Seat 2A

by Dela

  The girls’ heads whipped in my direction too fast for my liking. I kept my face forward, pretending I didn’t notice.

  “Do you know Kendal?” Bianca asked.

  “Kendal stop . . .” Gizelle said much louder. “You need to relax . . . we are all in the car already . . . yes I went over there . . . he said he can’t fix the roofing issues until he has a solid week of no rain . . . he told me the same thing he told you, mid-November . . . okay see you later.”

  “He’s getting anxious,” Austin said, pushing his sleeves to his elbows.

  “He’s getting worse is what he’s getting,” Gizelle snarled. She turned back toward us. “Sorry. Kendal can be so hard to deal with sometimes.”

  “Is everything okay?” Sue wondered.

  “Oh yeah, everything is fine,” she said bleakly. She wouldn’t meet my eyes.

  “Is it?” I asked.

  She finally looked at me and forced a closed, cheeky smile. “Yes.”

  “Does Kendal know Jessie?” Bianca interrupted.

  “Not really.” I broke first. “We were friends a long time ago. I haven’t seen him in a while either.”

  Bianca sized me up in a friendly-competitor sort of way. I didn’t mind. I liked her. But I could feel her growing curious. “Oh, how’d you meet? School?”

  “We sat by each other on a flight to Whistler seven years ago.”

  “Holy Fatboy. You’re kidding me?”

  I laughed. “Actually, no.”

  “You must have really made an impression on him, huh?” Jealousy practically spilled out of her voice.

  “So what was Kendal upset with?” Sue asked Gizelle.

  “Oh nothing, he’s just worried about his new roof. He’s so uptight lately. He’s been pressuring the contractors to hurry with his house. He’s actually been so obnoxious about it that eventually they stopped taking his phone calls. I’ve become the middle man now.”

  “He’s moving to Portland?”

  “Well it wasn’t always the plan, but things changed suddenly. His LA house is already packed but he still has another month before his house here is ready.”

  “Is everything okay with the sleeping arrangement?” I asked.

  “Of course it is. He was just being silly. He said if you were too cramped then you could sleep in his room.”

  “Has he lost his mind? ‘Hey Colby, come see your ex-girlfriend share rooms with my brother-in-law,’” Austin said.

  “I know,” Gizelle agreed, rolling her eyes.

  “Hold on.” Bianca shook her head trying to keep up.

  Sue was first. “Holy clusterfish. You’re Colby’s girlfriend?”

  “No! Ex, Sue…EX-girlfriend,” I said.

  Bianca laughed, her bright red hair rippling down her boulder shoulders. “This just got interesting.”

  “No, Bianca. Colby and I will never be anymore. I promise you guys. Sue, if you like him then you should go for it. He really is a great guy.”

  Austin snickered quietly from the front seat.

  “Oh shush.” Gizelle gave him a small tap. “Sue, I think that’s a great idea. We love Colby.”

  “I need gummy bears,” she replied blankly.

  “What?” Bianca laughed.

  “I need gummy bears, or anything that has sugar. Whenever I get nervous sugar helps me stay calm.”

  “But why gummy bears?” Austin wondered.

  “Have you read the review of the sugar-free kind on the Internet?” Gizelle added. She showed it to me once, the long narrative rambled on about explosions and smells that would damage you forever. I always wondered if it was fake.

  “Yes, I don’t care. I don’t get the sugar-free kind anyways. But . . . isn’t it weird if Jessie is here? I don’t want to be chasing after Jessie’s ex-boyfriend in front of her,” Sue said, watching me from the corner of her eye.

  “You’re not chasing him,” Gizelle chuckled. “He’s going to be staying with us for the weekend. Where you gonna chase him to?” She turned to Austin matter-of-factly. “We need to get gummy bears.”

  “Ooh, did anyone bring any licorice?”

  “I suppose we need to get that too?” Austin said. “Jessie, do you have any requests?”

  I flashed on a recent memory of Kendal, of our second barfing excursion. My stomach tightened at the thought of binging. “I’m okay, thanks.”

  The mileage sign flashed against Austin’s headlights: 10 miles to Seaside.

  “I’m sending everyone a group text in case of an emergency. I want everyone to have each other’s phone numbers if we need to get a hold of each other,” Gizelle added.

  Our phones beeped at once. My thoughts went to Colby. He was not going to like being paired in the group with Kendal.

  “Gizelle, honey,” Austin began in a husband tone, trying to keep serious. “How is there an emergency when we are all right here together already?”

  “Austin, because I will forget if I don’t do it now.”

  Austin nodded without further comment and went into the gas station for gummy bears and licorice.

  Finally, before I even realized it, it was pitch black and Austin was driving on a sandy road surrounded by long grass. When he turned, the headlights shined on a grey house on stilts. He pulled in underneath and turned the car off. The air was freezing, and very salty-sweet as we opened the doors. We all met at the trunk and grabbed our things before following Austin and Gizelle up the steps to the front door.

  The inside lights lit up the wrap-around porch and the flat, grassy beach below. As we ascended each step my stomach fluttered, sweat beading on my palms. Austin opened the door and we fled inside quickly to escape the creeping cold now biting into our exposed flesh.

  We walked into a large, dome-shaped great room. There was a fireplace against the right wall warming my skin already, and a walkway to what seemed to be the kitchen on our left. The far walls were windows with a lovely bench running along their length. I imagined it had a killer view in the day.

  I swiveled to follow Gizelle when Kendal appeared in the hallway we were entering. His feet stopped abruptly at the sight of us and his gaze stopped on me. He looked different, younger, like how he looked when we first met in Whistler, but better dressed—it was probably the cashmere sweater. His dark hair had grown longer on top, and looked tousled by the coastal wind. I gulped, standing my ground. How was it possible that he was even more stunning than the last time I saw him? Gizelle followed the direction of his gaze and landed her eyes on me. She promptly shoved a bag in his arms.

  “Kendal, you remember Sue and Bianca . . . and Jessie,” she said. “Show them their rooms. I’m helping Austin with the groceries in the car.”

  He adjusted his body and reached to shake their hands. “Yes, nice to see you again.”

  His gaze drifted to Bianca’s buff arms as she stretched them out. I wasn’t sure if she was flexing, but when I looked up Kendal was already back to watching me. He smiled crookedly for a split second before turning back to the hallway. “Right this way. I’ll show you your room.”

  It was a tight hall, but the room we entered was decently big. It was grey like the color of the paint outside, and had a large mural of the beach and billowing grass. There was a queen bed centered on one wall, and a couch with a quilted blanket overlapping it on the opposite side.

  “This is your room. Two of you can sleep on the bed and one on the couch. It turns into a bed.” He leaned against the doorjamb while we set our bags on the floor, then we followed him out to the left. He pointed his finger to the next door on the left as he kept walking. “This is my room.” Then his right hand pointed to the right. “And this is the bathroom that we’ll all share.” I wondered how that was going to work out as he kept walking and stopped at the door at the end. “This is the master bedroom where Gizelle and Austin will stay.”

  He moved out of the way so we could take turns peeking inside. It was the size of two of our rooms. There really wasn’t any distinction between the furnitu
re and linen. Everything was bright white.

  “This way, I’ll show you the kitchen,” Kendal said, already walking back the way we came.

  I trailed behind, making sure to peep into Kendal’s room as we walked by. His laptop was easy to spot, a fragile silver rectangle atop a dark comforter. The same duffle he brought on our trip was on top the desk’s chair, half unzipped. The room seemed spotless.

  I jogged a little to catch up with them at the edge of the great room just as they entered the kitchen. The can lights above were very bright, making it much warmer in here than any other part of the house, until the sliding door opened and a cool breeze danced across my skin. I rubbed my arms, listening to the sound of crashing waves that came in with it, as I looked the other way.

  The cream cabinets were a distressed wood with glass panes, and the island was already being piled with food for the weekend.

  Kendal, who seemed to have been studying my every move, eventually leaned his butt against the countertop next to the sink and folded his arms. Was anyone else seeing how solid his pecs were under his thin shirt? I wanted to reach out and squeeze the life out of those rocks when he said, “How was the drive?”

  “Quick,” Bianca said first. Yep. She noticed them.

  “I’m going to go help Austin and Gizelle,” I remarked, making a beeline for the door.

  I wasn’t sure this was a good idea coming here, to a beach house, with Colby and Kendal under one roof. I didn’t even know how to act.

  I shivered as I stepped out into the dark again and heaved a case of water bottles out of the car, leaning them against my chest. I’d only managed to take a few steps before losing balance. I gave a little hop to lift the bottles higher.

  “Let me help you,” Bianca said. I didn’t see her come, but her muscles were already taking them from me with little effort.

  “Thank you, I’ll go get more.”

  I walked back to the car at a slower pace when I noticed Kendal reaching for bags. His slender waist was in pretty deep as I approached him. “Why are you ignoring me?”

  He turned around with a pleased smile, a few bags in each hand. “I’m not. I’m giving you space.”

  “Yes, I know. Why are you giving me ignored space?”

  “Ignored space?”

  I put my hands on my hips because if I hadn’t, I probably would have pulled out the ol’ pointing finger. “Yeah. It’s rude.”

  He laughed with a subtle shake. “I’m being rude now, huh?”

  “Yes, you are. Would it have hurt to call me after the move?” I slid behind him and reached for the only thing left in the trunk: a large jar of pickles. I wedged them underneath my arm and turned back to Kendal.

  “Jessie. You’re confused. I’m not doing this by choice . . . trust me.” His shoulder brushed past mine as he marched up the stairs.

  I was already on his tail with an insisting force when he suddenly stopped and I bumped into him, almost dropping the pickles. I clung onto the jar tightly and regained my footing when he raised his eyebrows with a wide smile. “I’ve missed you.”

  I furrowed my eyebrows, confused. “So why no call? Are we not friends?”

  “Well, how come you didn’t call? This isn’t one-sided here. You have my phone number, too, you know. If you wanted to talk to me you could have just called.”

  “Because.” I embraced the pickles tighter for strength, embarrassed to tell him I was too big of a chicken to call him. Oh dear, I felt like Bubblegum. It was like being stuck in a young girl’s mind, devoted to her crush but not knowing how to communicate it.

  “Because?” He took a step closer. I wondered if he would see the tattered bracelet. “You’re raking me over the coals for this and you get a clean pass?”

  I straightened up, trying to match his hard stare with a little more strength. And I wouldn’t say raking over the coals per se, because I didn’t even know what to do with us, but . . . “Yeah.”

  He broke his gaze, looking away into the expansive darkness. “You want to talk?”

  “Yeah, I do. Because believe it or not I care about you.”

  “Oh do you now?” He snapped his head back. “Do you still care about Colby, too?”

  My head didn’t shake, but it didn’t not move either. It was more of a glitch. It made my eyes grow ten times wider. I wasn’t in love with Colby anymore. But I cared for him, because you don’t stop caring for people who saved your life.

  “Listen, Jessie,” Kendal started. “I’m not in the habit of sharing things. I need you, and I need all of you. And you can’t give that to me.”

  “What do I have to do . . . prove it? Make out with you in front of Colby? Gosh Kendal you’re so immature.”

  He turned back to me and shrugged. “I didn’t say anything. You did.”

  “Know what? Forget you. You don’t deserve to know the truth. I don’t have to share anything with you. You don’t know anything about Colby. Colby—”

  “You don’t owe Colby anything!” he yelled. His jaw suddenly tightened, trying to restrain his voice. “Colby did what any respectful human being would have done. He saved you in a time of need. That’s it. You’re attached to him because of a horrific accident. You have to let that go.”

  I grabbed onto the railing with my free hand. My legs were weak. “What did you just say?”

  “I know what happened to you, Jessie. Gizelle told me.”

  “When?”

  “That day I ran into you at the grocery store. The first time I saw you with Colby.”

  There was no stopping the pointing finger. It shot out too quickly to stop and was poking Kendal in the chest like an old grandma. “How dare you bring that up? That has nothing to do with anything.”

  “Maybe it’s why you stayed with a man you didn’t love for so long.”

  Pointy finger hated Kendal with every inch of her small existence. She joined my other fingers and smacked Kendal across his cheek before I could even stop myself. “You know nothing.”

  I pushed past his shoulder, set the pickles on the counter quickly, and then rushed to the bathroom. I did my best to hold back tears as I sat on the edge of the closed toilet deciding what to do. Do I stick out the weekend, or ask Austin to drive me an hour and a half back home? I couldn’t possibly do that. I stayed in that position long enough for people to notice my disappearance, but I didn’t care. It was nice to be alone.

  When I thought it was long enough I patted my eyes with some toilet paper and flushed it down the toilet to give my disappearance an excuse, even though it wasn’t the kind I’d have liked. Did you guys notice how long Jessie was in the bathroom? Do you think she has bowel issues? Still. Just in case.

  I looked in the mirror, tossed my hair, pinched my cheeks, and set out for the kitchen.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Jessie

  I awoke in the middle of the night with a start.

  My shirt stuck to clammy skin and I couldn’t get it to unstick. I tugged it back and forth as a fan, but it wasn’t enough. I needed fresh air. I slipped off the makeshift bed, quiet not to wake Sue or Bianca, and snuck out the sliding glass door through the kitchen.

  I was surprised to see Kendal sitting along the edge of the patio facing the ocean. It was nearly two, what was he doing up? I didn’t want to disturb him, but the midnight air felt too good to go back to bed, so I waded over next to him and sat down. He turned just enough to acknowledge I was there, then looked back to the waves.

  Neither of us spoke and that was enough.

  “I deserved what you did,” he finally said.

  I couldn’t respond. How could I when I had a million things to say to the person who misunderstood me the most? I rubbed my arms instead because apparently I forgot how freezing it gets at night on the northern coast in November.

  “How come you never told me that’s how you met Colby?” he asked.

  “Because it didn’t matter.” I let out a long breath I didn’t know I was holding. “I wanted our relationshi
p to be built on love, not the scary memory of how I met him.” I went on, grateful the sound of waves offered some sort of serenity. “And it worked for a time . . . until I started noticing pieces of our relationship deteriorating. When I would visit him, I noticed that he acted like I had always been there. Like he was too comfortable with me. He started not cleaning his apartment because he knew that I would clean it when I got there. At least that’s how I felt.” I shrugged. “And I knew I was important to him, but sometimes I felt I was competing with his work.” I paused to catch a shiver coursing through my body. “I don’t know, these are stupid things. In fact, most couples overlook them and make it work.”

  “What changed?”

  “You came back into my life.” Intuitively my hand went to the thread on my wrist. I twisted it between my fingers, feeling stronger, feeling unafraid of risks, ready for an onslaught of whims. Come on Kendal, remember. That’s all I could ask. For that spontaneous Kendal to come back and reach for my hand, kiss me again maybe . . .

  “And here we are . . .” he trailed off, not really talking to me. He hadn’t looked at me for minutes.

  The wind picked up, pushing a gust that sent my chills to a new level and I couldn’t respond.

  “I can’t compete with that,” he said. “There’s too much pain, and a deep, deep appreciation. I think you will always love him.”

  “I think so too.” I checked him from my peripheral for a new reaction, but it hadn’t changed since I sat down.

  His clothes were similar to the ones he’d worn at the hotel in Ashland: a plain, grey T-shirt and black lounge pants. He lowered his head between his shoulders and looked toward his bare feet. “I don’t know how I can live with that. I don’t want the person I’m with in love with someone else.”

  “I’m not in love with him, Kendal,” I reminded.

  This time he turned to me with fire in his eyes. “You love him though.”

  “That’s different. I care for him. Does that sound better?”

  He rocked his knees and a small formation of a smile fell upon me. “Maybe.”