by Paul Long
John: You’ll never guess what I found.
Me: You’re right.
John: Did you know they made cat wrestling singlets with cat profile pics on them?
Me: How would I possibly know that?
John: Great point . . . I bought two.
Me: What could we possibly use those for?
John: I don’t know, but it’s going to be AWESOME!
One day while watching ESPN, we found our answer. Fans in every Major League city were showing out in celebration of Derek Jeter’s storied career.
“Eureka!” John exclaimed.
What environment wouldn’t be infinitely improved with the addition of two dudes in cat wrestling singlets, or “catsuits” as they would later be identified? For those of you who aren’t familiar with a wrestling singlet—think lycra bodysuit with the leg section extending just above the knee and the upper body section sleeveless, like a tank top. And, yes, our singlets featured huge cat profile pictures on the front and back . . . hence, “catsuit.”
We bought our tickets to the June 8 Royals vs. Yankees game, and suited up in our ridiculous outfits.
Full disclosure—I’m not deathly afraid of making a fool of myself. John and I had made the world our stage for years and were no strangers to folks laughing at our shenanigans.
However, if you’re not a man, you may not understand the complex that young boys create for one another in the locker rooms of elementary school.
Regardless of whether one is “gifted” or not, many boys often wonder how they stack up against others and are afraid to learn the answer. While I wasn’t afraid of making a fool of myself, the thought of my kibbles and bits being exposed to the masses via the oh-so-snug-fitting lycra created a little anxiety.
Away we went. Sporting our silly catsuits, John and I made signs “littered” with cat puns, such as, “Derek Jeter, One Classy Cat,” and “Strike ‘Em Out Right Meow.” With signs in hand and bodies exposed, we headed to Kaufmann Stadium.
As we walked into the venue, we were greeted immediately with laughter. However, a funny thing happened. The laughter was soon accompanied by high-fives, smiles, and awesome comments. Don’t get me wrong, there were some rude people who didn’t have very nice things to say. Matter of fact, some had some downright awful things to say. These people were in the minority and will exist in any situation, but they were quickly drowned out by those celebrating our boldness.
Soon, folks began coming up to us requesting pictures. Oh, the pictures! We took well over a hundred pics that day and wound up being tagged in Facebook photos of people all over the Kansas City community. We made an appearance on the JumboTron, were featured on live TV multiple times while dancing in the stands, were interviewed live on a local Fox morning news program, and were written up in publications around the nation.
Can you imagine the pride my mother exuded when I told her I was featured in the Washington Post, Yahoo Sports, and even in a full-page article in the Wall Street Journal? Can you then imagine the subsequent disappointment she had when I explained why we were in said publications?
Several people commented that day that they wished they had the confidence to do what we did. I consistently responded to them, “Why can’t you?”
It was that day that I realized something very important: everybody is looking for something to take their mind off, even for a brief moment, the troubles of their day.
A friend once told me, “Don’t worry about what people think about you because they don’t think about you.” What a sobering statement! But damn—how true! We spend countless hours worrying about what others think, and the bulk of the time folks are only worried about their own problems. If they are worried about us, it is only to mask their insecurities or to escape their own reality for a short moment.
When I finally worked up the courage to put on that catsuit with John, I realized that our silliness was actually helping others. It was helping them forget about their troubles for a brief moment and laugh. The whole thing was a tremendous social experiment of what can potentially happen when you get out of your own head. As our catsuit adventures continued in the days, months, and years to follow, we crossed paths with many people who needed a reminder of the joy in life. Our role in helping others and our purpose in life was solidified. In addition, we identified one of our favorite FUNdamentals—dressing up in costume for no good reason!
FUN Chapter Takeaways
▪ Don’t dwell on the past. Focus on what you can influence—the future. This is called “forward-thinking.”
▪ Mirror what positive people do, so you too will experience that same positivity.
▪ Identify your FUNdamentals and seek them out regularly, especially when you feel discouraged or down.
▪ Get creative in identifying your FUNdamentals. Even something as outlandish as prancing around in a catsuit can provide you and others unexpected and honest delight!
Next Up
Now that I’ve given you some examples of how I incorporate fundamism in my life, we’ll explore how to find yours. Where can you start in finding your own FUNdamentals? What may be holding you back in creating more FUN in your life?
In the next chapter, we’ll explore your personal foundation and what makes you experience life the way you currently do. In doing so, you put yourself in a more advantageous position to identify your FUNdamentals and begin incorporating them into your life every day.
Chapter 3
The Foundation of F.U.N.
“You cannot build a dream on a foundation of sand. To weather the test of storms, it must be cemented in the heart with uncompromising conviction.”
—T.F. Hodge
At the age of thirty-three, I was an executive director of operations for a Fortune 300 company. My first day in the role I remember crossing paths with one of our employees. We made eye contact; we had never met before. They didn’t know who I was, and it didn’t matter. I smiled and greeted them with a boisterous, “Great morning!” No response and confusion set in.
How could anyone make eye contact, be asked a direct question, and just keep walking after completely ignoring me?
Over the years the above experience has happened to me numerous times. Even to this day, the lack of human response after a warm greeting still catches me off guard, and I find myself wondering why.
A speaker by the name of Keith Harrell used to recite a quote by his grandmother that really stuck with me. She used to tell him, “Don’t ever judge the face if you can’t judge the heart. You never know where someone has been in life, and you don’t know what they are going through. Growing up, your grandma gave you so many smiles, so if someone doesn’t have one, bless them with one of your own.”
I don’t know why some individuals look at me, see my smile, hear my happy greeting, and choose not to reply. However, the one thing I know for certain is that that individual could benefit from having a little more F.U.N. in life.
As already mentioned in the introduction, F.U.N. is an acronym that stands for foundation, understanding others’ perspectives, and identifying next steps. It is predicated on your being present and willing to consistently indulge in self-reflection. F.U.N. represents a balance of recognizing strengths, areas of opportunity, personal awareness, respect of others, curiosity, and willingness to move yourself forward.
In chapters 1, 2, and currently in 3, we’ve been examining the foundation of fundamism, the F in F.U.N. A key part of this foundation entails a whole-hearted embrace of the notion that you choose your perspective on life (chapter 1). You choose to take on the victim or victor mindset.
A second key is that you identify your FUNdamentals and engage in them frequently to keep alit your life lantern of joy, and satisfaction (chapter 2).
In this chapter we’ll explore other crucial components in the foundation of F.U.N., starting with being present in life and deliberate in our actions. These two behaviors are critical in maximizing the effectiveness of F.U.N.
Presenc
e
The Oxford Dictionary defines the word “present” as being “fully focused on or involved in what one is doing or experiencing.” Oftentimes I find myself in a situation where I’m physically present but not mentally there. You could say I’m not “fully focused.” In order to truly get the most out of every day and experience the delight of life as it unfolds in real time, we must be present. Sure, I struggle with this, as so many of us do.
For example, if you’re currently reading this in a setting where others are around you, take a look and count how many individuals are on some form of device. Cell phones, computers, tablets, and other technology have made life a lot easier in many regards. However, they’ve completely destroyed our ability to communicate with one another without interruption or be 100% present in most situations.
If fundamism, i.e., having more FUN in life, is something you know you could benefit from and are committed to implementing, I challenge you to set aside some time in every day where you’re completely free of technology. Over time, you’ll feel a sense of freedom, enjoyment, and presence in these moments. You’ll likely end up extending your technology-free time, so you can enjoy that freedom more and more each day.
Deliberate
If you had to rate your ability to be deliberate in the things you do on a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rank yourself? Specifically, how often do you approach your day with a plan? In the space below, place your ranking and list a few of the items you find you approach deliberately on a regular basis.
What behaviors or items do you believe you could be more deliberate in doing on a regular basis?
How deliberate are you? (1 being the lowest, 10 being the highest)
What are some items you approach deliberately on a regular basis? (Examples could include: morning rituals, team meetings, workouts, shopping for specific items, etc.)
What are some items you find you could be more deliberate in doing? (Examples could include: expressing vocal appreciation of a loved one, eating healthy, communicating with purpose, staying on task, checking in with your phone less, etc.)
Too often I believe we allow our days to own us rather than owning the day. As prisoners of the moment, we get sucked into things that we believe to be important and fall victim to distractions. When was the last time you came into work with specific things you wanted to accomplish, began the tasks, were notified of a new email, and you were off doing something else?
Being deliberate in your day means that you have to place a priority on the things you want to achieve and devote resources to ensure they happen. Attack each day with purpose and watch your productivity improve exponentially.
As you begin to set goals and deliberately take the steps necessary to complete them, fulfillment in life both personally and professionally will follow in abundance. And as you already probably know, it is fun to feel fulfilled. Fun and fulfillment are the aims of fundamism.
Are you ready for some FUN? Are you completely present and reading this in an environment devoid of distraction? Are you being deliberate, open, and honest with yourself about what you hope to receive by educating yourself on fundamism? If so, let’s take a deeper dive into the F—foundation—of fundamism. Let’s look at how experience plays a role in the foundation of F.U.N.
Experience
People who love life and appear to be consistently upbeat are not impervious to despair or heartache. As an international speaker, I travel all over the world for workshops and keynote addresses. I typically ask individuals attending my sessions to raise their hands if they grew up in a single-parent household. I follow that be saying raise or keep your hand raised if you grew up in what you consider poverty. Raise or keep your hand raised if you have known or know someone who has been affected by cancer. Finally I add, raise or keep your hand raised if you’ve experienced the loss of someone close to you. Very few of my audience members have ever not raised a hand to one of those questions.
What does that mean? Everyone on this Earth is faced with challenges, disappointment, and setbacks.
These difficult experiences help make us who we are, shape much of our life perspective, and help establish our foundation.
Our experiences in life help mold our belief system. This belief system drives much of our behavior. Ultimately, our behavior is a key factor in the creation of our emotions.
Take, for example, my brother, Chris. I mentioned earlier many of the challenging characteristics my father displayed on a regular basis. These characteristics coupled with many other factors negatively impacted the relationship between him and Chris. I recall them having many arguments, which was a driving factor in my brother’s decision to move out of the house his sophomore year of high school. These tough experiences helped shape Chris’s belief system.
I don’t know where you all stand on the nature vs. nurture debate, but I’m certain we are a product of both. DNA absolutely plays a role in our personality, actions, and ability. Educating yourself, gravitating towards the things that give you strength, and surrounding yourself with amazing people can play a huge role in these things, as well.
I remember Chris telling me on multiple occasions that he got all of our dad’s least desirable traits and I got all of his great ones. This, of course, could not be further from the truth. My brother is FANTASTIC! He’s great with people, extremely skilled, and has a huge heart. Despite the fact that everyone he meets feels his impact, his formative experiences with our father shaped his belief system into thinking something different. It is Chris’s belief that his destiny was shaped by our father.
This belief drives his behaviors and too often, his emotions. His lack of hope and optimism have been debilitating at times. I asked him once why he always had to think the worst in things. His response:
“So I’m not disappointed later.”
The interesting thing about Chris’s journey and perspective is that I agree with him. I do think that his destiny was shaped by our father, just as mine was too. What we disagree on is how it’s been shaped. Chris and I were born to the same mother and father. We have similar personality traits. The difference is I began emulating the behaviors of others I wanted to be like and also paid close attention to the undesirable behaviors exhibited by those near me. My father had a ton of positive traits. I learned who I wanted to be by watching both the great and not-so-great in everyone. Rather than feeling I was destined for a difficult life, I felt I was destined to help others see they weren’t:
If you don’t like your experience in life, change your life experiences!
The point that I’m trying to make is that if you are feeling a lack of happiness or fulfillment, try introducing new and fun experiences to your life. Those experiences will impact your belief system, which will drive your behaviors and generate different emotions.
If you want a different experience in life, you have to experience life differently. Is your job sucking all your energy away, leaving you depressed and anxious about going in every day? Take the steps necessary to change the situation. Do you have a toxic relationship driving unwanted stress or negativity? Approach the relationship differently or do something about it. Tired of feeling sluggish, down about your health, or lacking confidence based on your physical appearance? Make the necessary changes to ensure growth and that will get you in a better mindset.
I’ve seen a ton of growth in my brother Chris in the last several years. The reason? He started looking more forward than in the rear view (i.e., forward-thinking). He surrounded himself with amazing people who valued him. And, Chris started doing more things that he enjoyed, his FUNdamentals. In short, he introduced new life experiences into his life, which have changed his take on life from glass-half-empty to glass-half-full!
Personality Traits
While much of our foundation can be built through experience, there are additional factors involved. When I use the term, “foundation,” I’m referring to everything that makes you, you.
Along with life experiences, persona
lity traits, communication style, purpose, and guiding principles play major roles in our day-to-day experience of life.
Self-reflection and focusing on how to improve the things within our control will have a significant impact in driving different and more positive experiences.
Who is the individual in your life that appears to have the most fun?
Describe some fun memories of this individual or examples where they demonstrated fun.
How can you incorporate some of these examples or behaviors into your life?
Ever wonder why some individuals thrive with structure and others don’t? Or why talking to strangers can come so natural to some but not others? Our differences are driven by many things, some referenced in the paragraphs above. However, the most defining difference in individuals is personality style.
Years ago, a gentleman by the name of Richard Stephenson created the DOPE 4 Bird Personality Test. The intent was to assign bird types to the four different personality styles based on the original studies of Dr. Gary Couture. It is not a psychological evaluation but rather an activity rooted in self-assessment to gain a better understanding of yourself and others.