Melting Ice

by Jami Davenport

  “Drinking doesn’t solve anything.”

  “Nah, just dulls the pain for a short while then it comes back worse than ever.”

  Isaac picked a blade of grass and chewed on it, while Blake stayed oddly quiet.

  “I—I’m sorry about your family. I never told you that before,” Isaac said.

  “I’m dealing.”

  Isaac studied his roommate, really studied him. “I hope so. I’m here, you know.”

  “I know you are, Ice. You’re a good guy, even if you don’t like giving that good inside much of a chance to shine.”

  “I’m learning.” Isaac stood and together they jogged back down the hill.

  As they walked into the house they shared, Isaac turned toward Blake, telling him the final thing that was bothering him. “I don’t deserve a woman like her.”

  “Then become the man who does deserve her.”

  With those words, Blake left Isaac and his doubts standing alone in the mud room.

  * * * *

  Thursday night, Avery finished her last lesson and ran for her truck. She could catch the third period of the hockey game if she didn’t take time to change clothes. While most women wouldn’t show their face in public smelling like a horse and looking just as bad, Avery didn’t let that stop her.

  She jumped in her old truck and tore out of the driveway. She’d take a spit-shower in the bathroom when she got there. Pulling the band out of her hair, she shook it out and ran a brush through the tangled mess while steering with the other hand.

  Avery made it to the arena in record time and parked in one of those outer lots where closed businesses charged fans outrageous amounts of money, but she was late, and there weren’t many options. It was the last home game for the next two weeks, and maybe the last time she’d see Isaac before the team flew out for a long road trip. She hated those road trips—not that she minded taking care of Hal because he’d become part of the family, but because she couldn’t stand being away from Isaac for that long. Sure, feeling that way was stupid. She knew that better than anyone else.

  After washing her face in the women’s room, Avery slid into her seat on the glass next to Emma, Bella, and Izzy. Avery waved at her sisters and turned her attention to the game.

  The Sockeyes led the Canucks two to one as the puck dropped to signal the beginning of the third period. Isaac played a good game, as usual. He’d been so consistent, he was like a machine out there. When he was on the ice, Brick’s job became way easier because Isaac had a canny knack for knowing when the puck would be heading for the net even before the shot and positioned himself in the right place at the right time to block it.

  Avery got that. It had to be like riding and being in the zone.

  Despite Isaac’s outstanding play and Cooper’s two goals, the Sockeyes lost in a shootout.

  After saying goodbye to her sisters, Avery lingered, waiting for Isaac.

  She’d been busy with the Hans clinic and getting her students ready for spring horse shows, not to mention three new training horses. He’d been wrapped up in hockey, and a couple team obligations ate up the rest of his free time. She couldn’t let him leave for the road trip without spending some time with him—alone—as stupid and foolish as it might seem. For two months they’d played it cautious and done the right thing, despite how alluring it would have been to do the wrong thing. Yet tonight, desperation to see him tamped down her tendency toward self-preservation and drove her more to the reckless side of things.

  After using her association with Izzy and Cooper to get past security, Avery waited by Isaac’s car in the players’ lot. More than once, she talked herself out of being there and headed for her car, only to go back.

  Isaac walked toward her with his head down, as if carrying the weight of the world on his broad shoulders. She immediately felt the urge to lift that weight and see him smile. He was a different guy when he smiled, but she loved both sides of him equally.

  Loved? Poor choice of words, but maybe adored? Worshipped? Crushed on?

  Whatever. She mentally slapped herself, reining in wayward thoughts.

  “Hey,” she called out to him.

  Isaac glanced up. The worry lines near his eyes turned into laugh lines as he cast a crooked smile her direction. “Hey,” he said in return.

  Avery tried not to fidget as her heart leapt in her chest. He was happy to see her. She was certain of it. “Everyone went home, and I was hoping for a ride to my car. I got here late and had to park blocks away.”

  He nodded. “I’m glad you waited. This isn’t the best neighborhood for a beautiful woman after dark.”

  “Beautiful?” Avery laughed as she held out her arms and twirled around, giving him a full view of her ratty barn clothes.

  “You are. To me.” He laughed too. “I’m starved. How about a late dinner?”

  “Are you buying?” Avery pretended not to hear his compliment, but she’d heard it, and it gave her hope she shouldn’t have had.

  “Always, seems like my friend is perpetually broke.”

  She grinned at him. “Horses are damn expensive.”

  “I’ve been figuring that out.” Isaac opened the passenger door for her and hesitated, as if he wanted to say something but didn’t know how to say it. He looked down at her, his blue eyes stormy and intense, making her heart pound in her chest and her breath catch in her throat. Avery waited, but Isaac just shrugged and shut the door.

  This late during a weeknight made it hard to find a restaurant so they ended up at a sports bar with nachos. Avery ordered a margarita while Isaac sipped on his usual Coke. She tried to recall if she’d ever seen the bad boy of hockey with a drink and realized she hadn’t.

  “You don’t drink, do you?”

  He met her gaze, looking sheepish. “Nope, and you don’t want me to. Alcohol and I are bad news together. I’m a mean drunk.” His mouth turned down in a worried frown.

  Avery reached out for his hand and held it. “How long have you been sober?”

  “Two and a half years.”

  “Good for you.” She smiled at him.

  “Thank you,” he said simply. He seemed embarrassed by her praise, and she suspected he’d never had much praise in his life.

  “My parents have substance abuse issues. I know it’s hard, and I applaud you for sticking with it.”

  He nodded, staring down at their clasped hands and laced his fingers with hers. “You’re an incredible woman, Avery. Everything a man could ever dream of having.”

  She snorted. “That explains why they’re beating down my door every night.”

  “I would.”

  “You would what?” she dared to ask.

  “Beat down your door.” He met her gaze with a hopeful one of his own.

  “Oh.” Avery froze. His hand gripped hers harder.

  “Yeah, oh.” Isaac rubbed her palm with his thumb, sending shivers through her.

  “We agreed we’d just be friends,” she stuttered, sounding like a teenager on her first date.

  “Maybe I’m rethinking that poor decision.”

  Avery pulled her hand from his as the waitress dropped the plate of dripping nachos between them.

  “Could I get you anything else?” she asked, her back to Avery, as she leaned over the table inches from Isaac, her cleavage close enough to smother him.

  Isaac sat back and shook his head. “No, thanks.”

  “Too bad. I could make you a happy man.”

  Isaac glanced at Avery and smiled. “I already am.”

  The waitress glowered at Avery.

  When she flounced off, Avery grabbed a chip and shoved it in her mouth. After chewing, she spoke. “Isaac, we agreed this couldn’t go anywhere. Why ruin what’s developed into a good friendship?” She so wanted him to argue with her, convince her it could go somewhere.

  “What if it could be so much more?” The guy was reading her mind.

  “It won’t be once Coop finds out and makes sure you’re playing on a Siberia
n farm team.”

  Isaac chuckled. “Point taken. You can’t blame a guy for trying.”

  “I can blame him for messing up a good thing.” Even worse, she could blame herself because she wanted him to mess up a good thing and mess her up in the process. She masked her disappointment that he’d given up so easily.

  He grew quiet as he wolfed down the nachos.

  She couldn’t let it go. She had to give him a hint about how she felt. “If we were both in positions to be more than friends, not that we are, I would be interested.”

  He met her gaze, searching her face for answers she didn’t have. “What if I can make that happen? What if I could get Coop and Izzy’s blessing?”

  Avery had to laugh at his ludicrous suggestion. “Are you sure you aren’t drinking? My sister is all kinds of controlling, and Cooper is just as bad.”

  “Still, what if I could?”

  “I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

  “Neither am I, but that’s never stopped me from trying in the past.”

  “Maybe it should this time.” She had to protect Isaac from himself and from her. “I like being friends with you. I’d miss that, really miss that, and pursuing a relationship could screw that all to pieces.”

  “How so?”

  “When we broke up, how could we maintain a friendship?” Every argument she gave him was more for her than for him. She wanted more, but she didn’t think it’d work out in the end. She’d rather not lose Isaac as a friend, than to give in to her body’s desires and start a serious relationship.

  “We would. I’d make sure of it. I’ve never really had a friend before, Avery, and I’m not about to lose you.”

  “Isaac, you don’t even trust me enough to tell me why Tanner blames you for your sister’s death.” And there it was. She’d laid it out on the table.

  “And my girlfriend’s,” Isaac added, his voice a hoarse whisper.

  She leaned forward, her face inches from his. “So tell me. Trust me to understand.”

  Isaac’s worried frown said he didn’t believe anyone could possibly understand.

  “I know all about dysfunctional families and the drama and bullshit involved so tell me.” She grabbed both his hands and held tight.

  His gaze focused on a faraway point behind her, but she doubted he actually saw anything. He licked his lips and swallowed.

  He lifted his head. “Jenny and I had been together off and on since high school. Jenny and my sister, Karen, were best friends. One night we’re partying in my condo, drinking, doing drugs. You name it, I did it. Jenny could be a mean drunk when she drank whiskey and so could I. We got into a huge fight. She accused me of not caring since she’d caught me flirting earlier at the arena with a couple puck bunnies. My sister sided with her. I was furious because I hadn’t done a damn thing wrong other than some harmless flirting. I told her if she didn’t like it, there was the door. She was too wasted to drive, and I was too wasted to stop her. Her last words as she stormed out the door with my sister were: ‘I might as well drive off a cliff for all you care. I hope you rot in hell.’”

  He stopped and cleared his throat. His blue eyes, full of turmoil and guilt, met hers. Avery waited, giving him time to gather his thoughts. She squeezed his hands, wishing she could relieve some of his pain.

  Again, he looked beyond her, as if unable to meet her eyes in case he might see censure there. “Her words proved prophetic, and I’ve been rotting in hell ever since. The state patrol said she was going at least ninety miles an hour when she missed the curve and drove right off a steep embankment. The car rolled several times end over end. The roof was completely flattened. They both died on impact. It wasn’t until days later I learned she’d been pregnant with my child.” Isaac buried his head in their linked hands, and his broad shoulders shook.

  “Oh, Isaac.” Avery let go of his hands, slid out of her seat, and onto the booth seat next to him. She wrapped her arm around his shoulders. He buried his face in her hair, his tears wetting her neck and collarbone. She held him, and he clung to her, like a man clinging to the side of a life raft as the Titanic sank in the distance. Avery waited, not hurrying him, but letting him continue the story at his own pace and in his own way.

  Isaac heaved a huge sigh and lifted his head. He wiped his face with a napkin and smiled sheepishly at her. Avery smiled back. For a long while they sat in silence, staring into each other’s eyes, as if they were lost in them.

  Avery was lost—in a good way. Not alone. In fact, she felt so much a part of him and him of her that she could feel his heart beating and each inhale and exhale of his breath. It was the most incredible feeling ever. She thought stuff like this only happened after mind-blowing sex, not just by gazing into each other’s eyes.

  Was this what love felt like? Real love? Love with a guy meant just for her? They’d crossed an emotional threshold, and there was no turning back. Not that she wanted to turn back. They mattered to each other, and they both knew it.

  She squeezed his arm. “Your problem isn’t that you don’t care. It’s that you care too much,” she said.

  “Bullshit.” He obviously didn’t like what she’d said. It made him vulnerable.

  “Don’t play me, Isaac Wolfe. I know you better than you know yourself.”

  He opened his mouth, as if to argue, then snapped it shut. With a heavy sigh, he opened up. “Every relationship I’ve ever had has been dysfunctional and toxic. Just once I want to know what normal feels like.”

  “I can understand that.”

  “I don’t think I deserve it, but I want to try to be that person for someone else. I want to be the guy who’s always there, who treats her heart like the precious jewel it is.” Rubbing his eyes, he met her gaze. “Do you want to try normal with me, Avery?”

  She blinked tears back from her eyes, knowing what it took for a guy like Isaac to make such a statement. Still, she held back and gave him an out. “I’m not sure I’m the right person to give you normal. Surely, you know about my childhood and my nutcase parents.”

  “Then maybe we both need normal for once.”

  She could resist every other argument he presented, but she wasn’t sure she could resist that one.

  He just wanted to feel normal.

  With her.

  And she wanted normal, too.

  * * * *

  Isaac couldn’t believe he’d been such a blubbering fool in front of Avery. He’d cut himself wide open, exposed his heart, and given her his soul. She studied him with concern in her blue eyes while she held his hands in hers.

  “Isaac, your career has to be your goal. It has to be. You can’t let this opportunity slide by, and you know what Cooper would do if he discovered anything was going on between us.” He got the feeling she was presenting arguments she wanted him to counter.

  “He’s stubborn and set in his ways,” Isaac stated the obvious.

  “So is my sister. It’s a wonder they don’t kill each other.”

  “They’ve found a balance, and it works for them,” He shrugged, as if he understood love when he didn’t. Love wasn’t logical or even practical. It just was.

  “We don’t have to tell them. Our private lives are none of their business,” Avery hedged, almost as if arguing with herself.

  “They’re family. They’ve made it their business. Already warned me off. I can’t be deceptive to Cooper. It’ll destroy the fragile trust we’ve built. Besides, if he found out we were deceiving him, we’d be in deeper shit.”

  “Then what do we do?” she asked, making it more than clear she wanted to date him, which made him feel all kinds of fantastic.

  “I have a plan,” Isaac reassured her, gaining strength from her acceptance. She’d heard the worst about him, and she was still here, still wanting to be with him.

  “A plan?”

  “Yeah, trust me.”

  “I do,” she said with a light in her eyes that lit up his heart. He would make this work—for her and for him.

>   He dug into the nachos, suddenly hungry, and so did she.

  Yeah, he had a plan.

  Honest, direct, and to the point.

  And if he had to, he’d resort to begging because Avery was worth it.

  Chapter 14—Life Is Good

  Avery couldn’t stop smiling. Her life was good because Isaac was in it, and he wanted to be in it even deeper, if only Izzy and Cooper would give their blessing. She was getting along decently with Izzy. At least, they weren’t fighting. She’d even been able to earn some extra money working for the Party Crashers on free nights.

  And then there was Isaac. The day after his confession, he’d left on a road trip. She missed him more than she’d ever missed anyone, which was scary and exhilarating at the same time. He’d been gone a week, and they’d talked and texted every day since. He wouldn’t return until early Sunday morning, and it was only Friday afternoon. She could barely wait to see him again, and time just slogged by.

  In the meantime, she’d had a great couple rides on Riot, but those great rides attracted attention which wasn’t necessarily a good thing. Sam mentioned a few trainer being interested in Riot when he became available. And he would be available. It was inevitable.

  Horses came and went. It was the way of the business. Unless independently wealthy, a smart rider maintained a distance. Horses were a business, and Avery couldn’t afford to get attached to the horses—even though she fell in love with every single one of them.

  Still, life was good, and the only things she’d change right now would be money for Hans’s lessons, for Tiff to start healing, and for Riot to be hers. Oh, and for her to be able to date Isaac with Izzy and Coop’s blessing.

  “You seem so much happier lately,” Izzy noted as they got ready to crash a wealthy gay couple’s wedding reception. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were in love.”

  “Or getting some,” Bella added.

  Emma snorted and almost choked on her water. Avery shot her deadly glare.