Depths of Blue

by Lisa MacTague

  After only a few hundred meters into the trees, what little strength Torrin had regained began to flag rapidly. Her shivering increased until she felt like she was about to fly apart. Jak scanned the area quickly and settled her down with her back against a fallen log. He pulled open the jacket and reached for the closure of her jumpsuit.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” Torrin weakly batted his hands away.

  “We need to get you out of those clothes.” Jak sat back on his heels and considered her. “You’re in shock, you need to get your core temperature up and your clothes are soaked. They might have been waterproof in the rain, but I bet half the river ended up inside there. You’ll never get warm while you’re wearing them.”

  “I’m not taking my clothes off in front of you,” she said. Her fingernails were turning blue, she noticed with bemusement. It wasn’t a flattering shade on her. “Besides, you’re just as wet as I am. Why aren’t you getting naked?” Not that she wanted to see him naked. Seeing a naked man might make her lose whatever was left in her stomach. Still, that might not be a bad thing, since there was probably still more river water in there. She ignored the small frisson she’d felt at the idea of his nudity and turned it into a convulsive shudder. Hadn’t she just been thinking that she would probably be sick if she saw him naked? She felt absolutely no attraction to men, but this one was making her consider things she never had. How hard had her head bounced off that rock?

  Jak grabbed her chin, alarmed at her increasing vagueness.

  “Stay with me,” he ordered. “I’m not in shock and I’ll be fine. You won’t be.” Once again he reached for the closure straps of her suit, deftly shedding her hands while she tried futilely to stop him. He fumbled a bit with the unfamiliar closure apparatus but was able to figure it out and slid it down over her breasts.

  “You can keep my jacket on if you’re so worried. I promise I won’t peek,” he said and reached into the aforementioned jacket to push her suit off her shoulders. His hands were so hot on her; they left trails of heat on her skin. “You need to help me,” he growled, and she worked to pull her arms out of the suit and hold the coat closed against her nakedness. She forced herself to remain stock-still so she didn’t arch into his touch as he skimmed the top of the suit down to her waist, those wonderful hands leaving ripples of spreading warmth behind them. “Lift,” he grunted when he came to her buttocks. She definitely wasn’t paying attention to how his hands felt on her rump. She was most assuredly not lifting her hips into him nor pressing her torso into his. She was merely following his directives so he could get the suit pulled down her legs and off.

  As soon as his hands left her skin, she regained some of her senses. What was she doing with this man? Disgusted with herself, she pulled her knees protectively toward her chest and clutched the jacket more securely around her shoulders. She did feel somewhat warmer now that the sodden jumpsuit was no longer plastered to her skin.

  “What are you doing?” She jumped as he closed his hands around her ankles. Suddenly terrified and seeing Hutchinson’s leering face in her mind’s eye, she kicked feebly at him.

  “I’m working the blood back into your legs,” he said. He recaptured her ankles and started to rub them down vigorously. “We can’t risk a fire. The smoke will be a beacon for anyone looking for us. All our supplies are back in the shelter. All I have is what I was carrying, which fortunately includes my rifle, so we’ll be able to eat. Right now we need to get you moving again and the best way is to warm you up.”

  “Oh” was all she could think to say. She wanted to be warm, but she didn’t want to deal with the riot of emotions that his touch awoke in her, that strange, visceral attraction and an accompanying disgust that was almost equally as strong. His hands were strong and slightly rough on her ankles, and he moved slowly up her ankles to her calves, kneading and massaging. Maybe if she closed her eyes she could pretend that he was a woman. No! Her eyes popped open almost as soon as she closed them. Desire had shot through her belly as soon as her eyes had drifted shut, leaving a pool of warmth that spread rapidly to the space between her legs.

  “I’ve got it,” she croaked, throat dry. She briskly rubbed her hands over her arms, willing warmth into all of her extremities so he would stop touching her. He continued to massage her lower legs and ankles for a few more moments, then closed his hands over her toes. Satisfied that some warmth had returned to her feet, he let go and stood up. His clothes hung damply from his frame, but she saw that he did still have a rifle slung across his shoulders. The hand he slid through close-cropped blond hair made it stick up at all angles.

  “Are you going to be all right on your own?” he asked, gazing out into the forest. “I need to get my bearings and figure out how we’re going to get out of here.”

  “I’ll be fine,” Torrin replied. She just wanted him away from her. His presence confused her. Hopefully she’d be able to clear her head once he was gone. He nodded absently and disappeared into the forest’s shadows.

  Torrin stretched out a little bit. Wearing only a strange man’s jacket had left her feeling more than a little exposed. Fortunately it was cut long or it wouldn’t have even covered her waist. As it was, it came barely to the bottom of her buttocks. She wasn’t overly self-conscious about exposing her body, but the woods loomed far above and the canopy was so thick very little light could get through. Who knew what creatures were lurking in the darkness.

  She shook her head. That line of thinking wasn’t helping her at all. Her thoughts were no longer on Jak, but scaring herself didn’t really improve her disposition. As soon as she cast her thoughts in her captor’s direction the warm glow in the pit of her stomach returned.

  “What’s going on?” she wondered aloud. She didn’t want this attraction, especially not to him, but her traitorous body refused to listen. It had been a while since her last romantic encounter. She typically didn’t lack for sexual partners, though she didn’t stay long with any one woman. Not being tied down and being able to have new experiences were a big part of what attracted her to the smuggler’s life. She treated her love life the same way, and the women she got involved with usually knew what they were getting into and didn’t resent her for it. In fact, she was good friends with many of her former lovers. There were a couple of notable exceptions, she ruefully acknowledged to herself.

  This line of thinking didn’t help much either, so she got up and slipped feet into her boots. She paced along the edge of the downed log, which warmed her a little more. She had to hold the jacket closed across her breasts. Jak didn’t have the same endowments she did and the coat’s closures didn’t quite meet. She lost track of how long she paced back and forth.

  Jak appeared in front of her. Torrin gave a startled squeak and hopped back from him.

  “Frozen hells, you scared me!”

  “Sorry.” He grinned. “That was an interesting sound.”

  “What did you expect, sneaking up on a body like that?”

  “I said sorry.” He held up his hands in surrender. “You better?”

  “I’m starting to warm up.”

  “Good. There’s a clearing a short way ahead. We can set up in the sun and dry off your gear.”

  “In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m not really dressed to gallivant around in the woods.”

  “If we stay here, by the time your suit dries out the Orthodoxans could have caught up to us. This’ll be faster and you’ll be way happier, trust me.”

  “I don’t have much choice, do I?” she grumbled under her breath. She ignored him when he quirked an eyebrow inquiringly at her. “Fine, but you go first, I won’t have you walking behind me checking out my ass.”

  “Okay, okay!”

  Was it her imagination, or did Jak color when she mentioned her ass? He was so carefully not looking at her that he might as well have gawked openly at her half-exposed body. He seemed as embarrassed as she was. Clearly, he was a very different breed from the men she’d interacted with in Colo
nel Hutchinson’s service. Covertly, she considered him as he scooped her suit up off the forest floor and made his way through the underbrush. It was dark under the canopy, but she could have sworn he was still blushing.

  He was moving pretty quickly, and she had to holler at him to slow down. It was slow going as she picked her way through bushes trying to hold the coat closed with one hand while doing her best to avoid branches scratching her exposed legs. Jak waited patiently, his back to her as she caught up.

  “You can go,” she announced as she drew up right behind him. He forged on again, this time more slowly, giving her time to keep up with him.

  They made their way deeper into the forest, away from the river. Fifteen minutes later, at their snail’s pace, the trees gave way to a clearing. A stark rock formation forced its way out of the clearing’s center. Grass sloped up to meet it in a natural incline. Jak picked a particularly sunny patch and spread Torrin’s jumpsuit out in the pool of light. He plopped himself down on the ground in the sun and arranged himself to face it, arms held out a bit from his sides. Torrin realized that he was attempting to dry himself out. Out of her clothes she was mostly dry, except for her hair and the jacket around her shoulders, though surprisingly it too was almost dry. She mentioned as much to Jak.

  “It’s made from ytterencatte pelts,” he replied, eyes closed and face lifted toward the sun. “They’re everywhere in the canopy around here. Their fur repels water and is lightweight. We use them a lot for outerwear. In fact, that’s how I ended up hooked up with the army in the first place.”

  Torrin arranged herself in a patch of sun not too far from him. Prudently, she kept herself just out of his reach. So far he’d been a perfect gentleman, but she still didn’t trust him even though he’d promised not to sneak a peek.

  “How’s that?” she asked when he didn’t elaborate.

  “I used to hunt them with my family and we sold their pelts to the local command post. After my father died, they took us in since we had a bit of a connection to them.”

  She noted his slight pause over the word “family.” His expression gave nothing away; a stone would have been more expressive.

  “Who’s we?”

  “My brother and me. My father had debts we didn’t know about. After he died, his debtors took our home and lands. We had no money to pay them off. As oldest male, Bron was headed for military service already, but they didn’t turn down one more when we came knocking.”

  “Bron’s your older brother then?”

  “Ye-es.” Jak seemed hesitant to share. Irrational irritation surged through Torrin at his reticence. This man was dragging her across the back of beyond and kindling unwelcome emotions in her, but he couldn’t share a little personal information?

  “What capacity does he serve in, then?” she probed. His expression turned from stony to downright forbidding. She dug a little harder. “Is he as prone to kidnapping women as you are?”

  “I don’t want to talk about him” was the clipped reply.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. You two aren’t close then?” She bore in further, trying to get at the truth behind his refusals.

  He rounded on her, eyes narrowed. “He’s dead, all right? He was my spotter, my best friend and my brother. I miss him more than I’d miss my right arm. Every day I wake up and I get to relive his death all over again. When he died a part of me went with him and I don’t think I’ll ever get that piece back. So when I say I don’t want to talk about him, I don’t want to talk about him!”

  He sat in front of her, jaw clenched and chest heaving. By the time he finished his rant, he was practically screaming at her. Torrin felt terrible. No wonder he was hesitant to talk about his family. He couldn’t be that old and in his young life he’d lost his father and brother. There was no talk of a mother, and Torrin assumed that she too was dead. She reached out her hand and laid it gently on his forearm. At her touch, a muscle jumped convulsively in his jaw, but he didn’t move.

  “Oh, Jak, I’m so sorry. I had no idea. It’s hard to lose a family member.”

  “What would you know about it?” he asked dully.

  “I barely remember my biological mother. She died when I was very young. I never knew my father, but that’s just as well. If I ever get to meet him, I’ll kill him myself.”

  Jak looked her in the eye, shocked. “Why is that? They didn’t get along or something?”

  “Something indeed.” Torrin laughed hollowly. “My mother was rescued off a slave ship. My father is any one of the piratical bastards who raped her on her way to the slave markets of Ur-Five. She died when I was four. I was adopted by a couple of women who raised me as their own.”

  “That’s terrible.” Jak sighed. “I guess life is crap all over.”

  “It gets better.” She tightened her grip on his arm and leaned forward. “I didn’t understand for a long time, and when I finally got it that she wasn’t coming back, it hurt for a really long while. It still hurts when I think about her, but the pain becomes part of you and eventually you don’t have to think about the loss all the time.”

  “I don’t think that’ll work for me,” Jak shook his head. “It’s been two years and it still feels like yesterday. It’s why I take on missions like hauling my ass three days through the woods to kill…” He cut off abruptly. He looked up, his face suddenly suffused with color. “Your jacket is, umm…” He pointed at her chest.

  Torrin looked down and noticed that the coat had gaped open in the front, giving him an unobstructed view of her breasts. Snatching her hand off his arm, she clutched it closed.

  “Sorry,” Jak mumbled, pointedly looking elsewhere.

  This was getting ridiculous, Torrin thought. It didn’t matter if he could catch a peek at her boobs. If he really wanted to he could take much more than that.

  “It’s all right,” she laughed, a little too loudly. “I’ll just go over here a bit.”

  She slid away from him and arranged herself in the hope of catching some rays. The grass was soft where she lay back into the incline, and she closed her eyes. At peace for the first time since she met her first Haefonian, she allowed herself to drift, not quite asleep but not really awake.

  She wasn’t sure how long she lay there, but when she came back to a semblance of herself her hair was mostly dry. And knotted. She sat up and reached for her suit, glancing over at Jak. He stared solemnly out into the forest. He was set up with his rifle and occasionally used the scope to scan deeper into the trees.

  “Go ahead and get dressed. I won’t peek.” He must have eyes in the back of his head, she thought. She had no idea how he’d seen her movement since he was facing in almost the opposite direction. To emphasize his promise not to peek he put one eye up to the rifle’s scope.

  Quickly, she pulled the jumpsuit’s legs over her own and turned away to pull up the suit’s top. Normally she wouldn’t care who saw her naked, but Jak had her in such emotional turmoil that she didn’t trust herself. Better to avoid temptation at this point. On both their parts. He must feel some attraction for her. After all, she did cut quite the figure. Well, maybe not in her current bedraggled state. What she wouldn’t do for a comb, she decided.

  Fully dressed, she made her way over to him. He was sunk in the shadows cast by the trees at the clearing’s edge. She looked more closely at his shirt, it looked wet. Pressing a hand to the back of his shoulder, she confirmed her suspicions. His shirt was still very damp, almost sopping.

  “You’re still wet,” Torrin accused. “You really need to get out of those clothes if you’re ever going to dry off.”

  “I told you, I’m not the one who needs the warmth,” he said. “But I see you’re not in shock anymore. That’s good.” He twitched his shoulder beneath her hand.

  She pulled her hand back a little too quickly when she realized she was still touching him. Now she was coming up with excuses to touch him. Why couldn’t he be female? she wailed to herself.

  “Now that you’re good again, we need to b
e moving on,” he said. Standing, he slung the rifle over his shoulder. “I’ll dry off as we keep moving. I’ve been able to get my bearings. Your unplanned dip might actually help us. They won’t be able to track us over the river’s course so they’ll have no idea where we came out of the water. We’re on a course that’s further east than I’d planned on so we’ll miss my extraction team, which means we get to take the long way around.”

  Jak started off across the clearing, skirting the impressive formation at its center.

  “How do you know where we’re going?” she asked. “I’ve never seen you check any maps. My tablet is back at Hutchinson’s compound, but I’ve never seen you pull one out.”

  He grinned and tapped his forehead with his index finger.

  “It’s all right here. I had the maps uploaded before I came out. They don’t have great coverage of our current area, but I’ve got enough from past uploads to navigate us through without too much trouble. I think.”

  “Wait, you have this information directly uploaded to your brain?” Torrin was astounded. She hadn’t been aware of anyone with that technological capability. “What other surprises do you have up there?”

  “You mean you don’t? I thought everyone had cyber implants.”

  “Not at all,” she said. “You’re the first I’ve heard of, and I’ve been around the galaxy. Most places experimented with cybernetic implants but abandoned them centuries ago. I don’t know of any beyond some prosthetics that have been successful. No one’s been able to figure out how to incorporate them internally. I guess there’s some disconnect with how they interface with the brain or something. There are some communications implants, but even those work by picking up vibrations and transmitting them. They don’t actually hook into the brain.”