“Anytime,” he says with a genuine smile. “I’ll make a few calls while you grab your things.”
Josh jogs back over to his car while I lean inside grabbing my purse and my jacket before making sure all of the doors are locked. I make my way over to the passenger side, sliding into the seat just as Josh hangs up the phone.
“All sorted,” he says with a delicious smile. There was something that felt like home about his smile. Every time I see it, its puts me at ease, makes me feel warm inside. A feeling that until Josh, had been one I hadn’t experienced.
“Thank you,” I say, before reaching over my shoulder for the belt. I buckle up, my hands shaking as the nerves creep in. I know I have to give Josh something, some explanation as to where he’s taking me.
“Where to?” he asks, sitting up straight, hands clutching the steering wheel.
“I’ll direct you,” I say with a nod. “We’re going to my sister’s school.”
“You have a sister,” he says with a light lift of his brow.
“Yes,” I reply. “She’s six and all I have.”
I feel his eyes on me. I lift my head to meet his and they are full of sympathy and intrigue. “My mom is an alcoholic. I hope to have my sister living with me. I need her close. I need to know she’s okay. Olivia is the sweetest little girl. Untainted by my disease of a mother.” My words roll out with such venom. My hatred toward my mother isn’t something I can hide, no matter how hard I try.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, reaching for my hand, holding it tighter. There’s so much more to tell him, so much I wish I could share. But I’m scared. I’m scared I might lose this beautiful man I only just met. I’m scared I can’t hide it from him. The minute we arrive at my mother’s, I’m worried I will fall into a thousand pieces. I’ve tried so hard to be strong, to fight back. But being back there, facing my demons, well, I’m not sure if I can hold it together.
I look up to Josh and almost stop breathing. He’s absolutely breathtaking, but that alone makes my heart ache. I want to give him everything, every part of my mind, body and soul. But I’m afraid. Scared that when he knows who I am and what has happened to me, he might not want me. I’m done lying to myself that I don’t want him. Of course I want him; I’m just not sure he’ll want me after today.
I give him a quick shrug.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks, his voice soft and comforting.
“Not today,” I say fidgeting in my seat. “But one day,” I say with a nod, hoping that he’ll give me time. I’ve kept my pain, my secrets locked away from the world for so long, that bringing them out, to the forefront of my mind, sharing them with Josh isn’t going to be easy.
“I’m here when you’re ready,” he says sweetly. I give him a fleeting smile before turning and staring out of the window.
I spend the next ten minutes either directing or staring at the view from the car window.
“If you take the next turn, you’ll see the school just on the right.”
“Sure thing ma’am,” he says with a mock salute. Despite the dread that resides deep down in my stomach, I let out a lighthearted laugh.
Because Josh. And his cuteness. It’s just something I can’t fight back.
“Thank you again for this, Josh,” I say with a smile.
“Nah, it’s nothing,” he dismisses with a shake of his head.
“It’s not nothing,” I blurt out. “Look at everything you’ve done for me in the last couple of days. You’ve shown me more kindness than I’ve had my entire life.”
I swivel in my seat until I’m facing him. I desperately want to reach up and kiss him, pour into him every single emotion that I’m feeling deep down inside. But I know I can’t. I’m so darn torn between wanting him and not wanting to screw around with his feelings. I’m messed up and imperfect.
“I will repay you somehow. That’s a promise.”
“There is something you could do,” he bites down on his bottom lip, pulling it between his teeth. “Something that doesn’t include money,” he sighs.
“Hmm, what’s that?” I ask with a tone of suspiciousness.
“Don’t shut me out.”
“I can’t promise that. But I can promise I’ll try,” I offer, hoping this will be enough for him.
“That’s all I ask,” he replies, pulling up at the side of the road. “It’s this one, right?” he asks pointing over to the school entrance.
“This is the one,” I say, reaching for the lever of the door. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
“Sure thing,” he smiles, stretching his arms above his head, just enough to expose his toned torso. I hold on to the frame of the door, staring for a second, swallowing hard. Realizing I’ve been looking for longer than I realize, I shake my head loosely before racing from the car. I wait just outside the entrance for Olivia to emerge. I hate that my little sister has to walk home at such a young age. Our house is only a short walk away, but it still worries me. I stand on my tiptoes looking over the sea of heads, noticing Olivia as soon as she steps out of the main door. I shout her name, straining to make myself as tall as possible.
“Hey Liv,” I shout to her waving my hand like a lunatic. I call her name again, and this time she hears me, catching my attention. Her eyes widen and her mouth drops open as she realizes it’s me. She waves her arm as high as she can in the air, frantically pushing through the sea of children.
“Quinn!” she yells, running straight into my open arms.
“Hey baby girl. How are you? Damn, I’ve missed you sooo much,” I say, pulling her and hugging her as tightly as I can, without breaking any of her bones.
“I miss you. Please come home Quinn, please,” she starts sniffling and my heart is breaking.
“You know I can’t, Livvy. Mom threw me out, remember. But you know what?”
“What?” she gulps as I lift her face to meet mine. “I’m working really hard to get my own place. You can come and stay with me then, like I promised. Okay?”
“How soon?” she asks as her bottom lip curls a little. “Because Mommy is always asleep and I don’t like being on my own.”
“I know. I’m sorry, Liv. I’m so sorry I’m not there for you. But I’m trying real hard to make things right. To get you with me again.”
“I’d love that.” She smiles widely and I press my thumb against her cheek, swiping away the small tear that falls.
“Let me walk you home, okay?”
“Can we skip and sing that song I like?”
“Of course,” I reply. It’s our thing. Singing, skipping, dancing. Anything silly and girly. “Let me just tell my friend,” I point over to Josh’s car. “He gave me a lift here because Bertie is poorly,” I mock pout.
“Oh no.” She presses a hand against her chest. “Poor Bertie,” she says dramatically and laughs out loud. I love how someone so young can act like a little old lady.
I reach down, grabbing hold of her hand. “Come on, let’s go day hi to Josh,” I say with a huge smile, but her feet suddenly stop moving.
“Why are you pulling that face?” she asks, screwing up her face in disgust. She points her finger at me, relaxing her face and her eyes widen.
“Is he your boyfriend?” she asks with a gasp and with an unexpected level of volume.
“No, No!” I quickly dismiss her assumptions. “He’s just a friend. A very good friend,” I say smiling at him as he looks our way. He opens the driver’s door, stepping out, taking a few steps in our direction.
“Hey,” he says in an upbeat tone, giving Olivia the biggest smile.
“Are you my Quinn’s boyfriend?” she blurts out.
“Liv,” I pull back on her hand, “We spoke about this already,” I murmur. She tilts her head up at me, releasing my hand and crossing her arms.
“I know. But I think I like him. He looks nice, why can’t he be your boyfriend?”
“How do you know you like him, silly? You haven’t even said hello yet.” I chuckle nervously
to myself, Josh’s eyes boring into me.
“I can just tell.” she purses her lips, gazing back and forth between us.
“I see you have great taste, Olivia,” Josh smirks, crouching down in front of her, offering his hand.
She takes his hand, as much as she can grab in her much smaller one and shakes has hard as she can. “Call me Liv, everyone does.”
I place my hand on his shoulder, trying to get his attention. “I’m just going to walk her home. It’s only a short distance. Will you wait here for me?”
“Ooohh,” Liv moans. “Why can’t he come too? The three of us, it will be fun.”
I suck in a shaky breath, my teeth clenched together. “Oh, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”
“Oh, please can he come? Pleeeeaaassse,” she draws out the word, her hands held together in front of her as she pleads with me. I glance up to Josh who appears to be following suit and is pleading too.
“Come on you crazies,” I spin on the spot, holding my hand out for Olivia, glancing over my shoulder to Josh. I take in an unsteady breath. I can do this. I have to do this.
Quinn
Our ten-minute walk turns into thirty minutes as we detour, taking our time. We sing, laugh and skip our way back to the one place I never wanted to return to, but the one place I know I have to suffer. Just for Liv.
“So, we’re here,” I say, crouching down in front of her at the side of the road. The overgrown bush protects us from being seen by anyone in the house.
“Come inside,” she says, giving my hand a little tug.
“I can’t, baby,” I dismiss her with a shake of my head. “I’ll come and meet you again on Friday? Sound good?” I ask, hoping to distract her from asking me again. I always find it difficult to say her and her beautiful face.
“I’d love that.” She throws her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly. “Can Josh come too?” She pulls back, smiling at him over my shoulder.
“Maybe,” I turn to look at him and he gives a loose lift of his shoulder. “But I need to ask you something, Liv. Something real important, okay?”
“What?”
I swallow hard, racking my brain as I try to word my questions right. “I need to know that you’re okay. Nobody has hurt you. You would tell me, right?” I search her eyes for a reaction. “If anyone ever hurts you, even if they tell you not to say anything, you have to tell me. Got it?” I whisper.
“I will,” she says puffing put her chest.
“I know I’m not living here anymore, but that doesn’t mean I can’t protect you. Okay?”
I hold out my hand to her, and she takes it. We clasp them together, pulling down and nodding at the same time. “Got it,” she beams.
“Remember. Don’t mention this to mom or Jared. They can’t know you’ve seen me, or they might get cross. I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
“My lips are sealed,” she says, pressing her forefinger and thumb together, running them across her pursed lips. I reach out, pulling her close to me again.
“Love you, Livvy,” I choke out, not wanting to leave her here. I just wish my circumstances were better so I could take care of her myself. “Here,” I push my hands in my pockets, retrieving a twenty dollar bill. “Take this. Keep it all for yourself. Make sure to buy yourself something nice to eat.” I push it in her hand, wrapping her fingers around the bill.
“Love you,” she says before turning and taking the few steps closer to the house. She stops at the bottom of the steps. Holding out her hand, she blows me a kiss before taking one more step, completely out of sight.
“I hate this,” I let out a quiet growl before standing up from my crouching position. I hate that I have to leave her here.
Turning, I see Josh behind me, his stare hard on me. “You okay?” he asks, holding out his hand. I can’t help but take it, wanting what little comfort I can get from the innocent touch.
“I will be. I just have to work on getting my shit together. That little girl deserves better. I’m determined to be the one to give it to her.”
“She is pretty amazing,” he says with a nod of his head. “A bit like her big sister.” He pulls me closer to him and I melt into his hold. Is it wrong that I need him right now? That I need him to make me forget all the bad. He dips his head, his mouth so close to mine, I can feel his breath against my sensitive lips. I want to say not here. Not like this. But he doesn’t give me chance. He presses his lips to mine, kissing me deeply. I lean up on my tiptoes, using everything I have to kiss him back. Everything about him puts me on a sense overload. His scent, the way he tastes, it’s the perfect distraction.
“What was that for?” I choke out.
“Because I wanted to show you how amazing you are.”
I swing my head back and forth in disagreement. I’m letting that little girl down. I’m leaving her to suffer the same fate I’ve escaped. Only, no one knows what I’ve been through, what truly happened behind those closed doors. My chest heaves as the anxiety deep inside rises to an uncontrollable level. I step back from Josh, meeting his concerned eyes.
“Quinn … what’s wrong? Are you okay?” He holds his hand out, but I step further back. Clutching at my throat, trying to stop the bile from rising, I feel my flight instinct kicking in. I turn on the spot and my feet start moving.
I’m running.
Fast.
And I can’t stop.
My heart pounds and aches all at the same time. Every part of my body shakes and the adrenaline courses through my body. I can hear his voice but the words don’t resonate. I know I should stop, but I can’t.
“Quinn!” he yells louder and suddenly appears right in front of me. I jerk to a stop, hitting his firm torso. His arms wrap around me, pulling me into him in a bearlike hug. My muscles feel weak and tingle, my chest heaving as I struggle to breathe steadily.
“Shhh,” he soothes, running his smooth palm against the top of my head. “I got you.”
Burying my face into his chest, I feel my heart pounding against him. I do everything I can to stop my weak legs from buckling beneath me.
“Let’s get you in the car,” he says, holding me under the arms as he helps me back to his parked vehicle just at the end of the road. Unlocking it, he deposits me into the passenger seat, crouching besides me in the car.
“I’m not sure if it was something I said, but don’t run from me, Quinn. I’m here to help you.”
I look at his face, his features are hardened and his eyes are narrowed in on me. I sense he thinks my reaction is down to him, and that’s the last thing I want.
“This, this is not you,” I stutter through my shallow breaths. I feel like I’m suffocating. The anxiety mixed with my now new feeling of guilt makes me so nervous I can barely breathe.
“I kiss you, then you freak out. What else could this possibly be about?” he asks in a way that lets me know he’s hurting.
“This whole thing with my sister. Knowing I can’t help her right now. I’m struggling with that,” I explain. “I started to panic. I’m sorry,” I sniffle back. Josh reaches up, swiping his finger across my cheek. “You mean more to me than you’ll ever know,” I whisper.
His eyes widen and a small smile tugs at the corner of his lips. “I’m a mess,” I say, nervously admitting how fucked up I really am. I push my hands down the front of my jeans repeatedly. Josh’s hand covers my own. The warmth of his hand on mine makes my heart throb faster, and suddenly it isn’t because of fear, it’s because I love the feeling of his skin against mine.
“A mess?” He questions me with his eyes. “No, not a mess. I see a beautiful woman who feels stranded, helpless, just crying out to be loved. Whatever has happened, however bad that might be, just know that I’m here for you.”
“I don’t deserve your kindness,” I croak out, furiously fighting back the tears that threaten to break the seal.
“Sure, you do.”
“But why me, Josh? You could have anyone. You’re a good looking
guy, you have a good job, plenty of money. Why would you want to help a homeless, no good, reject stripper like me?” I bubble out my words, trying to make sense of why this guy has offered me so much in such a short space of time.
“Because you can’t help who you are attracted to, Quinn. I’ve tried to find someone for years now; hoping to meet that one girl who makes my heart beat a little faster. That one girl that who can get under my skin, who I can’t stop thinking about. And you know what?”
“What?” I whisper.
“You’re that girl, Quinn. You’re the girl that’s gotten deep inside here,” he points to the side of his head. “And in here too,” he points at his chest, and my heart almost explodes. I lunge forward pressing my lips against his, skimming my hands over the sculpted planes of his back, pulling him so close to me. Our kiss is messy, all tongues but perfect. Part of me wants to pull back before I lose myself to him completely. But I can’t.
“Quinn,” he whispers slowly, prolonging each letter as if he’s savoring them. I pull back a little, my heart fluttering in response to my name on his lips and the sound of his voice. Never has my name sounded so beautiful. This guy is perfection and he wants me. He wants me despite the fact that I’m broken, so damn broken.
Josh
The next few days are perfection. Quinn has let her guard down, allowing herself to open up a little about the pains of her past. Although, I get the feeling there’s more to it, though.
I can’t wait to surprise Quinn after her shift at the bar. I have an idea. It’s simply the most beautiful place to take her; I just know she’s going to love it.
I drive the short distance to the bar, pulling up and waiting right outside. I have everything I need in the trunk of the car, and I mentally check my list to make sure I haven’t forgotten anything.
Worth the Wait Page 6