by Sherry Ewing
She tore his lips from his, their breathing ragged as they stared one to the other like the long-lost lovers they were. “Not here,” she murmured before placing a quick kiss upon his lips. She stood, and taking his hand she opened her solar door to peer down the passageway. Seeing the way was clear, she led him to her bedchamber and once inside bolted the door. Her back rested against the frame as though she could quickly escape if she chose to do so.
Killian came to her and pressed himself intimately against her. Taking her arms, he lifted them above her head and her breath hitched when he held them with one hand while the other began moving down the side of her body.
“Ye have bewitched me, Ella,” he murmured as he began nibbling at her neck.
“How so?” she asked in a breathy tone.
“Because I have dreamed of loving ye for so long I thought I might go mad from waiting tae have ye.”
“Then wait no longer, Killian. Love me as I have loved you for as long as I can remember.”
“Ella, my love,” he whispered, before his lips came crashing down upon hers once more.
Frantic to feel his skin next to her own, her hands tore at his tunic even while he rushed to remove the belt holding his scabbard. The clang of his weapon falling upon the stone floor beneath her feet echoed in the room and when she helped pull his garment over his head, her fingers spread their way across his lightly furred chest. She had waited so long to touch him again and now that this moment was upon them, she was suddenly afraid of what their future might hold.
Killian was still just as perfect as she remember, mayhap even more so since he was currently younger than the last time they had made love upon the forest floor. She lightly traced his broad shoulders, the bulging biceps of his arms, the ridged lines of the muscles of his stomach. She pressed a kiss on his chest and heard his low moan.
Killian gave her no further time to ponder what their coupling might mean to their future. Instead, the remainder of their clothing quickly joined his tunic ’til they fell naked upon her bed. Frantic for him to once more possess her, she urged him to take her without haste. Her body shook when he entered her and before long Ella screamed out his name as she reached her climax. And when Killian followed close behind her and filled her with his seed, Ella knew she was as close to heaven as she would ever get while still walking the face of the earth.
And in that moment when Killian held her close as their breathing returned to normal and he vowed the next time would be more at their leisure, Ella knew she must tell him of their son. She could not allow Killian to return to Berwyck without knowing the truth. She prayed he would understand.
Chapter 35
Killian watched the woman across the table as they broke their fast. Last eve had been incredible and he could not remember a time when he had so much enjoyed waking up next to a woman. ’Twas because he loved her with every fiber of his being. Yet, something was off with the fair Lady Ella. She appeared nervous as a newborn colt and every noise made her look like she was about to flee the castle for parts unknown. He reached for her hand and he cradled the shaking limb between both of his hands.
“Ye may as well tell me what is troubling ye this morn, my lady,” Killian said in what he hoped was a soothing tone.
“I know not how to begin without revealing too much, too soon,” she replied, her voice low as her eyes darted about the room to ensure their conversation remained private. “I already pray that, by our actions last night, we have not somehow ruined our future life together.”
He gave a small chuckle. “Ye speak of things that ye have no control over, my love. No one can change their future.”
A sound came out of his lady that was more like a sob than a laugh. “You are so very wrong in that assumption, Killian.”
He pondered her for a moment before raising her hand to his lips. “Then tell me what ye can. I have already surmised that we loved one another, although how that is possible I cannae fathom. What harm can be done by telling me the rest of whatever is troubling you?”
Her mouth opened and closed several times before she gave a heavy sigh and pulled her hand from his. Reaching for her cup, she took a drink before she answered him. “I have pondered what I can or should reveal and yet the repercussions of me revealing anything to you might cost us all. Mayhap ’tis best if I wait. Everything will fall into place soon enough.”
“I cannae force ye to tell me anything ye are uncomfortable with nor shall I press the issue. So let us instead talk about ye moving tae Berwyck so we can wed,” he said giving her a bright smile of what he hoped looked like encouragement.
“Wed?” she gasped out. “We cannot wed as yet. There is still much that I must do before we can be together.”
He brow furrowed at her words. What game was she now playing? “What do ye mean we cannae wed? After last night, why would ye deny me as yer husband?”
“’Tis not that I would not be honored to be your wife, Killian. I have dreamed of you as my husband for many a year. But you must understand that more time must pass ’til we can have such an outcome.”
“And what of last night?” he growled out, frustrated Ella would not see his reasoning. Of course, they must wed.
“What about it?”
“Have ye given no thought that even now there is the possibility that ye may be carrying my bairn within ye?”
Killian watched Ella reach for her stomach and a piece of his heart melted for this woman who might become the mother of his bairn. True, they were older than most couples who would start their lives together, yet they were not too old to still make a child.
“A child,” she whispered, “would change our future. What have we done?”
Killian stood and went around the table and sat next to his lady. “We have done nothing wrong, Ella. But if a bairn has been conceived then we must wed. We cannae have our bairn born a bastard and damned in the eyes of God.”
“You cannot seriously believe that our child would be damned.”
“Ye know how the Church views these things. Would ye condemn our bairn tae such a fate?”
She shook her head. “Nay. I would not wish such an outcome for any child, especially ours.”
Ella appeared nervous again and he took her hand once more. “Then wed me, my dearest Ella,” Killian whispered as he kissed her knuckles. “Ye would honor me by becoming my wife.”
She lowered her head and Killian held his breath while he awaited her words.
“I am sorry, Killian. I love you but I cannot marry you as yet when there are still things that I must do in order for future events to come about. ’Tis of grave import and affects the lives of several people so that they, too, can be happy. I cannot deny them their happiness even if ’tis at the cost of my own.”
“I thought ye cared for me!” His raised voice trembled with disappointment.
“I do care for you, Killian. You just need to be patient!”
“Ack! Just how much longer are we tae wait ’til we can be together? Days? Months?” He watched her carefully and her tear-filled eyes told him more than her words ever could. “Years?”
“Aye. Years,” she whispered before a sob tore from her lips. “I am sorry, Killian. I love you with every breath I take but you must try to understand…”
“I understand nothing!” he fumed. “Ye tell me ye love me and that we have loved before and yet ye refuse tae become my wife. If this is love, then I want no part of it.” He stood to stare at the woman who had crushed his last chance at having a family and the love of a good woman.
“You do not mean that,” she cried out with outstretched hands.
“Aye, I do. I care for ye, woman, but ye must think I am a saint if ye think I can wait years before I can claim ye as my bride.”
“Are we not worth waiting for? Worth fighting for?” she pleaded.
Killian hesitated before answering. He was hurt and not thinking rationally but still his words tumbled from his mouth. “I leave for Berwyck. If ye find ye ar
e pregnant, send word tae me. We will wed tae give the bairn my name. ’Twill then be up tae ye if ye wish tae openly declare we are husband and wife.”
He took one last look upon the woman who had broken his heart before turning to leave her hall. He did not look back even while she yelled out his name.
Returning to Berwyck, he threw himself into training the clansmen and Conrad to be the fiercest of warriors. When no word came from Ella, he knew any chances of fathering a bairn were at an end. Still… the woman consumed his every waking hour and continued to fill his dreams.
Patience. She had asked him to be patient and he could do little else, for Ella left him no further options. He had little faith left to believe they would ever be together and Killian hardened his heart, knowing he would never love again.
Chapter 36
Berwyck Castle
The Year of Our Lord’s Grace 1179
Four years! Ella could hardly have imagined another four years would pass before she saw Killian again. But ’twas of her own making, even though she knew in her heart her actions were for the greater good. But she could never erase the look of raw pain in Killian’s features when he had last left her that day.
Regret consumed her. After they had made love at Hull, she had sworn she would tell Killian that Conrad was his child and yet fear had frozen the words upon her lips. What if he did not believe her? What if he claimed she was a witch, because what else would a twelfth-century man think about the possibility of a modern-day woman traveling through time? She had changed Faramond’s fate once and to have her son become the man she had always hoped he would be was worth the challenges of falling through another Time gate. But she was uncertain if she could duplicate her fate again if Killian denounced her. ’Twas best to let the matter rest. She must only wait three more years before all would fall into place.
’Twas an odd feeling to be sitting in Berwyck’s hall with Katherine de Deveraux dining at the other end of the raised dais. Aye, she had saved Katherine once again from the flowing Coquet River near Warkworth Castle and they had traveled the distance to the safety of Berwyck’s gates. Eluding the villains who were bent on seeing the lady dead had been no easy task but Ella knew how to survive in the wild, not that there had been a need this second time around. Ella was still astounded as she remembered waking up one morn in the safety of her chamber at Hull with the premonition that she must travel to Warkworth and the hidden hermitage. She had wasted little time leaving the castle in order to make it there in time to save the lady who had become like a daughter to Ella.
Katherine was safe, along with her unborn child. Once winter was upon them, Katherine’s husband Riorden would eventually reunite with the wife he currently thought was dead. Ella watched Sir Fletcher, Berwyck’s captain of the guard, through lowered lashes and shook her head. Nay… she would not interfere with what Ella knew would not come about regarding the knight’s feelings for his friend’s wife. Fletcher was destined for another and Ella only needed to wait to have her conversation with Jenna Sinclair, another lady from the future, ’til Ella could finally tell Killian all. Three more years would feel like another lifetime…
A feeling of being watched overcame her and Ella raised her eyes to look about the hall. Killian’s blue-green eyes flashed with a burning intensity that Ella could not mistake for anything else but desire. Her heart rejoiced that, despite his last words to her, Killian obviously still felt something for her. But God help her, would he, and Conrad for that matter, ever forgive her for keeping the secret of her son’s true sire? To lose the love of not only her son but Killian as well had become her greatest fear. But had she not sacrificed enough during her second quest to find love? She had all but given Conrad to Killian to raise at Berwyck. Ella was grateful to Killian for fostering him even though the man had no idea he was in truth raising his own son.
She shook her head, disrupting her agonizing musings. Killian continued to observe her ’til he gave a nod to his head. ’Twas a silent command to follow when he made his way toward the turret stairs and Ella was left with little doubt that, if she did not do so, the ornery Scot would most likely come back and carry her from the hall over his shoulder like some marauding pirate capturing his prey.
Ella excused herself from the table and made her way up the winding stone stairs. Reaching the third floor where her chamber was located, she made her way down the passageway ’til she reached the alcove she and Killian would sit in, in a different time, when Faramond arrived looking for her. He waited there for her and held out his hand for her to take. Without hesitation, she grasped hold. He pulled her down into his lap. A sense of déjà vu swept across her soul causing Ella to shiver. She could only ponder what this conversation with Killian would bring.
“Ella,” he murmured, while his hand gently guided her head down so she could receive his kiss.
Lost… she became so lost that all rational thinking once more fled as Killian held her close in his embrace. Oh, how she loved this man! The man who, for all these years, had been waiting for her alone while he sacrificed any happiness he might find with another. She clung to him as though she were starving and only he could satisfy the hunger that flamed in her soul. He deepened their kiss and she moaned as desire swept through her body.
He quickly pulled his lips away, their breathing ragged as they attempted to find air to fill their lungs. She swallowed hard while she waited for what she knew was coming. He would not like her answer.
“Tell me we can be together now that Katherine de Deveraux has returned tae Berwyck,” he murmured. He ran his thumb over her cheek in a gentle caress. “She is the reason why ye couldnae say anything to me? This odd business about her and her friends traveling from another place in time?”
“You believe her? You know her story?” she asked in a breathy whisper of awe.
“Amiria and Dristan believe her so I cannae gainsay them. They have told me they saw the proof of the tale with their own eyes when the Lady Katherine and her companions were here months ago. But I must admit I find the whole story tae be some kind of jest tae amuse us, like the traveling bards who come tae our gates. No one can travel through time.” He chuckled even while he pulled her closer.
She took his cheeks in her hands. “Aye,” she said taking a deep breath before she continued. “They can.”
A puzzled frown crossed his brow and Ella reached up to smooth the worry from his face. “Ye cannae possibly be telling me that ye…”
His words trailed off and, before Ella could answer, a servant came down the passageway carrying linens for one of the bedchambers. She quickly stood and turned to peer out the window ’til the woman entered one of the rooms.
“We cannot talk of this in the corridor of Berwyck for any and all to hear my words. But, aye, ’tis true.” Taking Killian’s hand, they made their way to her chamber where Ella bolted the door.
“I need a drink,” Killian declared running his hand through his hair.
Ella went to the table near the fire and poured wine into a cup. Handing it to him, she sat and motioned to the vacant chair next to her. Another sense of déjà vu passed over her as she remembered a similar situation at Hull. Oh, how she longed for a day when she and Killian could have new memories of time they shared together. He took a drink of the wine and stared into the chalice as though it held the answers he stood in need of. He finally raised his tortured eyes to stare at her and Ella could see and understand his confusion. ’Twas a lot to take in for a medieval man.
“Did ye know that many years ago Shona, Berwyck’s healer and Kenna’s mother, told me of ye?”
A gasp escaped Ella. “She knew of me?”
A small smile lit Killian’s face. “She dinnae mention ye specifically, only that there would be but one woman who was destined for me. Much like ye, she told me I must have patience before we could be together. Of course, I was full of myself in my youth and couldnae believe such rot when there were plenty of women to choose from tae become my wife once I
was ready to wed.”
Ella’s heart lurched within her chest at the thought of how she might have lost Killian to another in her journey to righting the wrong she had caused her son. Killian had also paid the price for a chance to love someone from his own time. Surely, he must have known all this when he pushed her through the Time gate to alter Faramond’s destiny. He had to have known the risk that all might be lost. Yet, sitting across from Killian now showed her that he had no inkling that he had done such an action in their past life.
“I have confirmed your dreams are but glimpses of our past life together,” Ella began, only to clamp her lips closed. Afraid she would reveal too much, her doubts began to once more consume her.
“Do ye not mean our future?” he asked rubbing his hand through his beard.
“Aye… I suppose I do,” Ella murmured.
“I do not profess tae know all there is about this traveling through Time business, only that such a miracle has brought ye into my life, dear Ella.” He gave her a smile but Ella could see ’twas riddled with doubt that she spoke the truth.
“Time… both my friend and enemy for many a year now,” Ella said before taking a sip of her wine. “I still cannot reveal all to you, Killian, as much as I wish to put your worries to ease.”
“I cannae see ’twill make much of a difference. What could Time do tae us that it has not already accomplished by keeping us apart for all our lives? We are together now and ’tis all that matters.”
Ella gave a weary sigh knowing the storm that was about to erupt in this chamber once she once more spoke. “I must return to Hull.”
“By Saint Michael’s Wings!” he swore. “What the bloody hell are ye talking about, woman?” His knuckles turned white from clenching the goblet that Ella thought he might snap the stem in two.