by E. M. Moore
We’re interrupted by a chirping in his pocket. He checks the clock over the stove. “We got to go, Briar. I’m driving you to school today.”
On the way out the door, I slip my flip flops on and grab the house keys from the peg on the wall next to the front door. I lock up behind us as Cade jumps into his busted-up SUV. Hiking my bookbag on my shoulder, I walk toward it. Once I’m in and Cade starts to reverse out of the driveway, I pull out my phone and send a message to Ezra. You’re not going to believe how I’m dressed today. Then, I snap a selfie with some generous cleavage, which also shows the flowery pattern of the sundress, attach it to the message, and send it off.
It’s weird that Ezra has become like my Dear Diary. I tell him everything, and he always seems to know what to say. It’s too bad he got held up when we were supposed to meet in Calcutta. I stayed in a shit hotel for five days waiting for him. One thing after another happened, and he couldn’t get away from home. When my parents finally found me and dragged me back home, I still hadn’t met him, and I think that hurt me more than the fact that I’d let everyone down and pissed off a bunch of people in the seven days prior to them finding me when I didn’t want to be found.
We haven’t tried to meet up again, but we will. I know he felt horrible about what happened. If he’d been there when my parents found me, he would’ve saved me. We could’ve run away again and kept running away. I just want to get lost sometimes, where no one knows me or anything about me.
“That selfie better be for Jules.”
I quickly put my phone away, so he doesn’t violate my privacy any further. I could totally see him having no problem going through my phone.
When I don’t say anything, he says, “Don’t be too upset with her. One of us had to do it.”
I know exactly what he’s talking about. He’s talking about lying to me and then taking me to the intervention my parents planned. “Trust me,” I say, smiling over at him like I’m the sweetest girl in the world. “I hate you so much more than I hate her right now.”
“Really?” he asks with feigned excitement. “You mean that?”
“Wholeheartedly.”
He knocks me in the shoulder. “That’s my girl.”
Despite myself, I find I’m smiling as Cade drives me to school. That’s the first time that’s happened in a long time.
7
Walking into school with Cade is so much more enjoyable than walking in by myself or just with Jules. He’s like a freaking celebrity. Everyone gives him high-fives, they ask him how much Spring Hill is going to win by tonight, and to top it off, everyone seems to notice me too. It might be because Cade wound his arm through mine as soon as we stepped out of his car. He’s got a tight hold on me. To outsiders, it might look like Cade has a new conquest, only I know it’s because he doesn’t want me to run away again.
This attention, I don’t mind. I just don’t want people to see me as the dead guy’s sister. That’s when I want to hide. But this, this reminds me of how it used to be.
Ever since Freshman year, I’d walk in with the football gods. It’s super pretentious to think, but I like being noticed in this way. Or maybe I just like that Cade’s being noticed and I happen to be with him. The way he walks through the school, he acts like people should worship him. His chin is held high. The shirt and tie he’s wearing commands attention. By the end of the day, the tie will be off, and the first few buttons of his shirt will be undone, but that’s just Cade.
Before I even realize it, we’re past my locker and heading toward a part of the school I begin to recognize. I try to hold back, but the fierce grip Cade has on me isn’t letting up. Up ahead, I spot where we’re going. It’s where all the jocks, mainly the football team, hangout in the morning. It’s right by Reid’s locker, practically under the set of stairs that lead to the second story Science wing. “Cade, I have to get my books,” I tell him, trying to get out of this.
He laughs. The sound projects through the hall and those who weren’t looking at him before are looking now. “Shortie, we know you’re not taking books to class. Come on. Do you think I was born yesterday?”
I’m too nervous to speak let alone come up with a witty comeback.
“Ready for inspection, Seven,” Cade says as we walk up to the group.
My face flames. There are so many students around. Not just other athletes, but the other people who want to be around the athletes, whether it’s girls who have crushes on them or the guys who want to be them.
Cade forcefully spins me around in front of Reid. Everyone’s eyes are on me. I’m on full display for everyone to make assumptions about. I can practically hear the whispers now.
Hey, isn’t that—?
Did she come here with him?
Wonder what that’s about?
The area behind my eyes heat, but I lock my jaw down and will myself not to cry even though my body is trembling.
Reid peels Sasha off his side, who’s currently sneering at me. Despite the fact that Cade just turned me around in front of him, Reid walks around me, inspecting. Everywhere his gaze touches, my skin pricks. It heats so much I wouldn’t be shocked if I have blooms of red all over my body by the time he’s done making his trip around me right there in front of everyone. When he gets in front of me, he tilts my chin up, forcing me to look him in the eyes. Sasha makes a strangled noise behind him, but he doesn’t pay her any attention. “How do you feel?” he asks.
Reid, in his shirt and tie, with his overpowering green eyes, and his gelled brown hair is a sight to behold. My stomach quivers. A lot of it’s nerves, but some of it is something else. Something I was never meant to feel for one of my brother’s best friends. As soon as I recognize the feeling, anger surges inside me. Here he is parading around me like the asshole he is, and I’m what…liking him? It can’t be. I just think he’s hot. That’s all it is.
His grip on my chin tightens. “Well, Briar?”
I bite the inside of my cheek. I went from feeling almost okay this morning, grateful that Cade had shown up and made me put on this dress. I thought I looked pretty even, but here I am being harassed in front of a bunch of people. “Actually, I’m feeling a little like your bitch at the moment. Can’t say that I enjoy it.”
Sasha squawks. Literally. There’s no other word to describe the derisive noise that pours from her mouth. “Like he’d want you to be his bitch when he has me.”
I shrug, never losing contact with Reid’s eyes, so I notice when the green in his eyes turn more of an emerald shade. A muscle jumps in his jaw. “Wrong answer.”
“I’m not sure I can give you a right answer.” I push his hand away from my chin, his short nails slicing me in the process.
My dismissal doesn’t bother him. He looks at Cade. “What about makeup?”
Cade shrugs nonchalantly. He’s got the ever-present small smile on his lips. “I thought she looked good without it.”
Reid makes a face that says he doesn’t agree, but he also doesn’t verbalize it. In the background, I notice movement, so my gaze flicks to behind Reid. It’s Lex. His upper arm muscles are practically bulging out of his crisp, black shirt. He has the cuffs rolled up to mid forearm. The three of them together? Damn. I don’t know as if I’ve ever noticed it before. I was on the inside. They were like brothers to me, but not anymore. The thing linking us together is gone.
“But you’d fuck anything,” Sasha says. “So, I don’t think your opinion counts.”
Cade laughs along with everyone else, but I swear he tenses at her comment. When everyone looks away from him, the smile leaves his face. No, Cade Farmer did not like that comment one bit. “You would know,” I strike back.
For a second, nothing happens. I know I went low, not that Sasha doesn’t deserve it. She’s a horrendous bitch. There’s always been a rumor that Cade fucked her. I honestly don’t think it’s true. No way the guys would do that to one another, but the fact that I just brought that up in front of all their adoring fans, I know I’m ab
out to get a whole pile of shit.
Sasha marches forward. Her face is beet red. “You little bitch. You think because you’re wearing a dress today that you’re all of a sudden hot shit. You’re not. You’re nothing. You always were. Just because Brady was somebody doesn’t mean you are or ever will be.”
I always thought I was more of a passive person. But the new me is more of a strike first, ask questions later person.
I lunge at the bitch. How dare she even say my brother’s name? But, apparently, my new habits aren’t as strategic as I think because Reid steps in between us at the same time Cade reaches out to grab my arm while it’s flying through the air toward her face. He spins me toward him until my back is pressed against him. “Alright, feisty Shortie,” he says, practically cooing in my ear. “That’s enough of that.”
Reid’s eyes are hard as he holds back a foul-mouthed Sasha like she was going to be the one to kick my ass. It’s nothing for him to hold her back, just a single arm across her midsection. I glare back at him. I can’t believe he’s going to let her say that to me. “You’re so stereotypical, you know that?” I ask. He’s like the fucking jock you see on TV who only cares about himself and picks on the lowly people that dare walk his halls. He’s a character sketch, that’s all he is.
I struggle out of Cade’s grip, snatch my bookbag up from the floor that must have dropped sometime in the whole process, and start walking the other way. The bell rings overhead. There are going to be a lot of late students to homeroom this morning because most of them were watching the free show that was going on in the jock hallway.
My chest constricts as I head to the girls’ bathroom near the library. I barrel through it, but I never hear the door shut behind me. Instead, someone else has followed me inside. I twist my head to see who it is. Black hair and a small smile greet me. “You can’t say shit like that,” Cade admonishes.
“You’re in the girls’ room.”
“Like I haven’t been in here before, Briar. Come on. I’m the school slut, right?”
“He shouldn’t have let her say that to you either.”
Cade’s lips thin. “She was out of line,” he agrees.
“You’re all out-of-line. Parading me around, inspecting my dress, my makeup, me. Fuck you, Cade. Get out of here.”
Cade shakes his head as he turns toward the door. After he leaves, I smack the ceramic sink in front of me until the tears dry up behind my eyes and pain blooms on my palm and fist. Then, I get out the eye makeup I keep in my bag and layer it on. I go heavy with the eyeliner and dark shadow. By the time I’m done, I’m looking pretty goth, but it’s still not quite right. I find a pair of nail clippers that I happen to have in my bag and snip my dress below the collar. I make five curved gashes that make the dress look more punk skater than sundress, then throw the clippers back in my bag. I stand back in the mirror. They want to pick out my outfits, fine. I can always do this. I turn to the side, smiling in the mirror. Honestly, I think this looks pretty damn good for a job I cobbled together.
I pull my phone out and take another selfie, sending it to Ezra. This looks better. Immediately, he responds with heart eyes emojis.
Feeling much more confident, I pick my bookbag up and head toward my first class. I’ll probably get another detention for not making it to homeroom, but oh well, they can just add that to the ones I got when I slapped Reid. He fucking deserved it.
The day passes, and I don’t see Jules or the other guys until lunch. “Whoa. Nice,” Jules says when I walk up to the table we’ve now claimed and set my tray down. “I like it.”
I smile for her. “Thanks.” She opens her mouth to say something, but I interrupt. “I don’t want to talk about what happened last night. Can we just forget it happened?” The truth is, if I stayed angry at Jules, I would literally have no one. Also, none of it is really her fault.
We eat in silence for a little while, then she says, “I heard what happened this morning.”
“Oh yeah?” I say with a roll of my eyes.
“Reid’s not very happy.”
“He needs to put a muzzle on his girlfriend instead of being pissed at me.”
She tilts her head to the side. “That’s what I mean. I heard him give her a hard time for saying something to you about Brady.”
I flick my gaze to her. “You’re serious? He said something to her?”
“I think his exact words were, ‘I should have let her kick your ass.’ So, yeah, they’re fighting.”
“Breaking news,” I deadpan. Reid and Sasha are the quintessential couple who you always wonder why they’re together. They’re either always fighting or kissing. I don’t see any in between with them. No times where they’re just having fun as a couple, unless people count ganging up on others as fun, but I wouldn’t.
“Ha. Right?”
A sadness takes Jules over then. She and my brother were couple goals. It’s not as if they didn’t fight, but they had more good times than bad times, and even when they fought, it was never nasty. It was never a cut-the-other-person-down-to-the-quick harsh words battle. They were seriously perfect for each other. It makes me wonder how much Jules has lost without him here. A future, possibly? A future filled with love, marriage, children, perhaps. When I think about things like this, I realize how selfish I’m being for only thinking about myself, but I’m at a point where I can’t seem to stop myself either.
Instead of saying all that to her, I ask her how her classes are going, and then, she asks me the same. Is it weird that I kind of miss learning? I don’t miss the homework or the studying, who would? But I miss learning new things every day. I glance over at Theo’s table and find him again with his nose in a book. I hate that guy. I’d like to see how he’d handle losing a family member and see if he was still gung-ho on being perfect at everything.
Or maybe everyone is just better than me? They seem to have everything well-handled while I’m sitting nearby drowning.
“Oh shit,” Jules says.
I snap out of my own thoughts and look at her. She’s staring over my shoulder with wide eyes.
“Shit,” she says again. “Move!” Jules jumps up from the table. I jump up too, but when I turn, it’s too late. I’m flooded with hot, brown liquid. I gasp as it runs down my skin and over my dress. The metal serving tub falls to the floor, and Sasha stands there with her hands on her hips, one of her bitchy minions beside her.
“Figured you were used to dressing like shit, so I wanted to make you feel more comfortable.”
She takes one of the brown spatters that hit her in the arm on the tip of her finger and then sucks the gravy served at lunch today into her mouth.
Stepping forward, she smirks, but I’m too shocked to move. “Stay the fuck away from Reid.”
By the time she moves away, the cafeteria attendants are already on us as the whole cafeteria either laughs or stands there with wide eyes, gawking at me. “Miss Pontine,” one of them gasps, chastising Sasha.
There’s a tug on my hand. When I look over, it’s Jules who’s got me. “Don’t worry about her,” she says, then she yells, “She’s just a fucking bitch.”
“Careful, Jules.” She smiles, barely raising her voice. “You’ll be next.”
Right before Jules pulls me away, my eyes find the table my brother used to sit at. Reid is glaring at the whole scene, his arms crossed over his chest. Lex is shaking his head, and for once, Cade isn’t smiling. Their eyes hole into me, and it’s as if they’re saying I deserve all of this. I’m not following their status quo, and they don’t like it. Anyone who doesn’t fall in line, gets shit.
Jules tugs me into the girls’ locker room and shoves me in the shower, dress and all. I’m shaking as the water runs from brown to clear. “Hey,” she says, her voice soft. “I got you some clothes.” I peer behind me. She’s placed a stack of gym clothes on the concrete divider. “You’ll have to go commando though.”
I don’t know whether to hug her or cry. I was right earlier. I could nev
er be so mad at Jules that I would never speak to her again. And not just because I need her since she’s the last person who’ll tolerate me, it’s because I like her too.
I turn the showerhead off and dress in the gym clothes Jules gave me. With every piece of clothing I put on, I tell myself that it’s armor. The shirt is to protect my heart. The pants to hide my position.
This isn’t high school, it’s a freaking war zone.
8
On my way to detention, I notice a certain person lounging against the wall next to the classroom I have to go into. I stop to stare at him. I’m still so pissed about earlier. Sure, Jules told me he gave his girlfriend shit for saying that about Brady and me, but did he really? She could still be trying to protect me. I go to turn the other way. Screw detention, it’s not worth having to talk to him. But he’s already seen me. “Briar.” His voice comes out like a demand, and he’s only spoken one word—a name. How can that be? How can someone be that sure of himself?
My jaw clamps together, and I turn back toward him. He’s sauntering toward me casually like he has all the time in the world, except he doesn’t. He has a freaking game tonight, and I know for a fact he should be in the locker room right now.
His shirt is still buttoned up. His tie still in place. Nothing about him says he’s about to apologize to me for what happened earlier and the shit he’s pulling, so I hike my bookbag up on my shoulder and wait for him to say whatever he’s got to say. It must be important if he came to talk to me before football. Though, I guess the game can’t start without him. He is the quarterback, after all.
“You’re coming with me.”
I blink up at him. “Um, what?”
“With me. Now.” He grabs my arm and starts walking me down the hallway toward the locker rooms.
I pull my arm out of his grip. “Stop grabbing me. Christ. I have detention, Reid. I can’t just go with you.” I realize those are awful strong words for someone who was just about to bail out of detention, but I hate that he keeps ruling over my life. Telling me what to do. What to wear.