by Paul Long
Pay close attention to your significant other and small details such as painted fingernails, a new sweater, haircuts, etc. Comment on them when you notice them.
Identify three individuals you don’t know well or at all. Notice something they’re wearing or doing that might spark a conversation, and make it happen. Get out of your comfort zone and leverage noticing questions to meet three new people!
2. Deeper Conversations—The following is a list of questions intended to create more depth in conversations. Leverage as many of them as you can to start a team meeting off in a fun way, learn more about a loved one, or just have more engaging interactions with others. Ask at least five today and check them off as you go!
If you could remove fear from the equation, what’s one thing you’d like to try?
If the average human life span were forty years, how would you live your life differently?
Tell me about the best vacation you’ve ever taken.
Who is somebody in your life that you really look up to?
We are seventy years young sipping piña coladas on the beach talking through the legacies that we left. How do you want yours to look?
What is something you’re proud of that not many people know about you?
What do you do for FUN?
If someone close were to describe your personality in three words, what words would they choose? What words do you wish they’d choose?
Tell me about your favorite hobbies.
What is the funniest thing that’s ever happened to you?
What was the first concert you attended?
Who was your favorite celebrity hero or crush growing up?
What are you working on to improve yourself right now?
If you were to write a book, what would it be about?
What is the most inspiring experience you have had in recent memory?
How do you like to be celebrated or appreciated?
What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to do? What’s holding you back?
If you could meet someone from history, who would it be?
What are the top five things you cherish most in your life?
What do you enjoy most about having kids?
What is something you have learned about yourself recently?
What is a project you have in mind that you’d love to get done this year?
What does success mean to you?
If someone were to ask you about the key to finding success, what would you say?
If life had no limits and you could have and do anything you want, what would you choose to have and what would you choose to do?
If a doctor gave you one year to live, what would you try to accomplish?
What do you absolutely love in life?
If you left your current life in order to pursue your dreams, what would you leave behind?
How do you want the next five years of your life to look?
Expectations and Motivators
In order to truly understand the perspectives of others, it is imperative that you take the time to learn more about their expectations and motivators. Expectations are oftentimes based on perspectives or past experiences. However, if you want to differentiate yourself and increase the probability of fulfilling others’ expectations, clear communication is key. Remember that uncommunicated expectations cause preplanned resentments. Simply put, if you want better relationships in life, which will allow you a greater sense of contentment, take the time to learn the expectations of others while communicating your own.
Have you ever stepped back to ask yourself what motivates those closest to you? There are many different types of motivators for individuals. Money, recognition from others, love, material things, and self-respect are just a few of the motivators I’ve identified as being prominent in my circle of friends or family. Understanding the motivators of others will allow you to speak and act in terms that resonate with those around you. In doing so, individuals will feel appreciated and recognize you as someone that has their best interest at heart. Who doesn’t want to surround themselves with individuals like that?
To learn more about the motivators of others, I recommend reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It provides amazing insight and may help drive improvements in your personal relationships.
1. Level-Setting Expectations — Communicating your expectations and learning what others expect from you is never a bad thing. The following exercises are intended to create an environment where you have a better understanding of the expectations of others. The result from this clarity around expectations is that everyone has a greater sense of fun and ease.
Ask your family members about what expectations they have for the weekend.
Ask your children what they expect to happen if they don’t follow through on requests you make of them.
Ask a coworker about what expectations they have on a project.
Ask your coworkers or boss how they prefer giving and receiving feedback.
Ask your boss what expectations they have of you and share yours of them.
Talk to your spouse about their expectations of you in the relationship. What are your expectations of them?
Clarify the expectations of you and your spouse on an upcoming visit to or from your parents. Maybe it is an upcoming holiday or just a weekend trip. What does each of you expect?
2. The Motivators of Others — Having a strong understanding of the motivators of others can make or break a relationship. The following exercises will allow you better insight into how those around you are motivated.
At a family dinner, have a conversation about what makes each individual happy. Each individual should name three things that bring happiness into their lives. Asking a follow-up question such as “Why?” or “How?” will provide additional understanding of each person’s personal motivators.
Ask a family member what motivates them the most. If they were to achieve the ultimate success in life, how would it look or be defined?
Have your team or a handful of coworkers jot down eight of their biggest motivators on a piece of paper. Have them circle their top three. Of the three circled, ask them to identify the one that moves them the most.
DOPE
As we learned in previous chapters and exercises, Richard Step’s DOPE 4 Bird Personality Test is a great way to learn more about yourself while providing a better understanding of others. You interact with doves, owls, peacocks, and eagles on a daily basis. Being able to identify the bird style of others and several other key elements of their personality will allow you the opportunity to build a stronger connection, which in turn will increase your overall feeling of fun—and theirs too!
1. Work and Family Inventory — Who do you surround yourself with and how are they unique? The following exercise allows you to take inventory of those with whom you interact daily. Having a better understanding of them and what makes them tick will provide you guidance on how to modify your communication style for maximum impact. You should complete this inventory for every member of your immediate family, your closest friends, and those with whom you work most closely. I’ve provided one example each for a family member, coworker, and friend.
EXAMPLE
Family member’s name: Victoria
Relationship to you: Daughter
Three characteristics that describe them: Witty, smart, driven
Bird style: Eagle
Motivated by: The idea of being successful in life. She could care less about what others think and wants to achieve her goals for her own personal fulfillment.
How you can strengthen the relationship: Be more concise in my communication and only supply her with details that may be important to her. Give her more opportunities to express her thoughts or ideas on a situation before I express my own.
Family member’s name:
Relationship to you:
Three characteristics that describe them:
Bird style:
Motivated by:
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Coworker’s name: Jim
Relationship to you: My boss
Three characteristics that describe them: Disconnected, quirky, data-driven
Bird style: Owl
Motivated by: Results. Enjoys seeing numbers improve as a result of our direct actions.
How you can strengthen the relationship: Proactively supply him with a weekly report including in it what I take from what the data shows. Talk less about all the things I can tell don’t interest him.
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EXAMPLE
Friend’s name: Shannon
Relationship to you: Neighborhood friend. We met just under a year ago.
Three characteristics that describe them: Fun, thoughtful, hilarious
Bird style: Peacock
Motivated by: Making others happy. Shannon appears to be lifted up by the spirits of others. When she makes someone else laugh or smile, she is on top of the world.
How you can strengthen the relationship: Express my appreciation for her more regularly. Give her more opportunities to showcase her personality and humor by asking her questions about things I know interest her.
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With whom do you relate most? With whom do you have the most friction or differences?
In the pages that follow you will learn how to escape the prison of your mind by focusing on things that make you laugh, smile, or give you strength. You won’t have to wear a catsuit, and the techniques are really quite easy.
However, you must be deliberate in focusing on the things that lift you up and not those that tear you down. It will take commitment and most likely, support. If you’re willing to make the investment, you’re ready to move forward. You’re now ready for fundamism in practice.
The FUNdamentals of Fundamism
There are millions of things you can do for FUN to generate strength and distance yourself from a negative mindset. Many people believe that our experiences in life help shape the person we become. Taking this into consideration, I know we cannot change a mindset overnight. It took decades to form our perceptions on life and our attitudes toward it.
By slowly introducing fundamism into your daily life, you will begin to see a shift in the way you view and experience your world. The philosophy of fundamism is based on incorporating very specific and tactical FUNdamentals to help drive additional fulfillment and FUN experiences so that your overall perspective on life becomes delight-filled and positive.
This program can be approached many different ways. One possible approach is take one FUNdamental per day and fully commit to incorporating it throughout the day. It may make sense to begin on a Monday to jumpstart your week on a positive note.
Engage yourself fully in the FUNdamental and embrace the experiences you encounter when implementing it. Once you have completed the first FUNdamental on day one, you can tackle the second on day two.
Focus your energy solely on the second FUNdamental until you feel its benefits outweighing the discomfort (or whatever you define as its cost of implementation). Remember that the goal in this approach is to take only one FUNdamental at a time until you are completely comfortable in its utilization.
Another approach could be to build upon each FUNdamental weekly. For example, you would begin your first FUNdamental on week one. By the end of the week, you should start to feel a little more comfortable and build some excitement around starting week two. In week two, instead of focusing solely on the second FUNdamental, you would incorporate what you learned in week one, as well as the second FUNdamental. This approach is a little more demanding than the first because you have more to focus on. My suggestion is to only go this route if you truly notice that the previous FUNdamental feels natural and is now a part of your daily routine.
You may find an approach outside of the two listed above that works better for you. Great! Whatever route you go, stretch yourself to a point of discomfort as when true growth takes place. Find your pace, enjoy the journey, and try to experience things a little differently than you have in the past so that you find yourself smiling more, laughing more, and overall more satisfied.
There is a journal page following each FUNdamental. This is so you can jot down your thoughts, experiences, and emotions. This self-reflection at the end of the day (or throughout the week) will give you the ability to stay the course or alter your approach in the FUNdamentals that follow.
Please note that if you desire to change your attitude permanently, you have to be dedicated to the implementation of this program.
In order to understand what that dedication entails, let’s establish the difference between being committed to something versus being compliant. If you are compliant in doing something, you are just doing it because you feel you have to and the moment you can cut a corner without someone looking or judging you, you will. If you are committed to do something, you are doing it because you feel that deep down in your heart it is the right thing to do and that you will see some benefit from giving it your all. When you dedicate yourself to fundamism, that’s when your whole attitude, perspective, and experience of life permanently changes to the positive.
Before you continue to the next page, you must ask yourself, “Am I ready to make a change in my life? Am I ready to become the person I want to be, the person that makes a room brighten up when I walk into it or the person who can see what a gift life is and the difference I can make to
others?”
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then you are well on your way to living a life characterized by fun and contentment!
FUNdamental #1
Affirmations and Blessings
WHAT:
Start each day with an affirmation and end each day by counting your blessings.
WHY:
The beginning and end of each day are of pivotal importance in the grand scheme of your life. The beginning of the day will undoubtedly play some role in setting the tone for the coming day, and the end will influence your bedtime routine and sleeping patterns, which are directly related to your health, happiness, and wellbeing.
HOW:
It is so important to start your day with some positive reinforcement. And who better to provide that motivational kick-start than you?
The beauty of affirmations is that they are 100% customizable. They are designed by you to help you motivate and applaud yourself. Do you want a promotion at work? Do you aspire to have more confidence when dealing with the opposite sex? Are you proud of any qualities that you already possess?
Ask yourself what things need development in your life and which of your traits you want to acknowledge or compliment (yes, I said compliment—if you can’t recognize and celebrate your individuality, why should anyone else?).
Put together a sentence or paragraph that praises and inspires you, look yourself in the mirror, and say it with gusto! If you believe in yourself (and you start each day by reminding yourself of that fact), there is no limit to what you can accomplish throughout the day and, in turn, your life.