The Future of Our Past (The Remembrance Trilogy)

by Aymes, Kahlen

  “I had this made for you.”

  “What is it, Julia?”

  “It’s one of the photo’s from that shoot I did last month.” I started to speak, but she put her fingers to my mouth. “Please, I know you’re impatient, but let me finish, Ryan. I asked Mike to take some extra photos because I wanted to do this for you. I was only thinking of you the whole time. Your eyes, your voice…the way you touch me and make me feel.” Her voice began to tremble. “I told him why I wanted these pictures, so he knew they were for you.”

  “Are there many of them?”

  “I’ll give them all to you, but this is the one I chose.” She handed me the box and I was scared to look inside, my hand shaking, but I took a deep breath and ripped the wrapping away in one fast motion.

  I glanced at her. She was biting her lip, and if she wasn’t careful, she’d be bleeding.

  I lifted the lid and separated the tissue paper which encased a large silver frame with a black and white photo inside it. Julia was lying on her back, wrapped in a sheet with such an amazing look on her face, much of her body exposed, so much like she had been earlier in the bedroom, but in the picture her eyes were open. A mixture of love, desire and longing like I’d never imagined softened her features and made her lids heavy. I’d never seen anything more beautiful. I was mesmerized; stunned.

  The air rushed from my lungs as I stared at it. “You’re so beautiful. Just…fucking gorgeous.” My throat was aching and my vision blurred. “It’s…perfect, love. Thank you.” My hand ran down the silver frame to some engraving on the bottom.

  Body, Heart and Soul…I Belong to You. Forever.

  I felt a tear fall onto my cheek as I read it, an echo of the words I’d said just minutes before…I needed to get you something that said you belong to me.

  “Baby…I can’t tell you how much I love you right now. My chest feels like it’s going to explode, it hurts so much.”

  She leaned in to kiss my face where the tear trailed down and threaded her fingers in my hair. “I mean every word. You own me. You always have.”

  I gathered her close and kissed her, gently, tenderly. “You’re everything. I can’t even breathe without you.” I wiped another stray tear from my face and then one from hers as I stared into her liquid green eyes. My hand at the side of her face pulled her closer and I kissed her cheek and then her temple.

  “I have another present for you.” I lifted the larger of my two gifts into her lap.

  “The bracelet was so much, Ryan, you shouldn’t have…”

  “It’s not that kind of present. I hope you’ll like it. It’s the truth, honey. Every word.”

  She ripped the paper open as I had done on the photo. I had written it in my own hand, in a gold pen that I’d gotten at a craft store, and then had it matted and framed in antique gold.

  “Ryan…Oh my God,” she breathed as she raised her eyes to search my face. I couldn’t look away if my life depended on it, as the diamond tears fell in soft cascades down her cheek. I started to recite what I wrote,

  ~Julia, I love you because…

  The first time our eyes met, I was lost.

  You’re my very best friend, and you know me better than I know myself.

  Your smile lights up my life.

  You complete my thoughts and my words…like we are the same person.

  You know when I’m hurting and exactly how to comfort me.

  Your touch melts me, like no other ever could.

  Your eyes see me for who I am, and you accept everything about me.

  You trust me freely and with all that I am, I feel safe in trusting you.

  You give of yourself so completely.

  You spoil me rotten.

  You’re the most intelligent, beautiful and giving person I’ve ever known.

  Your heart sings to mine. I am the moth to your flame.

  You can make me desire you with a look, or a word or a touch…yet without any of it.

  You set my body on fire like no one ever has.

  The light changes when you walk into a room.

  You own me, body and soul.

  Because you love me so much. Unconditionally.

  It is evident in how you speak to me, how you look at me and in every single touch of your hand.

  Because you are the greatest gift of my life…I don’t deserve you, yet here you are with me.

  You reach into my chest and squeeze my heart, and fill me so fully.

  You give me peace, sanctity and safety.

  You are everything I could ever want or need.

  My life was not complete before you came into it…My need for you consumes me.

  The sound of your voice is the last thing I need to hear in this life.

  My soul recognizes yours…and yours mine.

  You make me want to be better, to be more, to deserve you.

  Our love is endless; it transcends earthly bounds and the endless peripheries of heaven.

  You breathe your life into mine and are all my dreams come true.

  You are only mine, forever…

  Because of all of this and so much more…

  I need you. I want you. I adore you. I love you…more than my own life.

  ~Ryan

  She was shaking by the time I finished and took the frame from her hands. Julia fell into my arms, tears raining down her face. My throat ached with the emotions flooding through me.

  “Don’t cry my love. I’m sorry.”

  “God, don’t be sorry for that,” she sobbed into me before pulling back to look in my eyes. “I don’t know what to say…it was so incredibly beautiful. So romantic and perfect. It’s a perfect reflection of you.”

  “You don’t have to say anything. Just tell me you’re mine.”

  “Always. You’re the love of my life. You know that,” she whispered against my skin, right before her open mouth sucked and nipped at the corner of mine.

  “Yeah, I know,” I said huskily and scooped her up and carried her down the hall to the bed. “From the moment we met, I’ve known. Julia,” I moaned into the side of her neck as I kissed and dragged my open mouth along it. “Make love with me. I want to drown inside you. I never want to be without you, again. I feel like I’d die if you ever left me. It sounds weak, but it’s the truth. I love you that much.”

  After that, words were lost; the only sounds were our panting breaths, our kisses and moans of passion. We both gave everything and wanted to give more still. Every touch was reverent as we worshiped each other, body and soul.

  ~9~

  Something was tickling my face. I batted at it impatiently and rolled over. Sleep. I wanted more sleep…I was having the best dream; Julia and I were walking in a beautiful snow shower and I loved how the flakes caught on her beautiful face. She was smiling and leaned in and kissed me full on the mouth. Mmmm…I could feel the snow falling softly on my face and hair as we kissed, her warms lips moving so gently with mine. She smelled so sweet…

  “Okay, that’s it!” Julia’s voice was soft but firm as she smashed a handful of snow in my face and giggled while I yelled in shock.

  “Arrrgghh!” Instantly I was wide awake as I looked up at her. She was straddling my hips over the top of the covers, fully dressed in her green and black ski suit. Her eyes were alight with mischief and her cheeks were flushed pink from the cold. She’d obviously been outside already, judging from the now melting snow on my face and running down my neck. “You’re gonna get it, Abbott. That was horrible of you…you little brat!” I admonished and sat up quickly to grab her, flip her on her back and attack her. She giggled and wrapped her arms and legs around me. The cold still clinging to her suit made me shiver as my mouth found hers in a hungry kiss. Her mouth opened eagerly beneath mine and my body sprang to life. “See what you do to me? Even when you’re being mean…” I moaned against her mouth.

  “Mmmm…I love that.” She licked my upper lip, our kisses slowing and softening as she spoke against my mouth. She could drive me in
sane, fully clothed in a damn Eskimo suit. The desire for her never lessened, and I was glad of the torment. “And, I’m so mean to you…” She kissed the line of my jaw and bit my chin playfully.

  “Why are you up so early…and wearing so damn many clothes?” I complained as I nuzzled the side of her neck, pulling at her turtleneck with my teeth. I groaned in frustration, rolling off of her onto my back. “Gah!!”

  She burst out laughing. “Ryan, get your ass out of bed. I thought we were going skiing today. It’s eleven o’clock, for God’s sake. Or were you planning to laze around in bed the entire day?” She’d moved onto her side, propping her head up on one arm while the other hand slowly slid down my chest and lower, below my navel.

  I turned my face toward her and crooked an eyebrow. “Don’t start something you aren’t prepared to finish,” I teased, grabbing her hand, bringing it up to my mouth for a kiss. The sunlight reflected off the diamonds on her bracelet to send a spectrum of colors scattering around the walls. I kissed the inside of her wrist reverently. “This looks perfect. I love seeing it on you.”

  “Yeah, it’s like a brand,” she said softly, her gaze suddenly turning serious. “Is that what you intended?”

  I grinned and brushed my fingers lightly along her jaw. “Something like that. Is that okay?”

  “It’s perfect. It’s a miracle that I never thought would come true.”

  I leaned in, kissing her soundly on the mouth, but not letting myself give in to the passionate play I was craving. “You’re stuck with me now; the good, bad and the ugly.” My stomach growled loudly and Julia’s eyes widened, a throaty laugh bursting from her chest. “What are you feeding me for breakfast? Some vixen totally sapped my strength last night. I doubt I can make it to the ski lift, let alone get down the mountain. My legs are still shaking and I’m starving.”

  Julia smiled as I pushed up on my forearms and then got fully off the bed. “Yeah, yeah. You’re in horrible shape. I can see that. Breakfast is served, milord.” She got up and bowed dramatically. “As soon as you put some clothes on that fine ass.”

  My heart swelled as I watched her leave the room. My face hurt, I was smiling so much, but I couldn’t stop. In fact, I wanted to laugh out loud. Being with Julia was pure happiness and the only thing I really needed.

  I quickly pulled on some long johns and jeans, wool socks and a navy turtleneck sweater. “Julia? Baby, did you wear long johns under your clothes? If you didn’t bring any, I bought some for you,” I called down the hall as I dressed.

  She poked her head around the edge of the kitchen into the hall. “Wow. So we skipped the newlywed stage and went straight to our 25th anniversary?” She smirked and the dimples in her cheeks grew more pronounced. “You’re buying me long underwear, now? How sexy. What’s next? A vacuum cleaner? Thanks, Hon.”

  I walked down the hall toward the luscious smell of freshly brewed coffee and bacon. Julia had taken the parka off and was flipping pancakes on the stove. She had glasses of orange juice, butter and maple syrup on the table. “Mmmm…This smells delicious,” I said as I sat at the table, just as she plopped three huge pancakes on the plate in front of me. My eyes shot up to hers.

  “What?” she asked and raised her eyebrows. “You said you were hungry, right?”

  “This is a mountain,” I said, but grabbed the butter and began to spread it between the cakes and then poured a generous amount of syrup over the top until it was dripping down the sides of the stack. I grabbed a piece of bacon off of the plate in the center of the table and took a bite, watching Julia ladle more batter onto the griddle on the stove.

  Contentment settled over me and filled me to bursting. The woman I loved was making me pancakes in the middle of the Rocky Mountains. And we were completely alone. It was perfect.

  “I’ll apologize in advance since I’ll be on my butt more than my skis. You’ll probably have to carry me down the mountain!”

  I smiled and dug into the pancakes. “These are really delicious, honey. Thank you. You won’t be on your ass,” I scoffed and shook my head. “We’ll start on the easier slopes until you get used to it, I promise.”

  “Oh? You mean like last time when you and Aaron tricked me up onto the black runs?” She was remembering the last trip. Aaron and I thought it would be fun, but it ended with Julia being taken down the side of the mountain by the ski patrol in one of those sleds. She was so pissed that she hardly spoke to me for three hours. Three whole hours. I smirked at the memory.

  “Yeah, laugh it up! You weren’t the one on your damn back! I looked like a complete idiot!” She was trying not to laugh. I could see it on her face and the way she was biting her lower lip, both were turning up at the corners despite her effort.

  “You were adorable,” I teased. “I mean, considering how mad you were. All spitting fire. I thought you were going to deck me when you got out of that damn thing.” I couldn’t help it; I burst out laughing. She’d stormed past me into the lodge at the bottom of the run, as fast as she could in the bulky ski boots, so furious that tears of frustration had come to her eyes. I felt a lot of regret afterward, but looking back on it, it was damn funny.

  Julia was sitting across from me, pouring syrup on a pancake on her plate. Her hair was pushed back by the ear band she was wearing, making the contours of her bone structure more pronounced. She looked up and laughed. “I suppose it was funny, but I was upset at the time. Don’t even think about pulling something like that today! I’ll be denying you more than my words.”

  I leaned forward and took her hand in mine. “Nothing is worse than not being able to talk to you, Julia. Don’t you know that?”

  “Hmmm, so I can hump your brains out, but as long as I keep my mouth shut, you’ll be in agony? Is that what you’re asking me to believe?” she asked flatly.

  The happiness inside pushed out in a deep, breathy laugh. “Yes. Exactly.”

  “Uh huh.” She grinned, tongue in cheek, and then got up to clear the table.

  As usual, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. As much as I wanted to go skiing, I wanted to stay inside and keep her all to myself even more.

  “You’re very beautiful today. Thank you for breakfast, my love.” I walked up behind her as she rinsed the plates and wrapped my arms around her. My mouth found the sensitive skin behind her ear. I knew she found the gesture particularly arousing. “It was almost as delicious as you are. So let’s get the hell out of here before I forget what I’m supposed to be doing.” She arched back into me and turned her face toward mine, clearly wanting me to kiss her. I turned her in my arms and cupped her chin with my hand, tilting her mouth up to mine. “I love you,” I said softly as my lips took hers. I kissed her deeply, my tongue sliding into the sweetness of her mouth and I groaned when she slid her hands up to fist in my hair. I didn’t want to leave…If we never left here again, I’d be fine.

  “Jules…” I breathed as I rested my forehead against hers, passion raging between us. I’d never get used to it. “Uh, you turn me on like crazy.”

  She didn’t speak, her hands, still clutching at the nape of my neck, urged my head back down toward hers. Her nose nuzzled near the corner of my mouth and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her for hours. I kissed her gently once more and brushed my knuckles across her left cheekbone.

  “Mmmm…Ryan,” she whispered against my mouth. “I love you.”

  I kissed her on her temple and ran a hand through my hair. “Honey, we need to leave now or we never will, okay?” I swatted her on the rump and summoned the strength necessary to move away. “Come on, let’s get a move on. I can’t wait to see you conquer the slopes today.” I flashed a bright smile and went to get our shoes from near the door.

  “Don’t get your hopes up. You know how I hate to disappoint you,” she admonished and rolled those gorgeous eyes. I shook my head in disbelief, while the corners of my mouth lifted slightly and my brow furrowed.

  “Not possible. If you spend the entire day on your ass, you’re perfect
just as you are. Got it?”

  “You’re so graceful, it makes me feel like a klutz,” she moaned.

  “Well, obviously, I won’t be today. I don’t have my own skis. Rentals won’t be the same.”

  “Oh, poor baby! I feel so bad for you, Mr. I-Can-Do-Anything-And-Everything! How will you manage rented equipment?” she mocked.

  I put my arm around her head and started rubbing the knuckles of my other hand on the top of it as she squealed in protest. “That’s enough out of you. I think I owe you a face full of snow!”

  Okay, so I was doing pretty well. I didn’t fall too much and I was even starting to enjoy myself. My knees weren’t hurting like I remembered and I was actually having fun. Honestly, I’d been dreading the skiing part of this vacation, but Ryan loved it so much, I wanted to at least try for his sake.

  Colorado was beautiful. The Rocky Mountains rising majestically in all directions, glistening with fresh powder and the scent of evergreen and blue spruce hung in the air. The sky was a brilliant blue, with cottony clouds floating in its endlessness. The sun reflecting off of the snow made me thankful for my sunglasses.

  Ryan was waiting at the bottom of the run as I skied the last fifty yards. He looked gorgeous, but what else was new? The sun was shining brightly and reflecting off of Ryan’s hair, giving it a golden, multi-tonal cast. He flashed me a bright smile as I glided toward him. I forgot what I was doing and was having trouble stopping. I was going to plow right into him.

  “Ryan! I can’t stop! Move so I don’t hit you!” I called, but he just threw down his poles and held his arms open, laughing the entire time.

  He cupped his hands over his mouth and burst out, “Julia! Don’t worry! I’ll catch you!”

  In my panic, I was losing my balance as I rushed toward him. It was like an old movie, everything moving in slow motion, yet there was nothing I could do to stop. He was still laughing when I finally made contact. His arms wrapped around me and our bodies collided with a thud. I think he could have stopped me, but fell backward into the snow, taking me with him. I landed on top of him, breathless.