by Paul Long
As personality style is a staple in the composition of a person’s foundation, recognizing what style you are and how it manifests itself in your environment can provide additional context for why you experience the world the way you do. In addition, it may allow you the insight necessary to improve your quality of life, strength of relationships, self-acceptance, and awareness.
The four DOPE bird styles can be found below. As you read through them, try to identify what bird represents you and those closest to you. A more detailed, comprehensive version of this assessment can be found at richardstep.com. For the purpose of this exercise, we’ll keep it simple. It is important to note that you can be represented by more than one bird style. One may just play a more dominant role than the other.
Dove
The dove is a warm, caring, and relationship-driven individual. They enjoy making others feel comfortable and thrive in team environments. Doves love feeling appreciated and will likely make others feel the same. Typically, they listen well, are sympathetic to others, and avoid conflict. Lastly, the dove is super chill and doesn’t move at a very rapid pace. You might find doves holding positions such as teachers, guidance counselors, or social workers. If you go out to eat with a dove, they may be the individual asking what everyone else is getting to eat, telling you how delicious that sounds, and asking if you’d like to try their meal. They may even offer to pick up the bill just to get on your good side! Doves can be identified as warm and slow-moving.
Owl
The owl is an individual who thrives in structure and detail. An owl’s decision-making process is based heavily on logic and can take more time than others due to an extensive review of details. They are driven by facts far more than emotion or opinion, and aren’t known for taking a ton of risk. You can find many owls working as scientists, librarians, accountants, or engineers. If you go out to eat with an owl, they might be the one asking about the specials and trying to identify what meal offers the best value. Logically, it makes sense to pay for our own respective meals, so prepare to have your payment method ready when eating with an owl! Owls can be identified as cold and slow-moving.
Peacock
You all ready to party?! The peacock is the beacon of light in nearly every situation. They are lighthearted, fun, and enjoy being around others. Peacocks are typically creative, optimistic, and overflowing with enthusiasm! Oftentimes, they struggle with structure, expressing impatience, and can be distracted easily. Peacocks can be found holding positions in sales, marketing, and music. If you go out to eat with a peacock, they might be the individual telling all the jokes, carrying the bulk of conversation, and telling the server multiple times that they haven’t even looked at the menu yet. No need to pay, the peacock is going to expense this meal! Peacocks can be identified as warm and fast-moving.
Eagle
Looking for a leader? The eagle will carry your squad. Assertive, dominant, and decisive, the eagle is a natural when it comes to leading a team. Like the owl, the eagle thrives in structure and appreciates facts over opinions. They move fast and can be impatient, at times. Without ill intent, the eagle can often be insensitive to the needs of others based on their desire to get things done quickly. If you go out to eat with an eagle, they most likely will be the driving force behind choosing the location and will know what they want to eat before even looking at a menu. As eagles can be found in positions of leadership like CEOs, executives, or other high-ranking officials, you should allow them to pick up the bill. Eagles can be identified as cold and fast-moving.
Which bird style best represents you?
Now think about your family and what drives many of your commonalities or differences. Your personality style plays a critical role in how you see the world. Personalities drive perspective, communication style, how we approach tasks, and the experiences we have in life. Taking the time to understand why you respond the way you do and exploring the nuances of others’ personalities will help facilitate change in the areas you seek it most. We’ll explore these personality styles a little more in the upcoming chapter “The F.U.N. in Understanding Others’ Perspectives.”
Purpose
Thus far we’ve established that our experiences shape much of who we are and what we do. In addition, we’ve provided a little insight into how our personalities drive perspective and experience. The thread that ties both of these items together is purpose. Every foundation serves a purpose, to support its attached structure. Therefore, shouldn’t we as individuals have purpose? Shouldn’t this purpose be a driving force within our foundation and help create the fulfillment we all seek?
Oftentimes, if a person is present enough to have found their true purpose, it manifests itself in all that they do. You can see their purpose in how they interact with others, how they conduct business, how they raise their family, and how they experience life. Their personality supports this purpose. It shines brightly as they go about the activities and interactions of their day.
To show you what I mean, I’ll tell you about how purpose manifests across all areas of my life. I believe my purpose is to reveal the opportunity available to us all to have more FUN in life. My foundation is rooted in FUN, and it manifests itself in all that I do.
Recently, I was keynoting a conference for the Wisconsin Bankers Association. I had never met any of the attendees before entering the venue.
My outfit was fire! I had on pink pants, fun socks, a hip shirt, a light blue jacket with a pink pocket square, and a bright patterned bowtie. As I made my way through the conference, I walked confidently as I felt great in this new outfit I had just purchased. My shoulders were back and my head high when a young lady approached me issuing an unbridled excitement.
“You must be Paul!” she exclaimed.
“How did you know that?” I responded.
“My name is Jennifer, and I’ll be introducing you today at the conference. I saw your outfit, the way that you carried yourself, and the energy that surrounds you. You are FUN! I knew that you had to be our speaker as I read about your concept of fundamism. You appear to be the most fun person in the room, and I applaud you for living your truth.”
Jennifer’s quick take on me as well as many similar assessments by others validated to me that my purpose manifests itself in all that I do—in my very being. Compound that with the fact that my five-year-old daughter, Adalyn Grace, describes me as fun, silly, and kind, and I’m certain my purpose reveals itself in my personality.
There are many different purposes in life. Some desire to be the best father or mother who raise children to be kind and respectful of others. Some feel their purpose is to create things of value. Others are driven by improving some aspect of society and find purpose in moving humanity forward.
Your purpose is exactly that, YOURS. No one can define your purpose for you. It takes self-reflection and dedication in its identification. Some are born with purpose. Others find it in their journey of life. Many of those reading this haven’t found their true purpose, and that’s perfectly acceptable. What’s not acceptable and detrimental to the success of you living a life of fun and fulfillment is if you never spend time identifying your purpose.
Below are a series of questions crucial in helping you articulate your foundation. Take some time to reflect and jot down your answers below or on a separate piece of paper. If you don’t have the answers now, know that you’ve identified the first step necessary in experiencing F.U.N., so give it some time and thought, and return again later.
If you’d consider yourself purpose-driven, what is your purpose? (Don’t get too hung up on this if it doesn’t come to you. We’ll work together later in chapter 5, Next Steps to Create More F.U.N., to help narrow your focus and identify your true purpose.)
How does your purpose manifest itself in the work setting?
If the people with whom you work were to describe you in three words, what three words would they choose?
How does your purpose manifest itself at home?
If your family or friends were to describe you in three words, what three words would they choose?
With the purpose you outlined above in mind and using only three words, how would you want ALL those with whom you interact to describe you?
In theory, if you live life with purpose it should manifest itself in all that you do. The words that people use to describe you would be consistent with how you’d describe yourself and align directly with the purpose you serve. This isn’t something that typically happens overnight. You have to be patient with yourself in your journey. We’re all a work in progress.
Taking the time to identify where you are in that process and what you’re willing to do to move forward will help you find fundamism in your life. Most importantly, it will lay the groundwork in ensuring your foundation supports all the FUN you desire (or can handle)!
Not only is self-reflection pivotal in generating growth and maximizing FUN, it is one of our core FUNdamentals.
By learning more about how your experiences help shape you, the role your personality plays in life, and identifying a purpose that drives you, you can begin to determine what aspects of your foundation are the strongest and where you may need a little work.
FUN Chapter Takeaways
▪ When you avoid distractions like daydreaming or playing with your phone and instead you are present in the moment, you best position yourself to experience delight and satisfaction.
▪ When you are deliberate with your time and resources, you end up being more productive, thus more fulfilled.
▪ To flip the script on any feelings of sadness, boredom, or frustration that may haunt you, introduce new experiences into your life.
▪ Take the time to understand your personality as well as the nuances of others’ personalities. In doing so, you’ll be better equipped to deal with challenging situations and to create more FUN in your interactions with others.
▪ Determine your purpose. When you are able to pursue your purpose in your work and personal life, then you will feel great joy and fulfillment.
Next Up
Your foundation plays a crucial role in creating a life of contentment and fun. However, it is only one element of F.U.N. Self-improvement comes not only through self-reflection and self-development but in making the effort to understand others’ perspectives.
Making deeper connections with others is the next chapter’s focus. By genuinely seeking to an understanding of others’ perspectives, you can avoid negative interactions, drive more memorable experiences in life, and attract more FUN!
Chapter 4
The F.U.N. in Understanding Others’ Perspectives
“I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.”
—Abraham Lincoln
Now that our foundation is in place and we’re taking steps to maximize its effectiveness, we can move to the U in F.U.N.: understanding others’ perspectives.
Just as experience drives much of our individual belief system, behaviors, and emotions, it has the same effect on others. Showing a genuine interest in learning about the background, upbringing, ideas, and concerns of those around you can provide you more insight into their perspective. Having a better understanding of how another person sees the world may allow you a more comprehensive view of what drives the differences between you and them. In doing so, you might be surprised at the meaningful, trusting, and sustainable relationship that results. Family, friends, coworkers, and customers will all respect and appreciate you more. Most importantly, you and everyone around you will experience a greater sense of fun.
Does this sound too good to be true? It did to me at one point in my life, as well. It wasn’t until I learned how to drive these types of relationships and experience them firsthand, that I finally bought in.
The Open Mind
A fellow speaker and good friend of mine by the name of Adam Carroll told me once that there are two ways to approach any person or situation. These two ways will dictate how you experience life and will play a major role in creating outcomes. When approaching any person or situation, you can decide to be:
Curious
Furious
Have you ever been in a work setting and found yourself observing the actions or attitudes of others? Maybe you were watching one specific individual in a meeting and felt they were being condescending. Or perhaps you received an email from someone and thought to yourself, “What crawled up this person’s rear end?” Whatever the situation, you have two ways to approach it. You can be curious or furious.
Curious individuals look at someone else’s behavior and ask what could be driving it. This curiosity may create questions like: Why is this person acting this way? What happened in this individual’s life to generate this behavior? Who does this individual have in their life to turn to when things get rough? What can I do to potentially make this individual’s day just a little better? A truly self-reflective and honest individual might even ask what behavior they themselves are demonstrating that could be driving the behavior of others around them. Those that are curious do what is within their control to try and get others to their level rather than dropping down to the level of others.
Furious individuals look at someone’s behavior and make judgments. They allow others’ behaviors to drive irritation and resentment. Individuals who approach things from a furious perspective might make fun of those that are different, exude anger towards them, or let the attitudes of others negatively impact their day.
Understanding others’ perspectives takes patience and an open mind. The following quote was taken from “Hsin-Hsin Ming” written by Seng-Ts’an, the Third Zen Patriarch of China:
“If you wish to see the truth, hold no opinion for or against anything.”
Behavior is so multifaceted and multidimensional that it would be a mistake to believe you know why someone acts the way they do based on a small sample size of interactions. I believe what Seng-Ts’an was saying was that our preconceived ideas of things (in this case, of others) can impact our ability to experience them as they were meant to be. Some call this the self-fulfilling prophecy as your perception or judgments can create a false sense of reality and drive the outcome you have in your mind.
To truly understand others’ perspectives, you have to approach your interactions with an open mind and with “no opinion for or against anything.” In turn, you’re more likely to experience greater satisfaction.
Genuine Interest
Now that we’ve established the importance of limiting judgments in regard to other people and situations, let’s take an even deeper dive into understanding the perspective of others. In doing so, you’ll have greater access to FUN over frustration, and you might establish stronger relationships as a result.
Whether at work, a networking event, a class reunion, or any situation where you could be having discussions with others, what are some of the most consistent topics that come up in conversation? In my experience, I can count on three coming up; work, family, and weather. The questions I hear regularly when out and about are, “What do you do for a living?” “How long have you been married?” Do you have children?” and “How’s the weather back home?”
The most crucial aspect of understanding others’ perspectives is showing a genuine interest in them. How often do you meet someone who appears sincere in their interest of you? The truth of the matter is, the bulk of folks are too busy talking about themselves or asking the same questions as everyone else. As a result, meaningful connections aren’t created as regularly as they could be. The result—we’re missing out on even more FUN.
In the summer of 2017, I recall being on a flight to Dallas. I selected my usual window seat, hoping that the middle would be left open. I had my headphones in bumping “King of Wishful Thinking” by Steve Winwood when an elderly woman settled in right next to me. She placed her bag under the seat but that wasn’t the only baggage she was carrying. When I boarded the plane, I had a plan of keeping to myself. When I began to FEEL he
r strife through the energy she was emitting, I had to engage.
“Are you flying home or headed someplace fun?” I asked.
She replied, “I was in Kansas City for my brother’s funeral.”
“My goodness, I’m sorry to hear of his passing. How many siblings do you have?” I continued.
“Just the one,” she answered, appearing more troubled with every question I asked.
I kept on with the same theme oblivious to the painful environment I was complicit in sustaining. “When was the last time you saw each other?”
“That’s what makes it so hard,” she responded. “We haven’t seen each other for years, and I feel terrible for not visiting sooner.”
I realized I was digging myself a hole. Every question I asked forced her to be reminded of the very thing that was giving her heartache. My goal was to help lift her up but without having taken a deliberate approach to the questions I was asking, I was failing miserably. If I was going to help change her mindset and get her out of this rut (at least temporarily), I had to switch up my game plan.