Tear

by Rachel Van Dyken

  Alec stopped talking.

  “You sheltered him so much that he never learned how to deal with stuff on his own,” I said. I knew Alec would be mad that I was butting in, but it was the truth. “Alec—” I got up and walked toward him. “You were the older brother. Yes, it was your job to protect him. But…” I shrugged. “Sometimes you gotta let people take the hit. How do you think a quarterback learns how to deal with the fear of getting hit?”

  Alec snorted and looked away. “He gets the crap beat out of him at practice.”

  “Exactly.” I reached up and brushed the hair away from his forehead. “Alec, you tried to protect Demetri from everything, and the minute things took a turn for the worse, how did he cope with it?”

  “He didn’t.”

  I kept talking. “So, then you tried harder, you changed your whole life, you coddled him even more, removed him from your old lifestyle, put him in counseling, tried to fix him, and then something else happened, and what was his reaction?”

  Alec sighed. “The same as before, only this time he nearly killed himself.”

  “Alright then.” I wrapped my hands around his head, pulling it down closer to mine. “I know I’m not perfect and we both know you aren’t.”

  That got a laugh out of him.

  “But, Demetri needs to grow up. He needs to learn, and hopefully this will be the start of that.” I decided not to add in the part that Demetri was most likely facing criminal charges and would probably have to spend time in court over this escapade, nor the thought that he may not wake up at all. It hurt too much to think about.

  Alec sighed. “You’re right.”

  “I’m what?”

  Glaring, Alec pushed me away with a laugh. “Don’t push it, Nat.”

  “Alec?” A small nurse approached. “You can see your brother now. He’s in ICU, but he’s stable. I’m sure the doctor has informed you that he’s in a medically induced coma, but you can still talk to him.”

  Alec clenched my hand.

  “Sorry.” The nurse looked between us. “Family only.”

  “She is family.”

  The nurse didn’t looked convinced. Alec cleared his throat. “She’s my fiancée.”

  Had I been any more alert I may have given away his little fib by gasping, but I was too tired to react. Instead I smiled and laid my head on his shoulder.

  The nurse nodded. “Okay, this way.”

  Chapter Twenty-four

  I fought back tears as we walked into Demetri’s room. A tube was coming out of his mouth, his face was bruised and bandaged. I choked back a sob when Alec fell to his knees next to his brother’s bed. I didn’t know what to say. What do you say? All of us were hurting, all in different ways. I did all I knew I could do. I put my hand on Alec’s shoulder and watched a man, a very strong man, cry silently as he looked at his only remaining family, in a coma, in a hospital bed.

  My fault, is all that ran through my head. The treacherous thoughts screamed at me! Why did I go for Demetri when I knew my heart belonged to Alec? Why did I drag both of them through this? I loved them both, I truly did. I was never one to understand people when they asked if you could love two people at one time. I thought they were stupid and selfish to even think of such a thing. But my heart was broken for the boy in the bed in front of me. I wanted to take his place. I wanted to remove the bandages one by one and kiss the bruises away.

  My knees felt weak, so I walked over to the nearest chair and sat down. Alec didn’t move. He grabbed his brother’s hand. “I’m so sorry,” he croaked.

  The nurse came back in and told us it was time to leave.

  I thought it would take ten men to get Alec to leave his brother’s side, but he nodded his head and put his arm around me as we walked out.

  “You need food,” I said once we got back to the lobby. It had been hours since we had eaten.

  “I never thought I’d see the day when you would be force feeding me,” Alec joked. Tension released in my shoulders.

  “Let’s go grab some overnight stuff and some food and we can come back here.”

  “You sure you want to stay the night at the hospital?”

  I exhaled. “I’m family, remember?”

  “I won’t ever forget.” Alec kissed my cheek and we walked outside hand in hand.

  ****

  The next three days flew by. I refused to go to school even though Alec was irritated with me for staying at the hospital. I couldn’t leave Demetri’s side any more than he could.

  Like he said, we were family. I felt like I was the only family they had. It was like another half of my self was in that hospital bed.

  Each night I would go into Demetri’s room while Alec made phone calls to update his agent as well as his publicist. I was probably boring the poor guy to tears, but I kept reading from our senior lit class textbook as if nothing had happened. I’m sure inside Demetri was screaming for me to stop, which actually cheered me up when I got to the end of Hamlet.

  The media had a field day with the accident. Some stations reported some really awful things, saying that Demetri had a drug problem, that he was high when he got into the accident. I was so angry most the time that when I walked out of the hospital and got a camera shoved in my face all I wanted to do was cry and lash out. Thankfully, Bob and Lloyd were lifesavers when it came to our security at the hospital. On several occasions I told them I wouldn’t be upset at all if they suddenly lost control of their firearms.

  They laughed.

  Alec was talking quietly in the hall. I reached out and caressed Demetri’s hand. His doctors had been slowly lessening the chemicals in his body. They figured he would be completely out his induced state over the next twenty-four hours. The bruises still looked dark and swollen across his face, but at least his lips had lost some of the swelling.

  “Your brother told everyone I was his fiancée.” I caressed his hand. “It was the only way they would let me see you.” My chest clenched, I was too sad to laugh but I wanted to. “Trust me, I could have taken that tiny nurse. We all know how strong I am.” I bit my lip and watched Demetri lay completely still, making no movement. “Alec also told me that you used to pee the bed when you were little and that you were scared of birds until you reached the age of twelve.”

  I laughed again and squeezed his hand. “Naturally, I thought the best way to get you out of your drug-induced state was to threaten you. So, I rented the movie The Birds, and if you don’t come out of your coma I’m just going to keep playing it over and over again until you wake up.”

  “Cruel,” Alec said behind me.

  “And in order to prove my theory, I also recorded a few bird calls on my iPhone. Did you know there was an app for that?”

  I could feel Alec’s chuckle behind me as I pressed play. We both laughed, and then Demetri’s hand moved.

  I thought I imagined it, but Alec’s hand froze on my shoulder. “Play it again.”

  I pressed play again, this time it was a crow, and yes, it was beyond creepy. My eyes trained on Demetri’s hand. Nothing.

  Frustrated, I pushed the play button again. His hand moved, just slightly. I raised my gaze to his face.

  “His eyes are open! Get the nurse!” I yelled. Alec was already out the door yelling down the halls.

  Demetri’s eyes widened as he looked around the room, his eyes filled with tears. “No, no, it’s okay.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “You’re fine, okay? Don’t panic. I need you to not panic right now, okay?” I felt warm tears slide down my cheeks.

  Demetri didn’t nod, but his heart-rate went back to normal. I couldn’t blame him. If I was strapped to equipment I would be freaking out too. They had removed his breathing tube earlier that morning, but I knew from my dad’s stories that Demetri would have a severely sore throat for at least a week.

  “Ice?” I reached for a cup of ice that I had set there in hopes that he would wake up soon. He nodded his head just slightly. I scooted closer and lifted the spoon to his c
happed lips with trembling hands.

  He opened his mouth just slightly, that same mouth I had spent endless days and hours kissing. I choked back another sob as he tried to smile and nod again. He liked it. He wanted more.

  I giggled, and lifted more to his mouth.

  “Well, well, well, it seems my daughter’s treating our patient well.” My dad had been my lifesaver these past few days, always answering questions and telling me that everything would be fine. I got choked up just thinking about it.

  He walked to the monitors and wrote some stuff down on his clipboard, then began a slow examination of Demetri. “How are you feeling? Blink once if you are in pain, twice if you are okay for now.”

  Demetri blinked twice. I squeezed his hand in encouragement.

  “You’ve been in an accident,” my dad stated. Demetri rolled his eyes as if to say no crap.

  We all laughed nervously. Alec put his hand on my shoulder. I had one hand holding Demetri’s and the other holding Alec’s. I was the link between them, and it felt oddly right to be in the position I was in.

  “You should have died,” my dad said. Sheesh. Talk about no bedside manner. “I going to be honest with you, and I’m not going to sugar coat anything, son.”

  I saw a tear pool at the corner of Demetri’s eyes. I wasn’t sure if it was fear getting to him or the fact that my dad just called him “son”, a term he hadn’t heard for over ten years. Maybe it was a little bit of both.

  “You have a long road ahead of you,” my dad said. “I’ve made a few calls to enroll you in a local rehab program. The missus thinks it will be a good idea.”

  Demetri’s eyes continued to pool with tears but in that moment he seemed strong, not weak. He stared at my dad as if he was some sort of god. “You’re better than this, Son.”

  Okay, now I was getting choked up.

  My dad sat on the bed and sighed. “You were made for more than music, more than just living on the edge, Son. I need you to believe that. I need you to work with me so we can get past this. Together. Can you do that?”

  Tears streamed down my face as I watched Demetri slowly reach for my dad’s hand and grasp it between his.

  I wiped the tears away before my dad turned around, but his sixth sense picked it up anyway. He pulled me into a tight bear hug. “He’s going to be fine, Baby. I’m going to leave you guys for a minute. I’ll send the nurses in to start taking away some of that equipment hooked up to him.”

  I nodded and looked back at Demetri. His face was cracked into a half smile. “What are you smiling about?” I grinned.

  His head moved slowly from side to side.

  Alec laughed behind me and gently brought my back against him as he wrapped his arms around me. “I’m thinking it’s the first time an adult has scolded him in years.”

  Demetri’s smile widened.

  We all laughed. I walked over to Demetri and kissed him on the forehead. “I love you, Demetri. I’ll always love you.” I grabbed his hand and placed it on my heart “You’re right here. Always.”

  His eyes pooled with tears again, he nodded.

  I walked out of the room, leaving the brothers alone with one another. It was time for me to go home and get some sleep. I found my dad at the nurse’s station.

  “Dad?” I was turning into an emotional basket case. He turned around, concern in his eyes. “I just needed to tell you…” Okay, insert hormonal teenager here. Tears streamed down my face. “Thank you, and I’m sorry. I love you so much. I’m so sorry.”

  “Baby girl.” Within seconds I was in his arms. He was cradling my head in his hands and kissing my hair. “Oh, Baby. I’m the one who’s sorry. Your mom said you two talked. I had no idea, Baby. I thought you were just going through a stage. I thought you wanted to be alone. But know this—” He pulled away from me, his eyes filled with tears. “You are my little girl. I love you so much. I would do anything for you. You are mine. Do you understand, Natalee? You are my flesh and blood and there is nothing on this Earth that is more important to me.”

  I half-expected the people around us to start clapping. His speech was beautiful, but not as beautiful as I felt in that moment.

  For the first time in my life, I felt truly beautiful, and it was all because my father, my flesh and blood claimed me as his. I knew to whom I belonged, and his name was Paul Murray, my father.”

  I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much in my life. I cried the whole way home. I cried as I made my way up the stairs, and when my mom burst into my room I cried again.

  She held me, as all good moms should when their daughter is having an emotional breakdown. She promised we would try harder as a family, that we would work harder. She even asked for my forgiveness. And all because I fell in love with two boys.

  I laughed through the last of the tears and changed into my sweats. I was exhausted. Tomorrow was Saturday. If all went well, I wanted to be rested up enough to visit Demetri without sobbing my eyes out or looking like a train had hit me.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  I threw on a pair of sweats the following Sunday night and ran across the lawn to the guys’ house. I knocked and waited.

  Within seconds Alec appeared. Demetri’s voice was yelling in the background, “Since when does she knock?”

  Alec rolled his eyes and tugged me in for a heart-stopping kiss. I parted my lips. Things were just getting interesting, when we heard Demetri gagging from the living room.

  Alec winked and stepped back. I laughed and followed him into the house.

  Demetri had only been home for a few hours. It looked like a tornado had attacked their living room. Clothes and medicine were everywhere.

  “Moving?” I asked as I noted the suitcases in the corner. The room went quiet. I looked to both guys and waited for someone to say something.

  “I forgot to take my medicine!” Demetri blurted then hobbled out of the living room with his crutches. I glared at his escaping form then turned my attention to Alec.

  He sighed and sat on the couch. “We need to talk.”

  “I don’t like that phrase.”

  “Fine.” Alec chuckled. “I need to ask you something.”

  Tense, I stood. I couldn’t sit. Not if he was breaking up with me, not if he was ending the best thing that had ever happened to me. I knew things were going too well. My parents and I were finally talking, Demetri wasn’t dead, thank God, and Alec and I were on our way toward bliss! It was only a few weeks until Christmas and I was hoping we would be able to spend our entire break together. I didn’t want to spend it alone crying into a pint of ice cream.

  “Nat, stop worrying.” Alec pulled me down across his lap. I straddled him, but kept my body from touching his. “I love you.” He kissed my lips and chuckled. “Seriously, you’re stressing me out. Stop freaking.”

  I managed a tight smile. “So what is it?”

  “We’re going on vacation.”

  So not what I expected.

  “Huh?”

  “I imagined lots of screaming, jumping, and lots of kissing. Huh wasn’t exactly on my list of answers.” Alec flicked my nose and kissed my mouth. “We, as in you and I, are going on vacation before Christmas break.”

  “But we have like a week and a half of school and—”

  “I’ve taken care of it.”

  “And my parents will flip out…”

  “Already talked to them.” Alec seemed bored with my excuses.

  I glared. “I can’t believe you would leave Demetri all by himself!”

  Alec threw his head back and laughed. “Okay, first of all, you have trust issues. Second, Demetri is a grown man.”

  “Thanks dude!” Demetri called from the kitchen.

  I rolled my eyes.

  “And…” Alec’s hands moved to cup my backside, pulling me closer against him. “I’ve managed to convince your parents that you deserve a few days away from all this craziness. Besides, I have to go to L.A. to take care of some stuff.”

  “But…�
�� I had no argument.

  “Your teachers are more than understanding. In fact I’m pretty sure they could care less if a straight A student skipped out before break. Demetri is going to go crash at your parents’. Bob is staying with him, even though he begged for Lloyd.” He would beg for Lloyd, the less scary one. Jerk. “And we’ll be back in time to have Christmas together.”

  I bit my lip and looked at Alec. “As a family?”

  He nodded. “Your grandparents, your parents, Demetri, and myself. That is, if you’ll have us.”

  I squealed with excitement. “When do we leave?”

  “Tonight.” He checked his watch. “You have exactly an hour to pack.”

  I scrambled off his lap and nearly fell to the floor.

  “Easy, Nat. I want to get you there in one piece.”

  I saluted just as Demetri hobbled back into the living room. Alec looked at me and then made some lame excuse about making sure he had everything he needed.

  “So…” Demetri plopped onto the couch and motioned for me to join him.

  “So.” I repeated.

  “My brother.”

  “Your brother.”

  “Are you really just going to repeat everything I say?”

  “You almost died,” I whispered.

  Demetri sighed then put his arm around me. “I think I liked it better when you were repeating after me, Nat.” I released a shuddering breath and looked at his face. He licked his lips. “Nat, I’m happy for you guys. I can’t say that it doesn’t suck, but I knew. Damn, I knew the minute you guys looked at each other. What can I say? I’m a selfish bastard. I knew what I was doing, Nat. Even if you didn’t know your own feelings.”

  “But I love you!”

  Demetri laughed. “Aw, Nat. I know, but it’s not the same kind of love you feel for Alec. Believe me, I’ve felt that love before, and that wasn’t it.”

  “Before?”

  He nodded. A shadow fell across his features. “Once, and she died. I think in a way you reminded me of her. I was trying to fix things, by not really fixing them, Nat.”

  I leaned my head against his shoulder. “So what do we do now?”