Long Time, No Sea Monster

by Nancy Krulik

  “Finn and Nessie!” I add excitedly. “They’re together!”

  “I don’t think that’s Nessie.” Sofia tells us.

  “You mean there’s another monster in Loch Ness?” I ask her.

  Sofia shakes her head. “I mean it’s not a monster. I think it’s a log.”

  “A log with three humps?”

  Sofia shrugs. “It’s a lumpy log.”

  “It can’t be,” I insist. “You saw those waves. There was no wind. Something had to have caused that.”

  “The water was literally pulling us,” Amelia tells Sofia. “What else besides Nessie would be that powerful?”

  “That pull was monstrously strong,” Millie adds.

  My sister giggles. “Good one.”

  “I wasn’t joking,” Millie insists.

  “Here he comes!” Amelia points to Finn. He’s swimming in our direction.

  “He climbed off the monster’s back!” Millie cheers.

  “It’s not the Loch Ness Mon—” Sofia begins.

  “I can’t believe Nessie just let him go like that,” I say, cutting her off midsentence.

  “Maybe Nessie wanted to scare us away but not hurt anyone,” Amelia suggests. “Just like with that fisherman. Nessie tipped the boat, but he let the man get away.”

  “That doesn’t sound like monster behavior,” Sofia points out.

  “Finn! Are you okay?” Millie asks as he crawls onto the shore from the lake. He’s out of breath, and too weak to even walk.

  “How’d you get Nessie to free you?” Amelia asks. “Did you fight him off?”

  Finn rests his head on his knees and frowns. “That wasn’t Nessie. It was just a hollow log. I floated on it till I got my strength.”

  Sofia smiles knowingly.

  “A log?” Millie repeats. “We lost all that equipment for a log?”

  Millie isn’t the only one who’s disappointed. The people gathered by the lake are leaving now. Loch Ness is calm again. There’s nothing left to see.

  “I’m freezing. Do we have any dry jackets?” Finn asks.

  “Maybe in the van,” Amelia answers. “Come on. We have to get back to the newsroom.” She sounds bummed.

  “We’re going to be in trouble with our station manager,” Millie says. “And all for nothing.”

  “You can’t go,” I tell them. “Something caused that storm. What about the steam? It could have been Nessie’s hot breath.”

  “Forget it, laddie,” Amelia tells me. “There’s no story there.”

  “No story there.” The three words no news kid ever wants to hear.

  But she’s said them. A moment later Amelia, Millie, and Finn are back in the van and driving off… on the wrong side of the road. They must have been really upset to make a mistake like that!

  “Is everything okay?” Tony shouts from the grassy area away from the shore.

  FROGBOTTOM FACTS

  People in Scotland drive on the left side of the road. It’s not the wrong side. It’s just different from in the United States, where people drive on the right.

  In Scottish cars the steering wheel is on the right-hand side, unlike in the United States, where the wheel is on the left.

  No. Everything is not okay. I’m sure that storm was caused by the Loch Ness Monster. But I don’t know how to prove it.

  “You can come back. You were scared off by a giant log,” I call back grumpily.

  “You sure are being mean to Tony,” Olivia tells me. “What did he ever do to you?”

  When the meanest teaser in the class tells you to quit being mean, you probably should quit. Especially since at the moment it’s not really Tony I’m mad at.

  I’m angry with the Loch Ness Monster for not showing us his face.

  “I’m sorry,” I say to Tony as he walks back over to where the rest of us are standing. “I shouldn’t have made fun. It’s not your fault you’re scared of everything.”

  “I’m not scared of everything!” Tony insists.

  “Okay, not everything,” I agree. “But a lot of stuff. Like heights, and horses, and—”

  “Speaking of horses,” Olivia interrupts. “Look over there.”

  A small black horse with a white spot on its head is trotting across the road toward us.

  “I’ll show you I’m not scared!” Tony says as he runs toward the horse.

  “You don’t have to prove anything!” I call. But either he can’t hear me or he’s not listening, because the next thing I know, he’s petting the horse on its nose.

  Wow. For Tony that’s a huge deal.

  “Hey, isn’t that the same black horse we saw before?” Olivia asks.

  “I think so,” Emma agrees. “It has that patch of white fur on its head.”

  A patch of white in the middle of a head of black hair… I’ve seen that somewhere.

  Wait a minute.

  I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before.

  “Does that horse remind you of Mr. Dreich?” I ask. “Look at its head. It’s all black except for that white patch.”

  “Now that you mention it, yeah,” Sofia agrees.

  “Don’t you guys think it’s strange that this horse has shown up where we are, twice now?” I continue.

  “It likes us,” Emma suggests.

  “Maybe,” I say. “But how did it know we’d be at the castle? Or that we’d be coming back to the inn?”

  “What are you trying to say?” Olivia asks me.

  “Mr. Dreich heard us talking about going to the castle,” I point out. “And he had to figure we’d come back here sooner or later for a snack. I mean, he’s met Aiden.”

  Aiden grins and pats his hungry belly.

  “So you think Mr. Dreich talks horse?” My sister looks at me like I’m nuts.

  But I’m not. I’m onto something.

  “We never saw Mr. Dreich’s feet,” I point out. “He had those huge rain boots on all the time. Even inside. We couldn’t tell if he had feet or—”

  “Oliver, you don’t actually think—” Olivia begins.

  “It couldn’t be,” Sofia insists.

  “Maybe it could,” Aiden suggests.

  “He sounded funny when he walked,” Emma remembers. “Clip-clop, clip-clop. Kind of like a horse.”

  Kind of like a horse. That’s enough proof for me.

  “TONY! RUN AWAY!” I shout. “THAT HORSE IS MR. DREICH! IT’S A KELPIE!”

  8

  WE WATCH AS THE MR. DREICH horse gently lowers itself to the ground and lets Tony climb onto its back.

  I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Tony is petrified of horses. I know that because when we went to the petting zoo in first grade, he refused to feed them. He stayed in the rabbit pen instead—until an especially big bunny scared him off.

  “Tony! Don’t!” I cry out.

  But it’s too late. Tony has already climbed up there.

  My heart is pounding. Tony is on the back of a kelpie. And it’s all my fault.

  “If I hadn’t been so mean to him, none of this would be happening,” I say. “I got too caught up in winning that newspaper contest. Instead of thinking about meeting Scoop Schaeffer, I should have been thinking about Tony’s feelings.”

  “The kelpie isn’t moving,” Aiden points out. “Tony can’t get in any trouble on a kelpie that’s still.”

  “And it’s so little,” Emma adds. “Tony could jump off if the kelpie starts to move.”

  “We don’t even know for sure that it is a kelpie,” Sofia reminds us. “You could be interpreting the facts incorrectly. I, for one, still think kelpies are just old Scottish folktales.”

  That’s all true. And surprisingly, Tony doesn’t look too scared. He’s petting the horse. This could be good for him. He’s overcoming his fear.

  I may have done Tony a favor.

  “WHOA!” Suddenly Tony lets out a cry. I watch in horror as the horse stands up and starts galloping. “STOP, HORSE!”

  The horse doesn’t stop. It just keep
s running, right toward the lake.

  Tony isn’t wearing a life jacket. Tony needs a life jacket. He’s a lousy swimmer. I’ve got to save him!

  The next thing I know, I’m running after that horse.

  I mean running after Mr. Dreich.

  I mean…

  I don’t know what I mean. All I know is that no matter how fast I run, I’ll never catch a galloping horse.

  So before I can do anything to stop it, the horse has dragged my friend into Loch Ness!

  Uh-oh!

  There’s no way I’m going back to school without Tony. What would we tell his mother at pickup? “Your kid has been eaten by a horse, who is really a man”? Or a man, who is really a horse?

  Either way, she’s not going to be happy.

  I kick off my shoes and start toward the lake.

  “Oliver, what are you doing?” Olivia asks.

  “I got my advanced beginner swim badge at camp last summer,” I remind her. “I’m going to swim Tony out of the lake before he becomes a kelpie lunch.”

  “Ms. Frogbottom isn’t going to like this,” Aiden says. “She’ll be back any minute with those snacks. Maybe you should wait.”

  “There’s no time,” I argue. “I have to do this, even if Ms. Frogbottom gets so mad that she sends a note home to my mother.”

  My stomach is flipping and flopping nervously. I wonder if this is how Tony feels all the time. I hope not. It’s awful.

  But I’m not going to let being scared keep me from doing what I have to do.

  “Here I go!” I start walking into the waters of Loch Ness. “Yikes! That’s cold!”

  “Oliver! Wait!” I hear my sister yelling behind me. “Look!”

  Whoa! As if things weren’t bad enough…

  A giant head pokes out of the water. It looks kind of like a dinosaur in a museum.

  It’s him. It’s the Loch Ness Monster!

  FROGBOTTOM FACTS

  People probably shouldn’t swim in Loch Ness—not because of a monster but because the water is so cold. It stays at about 42 degrees Fahrenheit all year long. That’s only 10 degrees above freezing.

  9

  “YI-I-I-KES!”

  A moment later I hear a shout as something—or someone—comes shooting out of the lake.

  It’s Tony! He’s flying through the air. And then…

  THUMP!

  He lands right on the head of the Loch Ness Monster!

  Nessie’s eyes blink with surprise. He opens his giant jaws. Wide.

  Oh no! It looks like the Loch Ness Monster is going to eat Tony!

  HONK! The monster lets out a cry so loud, it shakes the ground beneath me. He sure sounds mad. Tony’s in real trouble.

  Then Nessie starts swimming right toward us. Now I think we’re all in trouble.

  I’m so scared that the hairs on my arms are standing straight up.

  “Jump, Tony!” I shout. “Get off that monster’s head before he eats you!”

  “I can’t.” Tony’s voice is shaking. “I’m too high up.”

  The Loch Ness Monster lowers his head to the nearby shore. He stares at us.

  We stare back, frozen with fear.

  Then Tony climbs down from Nessie’s head and steps onto the slippery stones.

  It’s unbelievable.

  “I think the Loch Ness Monster just saved your life,” Aiden tells him.

  Tony takes a deep breath. He checks his fingers. Maybe to make sure they’re all still there.

  “He did.” Tony sounds as surprised as the rest of us. “That kelpie would have eaten me if it hadn’t been scared off by Nessie. The horse took one look at him and leaped away as hard as it could.”

  “Like an underwater bucking bronco?” Aiden asks him.

  “Yup. The horse bucked so hard, I flew off. Right into the air.”

  “Weren’t you scared?” I ask him.

  Tony nods. “Sure. But probably not as scared as Nessie. I doubt he was expecting a kid to suddenly land on top of his head.”

  Nessie opens his mouth and lets out another mighty HONK! Then he dives and swims back into the dark waters of Loch Ness.

  I guess Nessie wasn’t mad after all. Honking must just be how he talks.

  “When that horse dragged you under, I was so scared,” I tell Tony.

  “How do you think I felt?” Tony replies.

  “Who knew the Loch Ness Monster could actually be a hero?” Emma says.

  “I can’t wait to get back to school and write about it for the 4A Gazette!” I exclaim.

  “No way, Oliver,” Tony insists. “You can’t tell anyone that Nessie is real.”

  “What are you talking about?” I ask him. “Of course I can. We just saw him. You just rode him!”

  “You heard what Mr. Dreich said,” Tony explains. “If people think the Loch Ness Monster is real, they’ll come looking for him. I don’t think he wants to be seen. You saw what he did to those reporters. And I know how badly he scared that kelpie. It hasn’t come back. I bet Nessie is eating it right now.”

  “I wonder why Nessie didn’t hurt you,” Sofia says.

  “A monster probably knows another monster when he sees one,” Tony says. “That kelpie was a bad dude. But I’m not.”

  “The reporters weren’t monsters,” I argue. “They just wanted their big story. Imagine how Finn, Millie, and Amelia are going to feel when they find out they’ve been scooped by a news kid. After I write this article, they’ll have to admit I’m as much of a reporter as they are.”

  “You can’t write that story, Liver,” Olivia says. “The Loch Ness Monster protected Tony. We should protect the Loch Ness Monster.”

  “But this is the biggest—” I begin.

  My classmates frown.

  “Don’t forget that visit from Scoop Schaeffer,” I try.

  Olivia shakes her head.

  Ugh. I hate when my sister does this. And I don’t mean calling me “Liver.” I hate when she’s right and I’m wrong.

  “Okay,” I agree finally. “But now we don’t have a powerful front-page story. We’ll never win that visit from Scoop Schaeffer.”

  “Maybe not,” Tony agrees. “But we can still put out a good newspaper. I know how we can add some excitement to it.”

  “How?”

  “I’ll show you when we get back.” Tony looks down at his wet clothes. “Yuck. Nothing feels more gross than wet sneakers.”

  “You’ll dry off by the end of the school day,” Olivia tells him.

  “Speaking of school, where’s Ms. Frogbottom?” Aiden wonders. “I hope she gets back with those snacks soon. I’m—”

  I don’t hear the rest of what Aiden is saying because his voice is drowned out by some strange, high-pitched, loud music. It’s a sad sound, with notes that go up and down and pile on top of one another without stopping.

  “Whoa! Check out Ms. Frogbottom,” Olivia shouts over the music.

  “I don’t know about that fur hat,” Emma says loudly, “but her plaid skirt is cute.”

  “The skirt is called a kilt,” Sofia tells her. “And the plaid pattern is called a tartan.”

  “Forget her clothes,” Tony says. “What’s that thing she’s blowing into?”

  Ms. Frogbottom breathes into a long tube attached to what looks like a big balloon. She uses her fingers to cover some holes at the bottom of a different tube. Our teacher hits a few more notes and finishes her song.

  Everyone claps.

  “Thank you,” Ms. Frogbottom says, taking a little bow. “It’s been a while since I played the bagpipes. I forgot how much wind it takes.”

  Our teacher glances at Tony. “Oh my,” she says, pulling a big fluffy towel out of her backpack. “Better dry yourself off.”

  “Did you bring back any food?” Aiden interrupts. “My stomach is telling me it must be afternoon snack time.”

  “Your stomach is correct,” Ms. Frogbottom replies. “I would have loved to get you fresh-baked scones, but I can’t find Mr. Dreich. Have
any of you seen him?”

  We all look at one another. We’re not sure what to say.

  “There are crackers and juice in the classroom,” Ms. Frogbottom continues as she shoves her big furry hat and bagpipes into her backpack and pulls out the Magic Map. “We do need to get back. I’m just sorry we didn’t get to go out for a ride on the lovely waters of Loch Ness.”

  I’m not sorry. I’ve already seen what’s going on in that lake. It’s not all that lovely.

  Ms. Frogbottom points to Left Turn Alleyway Elementary on the map. Suddenly a white light flashes all around us. My body feels weightless, and I think my feet have just left the ground.

  It’s like I’m flying in space. And then…

  FROGBOTTOM FACTS

  Bagpipes have been played for at least 1,900 years. The instrument was mentioned in ancient Greek and Latin writings from about 100 AD.

  10

  “WOW, TONY,” I SAY TO my pal later that day when we’re back in our classroom. “That looks amazing.”

  “I told you I would come up with something exciting for the 4A Gazette,” Tony answers.

  Tony and Olivia are working on their new comic strip, Super Kid and the Underwater Monster. It’s about a fourth grader who travels around on the head of a giant monster that lives in a lake.

  The kid in the comic strip looks a whole lot like Tony. But hey, if Tony wants to turn himself into a superhero, it’s fine with me. He is the only one of us who actually rode on the head of the Loch Ness Monster.

  It really stinks that we can’t write about any of that in our newspaper. Not even the kelpie part. We don’t know for sure that the horse was actually Mr. Dreich. If we aren’t 100 percent sure he was a kelpie, then we can’t print an article about it.

  “I almost forgot,” Ms. Frogbottom announces suddenly. “We have a new class pet!”

  I look around the classroom. There’s no sign of a hamster, a guinea pig, or even a goldfish.

  “Meet Veronica.” Ms. Frogbottom reaches into her backpack and pulls out a very strange-looking plant.

  “Our class pet is a plant?” Aiden asks.

  “Veronica’s not just any plant.” Ms. Frogbottom points to the sharp things that kind of look like teeth. “She’s a Venus flytrap.”