Steal Me (Longshadows Book 1)

by Natalia Banks

  She’s hoping I kiss her. I know the look, the longing, the excitement, the feeling that it’s all kinds of wrong that make it the best kind of right.

  But I’m not going there. As much as I’d like to, Olivia isn’t out of eyesight, and I know better than to get her hopes up. To her young mind, a kiss is a declaration of love, and I’m sure as hell not going to bring anything like that into her world.

  As if reading my thoughts, Emma looks away, and I sense she’s trying to gather herself. Her expression says she’s shouting at herself internally.

  “Don’t hold back,” I tell her, and she looks at me in shock. “Neither of us benefit from bullshit. You hate me, so you shouldn’t care if you hurt my feelings. But be honest.”

  She shakes her head, her eyes on mine. “If we were mortal enemies, I’d still treat you with compassion,” she says, her pretty lips curling up a little at the corners. “Dad taught me to be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.”

  Her words are an arrow to my heart and I shut down. “Kindness is a trait of the weak.”

  Without missing a beat, she responds. “Kindness takes effort. Cruelty is the mark of a lazy or fearful man.”

  I’d never tell her, but she’s an interesting person. Someone I wouldn’t mind sitting across a table from and talking out every facet of life. But I have to remind myself she’s not my friend. She’s not someone I can have feelings for. She’s not someone I can get close to. She has something I need. And I’m going to get it, come hell or high water.

  “While we’re being honest,” she says, looking back at Olivia, who’s impervious to our mounting tensions, “she said she misses her mom. That’s why I’m curious.”

  “It’s till none of your business,” I say, “and Olivia shouldn’t be talking to you about it.”

  But Emma seems a million miles away as she watches my daughter while speaking to me. “Perhaps she sees something in me that she can trust.” Her voice lowers to a near whisper that I feel isn’t aimed at me anymore, but is perhaps simply for herself. “Or maybe she sees a kindred spirit.”

  I sense she’s dealing with her own painful memories even as mine rise toward the surface. But I shove them back down. I’ll drown them. Nothing good comes from reliving moments we suffered in. My secrets never need to come to light. Some things need to stay buried. And maybe she understands that. After all, she’s not talking about whatever it is that’s bringing her to the edge of tears now.

  Hasn’t anyone ever told this woman it’s better to let old secrets stay dust?

  Chapter 12

  Emma

  I know I hit a nerve. Beside me, Mr. Knight is all tensed up like a wounded tiger. So I focus on Olivia and let him gather himself. He’s rather reasonable, given all we’ve discussed. I’m surprised. He’s actually human under all those layers of monster.

  “Keep your arms parallel to the ground,” I tell Olivia. She flashes a smile my direction and lifts her hands so they’re not resting on the pommel.

  “This is fun!” She says. The way she grins leaves me feeling like she’s lighting up my whole world. I duck between the fence slats and walk up to Dreamer, who walks right up to me and places her chin on my shoulder.

  “Want to try a trot?” I ask Olivia, who nods. “Show me,” she says, kicking both feet free of the stirrups. She waits for me to help her slip free of the saddle, and I carefully guide her to the ground. When she’s at the fence, I mount up and steady Dreamer.

  I take the reins and make sure Olivia is watching. Past her, I see Knight watching me too. But I put him out of my mind. The best course of action with him seems to be ignoring him for the moment.

  I urge Dreamer into a walk, then into a trot, rising with the pace easily and with all the rhythm that makes Dreamer a dream to ride. When I pull her up, I let her walk the ring twice before bringing her to the halt.

  When my feet hit the ground, Olivia materializes by my side. “The trick is,” I tell her as I help her get a foot in the stirrup to mount up, “to move with the horse. You’ll find the right rhythm. Get comfortable. Dreamer is patient, even if you make mistakes.”

  Olivia settles into the saddle and grins at me. “She had a good teacher, I’m sure,” she says, and I know the compliment is intended for me, but I can’t help correcting her.

  “My dad taught her. And she taught me.” The memories that flood back leave me stunned with agony. Olivia squeezes my hand, then nudges Dreamer into a walk around the ring. I fall back and find myself beside Knight, who has moved up to stand beside the ring.

  And I decide to be smart. Once Olivia’s lessons are over, they can leave and never come back. Between his rude pushing me to sell my home and her ability to destroy my peace of mind, I feel like having them here is more damaging than good.

  “When her lessons are over, I’d like you to leave and not come back,” I tell him, keeping my voice down as Olivia pushes Dreamer into a trot. She struggles a bit, then finds the pattern and settles in like a pro.

  “Fine,” Knight says, his tone decidedly cold. “How much longer?” he asks, and I shrug.

  “She’ll already be sore with what she’s done. Usually the kids I teach don’t pick things up so fast, so she’s already ahead of the curve.” Realizing I didn’t answer the question, I speak again. “Whenever you’re ready, she’s had a solid day.”

  Olivia flashes us a thrilled grin and Knight warms right up, giving her a thumbs up. She balls a hand into a fist and taps it to her chest twice. He does it right back and her smile grows.

  “What does that mean?” I ask, curious.

  He doesn’t look at me, but responds. “Still beating.” The double tap sounds like a heartbeat, I realize.

  “I like that,” I say, wondering where they’d come up with it. “I bet there is an amazing story behind that.”

  He glares at me, the expression so bitter I back up a step, stunned by the sheer force of it. While he says nothing, I stare at him, wondering what happened to hurt him so bad. And I react without thinking.

  Opening my arms, I pull him into a tight hug. My arms wind around his shoulders and I pull him tight to my body as if I can hug away his pain and anger. His whole body goes stiff and he refuses to respond, but I refuse to let go.

  Then he softens a little and his arms close around my ribs. His face nestles in near my neck and my body wakes from a deep slumber I was unaware I was in.

  “The world will chew you up and spit you out,” he says into my ear, and I shiver.

  “It hasn’t yet,” I respond. I release him and we both step back, as if repelled back by an invisible force. Something between us shifts. Something intangible. Something I couldn’t even put to words if I tried.

  But the flash in his eyes tells me he feels it too.

  Needing to turn away, I motion Olivia to pull Dreamer to a halt. She does, then slides from the saddle like a pro. With the reins in her little fist, she walks Dreamer to the fence and speaks in a mournful tone.

  “Time to go?” she asks, gazing up at me soulfully.

  “Sadly,” I tell her. I stand back and let her lead Dreamer back toward the barn. She walks her into the stall. I slip in and take the saddle off her as Olivia takes off the bridle.

  “You did so amazingly well today,” I tell her, and she grins at me. But there’s a decided sadness to her expression too.

  “Dad messed this up, didn’t he?” she asks, and I find myself speechless.

  At a loss for words, I force some out. “What? No, of course not.”

  She seems so sad as she talks. “He’s not as mean as he seems. He’s just… hard on the outside. He’s really nice under everything.”

  “No, no, no,” I say, needing to fix this. “He’s fine. You just did a lot today. You need a break. I bet your muscles will be sore tomorrow.”

  She smiles, but I sense she’s not totally at ease. Once again, I wonder what the hell this girl has been through. “Hey,” I tell her, internally shouting at myself to shut my mouth ev
en as the words escape, “If you ever need to talk, you have my number okay?”

  She shakes her head slowly. “Dad wouldn’t like that. I’m only allowed to talk to my therapist.”

  I nod, “That’s smart. A therapist is trained to help. I’m just a lady.”

  To my surprise, she pulls me into a hug. Her arms wind around me tight and she holds on like I might disappear if she lets go. “Thank you,” She whispers, and I pat her head.

  “Thank you,” I say, “I think you made Dreamer a happy lady tonight.”

  I wonder if I’ll be able to just send them on their way when all is said and done. This girl has found her way into my heart. She reminds me of dad with her constant chatter to the horses, she’s so sweet and loving, yet so adult and aware at the same time. It’s heartbreaking. And beautiful.

  When they walk out of my life, I might still own my land, but what about my heart?

  Chapter 13

  Kieran

  Emma is a much more formidable opponent than I thought. Now that I’m at home, replaying every second of our encounter in my mind, I know she played me. She played me like a god damned pro.

  Still, even now I feel my heart beat a little faster while her face is in my mind. I want her.

  I want to destroy her.

  I underestimated her. And I won’t make that mistake again. Despite the fury flowing freely through my veins, I swallow back the rage. I turn it inward. When it’s back on myself - the real reason things went belly up - I remind myself that I can’t let a pretty face and soft voice tear down the parts of me on guard against such things.

  Sure, she’s a beautiful woman.

  But she’s still a woman. She’s human. She has weaknesses. I’ll find them and I’ll exploit them. After all, isn’t that all she did to me today? Wrapped me around her little finger and made sure I was off guard and off my game so she could make sure things went to her advantage?

  I’m not giving up.

  Fuck no.

  Now I’m going to double down.

  I’ve got a new plan.

  Tomorrow. It’s not even about owning the land now, it’s about winning. She’s not going to get the better of me.

  “Hey,” Jessica says, peeking at me from the bathroom. “Are you sure about this?” she asks, seeming unsure of herself. I nod, ready. Ready to take out my displeasure of Emma on someone receptive to pain.

  Because I always get what I want.

  I’m just settling for a proxy version tonight.

  I wake, alone. Jessica left last night, her face alight like she’s in love or some shit. Stupid woman. Even after I took out my rage at another woman on her, she just enjoyed herself and asked if she could come back tonight.

  I told her no.

  And not to come back.

  I get out of bed and head for the shower, solidifying the day’s plans. On the mirror in my bathroom Jessica left me a note written in lipstick.

  Call me, lover.

  I grab the Windex from under the sink and get scrubbing with no intention of calling her, ever. She’ll get it after a while. Once the mirror is scrubbed clean – Olivia doesn’t need to see shit like that – I get into the shower.

  In the back of my mind, I hear dad. Between telling me I’m a failure, he’s congratulating me for putting that bitch in her place.

  Shoving him out of my thoughts, I let the warm water course over my face and remember the sensation of having my head shoved under water. Dad’s methods were brutal. In his mind, the only way to respect life was to fight for it. And he made me fight for it by trying to take it away.

  But I’m here; he’s not.

  So which fucking one of us fought for it?

  “I need you to clear those funds,” I say, arguing with the bank.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Knight. We’re doing our best.” The girl on the other end sounds contrite.

  I take a deep breath. “So move them. Into a new account. With the name Emma Astor on it.”

  “Sir?” The girl says.

  “Put your manager on,” I say, tired of this stupid woman. She puts me on hold and I wait, thinking through my plan. This one will work. I’m not going to underestimate the Astor woman again.

  “Mr. Knight?” The manager says, and I breathe a sigh of relief that he doesn’t sound like a total idiot.

  “I’m trying to transfer a large sum of funds into another account.” I explain the plan and he agrees they can do it.

  “May I ask why?” The manager asks, and I’m quick to respond.

  “Business.” It’s a clipped answer, designed to shut him down. And it works.

  “Of course, Mr. Knight. I’m sorry for the delay.” He sounds sorry and I nod, though he can’t see me. Once everything is in place and I’ve set up fail safes, I begin to breathe easy. She won’t be able to deny this. Now that it will look and feel real, she might realize we’re talking actual money here, money she could spend. Money in her name.

  “Dad?”

  I turn, catching sight of Olivia. “Hey baby,” I say, opening my arms to her. She walks over like a little lady and hugs me. “What’s wrong?” I ask, missing her usual exuberance.

  Her pretty blue eyes meet mine and I see the sheen of tears there. “Can we move to a farm and have horses?” she asks, and I feel my heart seize.

  “Our home is here,” I tell her, and she pulls out of my hug.

  “Okay,” she says, staring at the door. “I’m ready to go when you are,” she says before leaving.

  “Olivia,” I say as she stands in the doorway. She turns to look at me, seemingly older than her nine years. “I love you,” I say, hoping to set her little mind at ease. “If you need to talk, I’m here, love.”

  “I know. I love you too,” she says before leaving.

  Staring after her, I try to decode what’s going on with her. I can’t force her to talk to me, but this feels like something real is happening and I’m not privy to it. Did Emma say something to her? Did I miss something important?

  Feeling like she’s slipping away, I wonder if I should go after her, or if I should let her have her space. I’ve never been good at reading women like this, but I’ve never cared like I do for Olivia. As she gets older, it’s harder to figure out what to do. I don’t want to push her and push her away because I’m pushing, but I need to know what’s going on in her mind. I can’t help her if I don’t know what to help with.

  Today, though, I decide to let things slide and see if she comes out of her funk. There are a lot of other things going on, and I want to talk to her when my whole heart can be in it.

  I step out of my room and make my way to the living room. “Olivia!” I say loudly, “Let’s go!”

  She comes out of her room and rushes down the stairs, her face alight with excitement. I’m struck by how happy she looks. It’s like looking at a different little girl. The change from how she looked before and how she is now is incredible.

  And I realize that maybe all this horse stuff is doing good things for her.

  She walks right past me and snatches the keys from me. “I’m driving,” she says, a huge grin on her face.

  “I don’t think so,” I say chasing her down.

  She giggles as I capture her and pull her into a hug. Resting my chin on her head, I enjoy how her arms come around me and she clings to me like I’m the only important thing in her world. Lord knows she’s the only important thing in mine.

  “I love you,” she whispers. In response, I ball my fist up and double tap my chest.

  “Still beating,” I whisper.

  She smiles and follows suit.

  When we load up in the truck, she turns on the radio and sings, staring out her window. She’s back to a more pensive version of herself.

  When I turn the radio down and ask her what’s up, she shrugs and turns the radio back up.

  Taking the hint, I let it go. She’ll come to me when she’s ready. I can’t force her to talk to me, and I wouldn’t try. I let her know I care and want to
talk. That’s what matters.

  The dirt road to Emma’s is a great distraction, and I plan ahead.

  “Dad, I have to pee,” Olivia says, looking at me like she’s shocked. We’d stopped for Icees, and I smile at her.

  “I’m pretty sure Emma will have a bathroom you can use,” I say, noticing how the cherry treat stained her lips red. It makes her look way older and sends my heart right to my toes. I don’t want her to grow up. I want her to stay young and innocent forever. I don’t want some asshole to break her heart.

  That’s all she knows, dad whispers in my mind. All you’ve shown her is men who hurt women. That’s what she thinks the world is like, you fuck face.

  “Okay,” she says softly as we park before Emma’s place.

  We get out and head toward the house. Emma meets us on the porch and Olivia asks her in a whisper if she’s got a bathroom she can use. Emma smiles and guides Olivia the right direction. Left alone with her as Olivia leaves, I notice Emma tuck her hands in her back pocket and shift her weight to her toes like she’s uncomfortable alone with me.

  I wonder why?

  I lift my phone and show her the account and the amount in it. “It’s in your name,” I tell her. Her eyes widen and she gasps softly as she looks past it at me.

  She seems to take a moment to compose herself. Her eyes travel toward the barn then sweep back toward me.

  “No,” she says, her tone oddly calm.

  “How much?” I ask, tired of dancing round like this.

  Her voice is thoughtful and her eyes are soft as she responds. “Not for sale. Not now, not ever.”

  Chapter 14

  Emma

  I felt bad for Mr. Knight before, but the look on his face when I turned him down… I’m pretty sure he felt like I pulled out a pistol and shot him dead through the heart.