by E. M. Moore
“So, because someone dies, I’m supposed to not go after what I want?” Her eyebrows pull together. “As far as I saw it, Brady only hindered Reid and me. He never liked me,” she says, her voice hard.
Can’t imagine why. But I’ve heard this story before. Brady didn’t like Sasha, and when she and Reid first got together, he was opposed to it. I know he and Reid got into several arguments because of her. I’m not sure what happened, but eventually, it died down and Reid and Sasha had their own thing.
Maybe that’s why Sasha doesn’t like me? Because she sees me as being connected to my brother. She probably despises the fact that Reid is with me moreso than if he’d gone after someone else.
“Your brother was never any concern to me,” she says, straightening her shoulders. “But Reid is.”
“Why?” I ask, not getting it. The way I see it, she could still have pretty much any guy she wants. I’m sure a lot of them would be thrilled to get a striptease from her for their birthday. Reid’s just not it.
I say as much to her and she turns toward me with almost black eyes. “He is though, and you’re going to break up with him, or I’m going to make sure he breaks up with you.”
My heart starts thundering in my chest. “You’re insane.”
She smiles politely. “Recognize this?” she asks. She pulls her cell phone out and shows me a picture. The color drains from my face. It’s the same picture I sent to Ezra, the one with my fingers covering most of my breast, but not all of it.
“Where the hell did you get that?” I try to snatch her phone away, but she pulls it out of reach. “Did you hack me?”
She turns the screen off, hiding the picture away. I could take her phone right now and smash it, but that wouldn’t do any good. If she hacked me, all she’d have to do is log on to her online storage somewhere else. I’m sure she has it saved in a bunch of places.
My face heats up. To think that Sasha has seen that picture, probably all of her fucking cheerleader friends too. My stomach drops and then twists when I think that she may have read my messages too. All that grief. All that bare pain just laid out there, and she’s read it. She seems that maniacal to have planned all this out.
“I’m going to show Reid this picture. You know what he thinks about his girl showing themselves off…”
It dawns on me now what she said at the party. How I’m not the girl he thinks I am.
Shame washes over me. She’s had that picture for so long. My eyes track over to where Reid, Cade, and Lex are. They’re oblivious to what’s going on up here, but I feel like the world is coming down on me now. I should never have taken that. I should never have sent it. It was in a fit of despair, of truly feeling low and needing someone to fill me up. That’s not really how it works though. Someone else can’t fill you up. Someone else can’t take your pain away. If that was the case, all the help Reid and the guys tried to give me in the beginning would’ve been enough, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t until I started to accept it, until I started to turn myself around that I finally was able to let them in.
“If you don’t do it, I’ll make sure the whole school sees this picture,” Sasha taunts.
“You wouldn’t,” I say, glaring at her.
She shrugs. “Test me. If you think Reid didn’t like it when I stripped in front of a few people at a party, how do you think he’s going to take it when everyone sees you like this?”
“You can’t even tell it’s me,” I say.
She laughs. “You think this is the only picture I took? I have screenshots of everything you said to your boyfriend. I can prove it’s you.” She stands, her pom-poms rustling as she places her hands behind her back. “By tomorrow, Reid will come into school alone, without your skank ass in tow, or I’m sending it to everyone.”
“He doesn’t want you,” I say through clenched teeth. Why is she even bothering? What’s the point? Why want someone who doesn’t want anything to do with you?
“He’ll want you even less soon,” she says, shrugging. She skips down the bleacher steps, the purple and yellow of her pom-poms trailing behind her.
I want to go after her. I want to punch her in the face, make her pay for what she’s doing to me right now. I had a few blissful days of finally feeling okay again, but it’s gone.
Just like that, it’s gone.
26
Sasha’s only giving me until tomorrow to figure this shit out, so I don’t waste any time. Reid expects me to be there after practice, so I am, sitting in the grass by the Brady Page dedicated flagpole. It’s just a picture, I keep telling myself, but it doesn’t feel that way, even to me. It feels like a direct representation of a sad, lost girl. It feels like if I tell Reid what I did, I’ll be laying myself bare to him. Or even worse, if Sasha shows the picture to the school, she’ll be laying me bare to everyone. I’ll no longer be able to keep quiet and just be Brady’s little sister or Reid’s girlfriend, I’ll be someone. They’ll have a memory peg to remember me by, so even when it’s our ten-year reunion, they’ll be saying, “Briar Page? Yeah, you remember, she’s the girl who got caught sexting a picture of her breast.”
I spy Reid, Cade, and Lex walking from the locker room and turn away. All three of them. Wonderful. So many times, the sight of all three of them used to bring me happiness, but now, it feels like a weight on my shoulder. Even if I tell Reid privately, he’ll just tell them. They’re all about to know what happens when a sad girl has very little self-esteem and no one to turn to.
How fucking embarrassing.
“Hey,” Cade says. He kicks the underside of my shoes playfully. “Did you see that run?”
I lift my gaze to meet his and shake my head. He tilts his head to the side, but it’s Lex who’s immediately there. He crouches next to me, taking my hand in his. “What’s wrong?”
I can’t stop the tears from falling over then. I’d been trying to blink them away, but sometimes it feels like grief is an unstoppable force. I can’t just hold it back, deal with it when it’s a more opportune time for me.
Reid nudges Lex, and Lex has to put his hand out before he falls to the ground. “Briar,” he says. My name on Reid’s lips make the tears come faster. “Jesus,” he says. He picks me up, cradles me to him, and walks me to his car. He whispers to me the whole time. Such sweet words that make me wonder what it’s going to feel like to lose all this.
There’s no fucking way on this earth I’m breaking up with Reid though. Sasha was stupid if she thought that something like this would make me do something so brash. I’m worried it’s Reid who won’t be able to tolerate me now though. Sasha said something at the party, something that stuck with me and I wasn’t sure why. She told Reid I wouldn’t be an innocent in his eyes soon. She was right. She had a backup plan this whole time.
“What’s going on?” Cade asks. His voice is laced in a compassion I haven’t heard from him before. “Is it Brady?”
I shake my head. Sasha’s hatred might be rooted in Brady, but it’s grown from there.
“Parker,” a voice shouts.
Reid moves in front of me, blocking me from view of the owner of the voice.
“What are you guys up to? Pizza at the Shack?”
“Sorry, dude,” Reid calls out. “I’ve got like a shitton of homework.”
The guys all surround me, blocking me from view. It makes my heart swell, but really all it does is make me feel worse. Why couldn’t I love myself as much as these guys wanted me to?
They turn back around once I hear a car start up a few rows behind us. Reid grabs my hands in his. “Talk to me, Briar. Do you want us to be alone? Do you—?”
I shake my head. The sight of his beautiful face is fractured before me, the tears still gathering even though I wipe them away. Right now, he looks so worried and affectionate. When I look into his eyes, there’s a warmth there, but I’m wondering how long that’s going to last. I can’t even really be mad at Sasha for this? It was me. I was the one who was dumb.
While I waited
for the guys after practice, I sent Ezra a text, telling him I’d been hacked and that our conversations weren’t safe. I told him I was sorry. The only thing I didn’t tell him about was Sasha’s threat. She doesn’t care about him. She only cares about making me miserable enough to break up with someone she wants.
I don’t understand why she can’t see she has no claim on him. Reid Parker isn’t like a horse she can tame. Or someone she can buy off or convince that he likes her when he doesn’t. She’s all smoke and mirrors dressed up in Barbie doll outfits.
“You’re going to be so mad,” I tell Reid, looking him in his gorgeous green eyes.
He tilts his head. “It can’t be that bad.”
The heat from the car hood feels warm against my bottom. I take my phone out that’s been clutched in my hands. I want to tell him what I did first, then tell him Sasha’s involvement. How she wanted to make me suffer so bad she broke into my social media to make a Sunday special out of me. I can see it now. The dangers of online sexting.
I turn the screen on and angle it toward me so I’m the only one who can see it at first. “When Brady died, you know I made a lot of misguided decisions.” I give Lex a small frown. I hate lumping him into that category, but it’s true.
His lips thin, and he looks away.
“There was also one more that I didn’t tell you about. It didn’t seem relevant until…well, until now. I sort of, kind of had this relationship with a guy I met online.”
Reid’s gaze narrows. “What kind of relationship?”
He doesn’t say it accusingly. He’s only asking, even though I can see a spark of jealousy in him.
“Just talking, mostly,” I tell him. “I felt like he was the only one who would listen about what I was going through. He was just outside of everything, and it was easier to tell him things because he didn’t know.”
Reid kicks off the car and walks away, his hands diving into his hair. “Is this who you were talking to this morning in the car?”
I blink. He must’ve seen right through me. “Yes,” I tell him. Because he was who I was talking to, but it also feels like I should add an explanation to that sentence. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I was trying to get him not to talk to me.
“Briar,” he growls, and a sliver of fear shoots through me.
“Let her talk,” Lex says. “You don’t know what’s going on yet.”
Reid throws him a gaze like fire. If it was actually fire, the center would’ve combusted right then and there, blown like a stick of dynamite.
To Reid’s credit, he stops. He places his arms over his chest and glares at me like I’m already guilty. “I’ve actually told him not to contact me again,” I say to Reid, making sure to hold his gaze. “I told him about you,” I tell him, letting a smile slip out. Being with Reid makes me so happy. He fills a place inside me I didn’t know I was missing, but now that he has filled it, I feel like I could starve to death if it wasn’t there.
“Go on,” Cade says. “We’re listening.”
“One night, he asked me for a picture.” I clear my throat. “A tittie, pic, I guess.”
Reid growls, making me so nervous to say my next words.
“I sent it to him,” I say, looking at my lap now. “I was so lost and sad, but none of that matters. It’s just an excuse. I sent it to him even though I thought it was pretty tame.”
“And what? He’s threatening to show everyone now?” Lex asks. “What’s his name? Where does he live?”
I wave him away. I don’t think Ezra would do anything like that even though he’s been acting strange lately.
“I’ll kick his ass,” Reid fumes.
At that, I turn my phone’s screen back on and turn it around. Reid immediately grabs it as the other two look away. He studies it like it’s tape from a previous game. “This is on my bed,” he says.
I nod.
“That night at the party?”
I look away, and I’m sure my silence says everything my lips can’t right now. It’s even worse that I’m all over Reid’s bed in this. Sasha might not have realized where the picture was taken, but I remembered. I knew it would hurt Reid all that much more to know that.
He plays around on my screen, and I’m sure he’s looking back through my messages with Ezra. His gaze zeroes in on the screen when he reads something, then he looks up at me. “Who hacked you? What’s going on?”
“What?” Lex asks, finally looking back over at his friend.
“She tells this guy she got hacked.” This makes Cade snap to attention too.
“Sasha,” I say, my voice like steel. “She came to see me while you guys were at practice. She hacked into my account. She got that picture, and now she’s threatening to show you if I don’t break up with you.”
His head reels back, but he shrugs his shoulders. “Tough shit. You already showed me.”
“She said if we stay together, she’ll show the whole school.”
“Fucking bitch,” Lex roars. He turns toward Reid and shoves him. Reid’s eyes blaze and they clash again. I inhale sharply on the car and jump down. I had no idea that would happen, but Cade is five steps ahead of me.
He throws himself into the middle of the two of them. “Calm down. Fuck! What the hell are you two doing?”
Lex lumbers there, his breaths coming quick before he looks up to meet my eyes and then spins on his heel and leaves. My heart reaches out to him. I don’t have feelings for him like I do Reid, but I like Lex. I’ve always liked Lex and seeing him walk away right now, makes my insides twist.
Cade pushes Reid toward me. “Deal with your girl. I’ll go to Lex.”
Reid stumbles toward me. His arms move around me and suddenly my back is against the car, and I’m fully in his embrace. His taut muscles, swollen from practice, move around me. “I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I didn’t have any idea this would happen. I regretted sending it pretty much immediately afterward.”
He caresses my back. “The picture is barely anything. You can’t see your face, though I recognize the freckle.” His throat works as his fingers brush against the freckle that’s on the side of my breast. “I just want to throttle that guy because he probably jerked off to that picture.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think so. He barely wrote me after that.”
“Don’t sound so sad.”
“I’m not,” I say firmly.
He holds me again as if he’s saying he’s sorry for the comment. His hands are like steel bands around me, and I wish they would stay there forever.
“I don’t want the whole school to see my picture. Sasha said she took screenshots of everything, so she could prove it was me even though you can’t see my face in it.”
He backs away, leaving a dark hole where he was. “I knew she was cold, but I didn’t think she’d ever do this. It’s on a whole other level of fucked up. That’s not just pouring gravy on you or calling you names, this is your privacy we’re talking about. Intimacy, even.”
I bite my lip. “I’m so sorry, Reid.”
He looks at me with his angular features that look that much more intimidating right now. “I’m not fucking happy about it, but it’s not your fault.”
“I mean about the picture.”
His teeth grind together. “That’s not your fault either.” He sighs. “Though I’d love to be the only guy who’s ever seen you, we know that’s not the case, right? Lex,” he says, like he’s going to count the guys who have seen me, but that’s it. There’s just three people. Just him, Lex, and Ezra through a picture even though I’m pretty covered up.
My cheeks pink. “I don’t want that picture to get out.” My mind wanders to my parents, and I start to tremble. They really don’t need this. Not after taking time away for themselves.
“I’m going to fucking talk to her,” he says. “I’ll make sure nothing happens.” He takes his phone out of his pocket and brings it to his ear after hitting a button. “Yeah, can you come back? I need someone to take Briar to m
y house while I pay Sasha a visit.”
He hangs up after that, and it doesn’t take long to see both Cade and Lex come striding back toward us. “Do you think that’s a good idea?” Cade asks. “Maybe I should go talk to her. Or Lex.”
“I can’t fucking talk to her right now,” Lex seethes. “I’ll fucking—” He breaks off with a mottled curse. “It’s just not a good fucking idea right now.”
“She’ll talk to me,” Reid says, glancing at his friend. “She’ll probably only talk to me.”
I can’t help that jealousy spikes the blood in my veins. I don’t want Reid anywhere near Sasha. She’s a conniving bitch.
In the same moment though, I know Reid. I trust him. Nothing is going to happen. He downright loathes her.
“You’re probably right,” Cade sighs. He comes over and drops his arm around me. “Come on, Shortie. Let’s let Reid do his thing. Lex and I will drive you to his house and wait with you there.”
I slide out from Cade’s arm and throw myself at Reid, letting myself go to mush in his arms as he kisses the crap out of me. Cade drags me away again, warning Reid that he better take care of this soon. Sasha’s off-the-wall crazy.
Lex picks my cell up from the ground, which must’ve fallen in the jostling between the two boys and hands it over to me. His fingertips brush mine. I look up at him and frown. It makes me sad to see him upset over me, but the heart wants what it wants, and right now, it wishes it could be next to Reid as he drives over to his ex-girlfriend’s house and hopefully either unleashes his fury or talks some sense into her.
I’m not sure which I want more, but I do know, I want all this to end when Reid comes back to me.
27
Reid is moody when he returns. The door closes just as his family and I, along with Lex and Cade, are about to sit down to dinner at Mrs. Parker’s insistence. He kisses me on the temple as he takes his seat next to me. My skin is crawling with unanswered questions, but little by little, I’m lulled by the fact that this seems so normal, eating over here with Reid’s family surrounded by the boys. Mr. Parker talks football with the three of them while Mrs. Parker asks me about school. It doesn’t make everything go away, but it puts it on hold for a moment.