Visitants-Stories of Fallen Angels and Heavenly Hosts
Page 4
“Above me was the sky. Below me, the shining City. My home. And outside the City, the Dark.
“Lucifer hovered a little below the Host, watching their maneuvers.
“‘Lucifer?’
“‘Yes, Raguel? Have you discovered your malefactor?’
“‘I think so. Will you accompany me to Zephkiel’s cell? There are others waiting for us there, and I will explain everything.’
“He paused. Then, ‘Certainly.’
“He raised his perfect face to the angels, now performing a slow revolution in the sky, each moving through the air keeping perfect pace with the next, none of them ever touching. ‘Azazel!’
“An angel broke from the circle; the others adjusted almost imperceptibly to his disappearance, filling the space, so you could no longer see where he had been.
“‘I have to leave. You are in command, Azazel. Keep them drilling. They still have much to perfect.’
“‘Yes, sir.’
“Azazel hovered where Lucifer had been, staring up at the flock of angels, and Lucifer and I descended toward the city.
“‘He’s my second-in-command,’ said Lucifer. ‘Bright. Enthusiastic. Azazel would follow you anywhere.’
“‘What are you training them for?’
“‘War.’
“‘With whom?’
“‘How do you mean?’
“‘Who are they going to fight? Who else is there?’
“He looked at me; his eyes were clear, and honest. ‘I do not know. But He has Named us to be His army. So we will be perfect. For Him. The Name is infallible and all-just, and all-wise, Raguel. It cannot be otherwise, no matter what—’ He broke off, and looked away.
“‘You were going to say?’
“‘It is of no importance.’
“‘Ah.’
“We did not talk for the rest of the descent to Zephkiel’s cell.”
I looked at my watch: it was almost three. A chill breeze had begun to blow down the LA street, and I shivered. The man noticed, and he paused in his story. “You okay?” he asked.
“I’m fine. Please carry on. I’m fascinated.”
He nodded.
“They were waiting for us in Zephkiel’s cell: Phanuel, Saraquael and Zephkiel. Zephkiel was sitting in his chair. Lucifer took up a position beside the window.
“I walked to the center of the room, and I began.
“‘I thank you all for coming here. You know who I am; you know my function. I am the Vengeance of the Name: the arm of the Lord. I am Raguel.
“‘The angel Carasel is dead. It was given to me to find out why he died, who killed him. This I have done. Now, the angel Carasel was a designer in the Hall of Being. He was very good, or so I am told ...
“‘Lucifer. Tell me what you were doing, before you came upon Phanuel, and the body.’
“‘I have told you already. I was walking.’
“‘Where were you walking?’
“‘I do not see what business that is of yours.’
“‘Tell me.’
“He paused. He was taller than any of us; tall, and proud. ‘Very well. I was walking in the Dark. I have been walking in the Darkness for some time now. It helps me to gain a perspective on the City—being outside it. I see how fair it is, how perfect. There is nothing more enchanting than our home. Nothing more complete. Nowhere else that anyone would want to be’
“‘And what do you do in the Dark, Lucifer?’
“He stared at me. ‘I walk. And ... There are voices, in the Dark. I listen to the voices. They promise me things, ask me questions, whisper and plead. And I ignore them. I steel myself and I gaze at the City. It is the only way I have of testing myself—putting myself to any kind of trial. I am the Captain of the Host; I am the first among the Angels, and I must prove myself.’
“I nodded. ‘Why did you not tell me this before.’
“He looked down. ‘Because I am the only angel who walks in the Dark. Because I do not want others to walk in the Dark: I am strong enough to challenge the voices, to test myself. Others are not so strong. Others might stumble, or fall.’
“‘Thank you, Lucifer. That is all, for now.’ I turned to the next angel. ‘Phanuel. How long have you been taking credit for Carasel’s work?’
“His mouth opened, but no sound came out.
“‘Well?’
“‘I ... I would not take credit for another’s work.’
“‘But you did take credit for Love?’
“He blinked. ‘Yes. I did.’
“‘Would you care to explain to us all what Love is?’ I asked.
“He glanced around uncomfortably. ‘It’s a feeling of deep affection and attraction for another being, often combined with passion or desire—a need to be with another.’ He spoke dryly, didactically, as if he were reciting a mathematical formula. ‘The feeling that we have for the Name, for our Creator—that is Love ... amongst other things. Love will be an impulse which will inspire and ruin in equal measure ... We are,’ he paused, then began once more, ‘we are very proud of it.’
“He was mouthing the words. He no longer seemed to hold any hope that we would believe them.
“‘Who did the majority of the work on Love? No, don’t answer. Let me ask the others first. Zephkiel? When Phanuel passed the details on Love to you for approval, who did he tell you was responsible for it?’
“The wingless angel smiled gently. ‘He told me it was his project.’
“‘Thank you, sir. Now, Saraquael: whose was Love?’
“‘Mine. Mine and Carasel’s. Perhaps more his than mine, but we worked on it together.’
“‘You knew that Phanuel was claiming the credit for it?’
“‘... Yes.’
“‘And you permitted this?’
“‘He—he promised us that he would give us a good project of our own to follow. He promised that if we said nothing we would be given more big projects—and he was true to his word. He gave us Death.’
“I turned back to Phanuel. ‘Well?’
“‘It is true that I claimed that Love was mine.’
“‘But it was Carasel’s. And Saraquael’s.’
“‘Yes.’
“‘Their last project—before Death?’
“‘Yes.’
“‘That is all.’
“I walked over to the window, looked out at the silver spires, looked at the dark. And I began to speak.
“‘Carasel was a remarkable designer. If he had one failing, it was that he threw himself too deeply into his work.’ I turned back to them. The angel Saraquael was shivering, and lights were flickering beneath his skin. ‘Saraquael? Who did Carasel love? Who was his lover?’
“He stared at the floor. Then he stared up, proudly, aggressively. And he smiled.
“‘I was.’
“‘Do you want to tell me about it?’
“‘No.’ A shrug. ‘But I suppose I must. Very well, then.
“‘We worked together. And when we began to work on Love ... we became lovers. It was his idea. We would go back to his cell, whenever we could snatch the time. There we touched each other, held each other, whispered endearments and protestations of eternal devotion. His welfare mattered more to me than my own. I existed for him. When I was alone I would repeat his name to myself, and think of nothing but him.
“‘When I was with him ...’ he paused. He looked down. ‘... nothing else mattered.’
“I walked to where Saraquael stood; lifted his chin with my hand, stared into his grey eyes. ‘Then why did you kill him?’
“‘Because he would no longer love me. When we started to work on Death he—he lost interest. He was no longer mine. He belonged to Death. And if I could not have him, then his new lover was welcome to him. I could not bear his presence—I could not endure to have him near me and to know that he felt nothing for me. That was what hurt the most. I thought ... I hoped ... that if he was gone then I would no longer care for him—that the pain would stop.
“Saraquael reached up, removed my hand from his chin. ‘Now what?’
“I felt my aspect begin to come upon me; felt my function possess me. I was no longer an individual—I was the Vengeance of the Lord.
“I moved close to Saraquael, and embraced him. I pressed my lips to his, forced my tongue into his mouth. We kissed. He closed his eyes.
“I felt it well up within me then: a burning, a brightness. From the corner of my eyes, I could see Lucifer and Phanuel averting their faces from my light; I could feel Zephkiel’s stare. And my light became brighter and brighter, until it erupted—from my eyes, from my chest, from my fingers, from my lips: a white, searing fire.
“The white flames consumed Saraquael slowly, and he clung to me as he burned.
“Soon there was nothing left of him. Nothing at all.
“I felt the flame leave me. I returned to myself once more.
“Phanuel was sobbing. Lucifer was pale. Zephkiel sat in his chair, quietly watching me.
“I turned to Phanuel and Lucifer. ‘You have seen the Vengeance of the Lord,’ I told them. ‘Let it act as a warning to you both.’
“Phanuel nodded. ‘It has. Oh it has. I, I will be on my way, sir. I will return to my appointed post. If that is all right with you?’
“‘Go.’
“He stumbled to the window, and plunged into the light, his wings beating furiously.
“Lucifer walked over to the place on the silver floor where Saraquael had once stood. He knelt, stared desperately at the floor as if he were trying to find some remnant of the angel I had destroyed: a fragment of ash, or bone, or charred feather; but there was nothing to find. Then he looked up at me.
“‘That was not right,’ he said. ‘That was not just.’ He was crying; wet tears ran down his face. Perhaps Saraquael was the first to love, but Lucifer was the first to shed tears. I will never forget that.
“I stared at him, impassively. ‘It was justice. He killed another. He was killed in his turn. You called me to my function, and I performed it.’
“‘But ... he loved. He should have been forgiven. He should have been helped. He should not have been destroyed like that. That was wrong.’
“‘It was His will.’
“Lucifer stood. ‘Then perhaps His will is unjust. Perhaps the voices in the darkness speak truly after all. How can this be right?’
“‘It is right. It is His will. I merely performed my function.’
“He wiped away the tears, with the back of his hand. ‘No,’ he said, flatly. He shook his head, slowly, from side to side. Then he said, ‘I must think on this. I will go now.’
“He walked to the window, stepped into the sky, and he was gone.
“Zephkiel and I were alone in his cell. I went over to his chair. He nodded at me. ‘You have performed your function well, Raguel. Shouldn’t you return to your cell, to wait until you are next needed?’”
The man on the bench turned towards me: his eyes sought mine. Until now it had seemed—for most of his narrative—that he was scarcely aware of me; he had stared ahead of himself, whispered his tale in little better than a monotone. Now it felt as if he had discovered me, and that he spoke to me alone, rather than to the air, or the City of Los Angeles. And he said:
“I knew that he was right. But I couldn’t have left then—not even if I had wanted to. My aspect had not entirely left me; my function was not completely fulfilled. And then it fell into place; I saw the whole picture. And like Lucifer, I knelt. I touched my forehead to the silver floor. ‘No, Lord,’ I said. ‘Not yet.’
“Zephkiel rose from his chair. ‘Get up. It is not fitting for one angel to act in this way to another. It is not right. Get up!’
“I shook my head. ‘Father, You are no angel,’ I whispered.
“Zephkiel said nothing. For a moment my heart misgave within me. I was afraid. ‘Father, I was charged to discover who was responsible for Carasel’s death. And I do know.’
“‘You have taken your vengeance, Raguel.’
“‘Your vengeance, Lord.’
“And then He sighed, and sat down once more. ‘Ah, little Raguel. The problem with creating things is that they perform so much better than one had ever planned. Shall I ask how you recognized me?’
“‘I ... I am not certain, Lord. You have no wings. You wait at the center of the city, supervising the Creation directly. When I destroyed Saraquael, You did not look away. You know too many things. You ... ,’ I paused, and thought. ‘No, I do not know how I know. As You say, You have created me well. But I only understood who You were and the meaning of the drama we had enacted here for You, when I saw Lucifer leave.’
“‘What did you understand, child?’
“‘Who killed Carasel. Or at least, who was pulling the strings. For example, who arranged for Carasel and Saraquael to work together on Love, knowing Carasel’s tendency to involve himself too deeply in his work?’
“He was speaking to me gently, almost teasingly, as an adult would pretend to make conversation with a tiny child. ‘Why should anyone have “pulled the strings,” Raguel?’
“‘Because nothing occurs without reason; and all the reasons are Yours. You set Saraquael up: yes, he killed Carasel. But he killed Carasel so that I could destroy him.’
“‘And were you wrong to destroy him?’
“I looked into His old, old eyes. ‘It was my function. But I do not think it was just. I think perhaps it was needed that I destroy Saraquael, in order to demonstrate to Lucifer the Injustice of the Lord.’
“He smiled, then. ‘And whatever reason would I have for doing that?’
“‘I ... I do not know. I do not understand—no more than I understand why You created the Dark, or the voices in the darkness. But You did. You caused all this to occur.’
“He nodded. ‘Yes. I did. Lucifer must brood on the unfairness of Saraquael’s destruction. And that—amongst other things—will precipitate him into certain actions. Poor sweet Lucifer. His way will be the hardest of all my children; for there is a part he must play in the drama that is to come, and it is a grand role.’
“I remained kneeling in front of the Creator of All Things.
“‘What will you do now, Raguel?’ He asked me.
“‘I must return to my cell. My function is now fulfilled. I have taken vengeance, and I have revealed the perpetrator. That is enough. But—Lord?’
“‘Yes, child.’
“‘I feel dirty. I feel tarnished. I feel befouled. Perhaps it is true that all that happens is in accordance with Your will, and thus it is good. But sometimes You leave blood on Your instruments.’
“He nodded, as if He agreed with me. ‘If you wish, Raguel, you may forget all this. All that has happened this day.’ And then He said, ‘However, you will not be able to speak of this to any other angels, whether you choose to remember it or not.’
“‘I will remember it.’
“‘It is your choice. But sometimes you will find it is easier by far not to remember. Forgetfulness can sometimes bring freedom, of a sort. Now, if you do not mind,’ He reached down, took a file from a stack on the floor, opened it, ‘there is work I should be getting on with.’
“I stood up and walked to the window. I hoped He would call me back, explain every detail of His plan to me, somehow make it all better. But He said nothing, and I left His Presence without ever looking back.”
The man was silent, then. And he remained silent—I couldn’t even hear him breathing—for so long that I began to get nervous, thinking that perhaps he had fallen asleep, or died.
Then he stood up.
“There you go, pal. That’s your story. Do you think it was worth a couple of cigarettes and a book of matches?” He asked the question as if it was important to him, without irony.
“Yes,” I told him. “Yes. It was.
But what happened next? How did you ... I mean, if ...” I trailed off.
It was dark on the street, now, at the edge of daybreak. One by one the streetlights had begun to flicker out, and he was silhouetted against the glow of the dawn sky. He thrust his hands into his pockets. “What happened? I left home, and I lost my way, and these days home’s a long way back. Sometimes you do things you regret, but there’s nothing you can do about them. Times change. Doors close behind you. You move on. You know?