Between Heaven and Earth

by Michele Paige Holmes

  “I won’t let anything happen to you or Noah,” he promised. “We’re going to have a great time.”

  Cassie swallowed back her worries and forced a smile. “We’re going to have a great time.”

  “I’m having a great time!” Cassie shouted some two hours later over the noise of the wind and ocean spray as she and Matt and Cole pulled on the rope to haul the basket filled with crabs onto the back of the boat.

  It landed with a thud, and Austin, Asher, and Noah crowded around eagerly as Cole reached in to pull out the first crab.

  “Who remembers what kind this is?” He held it up, pincers faced away from him.

  “A Dungeness,” Austin said, almost pronouncing it correctly.

  “Good,” Cole said. “Boy or girl?”

  “Girl,” Noah said. “The triangle on its tummy is shorter and fatter.”

  “Right again.” Cole grinned. “I’m gonna tell Tom to hire you three next summer. Would you like that? Working on a boat all day, catching crabs and fish?”

  “Yes,” the boys chorused. Cole handed the female crab to Matt, and Matt beckoned Noah closer. “Want to throw it back?”

  Noah nodded and stepped up closer to the creature. Cassie pulled out her phone to take a picture.

  “Can I wear your gloves?” Noah asked Matt.

  “Sure.” Matt set the crab on the floor of the boat where it began an escape attempt that Asher and Austin promptly put an end to, dancing around it as they were. Matt pulled off a glove and knelt down in front of Noah, then patiently helped him fit it over his smaller fingers as best he could.

  When both of Noah’s hands were safely covered, Matt retrieved the scuttling crab and stood behind Noah so they could both hold and toss it into the sea.

  Cassie snapped a picture just as they let go. The expression on Noah’s face was priceless. His ear-to-ear grin showed clearly that he was having the time of his life. Matt seemed pretty happy, too, as he high fived Noah. Cassie’s heart melted at the scene, so perfect in every way, except that it should have been Devon teaching Noah how to catch crabs, Devon who carefully fastened his life jacket earlier, Devon who taught him to fly a kite, attended Dads and Donuts at the school, held his hand for kindergarten shots, coached his soccer team. All things she— and now Matt— were doing in Devon’s place. You’re missing it. You’re missing everything, Devon.

  Today, just now, she felt grateful that Noah wasn’t missing out on this experience, that he was right there with Austin and Asher, with Matt to guide him.

  “Look, seals!” Asher exclaimed. He leaned over the side as he pointed to the animals lounging on a nearby buoy.

  “Sea lions,” Matt’s dad corrected. He started the boat up and cruised slowly toward the buoy so they could have a closer look.

  Cassie snapped more pictures, a few of the sea lions, but most of the three boys lined up against the side of the boat, pointing and laughing, rapt attention and adventure written on each of their faces. Three matching, hand-knit, wool hats, courtesy of Matt’s mother, topped their heads, making them look like they all belonged together, like brothers. Her heart ached. How was it possible to feel so happy and sad at the same time?

  “Pretty great out here, isn’t it?” Matt asked as he came to stand beside her at the rail.

  “It’s wonderful,” she agreed. “I can’t believe you grew up doing this. Talk about an amazing life and a fantastic summer job.”

  “I think I need it again.” He flexed his arm and frowned. “I was a lot more buff as a teen. Pulling crab pots all day had its advantages.”

  “You have other, better things going for you now,” Cassie said, careful to steer clear of any compliments regarding his physical appearance. She found Matt plenty attractive, but she was trying to avoid focusing on that and felt pretty sure he wasn’t vying for her attention that way either. “You’ve got parenting muscle now. You’re a great dad to Austin and Asher and a really great substitute dad to Noah.”

  “I’m happy to do it,” Matt said. “Thanks for letting me and for coming this weekend.”

  “Thank you for inviting us,” Cassie said sincerely, her heartbeat escalating suddenly as he moved closer and looked down at her. “This will be a memory Noah and I will always cherish.” There she was, sad and happy all at once again, only now she understood why. This moment was happy, one of those perfect moments in time, like her wedding day when she’d stood up through the sunroof on the Golden Gate Bridge. She felt so alive out here with the wind in her hair, the fresh ocean breezes, and a sea of blue surrounding them, but she’d learned that these moments, those thrilling bursts of happiness, couldn’t last. Hers and Noah’s had been far and few between, and this one, this amazing, precious weekend, was slipping away all too suddenly, like literal sand in an hourglass.

  And she didn’t want it to end.

  Matt stood at the stove, stirring the caramel that was to go over the quadruple batch of popcorn he’d just popped. “For some families, watching the Wizard of Oz or It’s a Wonderful Life is traditional on Thanksgiving weekend. Here, we get out the lightsabers. It’s all about Star Wars— old school Star Wars, that is,” Matt added, looking sternly down his nose in an attempt to convey just how steeped in this culture his family was. “None of that punk kid racing around and having attitude.”

  “Or flirting with that senator much older than him,” Cassie added, tsk, tsking as she bounced Catelyn on her lap. “Old school is fine by me.”

  “We always start with A New Hope,” Matt said, noting again how natural, how great, Cassie looked holding a baby. “Then Empire Strikes Back is on Saturday and Return of the Jedi with brunch Sunday morning before everyone has to start packing up and going home.”

  “What about the new movie?” Cassie asked. “Was it true enough to the originals for the Kramer clan?”

  “I think so,” Matt said, “but I’ll have to check with my mom. She’s the boss of this whole thing. And you don’t want to mess with her where movies are concerned, especially Star Wars.”

  “Good to know.” A mischievous twinkle came to Cassie’s eye.

  “I’m serious,” Matt warned. “You don’t believe me?”

  “Oh, I do,” Cassie assured him. She tucked Catelyn in the crook of her arm, then placed her free hand over her heart as if preparing to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. “It is duly noted that messing with your mom’s movie plans would be very unwise and likely cause me to be excluded from future invitations to visit.”

  “Just remember that,” Matt said, still attempting a stern look while his insides were spinning at Cassie’s casual remark, which suggested she would be open to coming home with him again, that the thing they had between them, whatever it was, would continue. That possibility brought an infusion of happiness. “Any chance you could help me with this in a minute?” He’d poured the caramel by himself before, but it was easier with another person to scrape the pot with a spatula and help spread the caramel evenly, not to mention it was another excuse to be near Cassie.

  “Give me a second,” she said. “I’ll put Catelyn in her pack and play.”

  Matt nodded, and Cassie left the kitchen to relocate her charge. Mark and Laura were having a great weekend, too, with Cassie volunteering to watch their baby every other minute. This afternoon they’d gone into town to do some Christmas shopping, leaving Catelyn in Cassie’s care. Matt was pretty sure that Cassie was enjoying babysitting at least as much as his brother and sister-in-law were enjoying getting out.

  Cassie returned to the kitchen and stepped up beside him at the stove. “All right. What do I do?”

  “Use the spatula there.” He nodded to one in the crock beside the stove. “Try to get the caramel to cover all the popcorn evenly. Ready?”

  She nodded, and he picked up the pot and started pouring. Cassie crowded in close, stretching beneath his arm so she could reach to scrape the pot.

  Matt took the opportunity to breathe in the scent of her hair. Coconut. Come to think of it, she did a
lways seem to have a bit of a tropical aroma about her. When the silk strands brushed against his chin, it was all he could do not to nuzzle or drop the pot and run his hands through her hair.

  “Is that good?” Cassie asked, bringing his mind back to the task at hand.

  “Great,” he murmured, thinking of their proximity and not the caramel.

  Cassie stepped back, then held the spatula out to him. “This looks good enough to lick.”

  “Ladies first.” Matt set the pot on the back burner to cool, which is just what he needed to do.

  Cassie’s tongue darted out to test the caramel. “Mmm. It’s cool enough to eat already.” She took a longer lick, then held the spatula out to Matt again. “For a guy whose specialty is PB&J, this is pretty good stuff.”

  “Old family secret.” Matt licked the spatula, and though it was the best thing he’d ever tasted, he imagined that Cassie’s lips would be even sweeter. Especially right now. His eyes zeroed in on those lips, plump and pink and slightly sticky. Just one taste. He leaned a little closer.

  Catelyn’s cries pierced the air.

  “Uh oh. Better go.” Cassie handed him the spatula and hurried from the room. Matt watched her leave, then released a long, ragged breath. That was close. He braced his hands on either side of the counter and leaned forward, head down while he tried to wrestle his raging desire back in control.

  “Just friends, huh?” Megan entered the kitchen through the sliding glass door. “You look at all your friends like that, Matty? Like you want to eat them for dinner?”

  “Stay out of it, Meg.” He meant to tease her back, but there was no humor in his tone, because nothing about his and Cassie’s situation was at all amusing.

  Cassie secured the last bobby pin in her hair and studied her reflection in the mirror, wondering if Matt’s family was going to think she was crazy or what, but she couldn’t contain her grin at the giant buns swirled on either side of her head.

  She’d had the idea when Matt had told her of his family’s thing for Star Wars. After all, she had the hair for it— her long, brown, oft-neglected mop ought to be good for something once in a while— and she had dressed as Princess Leia for a Halloween party several years ago. Too bad she hadn’t brought a costume, though maybe that would have been overkill. Walking out to the family room in these babies— she touched the sides of her head gingerly— was going to require enough bravery.

  Mustering her courage, Cassie opened the bathroom door, stepped into the hall, and descended the stairs. With what she hoped was her usual, nonchalant stride, she walked into the family room, her eyes zeroing in on Matt and the vacant seat beside him on the sofa. She hadn’t taken two steps into the room when his mom shrieked out a hoot of laughter.

  “Look! Look at Cassie.”

  Anyone who hadn’t been looking her way before swung their gaze toward her, and Cassie felt her blush begin. “I just thought, you know, since you’re all so into the movie…” She shrugged.

  Matt laughed out loud, then stood and began clapping. His brother and sister followed, bursts of laughter included, and his mom still hadn’t stopped exclaiming over her.

  “Oh, my gosh. Those are the best Princess Leia buns I’ve ever seen. You could be her double. Come here.”

  Cassie obeyed, pausing long enough to high five Matt as she made her way over to his mom.

  “You darling girl.” Maureen reached up, patting the sides of Cassie’s head. “I’ll be. I never—” She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “If that don’t beat all. Where’s my phone? I’ve got to take a picture and post this on Facebook.”

  “I don’t know about Facebook,” Cassie said. “This was just a joke for you guys.”

  “Oh no, dear. Everyone’s got to see this. You’ve started a new tradition. The rest of you”— she leaned around Cassie to stare at her children— “had better follow Cassie’s example. I expect to see you also appropriately attired for this occasion next year. This young lady has just taken this holiday weekend up a notch. Now where’s my phone?”

  Cassie looked over her shoulder. “Sorry,” she mouthed to Matt and his brother. Then, “Save me,” to Matt as his mother poked her hand into the side of her Lazy Boy and continued mumbling about her darn phone.

  “I finally got it altogether, and now I don’t know where I put it,” Maureen muttered. “It’s got to be here somewhere.”

  Matt walked over, slung his arm around Cassie’s shoulder, and steered her away from his mom. “No sharing pictures today. These buns are mine, and mine alone.” He bumped his hip into Cassie’s.

  Mark chuckled at his brother’s joke. Cassie rolled her eyes while feeling an inkling of discomfort at such personal teasing. It sounded like something Devon would have said, but Matt wasn’t Devon.

  “Oh, I’ve found it.” Maureen waved her phone in the air. “Just one quick picture?”

  “No, Mom.” Matt led Cassie to their seats on the couch, front and center before the large screen.

  “Careful, you’ll mess up my hairdo.” Cassie wriggled out from under his arm, worried he might try to keep it draped over her shoulder during the movie.

  Seemingly undeterred, Matt leaned close to whisper in her ear. “What, no appreciation for risking my mother’s wrath to bravely rescue you? I seem to recall that Luke received a kiss for his efforts.”

  Cassie turned her face to Matt’s, so close that their lips were only a couple inches apart. His eyes sparkled with mischief, and a reckless smile upturned one corner of his mouth. He smelled fresh and clean, like the Oregon coast, and he looked even better. Against her will— or maybe with it— her eyes were drawn to his lips, and the desire she’d banished successfully at every turn threatened to burst to the surface. It would be so easy to kiss him. And so wrong.

  Instead she looked up at the ceiling, shook her head, and twisted her mouth in a look of annoyance while fighting to hide her real feelings. “Have you forgotten the part where Leia turned out to be Luke’s sister? How gross was that kiss then?”

  Mark chuckled. “Smooth move, bro.” He left the couch to start the movie.

  “Just one picture.” A flash momentarily blinded Cassie, and she looked up to see Maureen standing over them, beaming. “You’ll have to teach us how to do those buns, Cassie.” She patted the sides of her hair, as if imagining such an updo.

  Cassie looked sideways at Matt. “Some rescue,” she muttered good-naturedly.

  Matt shrugged. “What can you expect? The reward wasn’t there.”

  But plenty of tension was, hovering just beneath their banter, light but loaded with meaning, and stretched taught between them, seated so close on the couch, their arms and legs touching.

  The opening theme blared from the ceiling speakers, making her jump, and Cassie could only feel grateful for the interruption to her thoughts and churning emotions.

  “Turn it down,” Laura pled. “You’ll wake the baby.”

  Did Matt really just ask me to kiss him? Did he actually think that I might? Cassie licked her lips that felt suddenly dry. Now that Matt had suggested it, however jokingly, she couldn’t seem to think of anything else. What would it be like? Desire that felt all too much like teenage hormones played havoc with her traitorous body while her mind fought off the more pressing problem, the yearning she felt to make Matt’s life better, to heal his heart, to love him as he deserved to be loved. He was such a great guy, and he’d done so much for her and Noah. He deserves a kiss.

  I can’t. Cassie kept her eyes glued to the screen, reading the prologue as it scrolled and trying her best to ignore Matt’s proximity. Mark rejoined them on the couch, squishing her and Matt together even more. It was cozy— too cozy. His leg pressed against hers. His hand was practically in her lap.

  Cassie wished she could gauge Matt’s reaction to what she hoped was a discreet but firm rejection. She’d let things get out of hand this weekend, but it wasn’t too late to get back on track. She and Matt hadn’t crossed any lines that couldn’t be p
ut back into place.

  I haven’t been unfaithful to Devon. But she felt like she had. These past weeks, her heart had been turning to someone other than him, and this weekend— magical as it had been— threatened to pull her completely from Devon’s side. She couldn’t let that happen.

  As she watched Leia hide from the storm troopers, Cassie told herself over and over that she needed to keep her distance from Matt. He was like a brother, a good friend, but he could never be anything more.

  Wanting him to be more had to stop.

  Cassie stepped out of the tub, one towel wrapped around her middle and another piled on her head to dry her mop of soaking hair. Though she’d taken the Leia buns out before going to bed last night, the damage had already been done. She’d woken this morning to a head full of kinked, knotted hair that could only be tamed with an overabundance of conditioner. She had hurried to shower, hoping the others weren’t up yet, but voices, one in particular sounding frustrated and raised, carried through the vent on the bathroom floor. Cassie sat on the toilet seat and leaned forward to better dry her hair and to see if she could hear what it was that had upset Matt.

  “I’m not fifteen, Mom. If I felt like I needed your advice, I’d ask for it.”

  “You’re also not a very fast learner,” his mom shot back. “The last time we gave you advice you didn’t take, you lived to regret it. You still are, in fact.”

  “Thanks for the reminder,” Matt said sourly. “I know I screwed up before. Okay. I was a lousy husband and father— I’m paying for that, believe me— but I’m learning to be a better dad. I’m trying, really, and it’s in large part because of Cassie’s parenting example. I’ve learned so much from her.”

  “We can see that you have, son,” Matt’s dad’s voice was softer, kinder, and more patient than Maureen’s had been. “We’re so pleased and proud of all that you’ve done. You’ve picked your life up admirably. You’re a better person for all you’ve gone through.”