by Sherry Ewing
She understood his anger but nothing prepared her for when he stood and grabbed her from her chair. He crushed her in a fierce embrace before he tilted her chin so she had no choice but to stare into his furious blue-green eyes.
“Killian, please try to understand…”
“Understand?” he roared. “I understand nothing of what has been going on with our lives all these years. Ye say ye love me and that we were together before, that ye have had tasks that needed to be accomplished before we can be together. Yet ye still deny us a life together! I have lived my life as a bloody Saint waiting for ye and ye still tell me I must needs wait more! Ye ask much of me, Ella.”
“I know, but in three more years I will have done all I can to—”
“Ye ask for another three years?” he bellowed before he pushed her away and began to pace the room.
“’Tis a lot to ask, I know,” she said quietly, unsure what words might offer Killian the solace he stood in need of.
He stopped his pacing to stare upon her, a frown marring his brow. “I have never loved another,” he confessed. “From the first moment ye and yer husband came tae bring yer sons tae Berwyck tae foster I have felt drawn tae ye… a sin, I know, tae covet another man’s wife but I cannae unwind the past and my feelings for ye. At least ye were able to have a family while I have had none.”
She went to him, placing her hand upon his arm. “You have me. Is it not enough that I love you?”
“If I cannae claim ye as my wife, then ye do not belong to me, Ella.”
“What is three more years compared to all we have been through? Certainly ’tis but one small moment etched in time and worth the sacrifice so we can finally be together.”
A knock sounded at the door halting his reply.
“Mother. ’Tis Conrad. I was told you were here.”
Killian went to the door and slid the bolt open. Conrad’s surprised looked startled Ella, especially seeing the two men standing side by side. Everyone must be blind not to see the connection.
“Killian? I was unaware you were having speech with my mother,” Conrad said looking between the two of them.
A grunt left Killian’s lips. “We are finished,” he said before giving a short bow. “My lady, I wish ye safe travels on yer return journey tae Hull.”
Ella watched Killian leave and she all but fell into her chair. Conrad went to her before her pressing her cup into her hand.
“Mother, are you well? What did Killian say to upset you?”
Ella took a sip of her wine, almost choking as the liquid slid down her throat. “’Tis nothing, son. Go bolt the door. I have much to confess to you.”
Her son appeared just as puzzled as Killian had been. Although she would not tell Conrad that Killian was his father as yet, ’twas time to at least tell her son where she was from. She only prayed he would somehow understand and not react has Faramond had once done during her other lifetime long ago.
Killian sat in the tavern with a cup of ale in one hand and a pretty wench sitting upon his knee. He would drown out Ella in more ways than one this day and he cared not of the consequences come the morn. Setting down his cup, he pulled the bar maid closer and she squealed in delight. He began nibbling at the wench’s neck and he heard her giggle.
“’Tis about time ye came tae pay me a visit, Killian. What took ye so long?” the woman asked while she took his hand and pressed it to her bosom.
He continued to nuzzle her neck. “What I want of ye dinnae require speech between us.”
“As long as ye have the proper coin, then I am all yers. I may like ye but I dinnae give myself fer free.”
Her raised brow while she awaited his answer had him reaching for the pouch at his belt. He lifted the leather and the jingle of his monies more than indicated he had enough to spare. “I have plenty for yer time.”
“Then let me show ye tae my room,” she replied before sliding off his lap and holding out her hand.
Her smile brightened in her invitation while she waited for him to take her fingers and Killian had a moment of hesitation sweep across his mind. He frowned with thoughts of Ella but why should he feel remorse for what he was about to do? ’Twas not as though she had not had a lover in her past. Why should he not be allowed a moment’s pleasure in the arms of a willing woman?
The door to the tavern slammed open and the portal filled with several of Berwyck’s knights and clansmen. A grunt left Killian’s lips as though his chance to find solace in the arms of a stranger had just passed him by. Conrad was the last to enter and, while the knights found an empty table against the back wall, the young man made his way to Killian.
Conrad peered at the woman who continued to wait for Killian. “Leave us,” Conrad ordered, “and bring ale.”
“Killian?” she asked while disappointment flashed quickly in her eyes.
Killian reached for his pouch and gave her a coin. “For yer troubles,” he grumbled.
Conrad took a seat next to Killian and before long the maid returned with a cup she set in front of Conrad. As she was about to leave, Killian reached for her arm carrying the pitcher. “Leave it,” he said, before gazing upon the young man next to him. “I have a feeling we shall be needing it.
Conrad downed his drink before reaching to refill his cup. “Aye,” he said before looking about the room and lowering his voice. “My mother has told me from whence she came, although I have a feeling in my gut that she omits some of her story. Is this why you were arguing?”
“Do ye not mean when?” Killian grunted before he, too, took another drink of his ale.
“Aye… when,” Conrad muttered with a shake of his head, “although I assumed you knew what I was referring to and ’twas not necessary to say it aloud. I would not wish my mother to be called some witch because someone overhears a conversation we should really be having in private.”
Killian swore beneath his breath. He may be furious with Ella but he certainly did not wish to cause her harm. He had loved her all his life and, despite her stubborn insistence that they still could not be together, his love for her did not change.
“If yer mother had told me years ago of her origins before Katherine de Deveraux first came to Berwyck, I wouldnae believe such fanciful tales.”
Conrad’s brow rose in disbelief. “I have my doubts, but you believe her then.”
“Aye, that I do, lad. Ye are correct in yer assumption there is more to yer mother’s tale,” Killian grumbled into his cup. “I suppose she shall reveal all in good time, despite my irritation that she keeps her secrets tae herself.
Conrad leaned forward. “You are in love with her.”
A snort left Killian’s lips. “I have no inkling what ye be speaking about.”
Conrad chuckled. “You do not have to try and hide your feelings for my mother from me, Killian.”
“When did ye get so damn smart, lad?” Killian asked, appalled that he could be so easily read.
“Lad?” Conrad laughed. “I am hardly a boy of my youth at a score and six. Besides… Do you honestly think the two of you could have hidden your emotions whenever you happen to be together?”
“’Tis not as though we are in each other’s company for long,” Killian growled out. “Why, I have spent more time apart from her than we have been together.”
“And yet I can still see for myself that you care for her.”
“Of course, I care for her,” Killian said before reaching for his cup once more. “Do ye object that I fancy for her tae become my wife?”
Conrad slapped Killian’s shoulder. “Not at all, but what is stopping you from asking her to wed?”
“Yer mother still has another task tae complete before we can be together. Her words, not mine. My patience grows thin where yer mother is concerned.”
“Then ’tis a good thing I came to the tavern when I did, before you made the mistake I perceive was about to happen. Let us drink and the two of us can drown our sorrows so we have no regrets come the morrow.”
K
illian watched as Conrad refilled their cups. The young man raised his cup in a salute and Killian returned the gesture. He had many regrets in his life. Lucky for him he had not forsaken the lady he loved for a meaningless tumble with a woman he would easily forget.
Chapter 37
Berwyck Castle
The Year of Our Lords Grace 1182
Ella was weary to the bone while she walked the shoreline near Berwyck Castle. Her shoes dangling from her fingertips, the ocean waves stung her sore feet after traveling miles by foot. Memories flashed across her mind as not one but two lifetimes in twelfth-century England fused together as one. She prayed the sacrifice would all be worth it. Aye. Finally. ’Twas time for the last piece of her commitments to fall into place from her past life. Ella knew within her heart Jenna Sinclair would be in residence at Berwyck. Once Ella and Jenna spoke, then Ella would confess all to Killian and Conrad. Her destiny would at last come to fruition: she and Killian would be together.
As she continued walking, it came as no surprise when she heard the thundering of horses coming from behind her. A smile lit her face when she turned to witness once again the incredible sight of Dristan of Berwyck’s army galloping in formation. After all… this had already happened once in her past and this just completed the circle of her life. She would be glad when she could move forward to make new memories from this point forward.
“Ah, Lady Ella,” Lord Dristan said with a welcoming smile. “A pleasure to see you once again. I pray you shall be gracing Berwyck’s halls for a time? ’Twill please my lady to see you again.”
Ella was just about to tell him to drop the lady title as she would have urged in her previous life. But her past had been altered and Lord Dristan would now know her as Lady Ella of Hull. Hopefully, little else had changed that might have adverse effects on how her life might proceed.
“It would be my pleasure, my lord, to stay at Berwyck for as long as you will have me,” she said in the hope that all would be well.
Dristan leaned forward to rest his arm upon the pommel of his saddle. “Your presence in my hall will indeed please many. Is this not so, Killian?”
Ella acknowledged the older knight next to Dristan’s horse with a slight nod for she was unsure how he would greet her after their last parting. He was still just as handsome as he had always been and perchance even more so, for this older version of Killian was the one Ella had fallen in love with.
They had been through so much. Would he reject her now that she could finally tell him all and they could be together? She was momentarily startled by the look he gave her with those mesmerizing blue-green eyes, for ’twas an appreciative one. Thank the heavens… he still cared for her!
“Aye, my laird. ’Tis always our honor to have Lady Ella residing within Berwyck Castle,” Killian declared, while his gaze once again swept her from head to toe.
She felt herself blush, as any young maiden might have done from receiving the admiring glances of a handsome suitor. She must look a fright as she tried to remember how to proceed with the rest of this initial conversation. Those knowing eyes of Killian’s continued to hold her own causing her blush to heighten considering the heat rushing to her flushed face.
Dristan’s merry chuckle brought her out of her silent musings. “We have left the fair woman speechless, it seems, Killian. Assist the lady so she may ride with you,” he ordered.
“’Tis hardly necessary, my lord. Berwyck is close enough and the walk will do me good.”
Dristan grimaced when his gaze traveling to her abused feet. “You have walked far enough in your latest pilgrimage, if I were to guess, considering the state you are in. But ’tis of no consequence. I insist you ride with us. We must make haste, for we are in great need of sustenance to fill our bellies and quench our thirst. I refuse to allow a woman in our company to continue her travels without escort. See to her, Killian.”
“Aye, my laird,” Killian answered, dismounting from his horse as Dristan waved his arm and his men put their steeds into motion.
Yanking on the reins of his mount, Killian moved forward to stand before Ella. Looping the leather straps around the pommel, he offered her his assistance in order to mount the huge animal.
“May I, Lady Ella?” he inquired, holding out his hand to her.
She gave a weary sigh. There was no sense in attempting to remain indifferent to the orders he had been given. “If you must obey your lord, then I suppose I must too. But for heaven’s sake, please call me Ella. There is no reason to be so formal.”
“’Tis not seemly ye should ask such of me, my lady, especially when others are still near.”
Her brow rose at his reference to several knights that hung back to ensure Killian’s safe return to the castle. Ella was certain ’twas a precautionary measure for one knight or clansman traveling alone could be prey to villain’s bent on doing harm.
“Very well, then. I suppose I must obey,” she grumbled.
She took his outstretched hand and was briefly surprised when a tingle raced up her arm. He must have felt is too, because his eyes momentarily widened at their touch. He took her hand and placed it upon his shoulder as he in turn lifted her by her waist to place her upon his horse.
Once she was settled, Killian placed his foot in the stirrup and swung himself into the saddle. Since Ella was placed behind him, she made a fast grab for his waist when he flicked the reins and his horse bolted into motion. Her breath left her with his nearness and she swore she heard him give a chuckle.
“Tell me, Killian,” she said quietly. “Is Jenna Sinclair in residence at Berwyck?”
“Is she…” he began before she cut off the rest of his words.
“…aye. She is the last part of the past that must be completed, if you take my meaning.”
“Since we have been out on patrol at an outlying village, I cannae know who is at Berwyck, especially if ’tis one of you future women,” he said gruffly. “But if she is there, ye must find her so we can at last be together.”
She tightened her grip around his waist all the while hoping for the best. ’Twas not ’til Killian was helping her dismount and her body slid down against his own, that his mask of indifference slipped from his features. He continued to hold her, staring down into her eyes.
“We have done this before,” he murmured in startled surprise as though all their future memories together flashed inside his mind.
“Aye, Killian,” she replied in a hushed tone, for she did not think she could say more when he looked at her in such a manner. She reached up to cup his check and his hand covered hers before giving it a gentle squeeze.
And then he smiled and Ella’s heart near burst with joy. Happiness overwhelmed her and she could only pray that all would work out as it should once she told him the rest of their story.
For there was no longer any need to leave Berwyck to search for Henry. She knew whom she loved and had fallen back in time for. He stood before her now with all the love he held for her shining in his magnificent blue-green eyes.
Killian stood against the stones of the passageway waiting for Ella to leave Amiria’s solar. He knew the Lady Jenna was inside and his lady was having speech with her. He did not need to be privy to their conversation. He now knew of Ella’s origins and he did not care that she was not of his time… or mayhap she was, seeing as she had lived through her twelfth-century life not once but twice. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration that the woman he cared for and who had slipped through time for him was only a short distance away. They had waited their entire lifetime to be together and now their lives could finally begin.
The door finally swung open and, as Ella exited the room, he lessened the distance between them. Taking her hand, he began leading her down the passageway, down the turret to the floor below, and quickly made his way to her bedchamber. As they entered, he slid the bolt to ensure their privacy.
“Killian…” she said in a breathy whisper. “My love, there is much that I still must confess
to you before we go any farther.”
“Later…” he said as he crossed the room to take her in his arms.
“But ’tis of grave import,” she tried again but Killian refused to listen to anything more she might say. He had waited too long to have her once more beneath him.
“Later…” he repeated and he rushed to take off their garments.
Naked, he could only stare in wonder at the beautiful woman who wrapped her arms around his neck. He carried her to her bed for there was no need for any further words between them. He began to love her as he had dreamed of for all his life and when she yelled out his name when she found her release, he was content. They had found one another again and Time no longer was their enemy.
Chapter 38
Killian listened to conversations around him with only half an ear. His attention centered around Ella… his Ella, although she currently danced with another much to his dismay. He gave a brief chuckle, thinking of when they had made love earlier. He could have no doubts that she still loved him after such a tumbling. But his one desire was to get the woman alone so he could put into place the memories that were scrambled inside his head.
Aye… He seemed to remember everything that had occurred in their past — or was it their future — even though he was having a difficult time dealing with it all. His eyes kept waiting for the keep door to open, for he could almost see Faramond rushing through it, an angry man bent on finding his mother, even though Killian knew this time would be different. There was now no cause for Faramond to be angry for, if Killian’s memories were true, he had himself pushed Ella through the Time gate in order to change her son’s fate. ’Twas Killian choice alone. He had no one to blame for remaining unwed except himself. He shook his head, knowing all this time he had blamed Ella and her stubbornness to set matters aright when he really should have carried the burden himself. How could he have known?