of both Congressmen Dorn and Duncan. It doesn’t happen often, but Roy Charles and I have agreed that the Homeland legislation is priority. If you refuse to help us, both Dorn and Duncan will withhold their votes for the appropriation.”

  She stared at his fat face. Her head rang with the shock and adrenaline pouring into her bloodstream. She sat back and looked around the room, into the eyes of each of the men at the table. Roy Charles looked determined. The other men looked for her reaction.

  Jackson turned to her and took her hands in his. “I’m sorry, baby…”

  She looked down and watched his thumbs caress the back of her hands. Anger surged through her. He would do this to her. He would withhold his vote on something so important to her. She had withheld nothing from him. She snatched her hands away from his. “Don’t touch me.”

  Her eyes searched the room as her mind raced. She needed another answer and quickly. They were smart enough to withhold two votes that she didn’t have the time to replace. One from her own party, which meant others would follow suit. She was fucked.

  “We need your response, Congresswoman,” Page pushed her.

  There was no way out. It was this or let her constituents down, those people she had taken an oath to represent. She found the thought of Homeland so undesirable as to consider resigning her congressional seat. Hell, she’d consider disappearing from the face of the earth right now.

  Finally she straightened in her seat. “I guess you’ve left me no choice. By design, of course.”

  “As I said, Congresswoman, we understand your reticence and apologize for the nature by which we must insist. We are, however, happy to ensure your shipyard in exchange for your consent to sit on the committee.”

  “I doubt if any one of you understands my reticence. Except for you.” She looked into Dorn’s eyes. “And that was my mistake.” Jackson closed his eyes and dropped his head. “You have my forced consent to sit on your committee, Mr. Page.”

  “Thank you, Congresswoman, you have your shipyard,” he confirmed as he stood and offered her his hand. She looked at it and back to his eyes. He straightened and thanked the others before they all quietly filed out of the room. Roy Charles stayed behind.

  “I’m sorry, Rory,” Roy said when they were alone. She said nothing as she stared back. “Well, let me know if you need anything,” he offered quietly before leaving the room.

  She stood and went to the window. She held her stomach, trying to wrap her brain around what had just happened.

  “Rory, I’m sorry…” Jackson began.

  “Don’t.” She put her hand up and stared out the window. Her heart throbbed. She was so stupid. “Was this the why of it?” she asked slowly and quietly. “Was this why you attached yourself to me?” Déjà vu.

  “No, baby, no!” He rose and stood behind her. He turned her and she looked into his eyes. He looked exhausted and stricken. He tried to take her in his arms, but she pushed away from him.

  “When was this planned?” She did the math in her head. She remembered when Landon had delivered the ask for the party.

  Jackson didn’t answer, which told Rory everything she needed to know.

  “From the beginning, Jackson? Was this the plan since you met me? Is this why you met me?” She couldn’t believe this was happening to her again. He stared at her, his eyes tired and tortured, and she felt the stab to her heart. “Answer me.”

  He looked at her as he collapsed back against the wall. He scrubbed his face with his hand.

  “This is why you went out of your way for me, wasn’t it? This is why you took me to that restaurant and furniture shopping, why you ran with me and cooked for me… Is this why you fucked me, Jackson?”

  “No, I fucked you because that’s what I wanted,” he said angrily.

  “I see. But you gained my friendship for this seat, didn’t you?” She waited several minutes for him to answer, her anger growing. “Didn’t you, Jackson?” she said loudly.

  “Yes.” He straightened and tried to take her hands. She slapped him away. “That’s how it began, but it didn’t go on that way. Rory, I meant every word I said to you. Remember what we are to each other, please, I beg you to remember. You’re my girl; I’m yours. That’s real.”

  She stared at him as if he were a stranger, bile in her throat and horror in her mind. “No…no, you’re just like Aidan.”

  He blanched. “Rory, don’t say that.”

  “How is it different? You needed something to help your interests and saw me as a way to get it. It’s the same.” She walked around the table, a look of disbelief on her face. She looked back at him before leaving, holding her tears in check. “You’re good. I believed those words you said to me. It won’t happen again.” She left the room.

  As hard as it was, he let her go. He wanted to hold her and shake her, convince her of his love. But he knew better than to chase after her. She wasn’t going to listen to him right now. She just needed time. He would give her some time and then talk to her and make her understand. And he would make her understand. He wasn’t going to let her walk away from him.

  Rory walked back to her office. The piercing pain of her heart was so sharp she could barely breathe. She didn’t notice anybody or anything and didn’t stop until she stood beside her desk. She lifted her hand to her chest. The familiar gaping hole reopened. She leaned forward as sobs broke free.

  Nicole immediately came to her side. “Rory, what’s wrong?” Rory turned and eased into her chair, one hand still holding her chest. Nicole stayed next to her, holding her as she fell apart.

  “Tell me what’s happened.”

  Rory tried to gather herself. She whispered, “It was all for a purpose. It was all to put me on Homeland.”

  Nicole looked puzzled before realization dawned. “Do you mean you and Jackson? What’s happened?”

  Rory slowly and painfully explained the ambush she had just endured.

  “I see,” Nicole said. She held Rory for another moment, contemplating the situation. “Are you sure about this? I think Jackson’s for real with you.”

  Rory pulled away. “I’m sure.” She rose and went to wash her face. When she returned, she grabbed her bag and retrieved her makeup. She solemnly prepared herself for her appearance in committee. She became more and more mechanical and sedate.

  “How do you know he’s not for real? He seemed totally in love with you.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” Rory replied, looking Nicole in the eye. “I need to get on with this.”

  Nicole and Rory sat next to EPA Director Hammond in the second row of the gallery as the committee was called to order. Rory looked at Jackson once. When his eyes met hers, she trained her stare on the committee chair and only moved them to look at whoever was speaking.

  She had missed him so much while he was in Maine. She had missed the touch and feel of him, just being with him. And now her heart ached because she would never feel him again. She blinked as she recalled the words he said to her, that they were together, that everything was real. She’d been in this situation before and found that nothing had been real.

  One by one the agenda items were covered, and as was customary, testimony on each item was given. When they came to the EPA appropriations, Director Hammond rose and gave a synopsis.

  Congressman Powell, feeling the sting of defeat for the shipyard, spoke up. His Southern drawl seemed as syrupy as his fake smile. “Perhaps the Gentlewoman from Ohio would like to say a few words. This is the first time such has been granted in fresh waters and does change the landscape of the industry considerably.”

  She approached the podium, holding herself together tightly. She reached deep, put up her shields and raised her head high.
To the outside world she would never show fear or hurt. That was her deal with herself.

  “Thank you, Congressman,” she began. “I would like to thank the committee for including this appropriation in the budget measure and for the support that has been shown for the Northern Ohio community. Together, we have not only shown that we can compromise and cooperate to develop and move forward, but we can also utilize existing infrastructure and resources to…”

  Blah, blah, blah, she thought as she delivered the nice words. She looked into the eyes of the committee members, but steered clear of Jackson’s baby blues. She could feel them on her like a weight. She wondered who else she stood before knew of how he had used her. She glanced past Duncan and Powell and wondered if they all knew. She felt the heated blush of shame rising to her cheeks and forced her head higher.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Rory grabbed her bag and immediately headed to the livery car. She asked the driver to get her home quickly and stared out the windshield, trying to hold off her imminent breakdown. She would let it all out when she got into her condo. She hit the button on her phone to ignore Nicole’s call. She had told her she wanted to be alone and made her swear not to follow her.

  You’re my girl. She closed her eyes as his words repeated back to her. He didn’t have to drag her down this path, make her believe he cared so much. Each time she thought of it a fresh pain sliced through her chest.

  The tears were threatening as she thanked the driver and quickly let herself into the building. They started falling as she unlocked her door and threw her bag down. She carried herself into her bedroom and slowly curled into the fetal position on the bed. Tears streamed down her face and onto her pillow.

  Thoughts of the things she and Jackson had done together presented themselves to her mind. She inspected them for any hint of the impending betrayal she felt now. She found nothing she could pinpoint; instead they provoked intense feelings of longing.

  “Why, why,” she whispered. “I was so happy.” That was the first mistake.

  Jackson silently closed the door to Rory’s condo. He could hear her crying. He removed his suit jacket and dumped it on the chair as he walked to the open bedroom door. He paused and his chest clenched at the sight of her. This was his Rory, and he had hurt her. It killed him. She had been hurt enough. He was never going to let this happen again.

  Slowly he approached the bed, putting his hand on her shoulder. She stiffened and sat up, her back going against the wall.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked, sniffing and wiping her eyes.

  “You’re here, why wouldn’t I be here?”

  “You have what you apparently needed. You don’t have to do this anymore.” Her big brown eyes were filled with grief.

  “Rory, stop this. I told you this is real.” He reached forward and caressed her silk-covered knee.

  “Stop saying that.” She jerked her knee away. “It just makes me sick. You only met me because you needed to put me on a committee you already knew I wanted nothing to do with.”

  He sighed. “Yes, you’re right. I was going to meet you come hell or high water and figure out how to get you on that committee. That’s what the party needed and that’s what I wanted.” He stared into her eyes. “But then I met you, and as I’ve told you already, I fell in love with you. That is real, and it’s how I feel. I love you. I want what we’ve been building together. It exists, and I want it. Please, Rory,” he breathed as he tried to take her hand. She pulled away. “Remember what we are to each other.”

  “A means to an end,” she muttered.

  “No, Rory.”

  He could see all the pain behind her fierce expression. “Yes, you’re just like him. I can’t believe a word you’ve told me. I’m a way to further your interests; that’s all. I’m disposable. I knew not to trust you. I ignored my usual caution because I was horny. I didn’t question as much or consider the ramifications, and all things political left my mind. I just went with it, like Devon and Nicole told me to, and look what it got me. I’m a fool again…” Her sob caught in her throat.

  “You were real with me,” Jackson said. “You needed this; you needed something besides politics and work. That’s why you went with it. And it’s wonderful. What we have is like nothing I’ve ever found.”

  “You used me like the fool I am. What’s the saying? Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me? And that’s what I am. I can’t be with someone who did that to me.” She stood and walked toward the bathroom. “Leave,” she said. “This is finished.”

  “No, I’m not going to let you do this! You can’t throw this away. You said you had feelings for me.”

  “I’ll get over them.”

  “Rory, let’s put this into perspective, this isn’t that bad…”

  “Leave,” she said solemnly, turning to the bathroom. “I’m going to shower.”

  “Rory, I love you.”

  She looked at him for a moment. “Yeah, that’s what my husband told me too.” She turned and locked herself in her bathroom.

  Jackson stared at the door for a long time before he rose to leave. He wanted to punch a fucking hole through it. He took a deep breath. He wasn’t going to be deterred. He was convinced she would get over this. She just needed time.

  He locked and closed her front door and let himself into his own condo. He wasn’t looking forward to spending time alone here. He had gotten so used to living with her. He wanted to feel her in his bed, her head on his chest and her body against his. He didn’t know how he’d sleep without her.

  He undressed and lay on the bed, heartsick. It hurt so much to hear her say she would get over him. And it hurt like hell for her to compare him to that monster she married. He didn’t want to be separated from her, but he would give her some time. She would come back to him.

  Rory closed and locked the bathroom door and listened for Jackson to leave. When she was sure he was gone, she slowly undressed and stepped into the shower. He said he loved her with such ease, and she wanted to believe him. She slid down the shower wall and hugged her legs, burying her face in her knees. She wanted so badly to believe him.

  She had no parents anymore, no children and no siblings. She was grateful she had Devon and the kids, and her friends. But it had been so nice having Jackson. He had made her happy with his generous personality, caring, and fun demeanor. It was too good to be true and she should have known better.

  She didn’t cry anymore. She hugged her knees and stared at the water going down the drain. She stayed in the shower for a long time. When she finally dragged herself out, she eased herself into her bed on the floor, the one Jackson hated. She arranged the pillows so that one was on either side of her and she lay staring at the wall. She missed him already. Getting over him was going to be another hell.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Over the next two days, Rory fondly remembered the numb existence she had led before becoming involved with Jackson Dorn. It was much more preferable than the heartache that plagued her now. Every breath hurt.

  She came awake before dawn after sleeping only a few hours. She dragged herself up and prepared for work, taking a cab to the Hill before there were any signs of life from across the hall. She hadn’t wanted to see Jackson or deal with him in any way. The incessant replay in her head of their shared moments was torture enough.

  She went on autopilot, focusing on her work. She didn’t stop, not even to eat, and she didn’t go home until after ten at night. She was happy her door was still shut and locked when she arrived home but gave her former brother-in-law and the FBI only a fleeting thought.

  She grew angrier with herself for her stupidity and with Jackson for being dishonest. She now sat on a committee she wanted nothing to do with. She ignored emails regarding Homeland legislation and a request for her to meet with the chair. She knew she’d have to pay the piper at some point.

  On Thursday afternoon Rory returned to her office in a foul mood. She hadn’t eaten and wa
s feeling lightheaded. As she bent in front of the refrigerator, she heard Jackson’s voice and froze. She closed her eyes as her body convulsed.

  She rose and stepped into Nicole’s doorway, leaning against the jamb. “Why is he here?” Jackson was standing directly in front of Nicole’s desk. His head snapped around and Nicole jumped up, pulling Rory inside and closing the door.

  She took Rory by the elbow and led her toward Jackson. Rory stopped short. “What the hell?”

  “Ror, did you see the people in your office?” Rory shook her head, eyeing the two of them. Jackson looked concerned and exhausted. He looked as if he hadn’t slept in a week.

  He spoke to her and she was sucked into his blue eyes before she really focused on what he was saying. His voice caressed her skin.

  “FBI Director Hearn is in there with two agents. He asked me to meet them here with you, saying they have news they need to tell us.”

  “It’s Tagg and Shane,” Nicole added, biting her thumbnail nervously and staring at Rory with trepidation.

  Rory looked dispassionately between them. “Well that doesn’t inspire confidence. Did they say why they wanted to see us?”

  “No, they wouldn’t answer any questions,” Nicole said.

  Rory squeezed the bridge of her nose and considered the situation. “Let’s go find out,” she finally said. Nicole stepped away and opened the door. Jackson turned and looked into Rory’s eyes.

  “I’m here for you,” he offered.

  “Oh well, thank God!” she said sarcastically. “I just don’t know what on earth I’d do without you.” She narrowed her eyes at him before leading them out of the room. Jackson followed, hiding his smile.

  The bastards had made themselves right at home. “Gentlemen,” she said as she walked in and stood behind her desk. The sense of déjà vu was overwhelming. As they all shook hands with the FBI director and Agents Tagg and Shane, it was like reliving the past. She expected to see her father enter the room. She unconsciously glanced down at her left hand. No wedding rings. She looked at Jackson, who leaned against the opposite wall. Just checking.