Dawn x-1

by Butler, Octavia

  "It isn't."

  "So you say. Sooner or later I'll find out for myself."

  "Kahguyaht could show you things that would make you sure now. They might even convince Curt."

  "Nothing will convince Curt. Nothing will reach him."

  "You think he'll do what Peter did?"

  "Much more efficiently."

  "Oh god. Did you know they put Jean back into suspended animation? She won't even remember Peter when she wakes up."

  "I heard. That will make it easier on her when they put her with another guy, I guess."

  "Is that what you would want for Tate?" He shrugged, turned, and walked away.

  3

  Lilith taught all the humans to make thatch shingles and place them in overlapping rows on rafters so that they would not leak. She showed them the best trees to cut for flooring and frame. They all worked several days to construct a large thatch-roofed cabin on stilts, well above the river's highwater mark. The cabin was a twin to the one they had all squeezed into so far-the one Lilith and the ooloi had constructed then the ooloi brought them all through the miles of corridors to the training room.

  The ooloi left this second construction strictly to the humans. They watched or sat talking among themselves or disappeared on errands of their own. But when the work was finished they brought in a small feast to celebrate.

  "We won't provide food for much longer," one of them told the group. "You'll learn to live on what grows here and to cultivate gardens."

  No one was surprised. They had already been cutting hands of green bananas from existing trees and hanging them from beams or from the porch railing. As the bananas ripened, the humans discovered they had to compete with the insects for them.

  A few people had also been cutting pineapples and picking papayas and breadfruits from existing trees. Most people did not like the breadfruit until Lilith showed them the seeded form of the fruit, the breadnut. When they roasted the seeds as she instructed and ate them, they realized they had been eating them all along back in the great room.

  They had pulled sweet cassava from the ground and dug up the yams Lilith had planted during her own training.

  Now it was time for them to begin planting their own crops.

  And, perhaps, now it was time for the Oankali to begin to see what they would harvest in their human crop.

  Two men and a woman took their allotted tools and vanished into the forest. They did not really know enough yet to be on their own, but they were gone. Their ooloi did not go after them.

  The group of ooloi put their head tentacles and sensory arms together for a moment and seemed to come to a very fast agreement None of them would pay any attention to the three missing people.

  "No one has escaped," Nikanj told Joseph and Lilith when they asked what would be done. "The missing people are still on the island. They're being watched."

  "Watched through all these trees?" Joseph demanded.

  "The ship is keeping track of them. If they're hurt, they'll be taken care of."

  Other humans left the settlement. As the days passed, some of their ooloi seemed acutely uncomfortable. They kept to themselves, sat rock still, their head and body tentacles drawn into thick, dark lumps that looked, as Leah said, like grotesque tumors. These ooloi could be shouted at, rained on, tripped over. They never moved. When their head tentacles ceased to follow the movements of those around them, their mates arrived to tend them.

  Male and female Oankali came out of the forest and took charge of their particular ooloi. Lilith never saw any of them called, but she saw one pair arrive.

  She had gone alone to a place on the river where there was a heavily laden breadnut tree. She had climbed the tree, not only to get the fruit, but to enjoy the solitude and the beauty of the tree. She had never been much of a climber even as a child, but during her training, she had developed climbing skill and confidence-and a love of being so close to something so much of Earth.

  From the tree, she saw two Oankali come out of the water. They did not seem to swim in toward land, but simply stood up near shore and walked in. Both focused on her for a moment, then headed inland toward the settlement.

  She had watched them in utter silence, but they had known she was there. One more male and female, come to rescue a sick, abandoned ooloi.

  Would it give the humans a feeling of power to know that they could make their ooloi feel sick and abandoned? Ooloi did not endure well when bereft of all those who carried their particular scent, their particular chemical marker. They lived. Metabolisms slowed, they retreated deep within themselves until called back by their families or, less satisfactorily, by another ooloi behaving as a kind of physician. So why didn't they go to their mates when their humans left? Why did they stay and get sick?

  Lilith walked back to the settlement, a long crude basket filled with breadnuts on her back. She found the male and female ministering to their ooloi holding it between them and entangling its head and body tentacles with their own. Wherever the three touched, tentacles joined them. It was an intimate, vulnerable position, and other ooloi lounged nearby, guarding without seeming to guard. There were also a few humans watching. Lilith looked around the settlement, wondering how many of the humans not present would not come back from their day of wandering or food gathering. Did those who left come together on some other part of the island? Had they built a shelter? Were they building a boat? A wild thought struck her: What if they were right? What if they somehow were on Earth? What if it were possible to row a boat to freedom? What if, in spite of all she had seen and felt, this was some kind of hoax? How would it be perpetrated? Why would it be perpetrated? Why would the Oankali go to so much trouble?

  No. She did not understand why the Oankali had done some of what they had done, but she believed the basics. The ship. The Earth, waiting to be recolonized by its people. The Oankali's price for saving the few remaining fragments of humanity.

  But more people were leaving the settlement. Where were they? What if-The thought would not let her alone no matter what facts she felt she knew. What if the others were right?

  Where had the doubt come from?

  That evening as she brought in a load of firewood, Tate blocked her path.

  "Curt and Celene are gone," she said quietly. "Celene let it slip to me that they were leaving."

  "I'm surprised it took them so long."

  "I'm surprised Curt didn't brain an Oankali before he left."

  Nodding in agreement, Lilith stepped around her and put down her load of wood.

  Tate followed and again planted herself in Lilith's path.

  "What?" Lilith asked.

  "We're going too. Tonight." She kept her voice very low-though no doubt more than one Oankali heard her.

  "Where?"

  "We don't know. Either we'll find the others or we won't. We'll find something-or make something."

  "Just the two of you?"

  "Four of us. Maybe more."

  Lilith frowned, not knowing how to feel. She and Tate had become friends. Wherever Tate was going, she would not escape. If she did not injure herself or anyone else, she would probably be back.

  "Listen," Tate said, "I'm not just telling you for the hell of it. We want you to go with us."

  Lilith steered her away from the center of the camp. The Oankali would hear no matter what they did, but there was no need to involve other humans.

  "Gabe has already talked to Joe," Tate said. "We want-"

  "Gabe what!"

  "Shut up! You want to tell everyone? Joe said he'd go. Now what about you?"

  Lilith stared at her hostilely. "What about me?"

  "I need to know now. Gabe wants to leave soon."

  "If I leave with you, we'll leave after breakfast tomorrow morning."

  Tate, being Tate, said nothing. She smiled.

  "I didn't say I was going. All I mean is that there's no reason to sneak away in the night and step on a coral snake or something. It's pitch black out there at night.
"

  "Gabe thinks we'll have more time before they discover we're gone."

  "Where's his mind-and yours? Leave tonight and they'll notice you're gone by tomorrow morning-if you don't wake everyone on your way out by tripping over something or someone. Leave tomorrow morning and they won't notice you're gone until tomorrow night at dinner." She shook her head. "Not that they'll care. They haven't so far. But if you want to slip away, at least do it in a way that will give you a chance to find shelter before nightfall-or in case it rains."

  "When it rains," Tate said. "It always rains sooner or later. We thought. . . maybe once we were clear of this place, we'd cross the river, head north, keep heading north until we found a dryer, cooler climate."

  "If we are on Earth, Tate, considering what was done to Earth and especially to the northern hemisphere, south would be a better direction."

  Tate shrugged. "You don't get a vote unless you come with us."

  "I'll talk to Joe."

  "But--''

  "And you ought to get Gabe to help you with your acting. I haven't said a thing you and Gabe hadn't already thought of. Neither of you is stupid. And you, at least, are no good at bullshitting people."

  Characteristically, Tate laughed. "I used to be." She sobered. "Okay, yeah. We've pretty much worked out the best way of doing it-tomorrow morning and south and with someone who probably knows how to stay alive in this country better than anyone but the Oankali."

  There was a silence.

  "We really are on an island, you know," Lilith said.

  "No, I don't know," Tate answered. "But I'm willing to take your word for it. We'll have to cross the river."

  "And in spite of what we see on what seems to be the other side, I believe we'll find a wall over there."

  "In spite of the sun, the moon and the stars? In spite of the rain and the trees that have obviously been here for hundreds of years?"

  Lilith sighed. "Yes."

  "All because the Oankali said so."

  "And because of what I saw and felt before I Awoke you."

  "What the Oankali let you see and made you feel. You wouldn't believe some of the stuff Kahguyaht has made me feel."

  "Wouldn't I?"

  "I mean, you can't trust what they do to your senses!"

  "I knew Nikanj when it was too young to do anything to my senses without my being aware of it."

  Tate looked away, stared toward the river where the glint of water could still be seen. The sun-artificial or real-had not quite vanished and the river looked browner than ever.

  "Look," she said, "I don't mean anything by this, but I have to say it. You and Nikanj. . ." She let her voice die, abruptly looked at Lilith as though demanding a response. "Well?"

  "Well, what?''

  "You're closer to him-to it-than we are to Kahguyaht. You..."

  Lilith stared at her silently.

  "Hell, all I mean is, if you won't go with us, don't try to stop us."

  "Has anyone tried to stop anyone from leaving?"

  "Just don't say anything. That's all."

  "Maybe you are stupid," Lilith said softly.

  Tate looked away again and shrugged. "I promised Gabe I'd get you to promise."

  "Why?"

  "He thinks if you give your word, you'll keep it."

  "Otherwise, I'll run and tell, right?"

  "I'm beginning not to care what you do."

  Lilith shrugged, turned and started back toward camp. It seemed to take Tate several seconds to see that she meant it. Then she ran after Lilith, pulled her back away from the camp.

  "All right, I'm sorry you're insulted," Tate rasped. "Now are you going or aren't you?"

  "You know the breadnut tree up the bank-the big one?"

  "Yes?"

  "If we're going, we'll meet you there after breakfast tomorrow."

  "We won't wait long."

  "Okay."

  Lilith turned and walked back to camp. How many Oankali had heard the exchange? One? A few? All of them? No matter. Nikanj would know in minutes. So it would have time to send for Ahajas and Dichaan. It would not have to sit and go catatonic like the others.

  In fact, she still wondered why the others had not done it. Surely they had known that their chosen humans were leaving. Kahguyaht would know. What would it do?

  Something occurred to her suddenly-a memory of tribal people sending their sons out to live for a while alone in the forest or desert or whatever as a test of manhood.

  Boys of a certain age who had been taught how to live in the environment were sent out to prove what they had learned.

  Was that it? Train the humans in the basics, then let them go out on their own when they were ready?

  Then why the catatonic ooloi?

  "Lilith?"

  She jumped, then stopped and let Joseph catch up with her. They walked together to the fire where people were sharing baked yams and Brazil nuts from a tree someone had stumbled upon.

  "Did you talk to Tate?" he asked. She nodded.

  "What did you tell her?" "That I'd talk to you." Silence.

  "What do you want to do?" she asked.

  "Go."

  She stopped, turned to look at him, but his face told her nothing.

  "Would you leave me?" she whispered.

  "Why would you stay? To be with Nikanj?"

  "Would you leave me?"

  "Why would you stay?" The whispered words had the impact of a shout.

  "Because this is a ship. Because there's nowhere to run."

  He looked up at the bright half moon and at the first scattering of stars. "I've got to see for myself," he said softly. "This feels like home. Even though I've never been in a tropical forest before in my life, but this smells and tastes and looks like home."

  " . . . I know." "I've got to see!" "Yes."

  "Don't make me leave you."

  She seized his hand as though it were an animal about to escape.

  "Come with us!" he whispered.

  She closed her eyes, shutting out the forest and the sky, the people talking quietly around the fire, the Oankali, several physically joined in silent conversation. How many of the Oankali had heard what she and Joseph were saying? None of them behaved as though they had heard.

  "All right," she said softly. "I'll go."

  4

  Joseph and Lilith found no one waiting at the breadnut tree after breakfast the next morning. Lilith had seen Gabriel leave camp, carrying a large basket, his ax, and his machete as though intending to chop wood. People did that as they saw need just as Lilith took her own machete, ax, and baskets and went to gather forest foods when she saw need. She took people with her when she wanted to teach and went alone when she wanted to think.

  This morning only Joseph was with her. Tate had left camp before breakfast. Lilith suspected that she might have gone to one of the gardens Lilith and Nikanj's family had planted. There she could dig cassava or yams or cut papayas, bananas, or pineapple. It would not help much. They would soon have to live on what they found in the forest.

  Lilith carried roasted breadnuts both because she liked them and because they were a good source of protein. She also carried yams, beans, and cassava. At the bottom of her basket she carried extra clothing, a hammock of light, strong Oankali cloth, and a few sticks of dry tinder.

  "We won't wait much longer," Joseph said. "They should be here. Maybe they've come and gone."

  "More likely they'll be here as soon as they decide we weren't followed. They'll want to be sure 1 haven't sold them out, told the Oankali."

  Joseph looked at her, frowned. "Tate and Gabe?"

  "Yes."

  "I don't think so."

  She shrugged.

  "Gabe said you should get out for your own good. He said he'd heard people beginning to talk against you again- now that they can think for themselves again."

  "I'll be going toward the dangerous ones, Joe, not away from them. So will you."

  He stared at the river for a while, then put his
arm around her. "Do you want to go back?"

  "Yes. But we won't."

  He did not argue. She resented his silence, but accepted it. He wanted to go that badly. His feeling that he was on Earth was that strong.

  Sometime later, Gabriel led Tate, Leah, Wray, and Allison to the breadnut tree. He stopped, stared at Lilith for a moment. She was certain he had heard all she had said.

  "Let's go," she said.

  They headed upriver by mutual consent since no one really wanted to head back toward camp. They stayed near the river to avoid getting lost. This meant occasionally hacking their way through undergrowth and aerial roots, but no one seemed to mind.

  In the humidity, everyone perspired freely. Then it began to rain. Beyond walking more carefully in the mud, no one paid any attention. The mosquitoes bothered them less. Lilith slapped at a persistent one. There would be no Nikanj tonight to heal her insect bites, no gentle, multiple touches of sensory tentacles and sensory hands. Was she the only one who would miss them?

  The rain ceased eventually. The group walked on until the sun was directly overhead. Then they sat on the wet trunk of a fallen tree, ignoring fungi and brushing away insects.

  They ate breadnuts and the ripest of the bananas Tate had brought. They drank from the river, having long ago learned to ignore the sediment. It couldn't be seen in the handfuls of water that they drank, and it was harmless.

  There was strangely little conversation. Lilith went aside to relieve herself and when she stepped clear of the tree that had concealed her, every eye was on her. Then abruptly everyone found something else to notice-one another, a tree, a piece of food, their fingernails.

  "Oh god, " Lilith muttered. And more loudly: "Let's talk, people." She stood before the fallen tree that they either sat or leaned on. "What is it?" she asked. "Are you waiting for me to desert you and go back to the Oankali? Or maybe you think I have some magic way of signaling them from here? What is it you suspect me of?"

  Silence.

  "What is it, Gabe?"

  He met her gaze levelly. "Nothing." He spread his hands. "We're nervous. We don't know what's going to happen. We're scared. You shouldn't have to take the brunt of our feelings, but. . . but you're the different one. Nobody knows how different."