Lizzie's Secret

by Rosie Clarke

  ‘Perhaps your father just needs time to save up for another wedding…’ Lizzie suggested.

  ‘I know it wouldn’t have been easy for Dad, but I wouldn’t mind having just family and going without all the fuss and bother…but that cat’s got Tony now…’

  ‘Perhaps it’s just a fling and Tony will come back,’ Lizzie said but Beth shook her head.

  ‘If I know he’s been with her I shan’t have him.’

  *

  The letter from Lizzie’s aunt when it came was brief. She did not approve of Lizzie’s decision to marry and advised her to think carefully but she’d signed the necessary permission. Lizzie showed the letter to Harry when he came home on leave that weekend and he was thrilled, seizing her about the waist and swinging her round in exuberance.

  ‘I knew when they gave me that thirty-six-hour pass something good would happen,’ he told her. ‘I’ll buy a special licence and as soon as I get another leave, we’ll be married, Lizzie.’

  ‘Yes…’ Harry’s excitement was catching and she responded willingly when he grabbed her, holding her close and kissing her with a passion that took her breath and left her trembling. ‘I do love you, Harry.’

  Harry insisted on taking Lizzie round to his uncle’s house. She’d only met his Aunt Miriam a couple of times previously, but now she was welcomed as part of the family and his Uncle Bert insisted on getting out a bottle of sweet sherry.

  ‘Well, that’s good news,’ he said as Harry told him that they were planning to get married as soon as he got another leave. ‘Just let me know and I’ll arrange a reception for you – but you’ll need somewhere to live…’

  ‘Yes, I know. I rang someone last night. A friend of mine told me about a flat coming up for rent. It’s not far away from here, so Lizzie will be able to walk to work. She intends to keep working for you until we start a family, but that won’t be just yet. It wouldn’t be fair on her, with me away all the time…’

  He didn’t need to elaborate. . Everyone knew that the future was going to be difficult for young men at the front. Every day the papers carried dire stories, and it was only a matter of time, despite Hitler’s denials that he had no intention of going into Poland. All the signs were there and most people expected it daily.

  Lizzie made the most of the time she had before Harry went back to start his training. He didn’t expect to get home for a few weeks, which would give her time to find a pretty dress of some kind. They would marry in church, but it wouldn’t be a white wedding with all the usual trimmings. She couldn’t afford a lace dress and a veil, but Harry said it didn’t matter. All he wanted was to make Lizzie his wife.

  The morning after he’d announced his intentions to his uncle, Harry went out and found them somewhere to live. He paid the rent in advance, before taking Lizzie to see it, because, as he told her, someone else was after it and he’d had to get in quick. It was over a small workshop that made men’s shirts and was part of the rag trade area. When he took Lizzie later that evening, she saw that most of the buildings were small manufacturers with offices over the top. Some of them were still open and she saw a rail of ladies’ coats being transferred from one side of the road to the other. It was a hot August night, but winter coats were being made now ready for sale in a few weeks when the weather turned colder.

  Lizzie thought the rooms were very small, but the rent of fifteen shillings was reasonable, and it actually had electricity, a fireplace in the sitting room and a gas cooker in the kitchen. The landlord had renovated the whole place and it smelled of fresh paint. She’d never lived in anything this modern-looking before and looked in wonder at clean plasterwork on the ceilings and walls, and wooden floors that were painted with clear varnish. All it needed was a few rugs, pretty curtains and furniture, and she would enjoy choosing something modern and bright.

  ‘It’s lovely,’ she said. ‘I never expected anything like this…’

  ‘Only the best for my Lizzie,’ he said and kissed her. ‘We shan’t be able to afford all the furniture we want to start with, love, but my aunt says I can have my bedroom furniture and we can have a look in the second-hand shops for the rest.’

  Since there was only the kitchen, the sitting room, one decent bedroom and what Lizzie would call a box room, she didn’t think it would take much to make the place look nice.

  ‘I haven’t spent the money the lawyer got me for the lease of Uncle Jack’s shop. I can make some nice curtains and we only need a small table and two chairs in the kitchen, perhaps a cabinet for the bits and pieces… I could get a couple of armchairs in here and… oh, it will be fun looking…’ Lizzie felt excited as she planned how to make things nice for them.

  ‘It may be six weeks or more before I get leave,’ Harry pulled her into another passionate embrace. ‘I love you so much, Lizzie. I want to make love to you…’

  Lizzie hesitated, on the verge of saying she was ready, because his kisses made her want more, to know what loving a man was all about.

  ‘Don’t worry, love, I’m not going to,’ Harry said as she was silent. ‘Much as I want you, I know it wouldn’t be right, just in case something happens to me. Some chaps have been hurt during training and I would hate people to point the finger at you. You’re my Lizzie and I’m going to look after you. I don’t intend to have an eight-month-old baby or worse… I’m proud of you, Lizzie and I won’t have anyone whispering behind your back.’

  The look he gave her made Lizzie smile and yet she felt coldness at the nape of her neck. Harry was so intense, so sure of himself… supposing she let him down in some way… would he still love her then?

  Chapter 17

  After Harry had returned to his training camp, Lizzie worked all hours to finish the orders. The hats Sebastian Winters had ordered costed out at between thirty-five shillings and two pounds each to make, which wasn’t much more than he’d paid before, but Miss Hennessy’s order was more expensive to make. She’d mainly chosen hats with large brims and lots of veiling, although apart from one of them they were easy enough to shape.

  The hat that caused Lizzie the most trouble was a beautiful creation of silk velvet and tulle. It was a soft design with a V-shape at the front that looked rather like opened birds’ wings and was sewn with feathers and a jewelled motif.

  ‘It looked lovely on paper,’ Lizzie said, after unpicking her first attempt and remodelling it so that it was slightly more shaped and stiffened. ‘I never thought Oliver would accept it and I hadn’t given a thought to how I would make it.’

  ‘Just as well, we worked it out together,’ Ed told her. ‘Soft hats are fine, but not if you’re going to have that fancy structure at the front… that needs support.’

  ‘I’ve learned my lesson now,’ Lizzie said humbly. ‘I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t sorted me out, Ed.’

  He chuckled softly. ‘You’ve still got a way to go, Lizzie love,’ he told her. ‘Oliver threw you in at the deep end, didn’t he?’

  ‘I told him I could do it,’ Lizzie said, because she wanted to be fair. ‘I hadn’t worked that one out properly though.’

  ‘Next time do several drawings so that you can see how you’re going to make it up, Lizzie. I know you like drawing these fanciful things, but most women want a practical hat.’

  ‘Yes, I know,’ Lizzie agreed. ‘I have to make them in a certain time and that means they need to be simple in structure.’

  Ed inclined his head. ‘Save your flights of fancy until you’re a famous designer.’

  Lizzie shook her head, because that wasn’t going to happen. She’d turned down Sebastian Winters’ offer and remembered it wistfully – but it wouldn’t have worked. She would soon be married to Harry, and he wouldn’t have wanted her to work for anyone but his uncle.

  *

  The declaration of war took no one by surprise, but it was awful just the same. Lizzie heard it on the radio with Beth and her family. Outside the sun was shining but Lizzie felt cold all over as she heard the Prime Mi
nister tell the British people that they were now at war. Germany had broken all her promises and invaded Poland, wreaking havoc on a people too weak to stand up to the might of the German machine.

  ‘God help us,’ Mr Court said. ‘I’d hoped my son and my daughters’ husbands would never have to go through what we did, but it looks as if we’re in for it now.’

  ‘It will be worse than last time,’ Mrs Court said, close to tears. ‘The papers say it will be war in the air… we’ll be bombed, much worse than what happened in the first war. Things have moved on…’

  ‘Yes, I’m afraid you’re right,’ her husband said. ‘I feel sorry for the poor buggers that have to fight. I had enough of it last time. I shall offer my services of course, but I doubt they will take me.’

  ‘Don’t be a fool, Derek,’ Mrs Court cried. ‘Let the young men go. You’ve done your bit…’

  ‘Even if they won’t take me in the forces, I’ll be useful somehow…’

  Over the next few days the recruiting offices were choked with men wanting to sign up. It seemed that people had forgotten the pain and horror of the war that was supposed to end all wars and were now carried high on a wave of national pride and ready to fight for king and country.

  Beth was very quiet for a couple of days and then she told Lizzie that she’d made enquiries about training to be a nurse.

  ‘Oh, Beth, what does your mum say?’

  ‘I’ll tell her once I’ve been accepted,’ Beth shrugged. ‘I’m not going to stay home and do nothing now our men are going to be fighting’

  Lizzie nodded, feeling a little guilty because the idea didn’t appeal to her. For the moment she wanted to stay where she was – and once she was married the women’s services probably wouldn’t want her anyway, because although it wasn’t absolutely forbidden as it had been once, those in charge often thought married women were too much of a liability to take on important jobs. Married women had children and they took time off if their children were ill, and in times of war, people had to keep their mind on the job… at least that was the way some officials saw it. They thought the WVS was fine, but when it came to the dangerous and vital work it should be reserved for men, but women were capable of a lot more than some men gave them credit for and by the time this war was over they were going to need them.

  *

  Harry’s letter came through five weeks after Mary’s wedding. He was coming home on leave the following week for eight days. Time for them to marry and go on a short honeymoon.

  Lizzie’s spine tingled as she read the letter. It was going to happen at last and she could hardly wait. She told her friends and wrote a card out for all of them, including Aunt Jane. Lizzie didn’t particularly want her aunt at the wedding, but she thought she ought to invite her.

  ‘Are you sure it’s what you want to do?’ Mrs Court asked her twice. ‘You know we are happy to have you here for as long as you wish?’

  ‘Yes, I do know and I’ve been happy with you, but Harry wants us to be married and settled…’

  ‘You’re so young,’ Mrs Court said.

  ‘I’ll be twenty-one, next year, and I feel older,’ Lizzie replied. ‘Harry’s done everything, sorted it all out. We’re just having a civil ceremony and a little reception at a small hotel – and you will all be invited. We’d thought of a church, but it’s easier to arrange at the Registrar’s Office when you don’t know the exact date beforehand.’

  ‘Beth is going to say she wants to be married too,’ Mrs Court said, looking anxiously at her daughter’s back. ‘I know it isn’t up to me, Lizzie – but I do wonder if you’re rushing things.’

  ‘No, I don’t think so,’ Lizzie assured her. ‘Harry loves me and I love him…’ as she said it, Lizzie felt sure it was true. ‘I know we’ve only known each other a few months, but Harry said he loved me from the first minute he saw me and…’

  ‘Well, if you’re sure, love,’ Mrs Court gave her a hug. ‘I’m always here if you ever need me.’

  ‘Thank you, I’ll remember that…’

  *

  Harry met her from work the evening before their wedding, which was the 19th September and a Tuesday. Lizzie hadn’t been sure when he would get home and flung herself into his arms, kissing him until she was breathless. He leaned forward, opening the door of the van for her to get in.

  ‘We’ll go to the flat, Lizzie,’ he said. ‘The bedroom stuff is being delivered in the morning, first thing. Have you done anything about the other furniture?’

  ‘The rooms aren’t big, so I’ve bought small neat things – a nice oak table that folds back against the wall when you don’t need it, and two chairs in the kitchen and a chintz-covered suite in the sitting room I think you’ll love it; it’s quite modern.’

  ‘The bedroom stuff is Edwardian, but really pretty, Lizzie. I thought we could have a new modern mattress… if that’s all right?’

  ‘It sounds good to me. We don’t need too much for a start, because we can buy things as we go along, when we find out what we like – choose it together.’

  ‘You will be doing most of the choosing,’ Harry said. ‘I’ve got a week after the wedding and then I’m off to finish my training. After that I could be sent anywhere…’

  ‘Oh, Harry…’ Lizzie felt a sinking sensation inside. ‘I wish you didn’t have to go back…’

  ‘We all have to now, love. I’m not going too far for a start,’ Harry told her. ‘I’ll be based just outside London this time and I shall be able to come home on regular two-day passes until I’ve finished my training…’

  Lizzie nodded and kissed him, but she had a strange feeling of foreboding hanging over her. However, she told herself she was being a fool. Harry was doing what he’d wanted to do and it was surely better than his being called up to the Army. Every woman in the country would be feeling as she was, worried about husbands, brothers, sons and even fathers. Beth’s father had found himself an evening job fire-watching, and checking that no one was showing a light from their blackout curtains. It seemed that the whole country had war fever and were all bent on doing their bit.

  Chapter 18

  Lizzie stretched and yawned, wondering why she felt so good and then her eye fell on the simple white dress she’d bought for her wedding. It was the first time she’d ever purchased a dress from a good shop, and she’d wanted it to be special.

  ‘I’ll bring you a cup of tea up and some toast.’ Beth smiled at her. ‘We’ve got to make a fuss of you today, Lizzie.’

  ‘Thanks.’ Lizzie touched her hand. ‘It was my lucky day when I met you, Beth.’

  Beth went off and Lizzie lay back against the pillows. It was nice not to have to get up and rush off to work. For a whole week she would be with Harry and they could do whatever they wanted. Lizzie had never been away to the sea for a whole week before and she could hardly control her excitement.

  Beth brought a tray of tea and toast up and the two girls sat together on the bed and ate their breakfast. It was a lovely way to spend the hours before her wedding and Lizzie could not remember feeling this happy in her life.

  After breakfast, Lizzie had a bath and washed her hair. Beth pinned it up for her with Kirby grips and Lizzie sat on the bed waiting for it to dry. Mrs Court came upstairs when Beth took the tray down and brought her some cards that had come through the door, mostly by hand, and the posy of flowers that Harry had sent.

  ‘I thought you would want to see them,’ she said smiling and then pulled a face as she heard the front doorbell ring. She went to the head of the stairs and called down, ‘Beth answer the door please.’

  ‘All right, Mum.’

  ‘So, are you excited?’ Mrs Court said and bent to kiss Lizzie’s cheek. ‘Derek was really pleased you asked him to be one of the witnesses…’ They heard footsteps coming up the stairs and then Beth entered, looking uncertain. ‘Who was it, love?’

  ‘It’s your aunt, Lizzie. She says she has to see you – that it’s important…’

  ‘Of all the
days to come,’ Mrs Court said, looking cross. ‘Do you want to see her, Lizzie?’

  ‘I suppose I shall have to. Where is she?’

  ‘I asked her to wait in the front room,’ Beth said. ‘If I were you I’d send her away. I’m sure she’s here to make trouble…’

  ‘She always said I should never marry. I have no idea why and I don’t care what she says. She can’t hurt me now…’ Lizzie shrugged on her bathrobe over her petticoat and went down to Mrs Court’s parlour. Her aunt was wearing a grey coat and black hat; it was obvious that she hadn’t come dressed for a wedding. ‘You wanted to see me, Aunt Jane?’

  ‘I’ve been ill or I would have come sooner,’ her aunt said. ‘I want you to reconsider this foolish idea of yours, Lizzie. It will end in tears for you…’

  ‘Why should marriage to Harry make me unhappy? We love each other – besides, we’re getting married today…’

  ‘I know. It was a shock when your letter came. I wasn’t well and signed the papers but I should’ve told you years ago, but Jack forbade it…’

  ‘Told me what?’ Lizzie asked and felt chilled at the look in her aunt’s eyes. She had a tingling sensation at her nape and was suddenly nervous. ‘What should I know, Aunt Jane?’

  ‘You’ve never remembered what happened to you?’ Aunt Jane shook her head. ‘Of course not or you would realise how foolish it is to think of marriage.’

  ‘Why? Is it impossible for me to have children or something?’

  ‘I’ve no idea about that, though it may be…’ Aunt Jane took a deep breath. ‘I never agreed with that doctor. I thought you should face up to what happened… to the shame of it…’

  ‘Shame?’ Lizzie’s stomach was tying itself in knots now and she felt shivery. ‘What shame, aunt? What did I do?’

  ‘It wasn’t what you did… at least, as far as I know. It was what someone did to you, Lizzie.’ Her eyes were cold, unforgiving. ‘You went running out of the house that night. I called you back but you wouldn’t listen. You brought it on yourself.’