In Your Heart

by Micalea Smeltzer

  He jogged around the front of the truck and climbed inside. The music was blaring and he reached over to turn it down.

  “Where are we headed?” I asked. I’d been surprised when Hayes wanted to pick me up at one in the afternoon, but I rolled with it.

  “I thought we could go to the park and have a picnic.” He nodded to the backseat of the truck and I turned around to see an old-fashioned looking picnic basket.

  “That’ll be fun.” I grinned, truly meaning it. “But won’t you get mobbed?” I asked.

  “Aha.” He reached down between the seat and kept his eyes on the narrow driveway as dirt billowed around us. “That’s what this is for.” He held up a baseball cap and sunglasses. I looked at him in disbelief. “It helps, believe me.” He added.

  “I’ll take your word for it,” I laughed.

  He grinned, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

  I began to relax once he pulled out onto the main road. “Why a truck?” I asked.

  “Huh?” He glanced in my direction.

  I shrugged. “Maddox and Mathias drive sports cars, Ezra has an Escalade, and you drive a truck. Granted, this is a fancy truck, but it’s a truck,” I remarked.

  He laughed, shaking his head. “I’m a country boy, Sadie, and country boys drive dirty, mud covered trucks.” He took on an exaggerated southern drawl.

  “Did you grow up around here?” I knew a lot about the other guys in the band, but Hayes had always been a mystery to me. He didn’t open up easily.

  He nodded. “Yeah.”

  “How’d you get to know the other guys?” I knew it sounded like I was prying, but this was one story I’d never been told.

  He glanced at me briefly before his eyes returned to the road.

  “We went to school together. I was two years ahead of them, and I’d always played guitar so when they started their band and needed a guitar player they reached out to me. They’re cool and we all clicked. It was easy to become friends with them and then everything else sort of fell into place,” he shrugged.

  “Do you like living the rock star life?” I knew his answer—Hayes was the band member that most took advantage of his celebrity status.

  “Absolutely,” he answered with an easy going grin. Sobering, he added, “But I like being home and living a normal life too. I guess I like having the best of both worlds.”

  “I can understand that.”

  “So…” He started, glancing in my direction with an awkward smile. “How’s Ezra with this?” He waved a finger between us. “Is he cool now?”

  I shrugged. “Fine, I guess.” Based on his odd behavior this afternoon fine was the last thing he appeared to be, but I didn’t want to tell Hayes that. “Let’s not talk about him.” I didn’t want my thoughts to become entirely absorbed in Ezra.

  “Okay, that’s off the subject table then.” He smiled over at me, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel in time with the beat of the song playing softly on the radio. “What do you want to talk about?”

  I thought for a moment. “If you weren’t in Willow Creek, what would you be doing?”

  He didn’t hesitate to answer. “Working in construction. My dad owns a company. It was my plan to work for him while I was in high school, get a degree in business management, and take over the company one day…but plans,” he pursed his lips in thought, “they have a funny way of changing.”

  He pulled into the parking lot of the park and turned the vehicle off. He put the red baseball cap on, making sure the brim covered half of his face and added the sunglasses.

  “How do I look?” He asked me, striking a playful pose.

  “Like a rock star in disguise.” I laughed.

  He smiled crookedly. “Come on, it totally works.”

  “Yeah, it kind of does,” I agreed.

  The baseball cap kept most of his sandy hair hidden from view and the dark sunglasses obscured his blue eyes. But if someone were observant he’d still be easy to spot.

  “Are you just saying that to make me feel better?” He frowned.

  “No.” I shook my head.

  He rubbed his hands together before reaching for the door handle. “Picnic time! I’m starving!”

  I rolled my eyes as I got out of the car and met him on the other side of the truck. “You guys are always hungry.”

  He laughed and nodded his head in agreement, reaching inside to grab a blanket and the basket. Once he had both secured in his hands we started in the direction of the grassy area. There were picnic tables, but Hayes chose a spot beneath a large tree that was shaded by the sun.

  He set the basket down and shook out the blanket. We sat down and he opened the basket. He handed me a sandwich and smiled sheepishly. “I asked Emma what your favorite was. I hope that’s okay.”

  My mouth fell open as I unfolded the saran wrap. “You made this?”

  He shrugged like it was no big deal. “It’s only a sandwich.”

  “Which you made…with your hands…by yourself?”

  He snorted. “Is it really that surprising to you?”

  “Yes,” I answered without hesitation.

  He ducked his head. “You don’t know me at all.”

  “You’ve never given me the chance to know you,” I countered, “over the years you’ve kept yourself pretty separate from the rest of us.”

  He sighed, pulling out a bag of chips and bottles of water from the basket before closing it. “Yeah, I guess I have…I feel like I’ve always struggled to fit in with the band.”

  “Why is that?” My brows furrowed in confusion. Hayes was a confident guy that wasn’t afraid to speak his mind, so I was surprised that he’d feel that way.

  He unwrapped his sandwich and took a bite. Once he’d swallowed he finally answered me. “Don’t get me wrong, I consider all three of those guys as my friends…but they’ve known each other since they were kids. They’re like brothers while I’m the outsider.”

  I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. “I have to admit, Maddox and Ezra have one hell of a bromance going on.”

  Hayes laughed to. “You’ve got that right.” He shrugged and took a sip of water. “I guess Mathias is a bit of an outsider too, but he’s been changing since he married Remy and now he’s having a fucking kid.” He shook his head and his whole body shuddered with a sigh. “It’s too weird to think about him being a dad.”

  “Yeah, I have to agree with that.”

  Mathias was the last guy in the band I ever pictured settling down so early, but people change.

  I bit into my sandwich, surprised by how good it tasted. “Hey, this is delicious.” I told him.

  He chuckled. “It’s just a sandwich.”

  “It’s a yummy one,” I countered.

  “So, I did okay?” He asked, motioning to our set up and lunch.

  “You did great.” I smiled at him. I was actually having a really nice time with him, which surprised me completely.

  “How are things with your store?” He popped a chip into his mouth.

  “Good,” I answered vaguely.

  He raised a brow. “That’s all I get.”

  “There’s not much to tell.” I shrugged. “It’s just a store.”

  “It’s what you love, though, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  He cracked a small, half smile. “That’s good to hear. Too many people these days are miserable.”

  “Are you miserable?” I asked.

  I expected an immediate answer, but he surprised me by pausing and mulling over my question.

  “Not miserable, per se,” his lips pursed, “but sometimes I feel like something is missing from my life.”

  “Is that why you asked me on a date?” I questioned. “You’ve always…uh…gotten around.” I frowned, hating to sound so blunt, but it couldn’t be avoided.

  He chuckled. His laugh was deep and husky sounding. “Yeah, yeah, I know.” He hung his head, hiding a smile. “I love women and I’m not ashamed of that. But I guess…the
meaningless hookups have gotten a little old. Is it stupid that I see Maddox and Mathias with their girls and I want that?”

  “Not stupid at all.” I finished my sandwich and wiped my hands on a napkin that he’d so thoughtfully packed. “But why ask me? You’ve never acted interested in me before. Even when I was single,” I added.

  He shrugged. “You’re different, Sadie. You’re not like the girls that throw themselves at us when we’re on the road. Besides, I might not know you well, but I do know you’d never be with me because of my money and status.”

  He leaned towards me and I held my breath as the distance between us lessened. My heart thundered in my chest—not because I was excited by the thought of Hayes kissing me, but because I couldn’t decide whether I wanted him to or not.

  His fingers tangled in my hair and his breath fanned over my lips, waiting.

  I closed my eyes, my thoughts and feelings a raging inferno inside me.

  I was promised to no one, but my heart didn’t know that.

  “I’m sorry,” I mumbled, turning my head away.

  His hand fell and he sighed, not in disgust but resigned. I felt bad, because Hayes truly was a nice guy and I believed him when he said he wanted more than a meaningless hookup, but I couldn’t see myself with him.

  “Is it Ezra?” He asked. He didn’t sound angry.

  I winced and reluctantly raised my head to look at him. “I know it’s stupid, he doesn’t even like me like that,” I winced, hating the fact that I sounded like I was in elementary school, “but yeah…I can’t feel this way towards him and kiss you. It’s wrong and I won’t use you like that.”

  “I can respect that.” He sat back, putting distance between us. He surprised me by holding out a hand to me. “Friends?”

  “No,” I put my hand in his, “family.”

  He grinned—the smile lighting up his whole face. “The Willow Creek family.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Thanks for…uh, giving me a shot, I guess.” Hayes said with a laugh when he parked his truck in Ezra’s driveway.

  I laughed too. “Hayes, you’re going to find the girl for you someday, it’s just not me.”

  He nodded. “I know.”

  He leaned over and kissed my cheek before I slipped out of the truck.

  He waited in the driveway until I had the door unlocked and then he turned the truck around to leave.

  I stepped inside and locked the door behind me.

  A small squeal left my lips when I turned around to find Ezra standing behind me.

  “You have got to stop sneaking up on me like that.” I put a hand over my racing heart and moved to drop my purse and keys on the kitchen counter.

  “Sadie?” He swallowed thickly.

  “What?” I looked at him curiously. He didn’t look right, slightly sweaty and pale. His fists opened and closed at his sides.

  I was about to ask him if he was sick when he threw his hands in the air in defeat, cried, “Fuck it,” and stormed towards me.

  I stood frozen, completely transfixed as he closed the space between us in three powerful strides.

  He cupped the back of my neck and my back hit the wall beside the refrigerator as he towered above me. Before I could blink his lips were on mine.

  Let’s face it, I’d fantasized about kissing Ezra. He was hot, and I had an unrequited crush so it was bound to happen.

  In those fantasies he’d always been sweet and tender.

  But I would never use those two words to describe this kiss.

  His lips were rough and demanding.

  There was something feral about the way he moved—how he consumed me.

  He growled low in his throat and my own moan captured the sound.

  Holy shit, I was kissing Ezra.

  Actually, he was kissing me and I was just along for the ride, but oh what a fun ride it was.

  My hands began to wander up his chest and he grabbed my hands, pinning them above my head.

  His hips dug into mine, and—holy hell.

  A breathy sigh escaped me and his tongue pressed beyond my parted lips.

  My knees began to quake.

  I had never been kissed like this before.

  No, that was a lie.

  A kiss had never felt like this before.

  Our lips moved together like they were singing the same song.

  My fingers twitched in his grasp, desperate to touch him, but his hold only tightened.

  I had never expected Ezra to be this rough, and aggressive, and hot. He was always so nice and gentle, but apparently there was a side to him I’d never experienced before and I was all for getting to know this part of him…intimately, and by the bulge pressing between my thighs he was up for that too. No pun intended.

  “Finally.” He breathed the word against my lips before pulling my bottom lip between his teeth and letting it go.

  I moaned and my hips jerked forward.

  A chuckle rumbled in his throat and then he deepened the kiss.

  My brain grew fuzzy from the lack of oxygen, but the last thing I wanted to do was stop kissing him.

  With one last slow stroke of his tongue he retreated and he let go of my hands. They fell onto his shoulder and my chest pressed against his with each breath I took.

  He reached up, caressing his fingers lightly against my cheek. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long. You have no idea.”

  My eyes closed and I chanted in my head, this has to be a dream.

  But when I opened my eyes Ezra still stood there and my lips were swollen from his kisses.

  “Why now?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.

  “Because,” his teeth ground together, “seeing you with Hayes…” He looked away, fighting to gain control of his temper. “It was even worse than seeing you with Braden. At least I had a legitimate reason to hate him, but Hayes? I couldn’t hate that guy if I tried, and that made it a thousand times worse.”

  “What do we do now?” I asked.

  “It was only a kiss.” He started to pull away, but I tightened my hold around his neck.

  “No, don’t you dare say that,” I spat.

  “Sadie—”

  “Please, stop.” I laid my head against his chest. “Please, don’t take it back.”

  “I wasn’t going to.” I felt his fingers smooth through my hair.

  “Why won’t you let this—let us happen?”

  His Adam’s apple bobbed and he peered down at me. “You’re my best friend,” he reminded me yet again, “what if things didn’t work out between us? I can’t lose you.”

  “And I’m not worth the risk,” I snapped, the words laced with venom as I reared back. I shook my head at him and stormed away, up the steps, and slammed my bedroom door like a surly teenager.

  Rejected, yet again.

  IT HAD BEEN a week since our kiss.

  Seven whole days.

  And in those seven days I hadn’t spoken one word to him.

  He’d talked plenty though. He liked to tell me my behavior was ‘childish’ and I guess the silent treatment was childish, but I was afraid if I opened my mouth to talk to him I might scream.

  I was so incredibly frustrated, and hurt, and…horny.

  Yeah, that last one really sucked.

  I’d avoided Ezra’s place as much as I could—usually hanging out with Maddox and Emma. But they were annoying to be around after a while. I honestly didn’t know how they were still so lovey dovey after being together for four years. Or was it five? I’d lost count. But they were still all over each other and I could only handle Maddox sticking his tongue down her throat so many times.

  Now, I was sequestered in my bedroom while Ezra made dinner.

  He always made enough for me too—and then I would make a point of not eating it. Even if it meant I OD’d on sour patch kids or something else equally sugar filled that I kept hidden in my room.

  Tonight was different, though.

  I had an idea, one I hoped he’d go for
.

  Although, after my silent treatment he was probably apt to kick me out and not listen to what I had to say.

  I paced restlessly around the small bedroom that had become mine the past month.

  This idea of mine…it was crazy.

  Stupid, even.

  The chances of Ezra agreeing were slim.

  The chance of him laughing in my face, however, was a high percentage.

  I blamed Remy for this idea.

  Yep, it was all her fault.

  She’d planted the seed in my brain and now I couldn’t get this festering thought out of my head and I had to act on it.

  I had to do something.

  Because tiptoeing around this was impossible.

  I pressed my ear against my bedroom door, listening intently like a nosy teenager eavesdropping on a conversation. I waited until I heard the kitchen chair scrape against the hardwood floors before darting down the stairs.

  I had to do this fast before I lost the courage.

  Ezra looked up when he heard me, the burger he’d grilled halfway to his mouth and another sitting on a plate in front of him waiting for me.

  Before he could say anything the words tumbled out of my mouth.

  “I have a proposition for you.”

  His brows quirked and he set the burger down without taking a bite. He motioned to the empty chair in front of him and I quickly sat.

  He folded his fingers together and stared at me with that intense dark gaze that always sent me reeling.

  “You haven’t spoken one word to me in a week, and the first thing you say to me is that you have a proposition for me…I’m really looking forward to hearing this.” He tipped the chair back so that the front two legs came off the ground.

  While I tried to gather myself he continued to stare at me, his fingers stroking the heavy stubble on his face.

  I laid my palms flat on the cool surface of the table and took a deep breath.

  You’ve got this, Sadie! I tried to pep talk myself, but it wasn’t working.

  “I want you to fuck me.” Shit. That hadn’t been how I was planning to lead into this. I quickly added, “Just sex. That’s it. Not a relationship. You don’t want to lose our friendship, and I don’t either, but we have a mutual attraction and I don’t think we should fight it. I’m proposing that while I live here—which I promise to be out in the next two months or so—we should have sex.”