by E. M. Moore
My heart is in my throat when he starts to talk. There’s also a damn news camera in my face, reminding me how it was right after Brady suffered his aneurysm. The damn newspapers and television stations called my parents every day and even showed up at his funeral. I suck in a breath just like I did back then, avoiding them. I don’t know why the news is so fascinated by grief that they always want to put it right in everyone’s faces.
I block them out as best I can and focus on Coach Jackson. “As many of you know, we lost not only a great player last year, but also just a terrific human…Brady Page. I’m going to ask his sister, Briar, to step out here and accept this plaque, commemorating the dedication of the new flag staff outside of the football field to Brady. That way, for years to come, others will know his love and dedication to not only this game but to Spring Hill.”
The players next to me step away, and suddenly, I feel like I can’t do this. Everyone is staring at me, and I don’t have anyone to lean on. Someone puts his hand on my back and whispers to me that I can do it, but I’m stuck. I can’t fucking move. I hear the people in the stands clapping. On the other side of the field, people have risen to their feet, so I can only imagine what it looks like behind me, but all there is is a deafening buzz.
Coach Jackson is smiling at me, clapping his hands in a slow rhythm. The guys are clapping, too, but when they see I’m not moving, they step toward me, like their thoughts were all aligned. One brief hesitation, and they’re right there. Like always. Like they were before when I didn’t even realize it. Getting me out of bed, making me take a shower. Going to school. Hell, I probably needed a little hard talk like Reid gave me.
The rest of the team steps back as Reid, Lex, and Cade approach. It might just be my imagination, but I swear the crowd claps even louder. Even the players on the other team are showing their respect. It’s not surprising. With the small town that Spring Hill is, everyone knows these three boys and Brady. They know they grew up together, inseparable and unstoppable.
I’m afraid I might ugly cry when Cade, Lex, and Reid get to me, wrap their arms around me and each other and walk me out to the fifty yard line, but instead, I gather some of Brady’s courage and tamp the torrent of emotions that threaten to take me down.
When we get to the middle of the field, Coach Jackson hands me the plaque. I accept it, hands shaking, and turn toward the SHH stands. I was right. The sight would make anyone want to cry. There’s such an outpouring of love that it chisels away at the armor I put up when we first got the phone call from Coach saying Brady was rushed to the hospital. Tears track down my face, and I hold the plaque to me. Behind me, the guys all take the microphone for a few words. Words that make me want to hug each and every one of them for loving my brother so much. For making the short time he had here on Earth worth it. It’s like the eulogies from his funeral all over again. It’s been months and months since I’ve felt that much love.
When Coach offers the microphone to me, Reid tries to intercede, but I’m okay, actually. I really am. I smile at him gratefully and take it, turning back toward the crowd. “On behalf of Brady, I just want to thank everyone for this thoughtful gesture. My brother would love every second of this.” I smile through the pain tearing at my heart. Sometimes grief is just that. A happy memory mixed with desperation because you know you’ll never get to make memories like that again. “He’d probably walk around the house for days like he won the lottery.” The crowd laughs, but most importantly, the richness of the three distinguishable deep chuckles that come from behind me matter most. I turn around. “Thank you to everyone who’s supported my family over the past year, but most importantly, the three players standing in front of us right now. I don’t think my family could’ve gotten through it without you. You already know Brady loved you guys, but in case you need to hear it again, he did. So much.”
My voice breaks then, and even though there’s still so much more I want—no, need—to say, I give the microphone up and hand it back to Coach Jackson. I have time to tell these guys exactly how I feel. I don’t need to say it all here in front of everyone.
We all walk off, and the crowd cheers again. I stop once more, Brady’s plaque in hand, in the team’s huddle and smile. “I guess it’s about that time that Brady would be wanting you to kick this team’s ass.”
I walk away to several pats on the back and shoulder, blinking away my tear fractured vision so I can make my way to Jules now, but Reid catches up to me. He spins me around and hovers over me. The look in his eyes pins me in place. His throat works. He wants to say something, I can tell it’s killing him that he can’t get his brain and mouth to work together in this very moment. Coach calls him back to the huddle, so I just nod. “I know, Reid. You got this.”
He runs his hand over my head, clutches my hair at the nape of my neck, and then squeezes my shoulder before running back to his teammates.
Sometimes, a touch says everything.
19
I walk up to the bleachers, expecting to see Jules front and center just like Reid said. Instead, I see a stuffy man and woman who are dressed over the top for the occasion. It’s a high school football game for crying out loud and they’re dressed as if they’re headed into important business meetings. When Sasha calls out and waves to them, making sure I notice, I get it. She placed her parents there. I don’t know why I didn’t recognize them in the first place.
Bitch.
All I really wanted was to climb the bleachers and throw my arms around Jules and show her the plaque. I see her sitting just behind them. When she catches my gaze, she shrugs. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t care. I probably really shouldn’t care, but I’m sick of Sasha and her bullshit. This day is supposed to be about Brady and his friends and family, and here she puts her family front and center. I have no doubt Reid told her it was supposed to be for us. This is a move on her part to tell me she doesn’t give a fuck.
I walk right up to her mid-cheer. She glares at me, only stopping her cheer once I make it impossible for her to move even though her team continues around her. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I ask.
She gives me a half grin. Oh, she knows. She knows exactly what she’s doing. “You can’t be here right now, Skank. In case you haven’t noticed, this is the cheerleading area.”
“In case you haven’t noticed, though I’m sure you have because you have to be smarter than you look, your parents are sitting in the area Reid roped off for Jules and I.”
She fake draws a breath in and puts a hand over her mouth. “Was that what that was? Oops?”
I want to tell her I’ll march right up to Reid now and tell him what she’s done, even though there’s no way I would do that. It would be just a bluff, one that might work, but I’ll handle this myself. I turn on my heel and make a beeline straight toward her parents instead. “Mr. and Mrs. Pontine? You probably don’t know me. I’m Briar Page.”
“Oh, yes, dear. We’re so sorry about your brother.”
I force a smile out. “Thank you. Listen—”
Someone stomps up the bleachers behind me. “What are you doing?”
I ignore Sasha’s screech. “Your daughter was mistaken when she sat you here. Reid blocked this area off for us.” I point behind them to Jules. “My brother’s girlfriend and I, so that we could watch this important game from these seats. I’m sure you understand.”
Sasha nudges me out of the way. “Mom, Dad, you don’t have to move.”
I tilt my chin in the air. “Yeah, they do.”
Jules’s mother looks positively embarrassed, and yeah, I know this whole thing is petty and that I can just sit next to Jules in the seats above these ones, but you know what? Sasha could’ve just put her parents there too. I’m not going to let her bitch ass win anymore.
“We weren’t aware,” Mr. Pontine says stiffly. His throat is all red. People are staring now. A few people are whispering, which I can tell he hates. He looks around, his skin growing ashier.
Someone
yells from behind them, “Let the sister sit there!”
I smile up at them and give a short wave before turning back around.
“It’s just a seat, my dear,” Mrs. Pontine says, and I can tell already where Sasha gets her fucking bitchiness from. “But if it means that much to you.”
“It does,” I say sweetly.
Her parents look at each other while Sasha scoffs behind me. “Don’t move,” she tells her parents.
They’re not about to turn this into a big thing though. It’s something Sasha should learn. Right behind them, I see Jules whispering something to her parents, hopefully telling them that there’s a reason I’m doing this.
In front of me, Sasha’s parents stand at the same time and move into the aisle. I plop my butt down just as content as can be, but Sasha grabs my shirt and yanks me toward her, whispering harshly in my ear. “You need to learn that Reid doesn’t own this school. I do. Fucking with my parents is the wrong move.”
When she lets me go, I brush my shoulder off. Loudly, I say, “I’m so sorry you think you’re more important than everyone else.”
People are still looking, and what I’ve said causes even more whispering and dirty looks their way. Sasha’s father turns her around on the stairs and gives her a slight shove, telling her to get her ass moving and stop making a scene. She gives a withering look over her shoulder at me.
Jules climbs down to sit next to me, her eyebrows raised. “Dude. That was spectacular.”
I smile at her and then look over my shoulder, prepared to apologize to Jules’s parents, but her mother is already shaking her head. “No need, Briar. Jules told us how that cheerleader is bullying you at school.”
People gasp around us, and I swear I see the muscles of Mr. and Mrs. Pontine lock up as they walk down the bleachers. There are no more available seats in the crowd. Too bad. I see them stand near the gate for a little while, but eventually, they leave. I happen to be looking at Sasha when she realizes they’re gone, and if she didn’t turn a look of death toward me right afterward, I might have felt sorry for her. Might have. It’s just so difficult to feel badly for someone who’s such a terrible person.
After the drama at the beginning of the game recedes, the drama is left on the field where it should be. Spring Hill High is playing their hearts out. Since the last game I watched, everything seems more intense. The plays Reid calls out are short and curt with the ferocity of a tiger growl behind them. I have no idea what they mean individually, but I do know RHH is doing a great job because when the buzzer sounds for half time, we’re winning by two touchdowns. The game would be perfect if I could just drown the cheerleaders out.
Jules’s dad goes to the concession stand during halftime and brings back a bunch of food for us to enjoy. While he’s gone, Jules knocks my knee with her own. “That ceremony was really nice. I was thinking that if they let us, maybe we could plant flowers next to the flag staff, kind of like a memorial garden.”
“Yeah, we should definitely do that,” I tell her.
Her eyes are a little glassy as she nods. “Jeez, Brady really loved game days, didn’t he?” She smiles, but it’s like a camera flash, one second it’s there, the next, it’s disappeared.
“Yeah, he really did.”
Jules’s mom starts to rub her back, so I pull her head onto my shoulder, and then place mine on top of hers while I squeeze her hand. Lex happens to look up from the sidelines. He’s pouring sweat, his hair soaked against his head like he just got out of the shower. He gives us a small smile and then turns to Cade and Reid as they all suck water down from green bottles. I don’t know what he says to them, but the guys look up after that, nodding to themselves.
“Such good boys,” Jules’s mom says. “They always have been.”
I snicker at that, but I hide it. They are good guys; however, they can be bad too. They have faults like everyone else. They also have a whole lot of love between them too. A brotherhood that somehow, I think I just managed to squeak into from a young age. They can’t get rid of me now. “I think we’re going to win this one,” I say.
“Think?” Jules asks. “We got this one in the bag.”
The next half, we devour the food Jules’s father brings us and cheer our team on like our lives depend on it. This second half is a little back and forth from the beginning. The other team is trying to fight back, but they don’t have what we have. At the end, SHH pulls away again, putting an exclamation point on their seventeen-point win.
Because so much of the crowd are students, they rush the field. Jules and I hang back. We’ve never been “rush the field” type of people. I notice Sasha takes off though, trying to get to Reid no doubt. I tell myself not to look even though I find myself looking to see what happens. The guys deserve this moment. They played tremendously.
The team hikes Reid up on their shoulders, and I laugh as they try to keep him up there. He’s a big dude, but the players holding him up are big dudes, too, so it’s probably a piece of cake for them. He whips his helmet off while he’s up there and holds it in the air with a cry of triumph. Eventually, he’s let down, and I see a bright purple bow approach him from the top of Sasha’s head. Someone jumps in the way of my prying eyes, so I don’t see everything that happens, but I do see the rest of the players envelop Cade, Lex, and Reid, leaving poor little Sasha behind.
I turn toward Jules, needing to look away for a moment. “Reid invited us to go to his birthday celebration. Are you in?”
Her face pales. “Shoot,” she says. “I forgot it was Reid’s birthday. I’ll have to send him a text.” She lowers her voice for this next part. “Are you sure he invited me, too? Or just you?”
She winks, and I roll my eyes. “He invited you, but even if he didn’t, I am and that’s all that matters.”
She smiles, but instantly rubs her face. “I don’t think I’m up to it, but I want you to go and have fun. You can tell me all about it afterward.”
“You sure?” I’m torn. I wish she would go with me, but I also don’t want to force her either.
She nods. “A hundred percent.”
She stands, and her parents follow her lead. I give her a hug and tell her I’ll text her for sure. I say goodbye to her parents and then wait a few minutes, watching the celebration before following the crowd out the front gate. With the new plaque in hand, I head toward the flag staff. There, just outside the field is a little stone memorial with garden accents. The circular brick outline is filled with mulch but could easily look really nice with some planted flowers. I’ll have to talk to the principal to see what Jules and I can do about that. We can make it our little project, changing out the flowers for each season.
“Thought we might find you here,” a voice says.
I jump because I really wasn’t expecting anyone to come over this way. Once the voice registers, though, I know exactly who it is. Cade Farmer.
I turn toward the sound of his voice and see all three approaching me with their football jerseys still on. “You guys did great,” I say. “Congratulations on the win.”
They shrug like it’s no big deal, even though I can tell from their flushed faces that they’re on cloud nine right now.
“Are you coming with us tonight?” Reid asks.
“Wouldn’t miss it,” I tell him. “Jules went home though.”
They nod knowingly, and then we all look down at the stone marker with Brady’s name on it. Instead of making me want to cry, I smile, feeling pride seep into me that I’m this guy’s sister. This guy who was special enough to warrant a dedication near the school’s football field.
“I think I’m lucky,” I tell them. Or maybe I’m not even telling them. I’m just voicing my thoughts aloud. “To have had Brady as my brother, I mean.”
Lex puts his arm around my shoulders and squeezes me to him. It’s a little uncomfortable with his huge pads, but it’s normal, so I don’t balk at it. “We were all lucky, Briar.”
We stay there for a little while longer unt
il we turn as a unit and head toward the locker room entrance. When we walk in, I look up briefly only to groan and cover my eyes again. “So many penises. Why? Every freaking time.”
Cade chuckles low. “That’s what you get for going into the boys’ locker room, Shortie. As many dicks as you—”
“If you say want, I’ll throat punch your ass,” Reid says.
Cade laughs once again as Lex releases my shoulder. “I would never say that to my best friend’s little sister. You’re the ones who want to fuck her.”
And just like that, the locker room miraculously quiets as if the universe is determined to make me want to get swallowed up and die.
I hear a voice I don’t recognize and can’t tell who it came from because my eyes are still shielded by my hand. “Can anyone put their hats into the ring?”
The room goes eerily silent. I look through a space between my fingers and see a glimpse of the look Reid is giving the guy. No wonder why no one laughed at that. They’re probably really worried about pissing Reid the fuck off. “In case it isn’t clear,” Reid says. “Briar’s off limits.”
Someone else chuckles. “I wonder what Sasha will think of that.”
A low growl comes from the back of Reid’s throat. The sound of it sends a mix of perverse pleasure through me, like I can feel it right in my core. I feel ridiculous just standing there with my hands over my eyes, so I say, “Is someone going to walk me to a place to sit or do you really want me to stare at all the dick while you guys change?”
This elicits a round of laughter from the other players, but a firm grip grabs me by the forearm and navigates me away from the other guys. This is starting to feel normal now, hanging out with these guys, having them make comments about me. It never would’ve flown if Brady were alive. No way in hell I would be in this locker room right now if he were still on the football team. He’d be furious, but I guess this is just one of the ways life is changing without him. I actually quite like being in the locker room, knowing what’s just beyond the row of purple lockers in front of me.