My hands were still on the back of his head, but I was looking down. There was no way I was going to let him see how much he was getting to me. The tears were already sliding down my cheeks. Was it true? Was it me? If so, why hadn't he told me? Why hadn't he written to me? I would have waited for him? If I thought for one second that he actually cared about me, I wouldn't have tried to erase him from my mind. If I did, I wouldn't have Noah. He was my world. No way! I wouldn't give up my son, not for anyone. When he spoke again, he pulled me from my thoughts, and I was relieved, until I heard what he had to say.
“Three months into my deployment, I got a call that changed everything. It was my mom. She called whenever she could. That call was different, not for her, but for me. She was throwing out her normal gossip, and I was listening like I always did. Then she said the words, and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. You were pregnant, and you were getting married. How, I thought? I'd been gone three months. When I left, you were single. How the fuck had you met someone, gotten pregnant, and said you'd marry them in that amount of time? I told her she was wrong, but she said she wasn't. She'd run into your mom at the store, and your mom had told her. It was the gossip of the week. You weren't so perfect anymore. That was the last thing I'd heard her say. The rest I couldn't tell you. As soon as I could, I hung up the phone. I spent the next three months in denial and a daze.”
He took a deep breath in before releasing it with a loud whoosh. I continued looking down, but I could no longer see the ground through the blur of my tears.
“When I got back, I took off as soon as I could,” he began again. “I had to see for myself, and what I saw broke my heart. What she'd said was true. I turned around, went back to the base, and signed on for another four years. There was no reason to leave. I didn't need that house and job I'd planned for anymore. Nobody was waiting for me. I thought you wanted me like I wanted you, but I'd been wrong the whole time.”
I couldn't take it anymore. Hearing him say that was too much. With my hands still on the back of his head, I fell forward against his chest. I needed to feel more of him against me. I needed to know that he was really there.
When his hand came up and he lifted my chin, tears were pouring from my eyes. The second he saw them, I could see his own fighting to break free, but I knew he wouldn't let them, he never did.
“You weren't wrong,” I said, hearing the shakiness in my words. “I loved you so much. I fell for you the day I got on the back of that damn bike. You brought me here, and you kissed me. You were going to be mine, I was sure of it. I told myself every night that I was going to marry you one day. Even though you acted like I didn't matter, I still held out hope. Then you left and took my world with you.”
His thumbs rubbed under my eyes to wipe away my tears. Then he brought his forehead down against mine, and I closed my eyes. With my hands on the back of his head and his hands on my cheeks, we stood silent. I could feel his warm breath on my face. Then I felt his lips on mine and thought for sure I was dreaming. My knees went weak, and he caught me. His arm wrapped around my waist, and he pulled me tight against him. His other hand remained on my cheek.
He pulled my bottom lip between his teeth, and I gasped. Then his tongue dove into my mouth, and he kissed me like I'd never been kissed before, not even by him. My hands grabbed tight to his hair, and I didn't let him go. When he finally pulled away, our eyes connected, and I knew there was no way I could walk away. I wanted to be with him, even if it was only one time.
My hands released his head and moved down his chest to his abs. I'd never felt anything like what I'd felt along the way. I grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it up his body.
“Grace,” he said.
“Now,” I demanded, and he narrowed his eyes at me. “Please.”
He grabbed his shirt at the back of his neck and pulled it over his head. Seeing the muscles in his arms flex as he lifted it had me wanting to feel every single inch of his skin. My fingers began moving slowly up and over each muscle of his chest. Then they moved back down to his abs along with my eyes. When I reached the button on his jeans, he grabbed my hands in his.
“We came here to talk,” he said.
I could see the bulge in his jeans as he said those words.
“Sawyer,” I whispered.
“Yes,” he replied.
“Do you want me?” I asked.
He took a deep breath in and released it.
“I've always wanted you, Grace,” he said.
“Then have me,” I said, as I looked up into his eyes, hoping that he wouldn't deny me what I'd always wanted.
Chapter 11
Sawyer
Did I want her? Fuck yeah I did. I had for years.
“Then have me,” she said, as she looked up at me.
I could see it in her eyes. She was nervous. Did she actually think I would turn her away? That shit would never happen. She was right, I was hers. She was mine too, she just didn't know it yet. I'd taken my eyes off of her once. I never planned to do it again.
“Grace,” I said, wanting her so damn badly but not wanting her to do something she'd later regret. “I want you more than you will ever know. I just need to know you're sure. I don't want you to do this and then run from me. I won't let you. Is this what you really want?”
“Sawyer,” she said, with want in her tone. “I want to feel your skin against mine. I want to feel your hands on me. I want your mouth on mine. I want to feel the weight of your body above mine. I want to feel you moving inside of me. I need you to fuck me.”
That was it. I was done. If her ass ran, I'd catch her. I was not waiting one more second. My hands reached for the hem of her shirt and lifted. Without giving her a second to change her mind, I unhooked her bra, slid it from her arms, and threw it to the side. When my eyes landed on her beautiful, perfect breasts, my hand grabbed her ass and lifted. She quickly wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist.
“Hold on,” I said, as I walked toward the blanket and dropped to my knees with her in my arms.
I leaned forward and placed her on her back. Then I pulled back and looked over her naked chest.
“Fuck,” I hissed. “You're so damn beautiful.”
My mouth was on her nipple with her other breast in my hand before I could even see her reaction to my words. I gave her breast a squeeze, and she cried out. Then I sucked her nipple hard. Her back arched, and she called out my name. I knew I'd do anything to hear my name leave her lips like that as many times as I could before I took her home. She was going to know who made her feel that way. I wouldn't let her forget it.
Her hands went to my hair. I twirled one nipple between my fingers and the other with my tongue. When I pulled it through my teeth, I felt her hips move forward as she cried out. Before my mouth could reach her other breast, her hands were pulling my face up. I looked up at her to see her shaking her head.
“I need you inside of me,” she whimpered.
I sat back and caught her eyes scanning my chest. Then I leaned forward and undid the button on her jeans.
“Like something you see?” I said with a wink, as I lowered her zipper.
“I just can't get over how big you are,” she said, as a shy, cute look crossed her face. “You were always gorgeous, but now you're so damn sexy. I can't believe you got tattoos.”
“I like them,” I said, as I pulled her jeans down her legs. “There's just something about the feeling you get when you get them.”
My eyes landed on her tiny, white panties, and a low growl escaped me. I grabbed just inside of the thin material and yanked it from her body.
“Sawyer,” she snapped, as her hands came down, but I grabbed them in mine to stop them.
“So damn sexy,” I said with a hum, as I used my knee to unlock the hold her knees had on each other. “Legs apart, Grace.”
“You have to remember,” she began, but I narrowed my eyes at her to stop her from continuing.
“Open,” I demand
ed.
She kept her eyes on mine, as she slowly parted her legs.
“Wider,” I growled out.
She did as I said and spread them wide. I couldn't wait one more second. I grabbed both of her hands in one of mine, and I leaned down. My tongue landed on her the same second I thrust my finger into her, and her hips flew up from the ground.
“Sawyer,” she cried out. “Oh shit!”
She pulled at her hands to free them, but I wouldn't let her. My finger began moving out and back in, as my tongue soaked up every bit of her juices. Her hips moved, keeping rhythm with my finger as I fucked her with it. My teeth grabbed hold of her clit, and she screamed out.
“Fuck!”
She pulled so damn hard on her hands, and I let her go. There was no way I was going to let her hurt herself. She grabbed my head and her hips thrust forward hard. Then she pulled at my head, trying to get me away from her.
“Please, Sawyer,” she said. “Stop.”
I thrust my finger in hard, and her eyes closed as she moaned.
“I can't,” she said, between breaths. “I don't want to. Not like this.”
I pulled my face back a bit but kept swirling my tongue around her clit.
“When I come, I want you inside of me,” she said. “I want to feel you moving with me. I need you.”
I pulled away and sat up. Then I lifted my fingers to my mouth, and she watched each move of my tongue as I licked them clean. When my hands moved to the button on my jeans, her eyes were there. Her tongue darted out and licked from one corner of her lips to the other, and I thought I was going to blow without even making it into her. That shit was not happening. Without wasting a second, I ripped that button through the whole, pulled the zipper down, and shoved my jeans down along with my boxers. When my cock sprang forward, I heard her gasp, but I wasn't about to stop. I hovered over her with my elbow on the blanket next to her head. My free hand reached down between us, and I lined myself up at her entrance.
“I saw you licking your lips,” I whispered, as I looked down at her from only inches away. “Don't worry, Grace. You'll get your chance to suck it. That's what you want, isn't it?”
“Sawyer,” she moaned out, as she thrust her hips forward to take in just the tip of me.
“I'm looking forward to filling that cocky mouth with my dick. I'm going to fuck your mouth. There's no doubt about that. I'm also going to bend you over and take you nice and slow.”
“Fuck,” she moaned from beneath me.
“Let's not forget you coming around my tongue. That will definitely happen too.”
Her hands came up and grabbed the back of my head.
“Please,” she begged.
My hand wrapped around her hip and held her still.
“The first thing I'm going to do is fuck you hard and fast,” I said. “Can't fucking wait. Have to have you right now.”
My mouth landed on hers just as my grip on her hip tightened, and I thrust in hard and deep. She screamed out my name, and her teeth sunk into my bottom lip. I pulled out and thrust in even harder.
“Oh fuck,” she cried out. Her hands moved to my back, and her fingers dug in deep.
With each thrust, her body moved up, until she hit my elbow. I lifted her leg and held tight, as I fucked her even deeper.
“Sawyer,” she cried out. “Oh, Sawyer.”
I was hitting so deep inside of her and knew I wasn't going to last much longer. I'd take my time with her next time, when I wasn't ready to come just thinking about sinking deep into her for the first time.
Her legs came up and wrapped around my waist, and her heel was digging into my ass, pushing me to move faster.
“Hold on,” I said, as I dug my other elbow into the blanket next to the other side of her head.
Her fingers dug deeper into my back, and I fucked her deep and fast. Grace's shoulders slammed into my arms keeping her right where I wanted her. My cock was reaching so damn deep inside of her. She was moaning and calling my name over and over. I pounded into her, knowing she was going to feel me inside of her all day and night. I wanted her to feel me. I wanted her to know what she did to me.
“Oh, Sawyer,” she said. “I can't. I'm going to.”
I thrust in deep and instantly felt her tighten around me. That was all I needed. I moved in deep again and felt jolt after jolt shoot from me and into her. When her body went limp, I realized just how deep her nails were digging into my skin. That was when I realized I was going feel what I did to her long after I dropped her off too.
I let my body down on hers. My heart was beating so damn fast. I knew she could feel it too. Part of me was afraid to move off of her. I was worried that she'd run. Another part of me knew I had to take that chance, had to believe that there was something there that she'd want to hold on to. When I rolled off of her and onto my side, she curled in next to me. I wrapped my arm around her and held her tight.
She had the chance to get up and run, but she didn't. That was a start. I'd take that.
Chapter 12
Grace
Being in his arms felt so good. I felt safe, and that was something I hadn't felt in a long time. My fingers moved up and down his chest slowly, as I listened to the noises of nature surrounding us. I could have fallen asleep, but I wouldn't let myself. I had my head nuzzled in just below his shoulder. His breathing had evened out, and if I hadn't felt his fingers moving up and down my arm, I would have thought he'd fallen asleep for sure. My mind was working, and I had so many thoughts going through it. When I couldn't take one more thought, I finally spoke, so afraid to end the perfect moment we'd just had.
“Why'd you leave without saying goodbye?” I asked. “It hurt so damn bad.”
“I couldn't stay here for three years and not be with you,” he answered. “My parents weren't going to pay for college, and I hadn't done well enough in high school to get scholarships. It was my only choice. I couldn't tell you. There was no way. I'd done my best to pull back after that day on the bike. Seeing your dad and the way he acted, I knew I had to leave you alone. I didn't want to, Grace. I swear I didn't. There was just no way I was going to put you through dealing with him every time my name was even brought up.”
“Are you sad that you had to leave the military?” I asked. “I know you say it wasn't your passion, but it was a huge part of your life. It had to have been.”
“I don't like that I got hurt,” he said, “but I'm glad I'm out. I'd avoided coming home for as long as I could. I hadn't realized how much my sister and her little girl needed me. Her ex wasn't perfect, but him being gone has been hard on both of them. As for the service, there's just some shit you can't unsee or undo.”
“Like what?” I asked.
“It's not something I've ever talked about,” he answered. “I was deployed many times, Grace. There was a lot of fighting and a lot of death. Some were strangers, and some were friends. I'm not the same guy I was when I went in, that's for sure. That shit does stuff to you, hardens you. I'm not ready to talk about it, but when I am, I'd like you to be the one listening.”
We were both quiet again. I wasn't sure what to say to what he'd just said. Would I want to be the one listening? If you would have asked me when I was in high school, I would have said yes, but things had changed a lot since then.
“I'm sorry about your husband,” he said.
“Thank you,” I replied, to the same line I'd heard a million times since he'd passed. “It's not easy watching someone you care about suffer and slowly fade away. I'm not the same girl you left either. In just a few short years, I've had a baby, gotten married, and watched my husband die.”
His hand moved into my hair, and he began the same motion he had on my arm.
“Did you love him?” he asked.
I sat up and looked down at him from over my shoulder.
“Not at first,” I answered honestly. “He was a senior, and I was a freshman. We had one class together. When he asked me out, I agreed, hoping I could move o
n. We went out a few times before anything happened between us. When I was with him for the first time, I was really just trying to get over you. I thought it would make me stop dreaming about being with you my first time. He didn't love me either. It was just a college thing. Then I found out I was pregnant.”
I looked out at the water, as I thought about Noah's dad.
“He was a nice guy,” I said. “He didn't run when he found out. I totally expected him to bail or tell me to figure it out. Instead, he stepped up. He'd already lined up a good job for himself in his hometown. I knew when I told my parents, they were going to lose it, and they did. They said they were done paying for college and that I wasn't coming back to their house. I'd let them down.”
“Shit!” I heard Sawyer hiss from the ground behind me.
His hand had moved to my back, and he began the same motion as before.
“I honestly felt like I had no choice. Noah's dad wanted him. Not once did he ask me to give him up or anything else. He asked me to move with him when the school year was over, and I accepted. He'd told his parents, and while they weren't thrilled at how things happened, they were excited about the baby. We continued to date, and when school was over, he helped me pack up my things and took me home with him. He'd already gotten an apartment, so when we got there, everything was ready. It was in his dad's name. It had to be since he hadn't officially started working yet. There was furniture in the living room, kitchen, and the bedroom. By then, I began to really care about him. He'd gone out of his way to help me when nobody else had, not even my own family. He'd even said I could find other furniture if I wanted, but I didn't. What he'd already picked was fine.”
I looked back at Sawyer to see him watching me.
A Forever Love Page 5