by Jayne Blue
“Headed to the club?” Kade asked me. I normally would. But there was some major unfinished business with a librarian that had been interrupted.
“Not tonight.”
Kade smiled. I’m sure he figured I was out to find a Saints groupie to bang. That was easy to do. They hung at the clubhouse and it was an easy end to any night.
“Have fun with whatever, brother.” He drove off and I picked up my cell. There was her number.
I wanted to finish what we started that night. The memory of the feel of her body on mine was distracting me. It was making me crazy. I needed to get it out of my system.
I texted her to meet me outside of Cups, the big sports bar by the water. I was sure as shit not going in there, but it was an easy place for her to find. And it was safe.
After what I’d just seen, I didn’t want her anywhere alone. I was already thinking about how to keep her safe? This was a complication in my life at a very bad time.
My history with women didn’t resemble what I was trying with this librarian. At all. I didn’t have conversations; I didn’t give a shit if they had a job. I didn’t give a shit, period!
I had an old lady for a time, a few years ago. But I wasn’t in the mood to get married and she wasn’t in the mood to share. It didn’t end well.
This little librarian was perfect. She’d already told me she was only in town a few weeks. It was pretty clear that whatever it was we had was hot. A few weeks of this and we’d burn out. She’d head back to Austin.
This was not the type of woman who would want to stick around my life.
And that was exactly what I wanted too.
I waited for her. Longer than I’d waited for a woman in my life. I looked at my phone.
Two hours had passed since I’d texted her to meet me.
And she didn’t show.
Well, it appeared the librarian had second thoughts.
That was smart.
7
Jen
I was chickening out. There were no two ways about it. I had hooked Benz. I had a way into The Dark Saints, but when push came to shove, I was afraid.
When I saw his text, I was paralyzed. If I met him tonight for a drink, that would be the end of me. I felt it. I knew myself enough to know that I’d gone completely out of control when he kissed me.
And I needed to find that control again.
I ignored the text. And then I felt like shit on every level.
I opened my phone and looked at the article from ten years back. I needed to remind myself of who I was and what I was doing.
TEXAS RANGER KILLED DURING BANK ROBBERY INVESTIGATION.
This time I read the entire article, like I had a million times before.
A ten-year veteran of the Texas Rangers, Garry Guffy, was killed in the line of duty Friday.
The department confirmed that Guffy was assigned to investigate the robbery of Port Azrael State Credit Union.
The establishment was robbed Thursday shortly before the Credit Union was set to close for the day. Authorities say the thieves were armed and instructed tellers to fill several bags with the cash available in the safe.
The bank employees complied and no injuries were reported.
Agents issued a statement late Thursday that they were pursuing leads in the robbery based on the footage provided by security cameras in the Por Azrael Federal Credit Union.
According to the official statement from the Texas Rangers and the Texas Department of Public Safety:
“It is with great sadness that we report that Agent Garry Guffy was killed in the line of duty. Guffy and two agents entered the residence on Harper Street after receiving credible tips that the suspects responsible for the Port Azrael Credit Union were holed up inside. The suspects, Charles Caruso, Terrance Fitz, and Kenny Bass opened fire on the Rangers. Ranger Garry Guffy returned fire. During the gunfire, Agent Garry Guffy sustained a fatal gunshot wound to the chest. He was pronounced dead at the scene. Suspects Charles Caruso and Terrance Fitz, were apprehended. Suspect, Kenny Bass, was also fatally wounded in the incident.
The funds from the bank were recovered in total. However, a safe deposit box of unknown value is still missing.
The Texas Rangers have lost a highly decorated and honorable member of the agency. Garry Guffy’s service to the state in pursuit of law and order is the ultimate sacrifice.
Additional details about how the agency and state plans to honor his service are pending.”
There it was: much more recent history. The reason I was in Port Azrael.
Kenny Bass killed my Dad. There were more articles. There were more details. There was coverage of the funeral procession. I remembered some of it. The rest was a blur.
But Kenny Bass, Charles Caruso, and Terrance Fitz were members of The Dark Saints. That’s what my Grandma told me.
Bass died with a bullet from my Daddy’s gun in his brain. The rest of them died in prison. To everyone else, that was that. The chapter on Garry Guffy and Kenny Bass was closed.
But that wasn’t enough for my Grandma or me.
“They just go about their business in Port Azrael. The rest of them. Like nothing.” She’d said that to me time and time again. But she was an old woman by the time my Daddy was killed and she was gone now. I had nothing left of Daddy. I’d inherited only one thing from my Grandma and that was the conviction that The Saints should pay.
The Dark Saints. Did they remember my Daddy? Was Kenny Bass some sort of hero to them now? The idea of that made me sick to my stomach.
They hadn’t gotten rich off their little robbery either. The dye pack had exploded like it was supposed to. The scene photos from Harper Street showed that blue powder was everywhere; it coated everything.
It would be funny if it weren't so awful. If it wasn’t my Daddy.
They’d died for nothing, those Dark Saints. And they’d taken my Daddy with them.
I looked at my phone again.
It had been two hours since Benz texted me.
Two hours since I’d lost my nerve.
I had a lifetime of resentment handed down to me. I had one chance to go in deeper and to punish the club that killed my Daddy and I got scared.
I wasn’t up to it.
Benz was a real human being. Not someone in a newspaper article. He wasn’t something torn from a faded history book. He was a real person who turned me inside out.
I had all kinds of visions of what it would be like to bring down The Saints. I had concocted scenarios that didn’t look like real life. They looked like a Quinton Tarantino movie.
I sank deep into the covers of my hotel room bed. I tried to sleep. I guess I dozed off eventually because started dreaming.
My dreams were feverish, confused, but ultimately, Benz was in them and we were kissing.
What the hell had I done to myself? I needed to reel in the emotions and get on with it.
I got up and got ready for the library.
If Benz hadn’t lost interest, I could find my courage.
I could do this dammit. I could put those Saints away.
And Benz was my way in.
8
Benz
Bear Bullock took me in when I was 16. There was no doubt that he was the only kind of father I had. And Bear was running this show. There was no one I trusted more to handle the bigger picture for The Saints.
I’d spent the morning helping in the body shop, and I was under one of the cars we had in for repair. It wasn’t our bread and butter, the repair business out front of the MC, but it made us look semi-legitimate.
I felt a tapping on my boots, which were sticking out from underneath the car. “Bear needs you inside,” came a voice from above me. It was Moose, a probie who was doing all he could to learn the ropes.
The kid was probably sixteen and we were doing for him now what Bear had done for me a decade ago. Moose was a big boy, just like I’d been, and he needed a lot of structure. Bear and the MC provided that. We were wild and crash
ed into shit and each other on the regular. But the club rules kept us all together.
Growing up in the shop, I’d learned how to do just about everything you needed to do for a bike or car. I’d made myself useful. I guess I worried Bear would kick me out. He didn’t.
Instead, he brought me along. I learned everything I could from Bear and the crew, and I did anything they needed, just like Moose, and a few of our new probies were doing today.
Eventually, I moved from mechanic and errand boy to Bear’s Sergeant at Arms.
I learned the way of the club.
The club was in my blood and bone, and if Bear called for me, I was there.
I walked into the clubhouse and Bear was sitting with his old lady, Mama Bear.
“There he is. You ever going to shave that beard?” Mama Bear was just as tough as her husband. She had to be, in this place. And she was the only one with the stones to come up and tug on my beard. She had to do it on tiptoes, though, because at five-two she was over a foot shorter than me, and most of the club.
“Not in my current plan.” And I gave her a hug. If she ever objected to having troubled teenage boys running around, I never heard it. She had treated me like I was brothers with her brood and eventually it was true. Bear and Mama’s boy, Shep, would step in front a train for me and I would do the same for him.
“A shame. You used to be good looking. I’ll leave you to whatever he’s got cooking. It seems complicated.” Mama Bear stayed out of club business, except when she didn’t. She was also a combat nurse and that had come in handy for my brothers and me over the years.
“What do you have cooking?” I asked Mama Bear.
“Sloppy Joe, come back and grab some whenever.” When Mama Bear cooked, it was always in large quantities. She knew that we were always hungry. She walked back to the club’s kitchen and I heard her yell to another probie.
“Toby! I need help in here. Let’s go.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“Sit.” Bear had ignored our greetings. He was deep in planning mode and didn’t have time for small talk. He never really did, which suited me fine. I hated it too.
Whether or not I had a beard or a meal were not his concern. He was gruff, intimidating, and in complete control of our club. I had watched him face down one member or another over club business, over personal conflicts, or how to handle every aspect of the MC. He didn’t always win, but he was never weak. Not for a second.
He had strong opinions about what was best for the club. We all did. But when things got hairy, he’d refer back to The Dark Saints Code. It was our Bible and our meetings were the only Church we needed.
Long term club policy was decided in Church. It didn’t have to be unanimous, but it did have to be a majority. After we had voted, Bear had a mandate. We trusted him to put in motion what the club wanted. It worked, even though E.Z., our Veep, and some of the younger members, fought over the details.
“So, here’s the plan. We’re going to let a heroin deal, or two, go down.”
“Shit, man, that’s going to really make whoever’s interested think they have an opening here in Port Az.” I hated the idea of giving even an inch to the scumbags that wanted into Port Az.
“That’s right. We don’t know who sent the two you ran off. We don’t know who popped those two junkies. And we need to. The only way to do that is to give them a little rope. You get it?”
“I get it. Let’s see if they’ll hang themselves.”
“They will. They think Port Az is a potential gold mine. Whoever’s decided to send guys this way will keep doing it. We’ll get the minnows and then bam. The big fish.” Bear slapped the bar top and a waitress at the end of it jumped.
“Sorry, sweetheart,” Bear chuckled.
“Where do you want me?”
“It’s going to happen in town. Bo’s working on getting more specific on a location. I just need you near the docks, your place, and with a phone charged. You have to be ready.”
“No problem.”
Bear grasped my hand with his, like we were going to arm wrestle. He had taken pride in being able to best me in arm wrestling, since the day he took me in. Then last year I beat him. It felt shitty, so I never did again. He was Bear and dammit he was larger than life to me, even if I now hulked over him.
I had my orders: go into town, be ready. That I could do.
I was restless and ready to be sure the MC’s plan worked. I’d have to wait until they had more particulars. I’d have to kill some time.
With time on my hand, my thoughts turned to Jen.
It bothered me that my little librarian had chosen to ignore my text the other night. But in the end, she was probably being smart.
She might like a ride on my bike for a day, but to take my shit on in a more permanent way? Any woman who did that had to be fucking crazy. Or be like Mama Bear. Mama Bear could handle us all at our worst. I smiled at the thought.
I sure as hell regretted not getting a chance to get closer to Jen and her yellow dress, but I got it. I liked her a little too much, which was why I think her giving me the brush off was probably the best for both of us.
No sooner had that thought crossed my mind than my phone buzzed.
“Got your text. I’m waiting.” It was Jen.
I had my orders from Bear. I was available whenever he needed me for this drug deal shit. There was no reason not to spend a little down time with the librarian.
9
Jen
I was nervous as hell. But I was going to do it. I was not going to back out of at least drinks with Benz. If I couldn’t do that, then I may as well give up any idea of trying to get dirt on The Dark Saints. My career undercover would be ridiculously short if I couldn’t at least have a drink with Benz.
The place was crowded. Friday night at Cups Sports Bar in Port Azrael was the place to be.
Bar hopping wasn’t my scene, even when I was in college.
Maybe the librarian act was more than an act. Some days in the academy were harder for me than others. But I learned. I got tougher.
Though right now I looked like fresh meat and I knew it. So did all of the Frat Boy assholes that were populating this place at this moment.
I wondered if Benz was going to show up. Maybe he’d do to me what I’d done to him and stand me up. It would serve me right. I was as hot and cold as a Katy Perry song.
I stood at the bar and as I waited, a trio of drunk college guys decided I did not want to be by myself. Great.
“So, you don’t go to Texas A &M?”
“No.” I thought quiet and terse answers would maybe get them out of my hair faster.
“You’re the fucking hottest bitch here,” said another one and I felt him move in way too close behind me. Ugh.
“The frat has rented an entire floor over at the Marriot across the bridge. We could party there. It’s a lot less crowded than this place.”
“No, please leave me alone.” I rolled my eyes.
The guy on my right took his beer bottle and dragged along my arm, which was bare due to my latest librarian dress. I had half a mind to smash it against his face. Did librarians do that?
“Listen, ass–” The word asshole was headed their way, but I didn’t have a chance to get it out.
“You fucking heard her!”
The guy with the beer bottle was on the floor, the one behind me was at the end of Benz’s left arm, and the third guy, who thought I’d like to party at the Marriot, looked like he was about to wet himself.
“Jesus dude, chill, we’re cool.” The trio crawled, backed up, and ran from my general vicinity. I looked up and stared at this mountain of a man. He also did not belong in this sports bar.
“I could have handled them on my own, you know?” I said to Benz who looked, at that moment, like he might kill someone. It was frightening and sexy as hell, all at the same time.
I was completely unaccustomed to having someone come to my defense.
“No need,” he said
.
“Are you buying the librarian a drink now or just throwing frat boys at the wall?”
“They put their hands on you.”
“I– what? I’m okay.”
Benz still looked pissed. “Let’s get out of here. This place is too crowded.”
“Lead the way.”
Benz helped me off the bar stool. He put his hand on the small of my back. I could feel each of his fingers lightly pressed there, but at the same time, he expertly guided me through the crowd. Smart people got out of his way.
I really was okay, but still couldn’t believe what he’d just done when those men touched me. It gave me a strange thrill to know he wanted to protect me.
No one in my life ever had. I’d always had to do it myself, so it was strange to have him do it.
“Where are we going?” He didn’t answer me. We walked down an ally to another building.
“My place.”
He hadn’t asked. He just thought it would be okay. I may be playing the part of the librarian, but I was still me. I tried to stay meek and quiet and in distress. But I failed.
“Hold on, you’re ready to throw three guys through a wall who want to buy me a beer, and yet you don’t even ask if I want to go to your place?”
“Are you saying you want to hang out there and have those idiots continue to harass you? Is that what you’re into, librarian? ‘Cause be my guest. I don’t play games. I want to be alone with you for a while. What happens after that is your call.”
He had that look again; like he could see right through me. He didn’t take bullshit. There was something palpable between us.
He took a big step forward and we were face to face. I could end it right then. I could lie and get out of there. I could come up with an excuse.
But I didn’t want to. I wanted him.
It was wrong. The place. The man. The moment. Everything was wrong. But as Benz got closer with that one big step, I felt something inside me turn over.
I wanted him. I wanted his unruly beard against my cheek. I wanted him to put his arms around me and pull me to him. God help me, I wanted him to kiss me as rough and wild as he had the other day.