The longer he physically loved me, the harder I found it to keep emotional distance.
I wanted to burst into tears because this, this was what I’d begged for. The domestication and the dominance. The sweet and the surly. He’d finally given me everything, but I was too afraid to take it. Too confused and timid to trust.
His tongue circled my nipple over my T-shirt as he nipped and suckled his way back to my mouth, consuming me with his heady taste.
My breaths turned choppy and short as primal command made my skin spark with need.
With sudden fierceness, I pumped him once more, tugged on his wrist to remove his fingers from inside me, then lined up his tip to my entrance.
He reared over me, lips wet, eyes black, a wildness inside him that made me tumble into agony. “Wait, I want—”
“Fuck me, Jacob.” I arched my spine, grazing my wetness on his erection.
He locked in place, a hiss trickling from his mouth. “But—”
“Finish this.” I gritted my teeth.
I wanted him desperately to end this.
I wanted it over.
“No matter what you think, this isn’t the end, Hope.” He kissed me softly. “It’s just the beginning.” He planted hands into the mattress and pressed an inch inside me. “Tell me you understand that.”
I pursed my lips and said nothing.
My eyes shot a challenge. My body screamed a goodbye.
And Jacob accepted my denial with a swift, deep thrust.
Taking me. Impaling me. Filling me with every part of him.
I cried out, raking my nails down his back, willing my body to accept him even though I’d banished my heart from such a thing.
His head tipped forward as he quaked with desire. His length inside me hardened, stretching me until I utterly belonged to him.
And then he moved.
A rock of his hips. A pound of his body.
He didn’t make love or fuck me.
He claimed me, invaded me, surrounded me with every sense until I was molten despair in his arms.
“This is us, Hope. You and me. Forever.” He thrust into me, his breath catching as a wash of pure pleasure engulfed us.
“Don’t talk.” I moaned, grabbing his hips and commanding him to take me faster.
He obeyed, driving me into the bed with the delicious speed of a frenzied beast and adoring lover. His mess of long blond hair tickled my cheeks as he kissed me. His few-day old beard rasped my lips and skin. He was as Wild as I’d ever seen and I shivered in his power.
I was merely his conquest, there to accept his temper all while he vowed to love me.
His tongue hunted mine again. His groan dark and heady, twisting my belly with a tingling orgasm.
Somehow, he knew.
He felt how close I was.
He sank deeper, driving into me, consuming me until we were savage with lust.
He fought to climb into me, and I clawed to get closer to him.
Our bodies slowly slicked with sweat; our nerve endings quickly sought a mind-shattering release.
His hand shot between us, his rough farmer’s thumb finding my clit.
His rhythm picked up speed, hammering into me as his touch gave me nowhere to hide. “I want to feel you come when I’m inside you.” His breath caught, and his tone rasped with greed.
I savoured the sensation of him controlling every part of me.
I gave up rocking against him. I stopped screaming at my heart not to fall. I gave in because it was the only thing I could do with the man I wanted more than anything on top of me.
His free hand trailed to my neck. I dug my head into the pillow, giving him the column of my throat. But he didn’t cup or stroke me.
He merely tangled his fingers in the chain of my locket and tugged—pulling me up to kiss him with the silver jewellery. “I bought this because I missed you.”
A thrill shot down my spine as he thrust faster.
“I told myself it meant nothing. I believed it meant nothing. I lied.”
A sick excitement sizzled deep, deep in my core, soaring me higher and higher, twining me tighter and tighter.
He didn’t stop claiming me. His body pumping into mine. His touch all around me. His eyes entrapped mine with their gemstone glittering depths.
“I bought you a necklace when I was a teenager. Perhaps I should buy you a ring now that I’m a man. Then again, wasn’t it you who was supposed to propose if I slept with you?” He cupped the locket, his jaw clenching and body driving deeper. “I’m inside you, Hope. Don’t you owe me a question?”
I glowered at him, loose and drunk on the pleasure he gave. “I owe you nothing.”
“You’re right.” His hand spread over my throat, squeezing gently as he increased his pressure, taking every last piece of me. “But I owe you my heart. And you have it. Forever.”
His thumb pressed into my clit as he kissed me, attacking me from all angles.
And I lost it.
My desire supernovaed. A firework of heat and hope and heartache.
My broken leg didn’t stop my orgasm. My concussion didn’t prevent stars from exploding behind my eyes. And my bruises did nothing to prevent the way I came apart in his embrace.
As I rippled around him, he reared onto his fists and fucked me hard and deep, increasing the length of my orgasm, wringing me out until I was floppy and dazed—his captive to take whatever he wanted.
Then he joined me in bliss.
His climax raced down his spine, and he groaned the most guttural groan.
A groan that smashed down my final, flimsy walls and made tears leak from my eyes.
His essence spilled into me, and I had nowhere to hide.
I loved Jacob Wild with every molecule.
I wanted to believe him, trust him, forgive him.
But as my body lay sated and tingling, our limbs entwined and heartbeats pounding, my soul scrambled from the togetherness.
This had been yet another mistake.
It was a fantasy I couldn’t have.
It was an ending that needed to happen.
I closed my eyes against the inevitable goodbye.
CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
Jacob
* * * * * *
I WOKE GROGGY and slow as if I’d drunk heavily the night before and suffered a hangover from hell.
I hadn’t drunk. But I had indulged in substances bad for my health.
I lay on my stomach, inching my arm across the bed to Hope.
Dawn only just lightened the sky. My body still sang with our ruthless connection, but I needed to touch her again. I needed to be inside her. To assure myself she’d finally accepted that I loved her and she wasn’t going anywhere.
My heart went from sluggish to crazed as my hand met cool, empty sheets.
Bolting upright, I scanned the dawn-doused bedroom.
No Hope.
Leaping out of bed, I hopped into a pair of boxer-briefs and rushed to find her.
I dashed into my bathroom, expecting, hoping to see her in the shower.
She wasn’t.
Where the hell is she?
The sweet, delicious tone of her voice came from the kitchen and energy bolted through my legs. I ran down the corridor, skidding into the living room.
She stood with her hand in her hair, crutches leaning against the dining table and her phone to her ear. “I’m not at Cassie’s, Dad.”
Graham was loud enough through the phone that his timbre sailed across the space to me. “Where the hell have you been staying then? I assumed Jacob would take you to his aunt’s.”
She winced, her back to me, either ignoring me or unaware of my presence. “He didn’t. I’m at his place.”
“You spent the night?”
“Yes. He was a…gracious host.”
I wanted to snicker at her comment. To love the inside joke and relish in our secret. But her tone wasn’t that of a girl in love. It was resigned and unhappy…resolute. “I’m ready t
o go, though, so feel free to come get me.”
“Okay. I’ll be right up.”
“I’ll be outside.”
What?
Hope severed the call, then turned around with a heavy sigh. She froze as she saw me standing there, half-naked, chest heaving, my heart in pieces by my feet. “Last night meant nothing to you?” I padded toward her, arms spread in surrender. “You’re leaving?”
Her lips pressed together as she fought another onslaught of tears. She pocketed her phone in clothes she’d changed into from her suitcase and grabbed the crutches. “I told you I can’t do this again, Jacob.”
“But we slept together.”
“We did.”
“And now you’re leaving.”
“Like you did.” Her chin sliced the sky as she held her head high.
“So you’re punishing me?” I closed the distance between us.
She backed up, her crutches squeaking in her haste. “No, I’m merely protecting myself from a future I can’t survive.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“It’s the truth.”
“But I’m in love with you. How many fucking times do I need to tell you?”
The crunch of tyres on gravel outside made my heart race with sickness. Her dad must’ve been parked at Aunt Cassie’s house to get here so fast.
I’d run out of time.
I’d run out of hope.
My spine rolled even as I fought the urge to grab her. To kiss her again. To drag her back to my bed.
Graham knocked on my door, wrenching Hope’s gaze to it.
I stepped in front of her. “Don’t go. Let me prove to you. Let me show you that I’ll never hurt you again.” Grabbing her shoulders, I longed to wipe away the tear rolling down her cheek. “I promised I’d never make you cry again. These tears are your doing.”
She shifted in my hold, trying to hide from my touch, but I didn’t let her. I merely moved with her, digging my fingertips into her delicate body, cupping a hand around the nape of the woman I loved with all my heart. “Hope, please—”
My front door opened. Graham stepped uninvited into my home.
Goddammit, I should really lock my door.
He froze, taking in the scene before him. His daughter with crutches, cast, and bruises, and a boy who’d broken her heart so many times half-naked before her.
“Hope?” He crept forward, his eyes narrowing on mine. “What’s going on?”
Hope shook her head, doing her best to back away. “Nothing. I was just saying goodbye.”
I let her go, turning to face Graham.
My skin prickled at being mostly naked. I felt vulnerable and bare and not at all worthy, but this was my one chance. My last shot at keeping the girl I needed. “I don’t want her to go.”
Graham cocked his head. “I don’t think you have a choice in the matter.”
“But…I love her. With all my sorry excuse of a heart.”
Hope sucked in a breath as I moved away from her. I went to her father. I did the honourable thing and told the guardian of the girl I wanted more than anything the truth. Perhaps he would believe me. “I’ve hurt your daughter, sir. I know that. I know I have a lot to make amends on. I’ve been mean and idiotic and downright awful, but…I love her.” I spread my hands. “I can’t let her walk out that door because I know I’ll never see her again and that just can’t happen.”
Graham crossed his arms. “If Hope wants to leave, then you won’t stop her.”
“And if she wants to stay. Will you let her?”
He looked past me to his daughter. “Hope is an adult. She can make her own decisions.”
I studied him. I looked past my childish grudge about him playing my father. I put aside my grievances of his intrusion on our world, and I accepted him as a man. Just a man…like me. One who’d sinned and made mistakes and I knew what I had to do.
“You’re a good man, Mr. Murphy. I’m sorry I didn’t see that till now.”
He froze.
“I hope to be as good a father as you are someday.” My voice rasped with sincerity. “That’s the honest to God truth.”
Hope whimpered behind me, sending shivers down my back.
I smiled softly as I turned to face her again.
I blocked out her father. I went to the most important person in my world, and with my heart aching and stomach in knots, I sank to my knee before her.
The air in the room vanished.
Graham cleared his throat. Hope moaned under her breath, and I bowed at the feet of someone who I would love until my dying day. Breath was hard to come by as my heart galloped in terror and acceptance.
“Hope Jacinta Murphy.”
She shook her head, biting her lip. “Jake…what are you doing?”
“Hush.” I captured her hand, bringing her knuckles to my lips. “Let me do this before I have another panic attack.”
She wobbled in place.
I sucked in a gulp, looking into her gorgeous green eyes. “If you won’t take me as your friend and you refuse to take me as your lover, I have only one option available.”
Goosebumps exploded over my skin as she moaned again. “Jacob…stop.”
I clutched her fingers tighter. “I love you, Hope. I don’t care how many times I have to say it to make you believe me. I’ll say it every hour of every day for the rest of our lives if I have to. In fact, I’ll do that anyway. Just because you deserve to be told you are loved. You are loved so fucking much with all my heart. And I will continue to love you forever. I will never stop. You have my utmost vow. I will love you until you are old and grey. I will love you when we bicker and argue, and I will love you even past death. I know I’ve hurt you. I’ve broken your trust and been a jackass for years. I’ve been the worst kind of friend to you while you’ve been the best kind to me. But…you died yesterday. And I wanted to die, too. The thought of you gone didn’t just butcher me; it stole the very essence of who I am. If you had died, I know I wouldn’t be the same man. I would be changed. Irrevocably. Just like you would be changed if I died. We’re already bound in every way that matters.”
She stumbled. One of her crutches tumbled to the floor, and I grabbed her other hand, giving her something to cling to. “I thought I could avoid love so I wouldn’t feel the pain my parents did. But the thing is…I’ve been feeling it every day of my life because I’ve been fighting the one thing that could make me whole.”
I smiled as she cried openly.
“I was so afraid of losing you that I didn’t realise I’d already lost you, and I would rather the pain of burying you than the numbness of not having you. So push me away, refuse to see me, find someone else who is worthy of you. But you have to know that I will always be there waiting. I will always love you because it’s an impossibility not to love you. Love is worth any price—I see that now. No matter how long we’ll have together, I’m strong enough to love you. I’m brave enough to accept.”
My voice thickened as I murmured, “I accept this, Hope. Us. I accept that eventually one of us will die before the other. I accept one of us will be broken and the other will live a half-life until we’re reunited. I even accept that love has the power to lead us back to each other past the grave. I accept, Hope. I finally fucking accept.”
She cried harder, tears glittering like crystals on her white cheeks.
I turned her hands upside down and pressed two kisses to her palms. “Marry me. Accept me just like you taught me to accept you.” I nuzzled into her sweet-smelling skin. “Please, Hope. Marry me.”
Her father grunted, Hope crumpled, and I stayed on my knee with more fear than I’d ever felt.
My last chance.
My final attempt at deserving her.
A breeze blustered through the open door, whistling around my home, cool and warm, quick and calm. Two elements. Two sides.
My hair raised on the back of my neck as familiar whispers filled my ears. A familiar connection to ghosts I held so dear.
&nbs
p; My parents.
United in the wind and there for my proposal.
I didn’t care if it was pure imagination. It helped to know they saw me. That they celebrated my change of heart as much as I did and approved of my choice.
Mom had loved Hope already.
Dad would’ve loved her undoubtedly.
She was as much a Wild as I was and had been since she was ten years old.
The breeze died down, and Hope didn’t give me an answer.
I waited for another heart-destroying second before slowly climbing to my feet. Nudging her chin with my fingers, I asked softly, “Well…do you have an answer for me?”
Her gaze locked on mine. She didn’t look past me to her father. She didn’t seek approval or answers. She merely stared into me. Stared and stared and cupped my cheek with a shaking hand.
The moment lasted forever as she read my heart, inscribed my vow on hers, and finally, finally nodded. “I believe you.”
The strength in my legs vanished. I stumbled. “Oh, thank God.”
She gave me a tentative smile. “Want to borrow my crutches?”
I laughed. “Don’t need them. I have you to hold onto.” I dragged her to me, kissing her hard.
With her lips on mine and her acceptance softening my anxiety, my heart knitted itself together in ways it never could before, stitch by stitch, string by string until it was a new heart, an eager heart, a battered, bruised, and wizened heart.
A heart brave enough to accept a marriage, a family…a home.
I groaned into the kiss, not caring that her father was right there. Or that he was about to become my father-in-law. I only focused on Hope—like I would for the rest of my life.
She kissed me back, her tongue tangling with mine, making parts of me clench and swell.
I wanted to kiss her forever, but I also needed to hear her promise. To know she’d heard what I said and understood how deadly serious I was. Kissing her one last time, I pulled away and murmured, “So? You will marry me, right?”
She shivered in my arms, her mouth pink and eyes wide. “Is this real? Are you really proposing? This isn’t just a—”
“It’s real, Hope. I know what I’m asking. I know it includes a wedding and vows and everything else a marriage comes with.”
The Son & His Hope Page 52