Reclaim Me

by A. O. Peart

  “A friend. She’s not feeling well. I’m taking her home.”

  “Hmm. Anything I can do?” He was a good guy and always freely offered help. Every member of the Hell Ravens was cool, and I was friends with the most of them.

  I looked away, my forehead wrinkling in thought. A few seconds passed before I said slowly, “At this point, we’re fine. But I’ll keep your offer in mind. Thanks.”

  I stuck my hand out. Gianni clasped it tightly and pulled me in for a one handed man-hug. He was a few inches shorter than me and not very wide in the shoulders, but he had a certain air of toughness and raw strength about him. Marcello, his twin brother, looked like Gianni’s carbon copy. Most people couldn’t tell them apart until they heard the brothers speak. Gianni’s voice was raspy as if he had a permanently damaged throat, while Marcello sounded… well, more normal.

  Willow sat in the car, leaning between the seats, and petting Cora, who looked like she was experiencing pure bliss. I smiled and put the bags with food behind my seat. A moment later we drove off. Gianni stood in front of the restaurant, chewing on a toothpick, with his feet wide apart and his arms crossed over his chest. Confidence rolled off him in waves—he knew how to look tough without even trying.

  I lifted my hand in a silent salute. Gianni nodded to me, his steely eyes following my truck.

  “Who was that?” Willow asked, adjusting her seat belt over her shoulder. She didn’t lift her eyes to me.

  I glanced at her. “Do you remember my cousin Nash?”

  This time she raised her head and looked curiously at me. “Yeah,” she said slowly, narrowing her eyes. “The motorcycle club. Hell Ravens. But that wasn’t Nash.”

  “No, that was Gianni, the Vice President of the Club.” One corner of my mouth lifted. I liked Gianni. He was rough-looking on the outside, but the guy had a heart of gold.

  “I remember Nash and Hell Ravens. I also remember a certain bike ride.” She snorted, frowning.

  I knew exactly what she meant. Shit, I honestly hadn’t thought about that incident for a long while, but apparently she hadn’t forgotten it. About four months before she broke up with me, I took her to ride my new Harley. It wasn’t brand new, of course. At seventeen, I wasn’t able to afford such beauty. But I bought it well-used and worked on it for many weeks, restoring it to its undeniable former glory. It was a magnificent machine, and even Nash admitted it looked more than half-way decent after I was done with it. That was the biggest compliment anyone would ever hear from my cousin.

  We rode to the Coast, just to kick around on the beach for a couple of hours before it got dark. That Harley was such a breeze to ride. Willow was unsure at first, clutching onto me with all her might and pressing with her helmet onto my back, but after a while she managed to relax and enjoy the trip.

  About fifteen miles from Seaside, though, my bike broke down, leaving us stranded alongside the road. I found out later it was the voltage rectifier’s circuit breaker that shorted out the alternator.

  Thinking about that day now, I felt ashamed at how I reacted. Instead of trying to figure out what happened, how to deal with the issue in the best way, and how to get us out of there, I got totally pissed. Swearing like a drunken sailor, I repetitively kicked the tire. My anger made me blind, which, back then, was something I didn’t know how to handle. I just let myself sink deeper and deeper into my fury, and had no idea how my outbursts affected others, Willow included.

  In my mind, I saw Willow sitting on the ground, several feet away from the Harley, quietly crying, her head hanging low. Remembering her like that was even worse than recalling my rage. I didn’t understand, then, exactly why she was crying and had no idea what to do about it, so I got even more furious. At seventeen, I was such a stupid ass.

  Now, I was mortified, thinking of the past. I felt my face grow hot and red, and my hands started to sweat. I wiped the palms of my hands over my jeans and bit inside of my cheek. I glanced at Willow, unsure what to say. At this moment, I wanted the earth to open up under me and swallow me whole, the truck seat and all.

  She wasn’t looking at me. Instead, she turned her head to stare out the window and kept twisting a wide, silver band around her middle finger. The band had a flat flower on top of it that looked like a clover, except it had five leaves. I wished she would raise that finger, flip me off, and spew a string of obscenities at me. I would know how to deal with that, but not with quiet and collected Willow. I’d never heard her swear, not even once. I’d never witnessed her lose her composure. I’d seen her cry, but never livid. She was special in every way, and here was I—an idiot with a history of anger management problems, who hoped she had forgotten how I’d used to make her feel.

  If I could turn back time, I would. But that was not an option, and I had to deal with the consequences of my fucked up, wild past.

  Chapter Ten

  Why did I even bring that up? It was cruel and stupid of me. The last thing I wanted was to make him feel bad. Jack was helping and taking care of me, and no matter the past, he didn’t deserve to be treated with disrespect. Ugh, I could just kick myself! Stupid me. What happened between us a long time ago didn’t matter now. Not at all.

  I felt ashamed of my words. He was quiet—too quiet. I turned my head away from the view of the city to look at him. I had to make things right. I had to apologize.

  “Jack.” I lifted my hand to touch his arm, but stopped mid-air. It was as if some invisible wall stood between us. What was happening? I didn’t feel that yesterday when he showed up at Rita’s and held me tight against his chest. It felt incredibly safe to be in his arms. But maybe I was too vulnerable yesterday to know any better?

  He immediately looked at me. I felt this strange mix of surprise, relief, and confusion when I registered his expression. What I expected to see wasn’t there. He wasn’t angry, or annoyed. His jaw wasn’t clenched, and his eyes weren’t shooting daggers at me. Was this the same Jack I knew from years ago? Or someone else?

  He glanced back at the road. The traffic light was changing to red, and Jack rolled his truck to a smooth stop. His eyebrows came together over the bridge of his nose and wrinkled like thick, black caterpillars. Still, he wasn’t upset, but seemed rather dejected.

  “I’m sorry,” I said softly. I felt terrible—not just confused, but somehow… defeated.

  “No worries.”

  We stayed silent for the rest of the ride. The city was busy now, with cars and busses driving by in both directions, pedestrians crossing, and the overall atmosphere of rush hour. I thought about the school and my young students. At this time of the day, they must’ve been in the common area on the main floor, eating their lunch. Funny how much I already missed them, even though I was there just yesterday.

  A sudden gust of wind plastered a large, oval leaf onto the windshield. Jack turned the wipers on, pushing it off to the side. First raindrops dotted the glass, and the wipers smeared them into almost perfect arcs. Someone honked, the wheels on a bus squeaked, a steady beat of music wafted from a car with a window rolled down.

  On the sidewalk, to my right, I noticed a tall, elegant woman in an impeccably-tailored white coat and high heels. Leash in hand, she was walking fast with a very lanky and skinny dog—some kind of a hound breed. A young man in a bright yellow sweater and tight jeans pushed a pink baby stroller, rushing through the small crowd of pedestrians to get the baby out of the rain.

  I smiled and wondered which teacher substituted for me today and who would fill in tomorrow and the next few days. The emergency room doctor supplied me with a note. Based on its contents, I could easily take several days off from work. There were no details of my condition specified by the doctor, of course, but his recommendation that I remain at home for up to two weeks was apparently all the school's principal needed to put me on medical leave. I was so relieved. I couldn’t show my battered face to my coworkers, students and their ever-present parents.

  A taxicab suddenly swerved in front of us, moving to th
e lane on our right. Instinctively, I pressed my back further into the seat and gasped, clutching the armrests. “Watch out!”

  Jack hit the break and swerved to the left, missing the cab by mere inches. We were lucky there wasn’t another vehicle in Jack’s way, or we would have gotten into an accident. But I was sure his reflexes played a major role in keeping his truck out of the way of any other cars.

  Cora barked in the back. My eyes widened, and my heart was my throat. I glanced at Jack. He didn’t honk or swear—didn’t even utter one word. Only the muscles tightening in his jaw reveal his tension. His lips curled back from his teeth for one quick moment, and I thought he’s going to cuss angrily, but he only exhaled in relief and shook his head. “I’m sorry. You okay?” He looked at me, concern darkening his blue eyes.

  “Yes. Fine.” I tried to put a smile on my face, but I was sure the effect was far from reassuring.

  Cora whimpered in the back seat, and I turned to pat her head. She leaned into my touch and licked my hand.

  “She’s still a baby, no matter her age.” Jack chuckled.

  “Are you still a baby at heart?” I cooed to Cora.

  She barked as if arguing with Jack, and he laughed. “I know, I know. I’m teasing you. You’re a tough cookie.”

  “Cora was very brave today,” I said hesitantly, not really wanting to talk about what happened earlier.

  Jack glanced at me and smiled a little. His eyes went back to the road. We were out of downtown, heading back to Rita’s. “I don’t really believe in coincidences, but today it must’ve been just that—a strange coincidence, since the jail is up the street from where you were. Still, I wish I was there with you from the beginning.” He looked at me again, and this time there was no smile on his face, only trepidation.

  I opened my mouth to say something, but Jack changed the subject, “I hope you’re hungry. Have you ever eaten at Vito’s?”

  I knew it was an attempt to put me at ease and I played along. “No, never.”

  “You’ll love it. It’s authentic Italian food, like homemade, not what you get in one of those chain restaurants. The flavors and textures are to die for. Both Gianni’s parents run the restaurant, but his mom decides on the menu. I think the Grandma helps out in the kitchen too, although she speaks no single word of English.”

  He was doing a pretty good job, because I instantly became more relaxed. I even smiled and looked back at Cora to check on her when she barked as if in agreement.

  “Yeah, you can smell that heavenly lunch, can’t you, girl?” Jack glanced at his dog in the rearview mirror.

  Her large jaws parted in a huge smile, and her tongue lolled out.

  “She agrees,” I said, reaching far behind Jack’s seat to scratch her behind her ear. “I can’t believe how much she’s grown. She’s not that sweet, cuddly puppy I remember, but she’s amazing now.”

  I felt a pang of longing—a strangely misplaced feeling, since my past with Jack wasn’t completely a happy one. Still, we had some good times, and I’d cherished those pleasant memories over the years. At first, I wanted to put them out of my mind, but no matter how hard I tried, they would always find a way to resurface, more often than I was comfortable with. Ever since graduating from high school and disappearing from Jack’s life, I often found myself thinking of him. I heard from our mutual friends he joined the Marine Corps with his cousin Ethan, but I had no idea he had come back and become a firefighter. His chosen path was nothing short of surprising and humbling.

  “You remember when I brought her from the breeder?” Jack sounded excited. “She was such a ball of a fluffy fur.”

  I laughed. “And wrinkled! I loved it.”

  “Yeah, except when she chewed the handle on your purse.” He grinned.

  “That wasn’t the first, or the last, thing she chewed on. How about your brand new shoes…” I stopped laughing, realizing the shoes mentioned were what Jack was planned to wear to the prom. The prom that I ran off from in tears after he got into a fight, despite promising there would be no trouble that night.”

  I chewed on my lower lip. Jack realized something was wrong, because the smile disappeared from his face. I tried to rearrange my features so he wouldn’t know what I was just thinking, but I wasn’t fast enough.

  He sighed. “Okay, we need to talk about this, Willow. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me.”

  I noticed his eyes tighten at the corners. “Jack, I—”

  “No, wait. Please,” he interrupted me in a gentle voice. “Let me park the truck first.”

  We arrived in front of my apartment building, or, rather, my former apartment—the one I shared with Seth, until yesterday.

  Jack quickly parked the vehicle, turned the ignition off and, casually draping his arm across the back of my seat, spun to face me. He rubbed his other hand on his jaw, his stubble making a scraping sound over his fingers. “Look …” He bit his lower lip in thought and his eyebrows pinched together. “I think you’re viewing me through the looking glass of your … our past. And I don’t blame you. It’s only natural to remember people the way we experienced them before, especially if we don’t have an opportunity to be around them in the present. All I’m saying is this: give me a chance to prove to you that you have nothing to worry about when it comes to me.”

  “Okay,” I said, nodding slowly. What he just told me sounded logical. Maybe I was overly cautious after my unfortunate relationship with Seth. That, and holding onto my memories of Jack as a wild teenager. Altogether, I was more confused and undecided than ever. But I wasn’t stupidly stubborn. If something made sense, I definitely wanted to give it a try.

  “Good.” He smiled, but his eyes were sad, as if he struggled to show me a happy face but on the inside he fought a battle.

  I decided not to delve into the subject right now. I was really hungry, and the wonderful smell of the Italian food from Vito’s restaurant wasn’t exactly curbing my appetite. What it did instead, was keeping me from concentrating on our conversation.

  Cora eagerly jumped out of the car. As soon as I closed the passenger door, she trotted toward me and, wagging her tail from side to side, demanded to be petted. First, she head-butted me twice. I laughed and stroked her head. But that wasn’t enough for her. She whimpered softly and licked my hand. I stroked her head again and scratched her behind the ears. I followed Jack to the building, but Cora kept head-butting me while walking right next to me.

  “What is it, girl?” I chuckled and looked at her.

  Her big brown eyes were focused on me. I stopped walking and bent at the waist to give her more attention. She lifted her head and licked my face.

  “Wow!” I laughed and pulled back, wiping my cheek and nose with my sleeve. “I know you remember me, and that’s really cool.”

  She barked happily, hopping up and down. Jack waited for us by the front door of the building, standing with his feet wide apart, smiling. He held one plastic bag with food in each hand. The corners of his mouth were slightly upturned. He looked delighted at my renewed friendship with Cora. I felt equally thrilled. She was a great dog, and I only had good memories associated with her.

  As soon as Cora and I reached Jack, my cell phone rang. I fished it out from my purse and looked at the screen. It was Rita.

  “Hey, we just parked in front of the apartment building. Coming right up,” I told her.

  “Oh, cool. I started to worry. What took you so long?” she complained.

  “Was it really that long? We picked up lunch from Vito’s and then came straight here.” I shrugged.

  “Come up, quick. I swear, I’m turning into some fucking mother hen, worrying sick about you, girlfriend” she huffed into the phone and then ended the call.

  It was strange to walk up these stairs, remembering all the time I spent living in this building with Seth. At first, we didn’t have many issues—no more than any average couple. But, as time went on, Seth’s temper gradually began to get in the way. I tried to no
t only be patient with him, but also to let him know how his outbursts made me feel and how they were destroying our relationship. Sometimes he would listen, and for the next week or so he would try really hard to stay calm and not go off the deep end. But in the recent two months, his mood significantly darkened and his fuse became dramatically shorter. He always apologized and promised not to get mad again, though, and I desperately wanted to believe him.

  I knew I was too idealistic. I should’ve left Seth right after his very first angry outburst. I should’ve never ignored my intuition when I started to feel extremely uncomfortable around him. If I only knew back then what he was really capable of, I would’ve never hesitated.

  Chapter Eleven

  The three of us sat in Rita’s small kitchen, eating lunch straight from the carry-out containers. I kept glancing at Willow when I thought she wouldn’t notice. Some of the angry, purple bruises had begun to turn yellow at the edges, and the swelling on her lip was almost completely gone. I was glad to notice the cut started to heal. It must’ve been still painful, because she was opening her mouth only a bit and chewing carefully.

  Rita was talking about her sister who lived in Charleston and was currently going through a divorce. My attention drifted off and my thoughts kept bouncing around, not settling on any specific subject or a memory. I felt tired. The few short hours of sleep I managed last night apparently weren’t enough. I stifled a yawn or two, and Rita noticed.

  “You wanna crash for a bit, cowboy?” she asked.

  That brought me back to the present. “Nah, I’m fine. But thanks, though.” I smiled.

  “I saw those yawns,” she added through a mouthful of raviolis.

  I shrugged.

  Willow was watching me with concern etched into her eyes. Cora sat with her head propped on Willow’s leg, shamelessly begging for food.

  “Can she have a bit of this?” Willow asked.

  I snorted. “You fell for those pleading eyes, didn’t you?”