Shadow's Stand

by Sarah McCarty

  Sliding his fingers through her hair, he tilted her head slightly, smiling differently as she shivered with anticipation. She so did love his kisses. “You’ll enjoy the bath more,” he promised with a growl that just made her shiver again and wrap her arms around his neck.

  “You are probably right.”

  HE WAS RIGHT. FEI DID enjoy the bath more, both the lovemaking and the soak. And this moment, she decided, snuggling deeper into his embrace, she liked even better. Sitting before him in the tub, resting back against his chest, feeling his arms surround her with the same thoroughness of the water, feeling the peace around them both. This was a moment of heaven.

  “Mmm.” Cupping her breast in his hand, Shadow sighed contentedly. “This was a damn good idea, woman.”

  “Thank you.” His thumb passed over her nipple, stirring memories of the passion just spent. It was her turn to sigh.

  “You always make me feel so good.”

  His grip tightened slightly. “I could say the same.”

  Water sloshed in gentle waves as Fei turned on her side to better see his face. His expression was a revelation. “You are nervous.”

  “I can hear a but tucked inside all that contentment.”

  She was not surprised. There were many worries on her mind. “It scared me when you had me answer the door.”

  “Just a precaution.”

  She slid her hand up his chest. “A necessary one, I understand, but what if there had been problems? What if you had been hurt? Where would I go?”

  “Hell’s Eight.”

  “This place that even you will not call home? How would it be a home for me?”

  “Tia would make sure you were welcome.”

  “Who is this Tia?”

  “Tia saved our asses. Without her we would have starved to death or been shot for stealing.”

  Another strong woman in Shadow’s life. Shadow hadn’t said, but she had the impression his mother had not been so strong.

  “How did this happen?”

  His big hand cupped her shoulder. “Now’s not the time for sad tales.”

  “I would know you, husband.”

  “You know all that’s worth knowing.”

  “I do not know this.”

  He cocked an eyebrow at her. “Stubborn little thing, aren’t you?”

  She didn’t answer, just held his gaze until he gave her what she wanted. The smile left his eyes.

  “The Mexican army invaded our town.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it was ripe for the picking. Because they could. Because they had an urge to spill a little blood. Take your pick.”

  She winced and rubbed her hand over his chest, the old scars abrading her palm in a reprimand. This was painful for him. “I am sorry. I will not interrupt again.”

  Shadow caught her hand and brought it to his lips. “I told you this wasn’t the time.”

  She had a feeling there would be no other. “The time is fine. It is my interrupting that is wrong.”

  “Fei—”

  She cut him off. “I would know this of you.”

  “Then listen up because I’m not telling it again.”

  She nodded.

  “The army came one afternoon. Tracker and I were out hunting. There was no warning. They just rode in and started killing.”

  “How old were you?”

  His face set in hard lines. “Eleven. Twelve. Old enough to kill.”

  A child fighting men. “You were brave.”

  “We were pissed, bravery didn’t come into it. By the time we worked our way to the Allens’, it was too late.”

  An emotion crossed his face she didn’t understand. “Too late for what?”

  “To do a goddamn thing.”

  Guilt. The expression on his face was guilt.

  “You were a child.”

  His eyes were old and haunted when they met hers. “She was good to Tracker and I.”

  “Who?”

  “Mrs. Allen. Caine’s mother. She was always good to us, never asking questions, just always there with food and medicine. And hugs.” He shook his head as if that were the most amazing thing. “She always gave us hugs.”

  “You were perhaps a very sweet boy.”

  He looked at her as if she’d lost her mind. “Hell, Tracker and I were little better than animals then. All we knew how to do was get mad and kill.”

  She doubted that. The man she knew was not created for nothing.

  Thank you for seeing his softness. She sent the prayer to the unknown woman who had been so much to an unwanted child. To Shadow she said, “And love. You loved her.”

  “Did we?”

  She had no doubt. “It is in your voice.”

  “Maybe. I carried around a whole lot of anger back then.” He shook his head. “The woman was good to everyone and they raped her and gutted her like an animal, leaving her in the dirt like she was nothing.”

  “You found her?”

  “I don’t remember who did the finding. Just the promise.”

  “What promise?”

  “To make them pay.”

  The warm water couldn’t prevent the shiver that raced down her spine. “Who made the promise?”

  “Those of us who survived.”

  “Hell’s Eight,” she whispered.

  He lifted her out of the tub. “Yes.”

  She grabbed a towel. “And Tia?”

  He stood in the tub unabashedly naked as water dripped down his hard body. “We found Tia on our way to keeping that promise.”

  “She was good to you?”

  Shadow laughed. “At first, she threatened to skin us alive.”

  “I do not understand.”

  “For all our big talk, we were just kids, and we hadn’t much in the way of weapons, or food. The Mexicans had laid waste to the area. No one wanted to take in eight boys with a hell of a lot of anger and appetites to match.”

  “Except Tia,” she guessed.

  “Except Tia. She kept us civilized.”

  “She gave you a home.”

  “That, too.”

  “You love her.”

  There was a pause as if to confess such a thing was bad luck, and then, “Yes.”

  Handing Shadow a towel, Fei guessed, “She is one of the reasons you won’t go home?”

  He stepped out of the tub and rubbed the towel across his chest. “She’s always been good to me.”

  The same words he’d used to describe Caine’s mother. The other woman he’d loved. The one who’d been murdered. Picking up the other towel, she dried herself with deliberate care, before saying, “It wasn’t your fault what happened to Caine’s mother.”

  He threw the towel into the chair with enough force to make her jump. His expression was harder than she’d ever seen and for the first time, she felt the force of his anger. “What the hell do you know about it?”

  He wanted her to back away, to leave him with his anger. To leave this wound untended. She took a step forward instead, placing her hand on his chest, feeling him flinch in the jump of his skin. Such an old wound to be so raw. “I know you did all that you could, my husband. I know you fought with force and honor to defend those you loved. But I also know a child cannot stop an army.”

  His fingers wrapped around her wrist. “The hell we couldn’t. We could have warned them. We saw the signs. With a little more warning—”

  She cut him off, resisting the pull on her arm. She would not let him sever this connection. Looking up into his face, braving his pain and anger, she laid out the truth. “They still would have died.”

  “Goddamn it—”

  She shook her head. “You cannot control the world, husband. Good and bad will happen as it wills. The how and when is not under your control.”

  “The hell it’s not.”

  He needed to accept this. “You sent me away to save me. Instead, you sent me into your enemy’s hands.”

  “I sent you with your uncles.”

  “Y
ou tried to force me into a life you thought would suit me.”

  “I wanted you safe.”

  “And I wanted to live.”

  “I made a choice.”

  “Yes. Which you forced upon me. Was the result as you wished?”

  He ran his fingers through his hair. His grip tightened on her wrist to near pain. She didn’t move, watching the anger inside him ride his frustration to greater heights. “Only because you didn’t stay put.”

  “Because you didn’t listen to what I wanted.”

  “Goddamn it, Fei!”

  It was a dangerous game she played now. She only had her belief in the man that said he would not lash out at her. “God does not damn me. You do with your belief that you can control everything that cannot be controlled.”

  His grip reached pain. “I can control you.”

  She glanced pointedly at her wrist. “As you control yourself now?”

  He dropped her arm as if it was fire, and took a step back. The wall he put between them was supposed to keep her from following. She stepped through it, braving his anger.

  Placing her hand on his chest, she whispered, “You said you loved me, Shadow.”

  “My kind of love you don’t need.”

  “I disagree.”

  He grabbed her hand, tilted her wrist up. The marks of his fingers branded her skin. “This is who I am.”

  He wanted her to run. She left her hand in his. “No, this is you fighting who you are.”

  “And who might that be?”

  She took that step closer that brought them skin to skin. “A man who has seen too much. A man who loves. A man who would shelter those he loves from the bad of what he’s seen.”

  “Shit.”

  He was no longer pulling away. Did he think she had learned nothing of him during their time together?

  Sliding her hands up his chest, she whispered, “I would not change that part of you, husband. I would just change the belief you have that if you can control everything, if you take all the risk, then nothing bad will happen to those you love.”

  “I’ve been doing fine until now.”

  She shook her head. “Everyone has their destiny. You cannot shape it for them. You can only decide how much you want to be part of it.”

  “Is this your father’s belief?”

  She nodded, accepting the pain of his loss, choosing to remember how he’d been years ago. “Before illness took him, he had much wisdom.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Now he was just being difficult. “My people believe that in all things there must be balance. The power of love goes both ways. You cannot be to the only force.”

  He immediately bristled. “You’re saying I can’t protect those I love?”

  “I am saying you cannot deny those that love you their need to protect you.”

  “I don’t need protecting.”

  Fei shoved him backward to the bed. Surprise alone gave her the advantage. She pressed on, climbing onto the bed, pushing on his shoulders until he lay back on the mattress. It was a measure of his love that he allowed her this moment of power. It was not in Shadow’s nature to be vulnerable, she knew. Straddling his hips, she braced herself on his chest.

  “Being protected does not mean you are weak.”

  “What the hell would you have it mean?”

  She wanted to cuff him upside the head. Dragons were the most stubborn of creatures. She kissed him instead, hard at first as frustration paced ahead of desire. Against her hip, his cock rose. Against her chest, his heart beat. His strong, loyal passionate heart. Inside her, tenderness welled, pushing out the frustration.

  “It means you are loved.” Such a simple truth he fought so hard against.

  “Shit.”

  That fast his anger left. And that fast she was on her back with her husband looking down at her with the same combination of frustration and love she’d felt a moment before. And just as had happened with her, she watched the love take over, softening his mouth, his expression.

  “What do you want from me, Fei?”

  A question, not a demand. A gift to her. She cupped his face in her hand. Such a strong man. A giving man. Her man. She drew her thumb over his lips the way he did to her. His eyes narrowed and his cock jerked. He liked it, too. “I want you to promise to try to remember love must flow both ways to survive.”

  “You don’t ask much.”

  “I only ask that you try.”

  His eyes narrowed and his gaze dipped to her breasts. A tingle went through her. A glance down revealed her desire showed in the hard tips.

  “Anything else?” he drawled.

  “Yes.” She shifted on the mattress, arching her back, drawing her nails lightly across his nape, hearing his catch of breath with an internal smile. She loved that he found such pleasure in her. “After you promise, I want you to make love to me.”

  The bed dipped as he changed position, propping himself beside her. His big hand cradled her breast, squeezing lightly, sending rivulets of sensation trickling through her in a lazy prelude to the fire he commanded so easily.

  “I can do that.”

  Slipping her hand between her nipple and his mouth, she asked, “Do I have your promise?”

  “Yes. Damn it. I’ll try.” He pushed her hand aside before growling against her breast, “Now come here.”

  She went, as she always would. With love.

  THEY DIDN’T KNOCK, JUST SLIPPED into the hotel room like ghosts in the calm of predawn. Three, maybe four, intruders. Shadow eased Fei to the side and palmed his knife from under the pillow.

  A hand came over his, pinning his arm to the bed. “Uh-uh.”

  He knew that voice. “Tucker? What the hell?”

  “You won’t need that.”

  Pressure on his wrist forced his hand open. Glass rattled as someone struck a sulfur and lit the lamp. The scent of kerosene tainted the air as the room filled with a warm glow. Tucker’s expression was grim as he relieved Shadow of the knife.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Shadow?” Fei asked, huddling shyly into his back and pulling the quilt up over her shoulders. “What is happening?”

  “I don’t have a clue.”

  “Nothing to be scared of, ma’am,” Zach said, tipping his hat. “We’ve just got to get something settled.”

  Tucker pulled him to the side of the bed. Sam tossed two pieces of rope from hand to hand.

  “The only question is, are you coming willingly or are we going to have to use force?”

  Shadow glanced at his brother. Tracker stood by the door, arms folded, watching. Not saying a word. Beside him Sam and Zach stood, watching, as well.

  “Do I at least get pants?”

  Caine scooped his up off the floor and tossed them across his lap. His “thanks” was wry. Sitting on the bed, he pulled them on.

  “So, what needs settling?”

  Fei scooted up behind him on the bed. Against his back he felt the bunching of the sheet and the softness of her skin. Her touch on his shoulder was gentle. Soothing. A direct contrast to the tension emanating from the others.

  “Where you go from here,” Caine drawled.

  “I thought I’d take Fei to San Francisco.”

  “No,” Fei gasped.

  “To see your family,” Shadow told Fei over his shoulder. “Not to stay.”

  “Told you he’d run,” Zach observed.

  “Going for a visit is not running,” Shadow snapped.

  “I don’t want to visit,” Fei countered.

  “Your family is important.”

  Fei scooted higher. “So is yours.” She was as determined as the expression on Tracker’s face.

  “He’s done with running,” Tracker stated in that low, no-nonsense tone that meant business.

  “Have you forgotten? I’m a wanted man.”

  “All the more reason to come home.”

  Home. The word hung between them. Tempting. Forbidden.