by Paul Long
▪ Resourcefulness
▪ Resourcefulness
▪ Respect
▪ Responsibility
▪ Rest
▪ Restraint
▪ Restraint
▪ Results-oriented
▪ Reverence
▪ Richness
▪ Rigor
▪ Sacredness
▪ Sacrifice
▪ Sagacity
▪ Saintliness
▪ Sanguinity
▪ Satisfaction
▪ Science
▪ Security
▪ Self-actualization
▪ Self-control
▪ Self-reliance
▪ Self-respect
▪ Selflessness
▪ Sensitivity
▪ Sensuality
▪ Serenity
▪ Service
▪ Sexiness
▪ Sexuality
▪ Sharing
▪ Shrewdness
▪ Significance
▪ Silence
▪ Silliness
▪ Simplicity
▪ Sincerity
▪ Skillfulness
▪ Solidarity
▪ Solitude
▪ Sophistication
▪ Soundness
▪ Speed
▪ Spirit
▪ Spirituality
▪ Spontaneity
▪ Spunk
▪ Stability
▪ Status
▪ Stealth
▪ Stillness
▪ Strategic
▪ Strength
▪ Structure
▪ Success
▪ Support
▪ Supremacy
▪ Surprise
▪ Sympathy
▪ Synergy
▪ Teaching
▪ Teamwork
▪ Temperance
▪ Thankfulness
▪ Thoroughness
▪ Thoughtfulness
▪ Thrift
▪ Tidiness
▪ Timeliness
▪ Tolerance
▪ Traditionalism
▪ Tranquility
▪ Transcendence
▪ Trust
▪ Trustworthiness
▪ Truth
▪ Truth-seeking
▪ Understanding
▪ Unflappability
▪ Uniqueness
▪ Unity
▪ Usefulness
▪ Utility
▪ Valor
▪ Variety
▪ Victory
▪ Vigor
▪ Virtue
▪ Vision
▪ Vision
▪ Vitality
▪ Vivacity
▪ Volunteering
▪ Warm-heartedness
▪ Warmth
▪ Watchfulness
▪ Wealth
▪ Willfulness
▪ Willingness
▪ Winning
▪ Wisdom
▪ Wittiness
▪ Wonder
▪ Worthiness
▪ Youthfulness
▪ Zeal
Obviously, no one can live by 10-15 CORE values. The very word core means the central or most important parts. So, the next step in identifying your true purpose is isolating the top values that are most central to you living life on your terms as your authentic self.
Here’s how—first, document all of the circled items from the above list. There are 15 spaces below for you to do this.
Next, isolate the top 10 from the list above:
Then, from the top 10, what are the five from above that are most in line with how you see your life:
Finally, place a number next to each of the above 5 to rank them in order of how you live your life. Place them in order below:
Now that you’ve narrowed down your core value set, it’s time to identify your true purpose. Leveraging the values that you ranked 1-5 above, you will create a purpose statement.
Take the values you ranked as your top 3 and construct a sentence that specifies your purpose. For example, my top 3 are fun, fulfilment and presence.
The purpose statement I created is as follows:
“My purpose in life is to reveal the opportunity others have to live with a presence that creates more fun and fulfilment in their own lives.”
Write your purpose statement below:
Characteristics
Your personal characteristics help create the experience and perspective in which you live. Exploring how you see yourself and learning more about how others perceive you can provide a better understanding of how aligned you are with your purpose. In addition, it may help expose additional growth opportunities
1. Purpose Alignment—Now that you’ve identified or are closer to identifying your true purpose, we can examine the personal characteristics that help support it. If you are living life with purpose, the characteristics you display should fall in direct alignment with the purpose for which you live. The following activity helps establish how close you are to achieving purpose alignment.
If you had to describe yourself in three words, what would they be?
What experiences in life helped create the characteristics you model?
Send an email to ten people asking them to describe you in three words. Review the responses and identify what behaviors you have demonstrated that could have driven their perception.
Based on those responses, how would you say people experience you? Warm and fast, warm and slow, cold and fast, or cold and slow?
What three words do you want people to describe you as?
Revisiting the purpose you identified for yourself in a previous exercise, how do your characteristics described by you and those you emailed fall in alignment with the purpose you outlined?
Example: The purpose you identified was to be a beacon of light for those that live in the shadows. Folks describe you as introverted, witty, and kind.
The question for you to consider then is “Would you say these characteristics help drive your purpose of being a beacon of light?”
What three characteristics would help drive or support the purpose you specified?
What behaviors should you incorporate in your life to ensure the manner you exhibit to others supports your purpose?
DOPE
As discussed in the DOPE 4 Bird Personality Test section of chapter 3, The Foundation of F.U.N., your personality plays a major role in how you experience relationships, life, and the creation of your perspective. Identifying the bird style with which you identify and understanding the elements of it can help answer many questions about your experiences in life.
1. Your Bird Defined—this activity will allow you to take a deeper look at your personality and how it drives your personal perspective.
Complete your personal bird assessment at www.richardstep.com.
What is your primary bird style?
If you identify with multiple bird styles, what is your secondary bird style?
Based on the content in chapter 3, The F.U.N. in Foundation, your bird assessment, and your own personal experience, if you had to list all the characteristics of your primary bird style, what would they be?
How might others receive or experience you based on the characteristics of the bird with which you’ve identified?
What difficulties might result from these personality traits?
What is one thing you can do TODAY to reduce the difficulties outlined above and potentially allow folks to experience you differently?
Understanding Others’ Perspectives
Experiences Drive Others’ Perspectives
As discussed in chapter 4, The F.U.N. in Understanding Others’ Perspectives, a person’s perspective largely comes from their experiences. That perspective is a key differentiator in us as human beings. Now that you have more insight into the elements that create your perspective, we can explore other people’s perspectives and the elements that formed those per
spectives.
1. Why Are They Like That?—Have you ever encountered someone whom you really appreciate? Someone so memorable that when you walk away from them, you wonder how they came to see things the way the do?
This activity is designed to help you dissect an individual’s perspective and identify how you can use what you learn to close your own opportunity gaps.
Identify the most FUN individual in your life (work, friends, family, acquaintances, etc.):
What characteristics do they display that led you to label them as FUN?
What do you know about their background or personal experience that helped shape the way they live life?
Seek this individual out in whatever communication modality you prefer, compliment them on displaying the characteristics that allowed you to recognize them as FUN, and ask them what experiences drove their outlook on life.
How could you incorporate some of the behaviors this person exhibits to help positively drive your perspective? (What is it they do that can be recreated by you in an authentic manner?)
2. A Frustrating Experience—When was the last time you encountered someone that you didn’t necessarily appreciate. It could be someone you met in passing, someone you work with, a complete stranger, or even a family member. In this activity we will identify characteristics of others that may get under our skin and how to reduce the negative impact of interactions with individuals who display them.
Identify an individual you feel brings stress in your life.
What are the characteristics this individual displays that may rub you the wrong way?
If you were to hold up a mirror, what is it that you could be doing in response to this individual that is driving what you see in them?
How could your response to this individual be causing frustration in you?
What can you do TODAY that will reduce the negative impact this person has on your day?
Examples could include but aren’t limited to: asking yourself questions about what could be driving your experience (curious); jot down the interaction you desire with this individual and shift your mindset going in; or have an open conversation with this individual about their expectations of the relationship in hopes of connecting on a deeper level.
Name a time in the last month when you had a negative reaction to another individual.
List all the possibilities in that individual’s life that could be driving the way you experience them.
How would you positively excuse the behavior? The bulk of people are inherently good, so how can you spin your experience with this individual to see the good in them?
What are some positive outcomes of this individual displaying the characteristics they do?
One example could include the following: you meet a physician who won’t stop talking about how great they are and who expresses extreme confidence in their abilities. You are annoyed by their arrogance.
Upon reflecting you think to yourself that if indeed you ever needed a doctor for something serious, you would appreciate having one as confident in their abilities as the individual you just met.
3. Curious vs. Furious—There are two ways to approach any situation: curious or furious. You may recall that curious individuals look at someone’s behavior and ask themselves what could be driving the outcome. Furious individuals, however, look at someone’s behavior and make judgments as a result.
As you interact with individuals daily, are you more prone to ask yourself what’s driving their behavior, or are you more likely to grow frustrated by their actions? Below are some examples of curious and furious approaches to situations.
Curious ApproachFurious Approach
What happened? How could they?
How did we get here? Why me?
What led to this? What the hell?
Walk me through …I call shenanigans!
Below are three common scenarios in which you might find yourself. Under each, identify two curious and two furious approaches to the situation.
Situation 1—It is one of those nights where you don’t feel like cooking, so you take the whole family out for dinner at a local restaurant. Once seated, it takes several minutes before your server greets you. The server appears to be distracted and isn’t very friendly. The food takes longer than expected, and once it arrives, it is cold.
You eat at this restaurant regularly and have never had an experience quite like this one. How do you respond?
Curious Approach #1:
Curious Approach #2:
Furious Approach #1:
Furious Approach #2:
Situation 2—You are working on a project at work that requires a deliverable or the help of another individual. Despite the fact that expectations were set, the person hasn’t delivered on their task and the project is at risk of being delayed.
You haven’t had much interaction with this individual since the original agreement was made and need to reach out. How do your respond?
Curious Approach #1:
Curious Approach #2:
Furious Approach #1:
Furious Approach #2:
Situation 3—You get home from work, and the house is in disarray. There’s a huge mess in the kitchen, you can hear arguing in another room, and no one is ready for the engagement everyone in the family knows will start at 7:00 p.m. It’s 6:15 p.m. How do you respond?
Curious Approach #1:
Curious Approach #2:
Furious Approach #1:
Furious Approach #2:
Creating Meaningful Connections
Would you like to create more meaningful connections in life? Connections that could drive more fun and fulfillment in all that you do? As discussed previously, the bulk of our conversations with others are surface-level featuring topics like weather, family, or work. To truly drive meaningful connections and make more of an impact on those with whom you interact, it is imperative to show a genuine interest in them. The activities that follow feature questions that will help provoke thought and connection in conversation. When implemented, you’ll find that your interactions drive stronger relationships in life.
1. Noticing and Connecting Questions—There are many different types of questions that can help drive conversation. Noticing and connecting questions are highly effective in showcasing a genuine interest in others. You may recall these questions being introduced earlier in chapter 4, The F.U.N. in Understanding Others’ Perspectives. A refresher can be found below.
Noticing questions are based off of things that you observe. For example, you might see an interesting item on a coworker’s desk. Leveraging that observation you may ask, “I noticed a picture on your desk with a quote on it. What does it say?” Another example could pertain to something an individual is wearing. For example, “I noticed you wear bow-ties regularly, and I really like them. How many would you say you have?” Typically when you ask about things that interest others, they will be far more willing to engage with and appreciate you for taking the time to ask As a result, people feel valued, you feel better about the interaction, and you’re both more likely to have a FUN experience.
Other examples of noticing questions include:
▪ I love your watch. Does it hold special meaning for you?
▪ Tell me about your necklace. Was it a gift?
▪ I noticed the logo on your notebook. What is that from?
▪ I noticed you wear colorful socks. Is that an everyday thing?
Connecting questions are based off of like interests. These questions help form connections, build trust, and create a more FUN interaction. For example, you might spark a conversation by asking about a mutual friend, “I saw that you and I have several mutual connections on LinkedIn. How do you know Bob Smith?” Hobbies, sports, entertainment, restaurants, and education are all additional topics that could help provide a connection between two parties. Another example could sound something like, “Did I see you and your family over at that Italian restaurant off of 5th last week? We’ve been going
there for years. What’d you think?”
Other examples of connecting questions include:
▪ My wife and I are in the market for a new SUV, and I see you drive a Tahoe. What do you like most about it?
▪ I see that you graduated from UCLA. I was class of 1998. Which year were you?
▪ What is your hometown? (If applicable) Do you know the Kussard family that’s from there?
▪ It looks as though we’re both Royals fans. What’s your most notable Royals moment?
Now that you have a better understanding of noticing and connecting questions, complete the exercises below.
The next person you meet, pose a noticing question, such as, “I love your shoes. Where did you get them?” See if you can connect with them in some way by figuring out a person, thing, place, or want that you both have in common. Afterwards, notice the sense of fun you feel due to the connecting conversation you engaged in.
Walk around the office and identify as many things as possible that you have in common with others. You don’t have to comment on them. Just identify the number of things of like interest that could be a topic of conversation. Once identified, reflect back on the number of discussions you’ve had with those coworkers in the past featuring the items you have in common. What did you learn that you hadn’t considered before?