by E. M. Moore
“Are we just going to stand here all night?” Jules asks. “We look really good, so we should try to enjoy some of it.”
I cock my head at her. Jules is in no way ready to start dating again, and I honestly don’t think that’s her intention here either. Forgetting for a bit, maybe. Hell, I can relate to that. I just hope she doesn’t do something she’ll regret.
She gives me a small tug on my hand, and I relent. We walk toward the huge circle of football players and step inside. After Brady died, it felt weird to do this, but now I know it’s not. It was dumb to try to fight it. I belong with these guys. Not as a fangirl outsider who drools over them like over half the girls in the school, but as friends at the very least. And whether or not anything comes from these new feelings that are sprouting, they’re still my people.
“Sexy ladies,” Cade says as soon as we make our appearance. There’s a hip-hop song on with a hard beat. He dances over to us, fake grinding in the way only he can do. He accomplishes what he set out to do, though, he gets us moving, laughing, and enjoying ourselves.
In all my life, I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so carefree as I do in this moment. There are so many thoughts and feelings that want to try to anchor me down, but for tonight, I’m determined to put a brave and happy face on for Jules. We dance together, uncaring if anyone looks at us funny or wonders what the hell we’re doing. Maybe that comes from the knowledge that the worst thing has already happened, so what else could possibly go wrong? Oh, someone thinks we look stupid? Who freaking cares?
There’s more than one pair of discerning eyes on me though. I ignore them as best I can. I don’t engage with either Lex or Reid. One of the football players steps behind Jules to try to dance with her, and she locks up. Cade immediately comes to the rescue, hip checking his teammate out of the way before I can even say anything. I’m sure whatever was going to come out of my mouth was a lot harsher than Cade moving him along. My dark-haired friend looks up and winks at me. A part of me melts inside. For him to notice what happened, he had to have been paying attention. People can say whatever they want about Cade sleeping around, but he’s a genuinely good person. So what if he likes sex? What people our age don’t?
“Decided to come out of the goth phase?”
My stomach sinks as I look up into Sasha’s twisted gaze. She’s so conniving and evil. Her eyes are almost black, and I’m not just saying that for effect. It’s true.
She leans over. “I’ve heard whispers about you and Reid. It’s never going to happen, Skank. I have him by the balls.”
“How endearing,” I counter. “I’m sure he gets all kinds of turned on with that dirty talk.”
Her eyes flash. “Just know that while he’s playing Save the Princess for you, he’s in my bed at night.”
Not every night, I think. But I’m not going to throw Reid under the bus. Sasha definitely isn’t worth my time.
“Stay in your lane, and we won’t have any problems. Do you understand?”
“Ooh, you’re threatening me now. The gravy wasn’t enough. Or the skank shirt, or any of your other little petty tactics.” She’s growing angrier and angrier by the second. “Just stay away from me, Sasha.”
“You’ll see,” she says. “Reid won’t always be coming to your rescue once he finds out some things about you.”
I roll my eyes. There’s nothing she could possibly have on me. I’m literally an open book. What? Is she going to tell him that I lost my shit after my brother died? I’m pretty sure he had a front row seat for that.
“Plus, you can’t satisfy him like I can, so you should just back off now.”
I fake frown. “Did you just call yourself a slut? I’m not sure.”
“You fucking bitch,” her hand raises like she’s going to slap me, but Lex steps his huge body between us.
His brown eyes capture mine right away. “Don’t engage with her, Briar. She’s petty and spiteful, and you’re better than that.”
I bite my lip while I look up at him. Every rational thought decides to run away in that moment, so I just end up staring at him slack-jawed. I can’t believe he just said those things about Sasha for anyone to hear. She makes an annoyed sound behind him, but we both ignore her. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows again, which instantaneously makes him five times hotter. The whole sleeve thing is something I wish more guys knew. Then again, they may not be able to pull it off like Lex.
He leans over me. “Did you hear me?” Concern flickers in his eyes.
I nod, then I groan inwardly. How loquacious of me.
He smiles down and places the flowing curls Jules was able to give me with a curling iron around my ear. “I’m trying not to bring it up again, but have you thought about what I said to you at the diving platform?”
My tongue feels too swollen to make words. I lick my lips. “A little,” I tell him.
He keeps his eyes on me. Not a hint of disappointment darkens his gaze. “I know you have a lot on your mind. It’s okay.”
I reach up to grab his forearm when it looks like he’s going to turn away. “Are you and Reid okay? We didn’t get a chance to talk about what happened at school on Monday?”
His gaze flicks to where I’m holding him, then back to my face. “We’re good, Briar. We’ll always be good. You don’t have to worry about that.”
I nod, but there’s no way I won’t worry about that. When Reid punched Lex, it was like the world as I knew it began to crumble. It was then that I realized I had basically set my life up around these guys. Then, when the world felt like it was going to shit around me after Brady’s death, I tried to block them out. It made everything worse. I should’ve realized sooner they were staples in my life.
Lex cups my cheek, sending my heart racing. “That goes for us, too. If you decide we’re better off like this, I’ll still be here. You don’t have to worry about that. I don’t want you to worry about anything.”
I give his arm a squeeze.
Loud cheers erupt around us, making me jump. When I look over at what’s caught everyone’s attention, I see Sasha and Reid going at it on the dance floor. Sasha is all over him, causing my hackles to rise. She dances to the floor, sashaying her hips. Her head is aligned with his junk, and I swear to God her tongue darts from her mouth, licking the bottom of his fly to the top of his belt while she dances back up his body.
And she somehow calls me the skank?
Lex mutters under his breath. Reid looks blissed out of his mind, his head tilted toward the ceiling, his eyes closed. “Is he drunk?” I ask.
“No,” Lex says adamantly. “He’d never drink the night before a game.”
I thought so too, but he clearly looks high on something.
He dips her afterward, then follows, kissing the copious amounts of cleavage the dress she’s wearing today displays.
I look away after that, and Lex notices. “He’s…” Lex trails off. “He’s…healing, Briar. In a different way than all of us.”
I can’t believe Lex is standing in front of me explaining away Reid’s actions. It’s like he wants me to know that Reid doesn’t really like Sasha. Why would he do that if there’s a little bit of competition between the two for me?
Maybe I read everything wrong.
Or, maybe Lex is just that good of a guy.
The song switches to a slow one, causing several of the football players to groan that their free show with Sasha and Reid is over. “Do you want to dance?” I ask Lex.
I look over and see that Cade is already dancing with Jules, even though there’s about three feet between them and it looks awkward as fuck, almost like they’re at a middle school dance.
When I look back at Lex, he’s still staring at me. He leans down, pressing a chaste kiss to my lips. It’s like he’s thanking me for asking him. I blink after he pulls away. I was so not expecting that. Then, he leads me further into the circle near where Cade and Jules are dancing and holds me to him, his hands around my waist. His thumbs make tiny circles
against the fabric of my dress, making my nerves pitch higher and higher. I start with my hands on his shoulders, but then I wrap my hands around his neck as we turn in slow circles.
My gaze happens to lift at the same time I’m facing Reid and Sasha. Reid’s glaring our way while Sasha has her head leaned away across his shoulders. His stare is hard, and it makes me swallow some guilt down. Lex said nothing would come between him and Reid, but why does it feel like he’s lying to me? At least from Reid’s point of view because he seriously looks like he could kill Lex right now and be okay with it.
I turn away from Reid. Lex holds me closer to him. I’m betting it’s because he felt the slight difference in my posture, from relaxed to stiff, while meeting Reid’s gaze. He rubs my back for a moment then settles back on my hips, but I still can’t get Reid’s gaze out of my head.
18
The day starts out with a group text from Reid that includes Jules and me, and Lex and Cade. He’s telling Jules and I that he secured a place for us to sit, front and center, in the stands tonight during the homecoming game. It’s roped off, apparently.
I nibble on my lip while reading it. My parents have decided not to come, which is fine. To each their own. Jules seems excited for it, so even if I didn’t want to go, I’d go to support her. Us girls have to stick together. But the main reason why his text has me on edge is because I know I need to tell him happy birthday, but I also don’t want to do it through text. That seems like a copout. I also don’t want him to think I forgot about him.
I go back and forth on it all morning, sometimes picking my cell up to just send him a text already, but then putting it back down without a word being written. We may not agree on the way Reid got me out of my funk, but I know his heart was in the right place. I mean, I’m pretty sure it was. With Reid, it’s a fifty-fifty chance, but I like my odds.
Deciding I’ll tell him in person, I get myself ready for the game. Since the guys are busy, my dad drops me off at the school. He blows out a breath when he sees the line of cars and the pop of purple and yellow as people make their way to the small stadium. “You could come,” I suggest.
He shakes his head. “I’m waiting for your mother.” He looks over at me, a small smile spreading his lips. “I’m…really proud of the way you’ve turned around lately, Briar. I know it’s not easy since we lost Brady, but I think you’re headed in the right direction. Finally.”
I smooth my SHH t-shirt down, avoiding his eyes. “Thanks, Dad.” I could tell him I’m sorry for running away. I could apologize to him for a lot of things, but I’m not sure I actually am sorry for them. Not a lot of people would understand, but it felt like I needed to do those things. “I’m working on it.”
He rubs my shoulder briefly, then I get out of the car. I walk toward the field by myself after shooting Jules a quick text that I’ll wait for her by the main gate. My phone buzzes in my pocket. Thinking it’s a response from Jules, I pull it out. It’s not. It’s a message from Ezra. Finally. Sorry. I’ve been crazy busy. You’re fucking hot.
I narrow my eyes at the message. It took him that long to respond, and that’s what he said. I shake my head. I’m thinking it was definitely stupid to try to meet Ezra in Calcutta, but I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t like the time away from everything. I know I worried everyone to death, but while I was there, by myself, I was able to work a lot of things out in my head, too. I don’t know. Maybe that’s one thing I could thank Ezra for. It’s certainly not going to be him telling me that I’m “fucking hot” weeks after I sent him a tittie pic.
Jesus. What the fuck was I thinking? I blame it on the booze. And on wanting to just feel like someone liked me. It’s stupid and, yeah, maybe a little shallow, but losing Brady left a big hole in my heart, and I have to fill it up somehow. At least, that’s what I’m beginning to understand.
While I’m waiting for Jules to show, I see the guys exit out of the locker room. I run over to the path they always take to get to the field, the same one I actually ran myself when Reid took me out of detention. A few of the guys greet me as they run past, but I’m waiting for one in particular who has a birthday message coming to him. Cade approaches me first. His eyes are glassy, taking me a little off-guard. He throws his arms around me, which is slightly uncomfortable with all the pads he has on. I squeeze him tight, matching the ferocity of his hug, and it reminds me of when Brady used to hug me while he was still in his gear. “Hey, Shortie. Thanks for coming.”
“Where else would I be?” I say, trying to keep myself in check. I don’t know what they have in mind for dedicating the game to him, but I’m hoping I can get through it without waterworks.
He pulls away and cups my cheek. “I haven’t said this to your face yet, but I’m really proud of you. I…uh…can’t imagine what it’s like, and all in all, you were— You just— Fuck.”
I laugh at that, and he looks at me with his deep brown eyes mixed with shards of black that match his hair. “I know,” I say to him.
He leans over and kisses me on the cheek.
I blink when he runs away from me. The spot where he kissed tingles, but I can’t dwell on that fact because Lex is in front of me. He pulls my hands up and kisses my knuckles once on each hand. He smiles then. “Remember when we used to call you our lucky charm?”
My smile grows bigger at the memory. It started when they were in middle school. I happened to be watching them practice once when Reid threw this amazing pass to Brady. It was super long, and Brady caught it effortlessly. After celebrating in the end zone like a bunch of middle school kids, they turned toward me, insistent that it was all my doing because Reid had never thrown a pass that far yet, and Brady hadn’t made a touchdown off a Hail Mary before either. They explained to me after that that I was expected at all their games, home or away. No excuses. It was fun at the time. It made me feel special. “Yeah, I do,” I tell him. They haven’t called me that in years, but the memory, instead of making me sad, makes me smile.
He runs his thumb over my lower lip. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too,” I tell him, and I know in my heart I’m not lying. There really is no other place I’d rather be right now. “Good luck, Big Man,” I tell him, using the phrase I coined around that same time.
After Lex runs away, Reid is next. He saunters up to me after patiently waiting his turn. I feel like things are a mess between us right now. I don’t know quite how to feel when I look at him. Turned on? Conflicted? But I do know what I want to say to him. “I came over here because I wanted to tell you happy birthday.” I tack on a smile when I look up at him.
His eyes widen. “You remembered my birthday?”
I shrug. It’s not like I haven’t been celebrating it with him for years. He shouldn’t be that surprised. “Well, yeah. Of course.”
His chest inflates in front of me. The shoulder pads he has on makes him that much bigger than me. He has black lines under his eyes to help keep the sun out while he reads the field during plays. “We’re all celebrating tonight, whether we win or lose,” he tells me. “You and Jules should come. It feels…better when you guys are there.” I nod. I know what he means. He starts to turn away, but he stops himself. “Thanks, Briar.” His gaze drags over me, setting my skin on fire.
His throat works. He shifts away, then back to me. He opens his mouth like he’s about to say something, but a throat clears behind him. We both look back and see Coach Jackson waiting there.
“Sorry, Coach,” he says immediately before taking off and running onto the field.
I give Coach Jackson an apologetic smile and go to turn away from him, but he stops me. “Briar,” he calls out. When I shift back to him, he says, “I was actually waiting to talk to you.” I stand up straight, not knowing what’s going to be said, but wanting to be prepared for anything he might say. “Reid told you that we’re doing a little something for Brady at the beginning of the game. I wondered if you could follow me, so you can accept the dedication?”
> “The dedication?”
My lips feel numb, and my head spins.
“Yeah. It’s a plaque. Reid told me he discussed it with your parents and they weren’t ready to be here yet, but I was hoping you would do it. If not, Reid will, but…” He looks up, and I follow his gaze. Reid has one hand on the gate, getting ready to go out onto the field, but he’s looking back at us like he’s waiting for my answer too. “…we were all kind of hoping you would.”
I nod before even making the conscious decision that I’d do it. Eventually, I say yes and follow Coach Jackson to the field and the Spring Hill sidelines. Brady’s teammates accept me there, pulling me into their folds. Not just his best friends, but every single one of them, even the ones I’ve seen naked—accidentally. They clap me on the back, most of them looking contrite and sad. I don’t know what was said in the locker room, but it must’ve been something about Brady that has them all thinking about him right now. Not surprising since they’re going to be doing something for him before the game starts, but my heart feels full and about ten seconds from bursting.
Quickly, I pull out my phone and text Jules that she’ll have to sit without me in the beginning because they want me to accept a plaque on behalf of Brady. She sends me a few crying emojis, but then tells me her parents decided to come with her anyway, so they’ll be in the spot Reid picked out for us when I’m done.
I watch from the sidelines as the football team goes through their warm-up exercises. Spring Hill is on one side of the field while the Red Raiders are on the other. Nerves tighten the muscles in my stomach. I’m usually not so nervous for the football games because of how amazing our team is, but this time, I am. Maybe it’s because of all the other emotions swirling around and how much I know the team will want to win this one for Brady.
When the officials walk onto the field, I plant my feet and bob up and down on my tiptoes. The cheerleaders start a cheer to get the crowd revved up, and it’s at the end of that when the announcer from the top of the stands calls everyone’s attention to the middle of the field for a tribute to Brady Page. My feet feel stuck in place. I had no idea they were going to get right to it like this. A few of the players pull me in close, and then we all lock hands around each other’s backs while Cade, Lex, and Reid make their way to center field where Coach Jackson already is.