The Cowboy SEAL

by Laura Marie Altom

  “When did she say that?”

  Men. “She just did. If you didn’t get her undertone, then you must have earwax.”

  “Regardless, why’d you have to drag me into it? And since when are you on the prowl?”

  “On the prowl?” She pitched her logs to their growing pile with a little more force than was probably necessary. “Jim’s been gone three very long years. If I want to enjoy a little male company, I fail to see what business it is of yours.”

  Why did he get the feeling Millie was speaking a foreign language? “I never said it was...my business. Just that I didn’t know you were interested in seeing anyone.” Because if I had—

  What? Would he have thought about asking her out himself? No. No way. He’d already caused his family enough shame. Putting moves on his brother’s wife wouldn’t exactly spit-shine his tarnished reputation. But then there was that accidental kiss. And the way last night, in the dimly lit hall, he’d wanted to press his fingertips to the water droplets glistening like diamonds on her collarbone. Don’t even get him started on the way his body reacted to imagining her damp towel dropping to the floor. “If you are—ready to date, then sure. You should. It’s not like you need my permission.”

  “I know.” Why did her lips drop the slightest bit at the corners? Almost as if she was disappointed by his declaration.

  “All right, then.”

  “Okay.” Why was she all of a sudden breathing heavy?

  Why was he doing the same?

  “If you can handle the rest of this—” she thumbed toward the back porch “—I need to do laundry then fix supper.”

  “Sure. Go ahead.” And when you’re done doing that, how about explaining to me why the real reason I’m on edge is because if I asked any woman to be my Valentine, I’d want her to be you....

  Chapter Twelve

  “I’ve been thinking...” Cooper said to Clint. It was a sunny Thursday afternoon, and for once, the temperature hovered in the low sixties and there wasn’t a breath of wind. “How about the two of us ride out to the catfish pond?”

  His dad grunted, which Cooper would take as an affirmative.

  “You want to wear your pj’s, or one of those swanky new sweatsuits Peg brought for you?”

  “R-real c-clothes.”

  Cooper laughed. “If by real clothes, you mean a nice, worn-in pair of Wranglers, sorry, but Peg would have my hide.”

  “R-real!” his old man roared.

  “Okay... Let me see what I can find.”

  Since Millie was busy with the laundry, Cooper took the stairs two at a time to reach his father’s old room. Opening the door was like opening a tomb, then stepping back in time. Nothing had changed since he’d last been there, kissing his mom goodbye before running out the door on that fateful night.

  She’d sat at her dressing table, brushing her long hair. Every night, she’d faithfully counted one hundred strokes, then braided it before going to bed. Thinking of her only made his heart ache, so Cooper did what he’d grown best at—compartmentalizing his pain. He next fished through his dad’s dresser for a pair of jeans and a red, plaid flannel shirt. Next came socks and his work boots. He spotted his dad’s worn black-leather Stetson hanging on the back of the door, so he grabbed that, too.

  Arms laden with Clint’s duds, he damn near ran into Millie as she dashed up the stairs with a load of folded towels.

  “What’re you doing?” she asked.

  “Man stuff.”

  “That doesn’t sound good.”

  He shrugged. “It’s a nice day. I figured Dad could use some fresh air.”

  “Probably.” Her expression was unreadable as she rose a step higher than him. In the process, she accidentally brushed the length of her body against his. The sensation jolted his system. He wanted her. He couldn’t have her. End of story.

  Had she felt it, too? She stood staring, her kissable mouth partially open, eyes wide, breathing halted.

  He had to get away from her before he went and did something stupid like tossing the damned towels down the stairs then pushing her up against the wall and kissing her till she begged for more—or maybe that would be him doing the begging? Either way, it couldn’t happen, so he mumbled a goodbye, then carried on with his mission.

  Back in his dad’s room, he found Clint struggling to sit up, but in the process was coming dangerously close to falling out of bed.

  “Whoa... Slow it down.” Cooper raced over to help. “At the rate you’re going, you’re only going to get hurt, and then Peg’s going to hurt me.”

  “H-help...” Clint had spotted the clothes Cooper had piled on the foot of the bed.

  It took twenty minutes of tugging and wrangling to get his father dressed. The process was no doubt embarrassing for Clint and humbling for Cooper. All his life, he’d been not afraid of his dad, but intimidated—no, that wasn’t even the right word. Maybe it’d been more a case of unquestioning respect. No matter what Clint did, Cooper had been in awe. Only with his mother’s death, that’d changed. He’d no longer viewed his dad as someone to respect, but hate. Only hate was also a complicated thing, as it implied a degree of passion fueled by love.

  Once his dad was fully clothed, Cooper lifted him into his wheelchair, rolled him out to the old work truck, again lifted him into the passenger seat then repeated the whole process to get him back in his chair and onto the catfish pond’s dock.

  Once the task was done, and Clint sat at the end of the dock, tipping his face back to catch the sun, a profound sense of gratitude swept over Cooper. He was so glad to be home, back on his family’s land. Back with his father he’d always loved, but had lost. “Dad?”

  Clint grunted.

  “You do know how sorry I am about Mom, right? And everything that happened after?” He knelt alongside his father’s chair, staring at the ripples a light breeze stirred on the water.

  His father held out his good hand, and Cooper took it.

  Clint gave him a squeeze.

  The simple motion conveyed so much without his father having to say a word.

  *

  “BOY, AM I GLAD to see you.” The Friday before Valentine’s Day, Millie gave her sister-in-law an extra-fierce hug.

  “Uh-oh, has Dad been grouchy?” Peg unwrapped her scarf to hang it on the wall peg in the front entry. The sun shone, but blustery wind stole any warmth.

  “Clint’s doing great.” Millie swallowed a lump of guilt. She wouldn’t be admitting to Peg that the real reason she was happy for the visit had more to do with Cooper than her father. Millie welcomed the role of human buffer Cooper’s sister would play.

  “Then what’s the prob—” Peg’s smile faded. “Don’t tell me my brother’s been causing you trouble?”

  Not in the way you probably think. “Cooper’s been, ah, a huge help. Can’t I just miss you?”

  “Aw...” Peg ambushed her with another hug. “I missed you, too. So where is Coop?”

  “Probably out in the barn. We had a tiff over Saturday night, and he hasn’t said two words since.”

  Peg hung her coat alongside her scarf. “What’s going on Saturday night?”

  “Valentine’s Day?”

  “Geez, I totally forgot.” Peg headed toward her dad’s room. “But what’s that got to do with you and Cooper?”

  Millie gave her the abridged version. “I don’t even want to go, but Stacie made me so darned mad, I felt possessed.”

  “What do you care if she goes out with my brother?”

  Cheeks blazing, Millie was grateful her sister-in-law couldn’t hear her galloping heart. “I don’t. I just—”

  “Wait just a minute...” Peg stopped Millie just outside her father’s closed door. “You don’t have a thing for Cooper, do you?”

  “Of course not!” If her sister-in-law guessed Millie’s dirty secret, was there any way Cooper could know? “I loved Jim very much.”

  “Who said you didn’t? But, hon...” Millie’s heart ached when Peg cupped her hand
to her forearm. Millie didn’t deserve her kindness, but she craved it every bit as much as her Oreos. “...Jim’s been gone a long time. You’re allowed to—” she elbowed Millie’s ribs, then winked “—you know.”

  Oh, did Millie know! How many times had she imagined what being with Cooper might be like? Only Peg wasn’t talking about that particular scenario.

  “In fact, I think this is a great idea—you getting out. You might even have fun.”

  Outlook doubtful.

  *

  “THANKS, AUNT PEG! I love it!” Saturday morning, LeeAnn leaped from her seat at the kitchen table to give her aunt a hug for the fuzzy pink sweater she’d given her.

  “You’re welcome. You’re going to look even prettier than you already are.”

  “Oh, wow!” J.J. was next to crush his aunt in a hug for the Matchbox cars she’d given him. “You’re like the best aunt ever!”

  “Hope so—” Peg tweaked his nose “—especially since I’m your only aunt.”

  J.J. laughed.

  Cooper felt strangely disconnected from the family scene. On a lark, he’d bought the kids gifts the last run he’d made to town. Walmart had had a big Valentine’s display, and a sentimental streak tugged his heartstrings. How many birthdays and Christmases had he missed? Once he left, how many more would he miss again? What would it hurt to now spoil his niece and nephew on a minor holiday?

  The cat brushed against his leg, so he knelt down to pet it. The little guy had started sleeping with him, which made Cooper at least feel somewhat wanted.

  Millie made a special Valentine’s breakfast of strawberry pancakes and chocolate cherry muffins.

  “Why don’t you come over and join the party?” Peg stood next to him at the kitchen counter.

  “I will.” He smiled, but his sister’s pained gaze quickly made it fade.

  “I’ve missed you so much.” Her voice cracked. “Thank you for coming. I don’t know what we—especially Millie—would’ve done without you.”

  “It’s no big deal.” How could he accept her gratitude when, if he were a real man, he’d have returned home years earlier? He’d have stood up to his old man and for however long it’d taken, worked to regain his trust, respect and love.

  “Yes, it is. And now that you’re here...” She wiped silent tears and sniffed before enfolding him in a hug that conveyed more than words ever could. “Well, I’m just glad.”

  “Me, too.”

  “Uncle Cooper?”

  He looked down to see J.J. “What’s up, bud?”

  “Who’re those presents for?” He pointed to the sack filled with crudely wrapped gifts that sat at Cooper’s feet.

  “What presents?” He grabbed the boy under his arms, swooping him high, loving his shrieking giggle.

  The cat bolted off.

  “You mean those?”

  “Uh-huh,” J.J. said when Cooper set him back on his feet.

  Cooper lifted the sack onto the counter, drawing out two boxes of chocolate turtles. “These are for your mom and aunt.” He presented them with a flourish.

  “You shouldn’t have,” Peg said, already tearing open the plastic wrapping, “but I’m sure glad you did.”

  Millie held her box over her heart. Her eyes shone. Had her last Valentine come from his brother? “Thank you,” she softly said. “These are my favorite.”

  I know. One long-ago night when they’d both been in middle school, they’d been at a fall carnival, playing bingo and eating pizza when she’d won. She’d had her pick of prizes. Gift certificates and video games and even lift tickets for Copper Mountain. What had she picked? Turtles. “I’m glad you like them.”

  She nodded, then looked away, ending the moment—if there’d ever even been one.

  “Is there anything in that bag for me?” J.J. jumped while asking.

  “Maybe,” Cooper teased. “But ladies first. Here, LeeAnn...”

  Never having been his biggest fan, she eyed the poorly wrapped box with suspicion but then cautiously tore the red, cupid-sprinkled paper. He held his breath when she removed the stuffed pink teddy bear that held a silver heart necklace and matching earrings, as well as a mini-iPod. Her smile was swift but then faded, almost as if she was forcing herself not to show emotion. Cooper’s heart ached. How long until she accepted him like her brother already had?

  “Thank you,” she said. “The bear’s super cute and I love the jewelry and iPod.”

  “There’s an iTunes card in there, too.” Cooper wasn’t sure what to do with his hands. He’d never been awkward around the fairer sex, but LeeAnn and her mother were a tough crowd. “Figured you’d need it to buy songs.”

  LeeAnn looked at him as if she wanted to say more, but didn’t.

  “Want me to help you put on your necklace?” Millie asked.

  LeeAnn shook her head before putting all of Cooper’s gifts back in the box. “I don’t have time. Remember? Kara’s mom’s picking me up. We’re going to an IMAX in Denver then for pizza and a sleepover. You already said I could like a week ago.”

  “I remember,” Millie said. “Sorry. Just slipped my mind.”

  “Since she’s having a sleepover,” J.J. asked, vrooming one of his cars across the table, “can Cayden spend the night here?”

  Millie opened her mouth, but Peg beat her to the punch. “Since I’m in charge tonight, how about Cayden comes and we have something extra special for dinner?”

  “Like popcorn and candy bars?”

  Peg laughed. “Sounds perfect.”

  Millie said, “How about at least adding a banana and glass of milk?”

  J.J. pouted. “Okay...”

  Though Cooper hardly felt part of the cozy holiday scene, he wanted to be. After clearing his throat, he said to his nephew, “Bud, there’s one more present in my bag. Bet it’s for you.”

  “Yaaaay!” Hyped up on three sugary muffins and the couple of pieces of candy he’d already pilfered from his aunt, the kid hopped to accept Cooper’s gift. “What is it?”

  “Why don’t you unwrap it and find out?” Millie suggested before glancing Cooper’s way. Had he imagined it, or had her expression softened?

  J.J. tore into his gift, then went haywire. “Oh, my gosh! It’s a Wii! It’s a Wii! I gotta call Cayden!”

  “Slow down.” Millie snagged his arm before he got to the phone. “Isn’t there something you need to do first?”

  “Brush my teeth?” He’d scrunched his freckled face in confusion.

  “How about thank your uncle?”

  “Oh, yeah! But he already knows I love him. I told him the other day.” J.J. gave him a fast hug. “Thank you, Uncle Cooper! This is like the best present I ever got in my whole life! You’re awesome!”

  “You’re welcome, bud. Glad you like it.” He ruffled the kid’s hair, trying to play it cool when he felt like bawling. LeeAnn and J.J. weren’t just random kids, but his family. His blood. Every once in a while, when he looked at LeeAnn, she reminded him of his mom. And J.J. had all of the Hansen men’s green eyes. Cooper had many great friends back in Virginia, but they weren’t family. As much as he respected and admired them, their smiles had never tugged at his heart. “Go on,” he said to J.J., “call your friend.”

  Honestly, Cooper needed the space. He wasn’t sure how to cope with all this touchy-feely stuff. He’d been trained to stifle his emotions. So how come now he felt like the walking emotionally wounded?

  His natural instinct was to hide out in his room.

  Instead, he went to sit with his father. Over the past few days, he’d been reading to him. Cooper’s SEAL friend, Grady, had gotten him hooked on vintage sea stories, so he’d started Thor Heyerdahl’s Kon-Tiki. “Feel like listening to me ramble?”

  His dad scribbled on his whiteboard: Do I have a choice?

  The words might’ve been harsh, but his old man’s eyes were smiling. Cooper took that as a good sign.

  He grabbed the book from on top of the dresser, opened it to page seventy-eight then settl
ed into the corner armchair to start reading.

  *

  “I THINK WE have you to thank for this.”

  “What do you mean?” Cooper asked his sister after they’d shut the door to his father’s room. Clint had eaten double his usual portion—mostly accomplished under his own steam—and Peg’s awful jokes had even coaxed a few smiles. Once his night meds kicked in, though, he was out.

  “Dad’s improved more in the time you’ve been here than he did in all the weeks before you’d arrived.”

  Cooper shrugged. “I wouldn’t put too much into it. He’s got a lot of good people in and out of here all the time, helping him.”

  “Don’t sell yourself short. Millie told me that at first, things between you and Dad were plenty tense, but then something changed. What happened?”

  They’d moved into the entry hall and Peg sat on the third stair.

  “Guess it’s hard to pinpoint. One night, I think he came to the realization that I wasn’t going anywhere, and meant him no harm. I apologized for Mom—at least, as best as I could.” He bowed his head. “But we both know, no mere apology is ever going to make that right.”

  She rose to place a comforting hand on his arm. “Just so happens, I’ve had a few years to ponder the issue, and as simplistic as this might sound, I think that apology of yours wasn’t even necessary. It was implied, you know? Of course you were sorry for what happened. We all were—are. But when it came down to it, Dad wanted you here to use as a verbal punching bag, and now he wants you back as his son—to try to put the pieces back together.”

  Cooper pulled away from her to peer out one of the front door sidelights. “But I’m not back. I’m not even capable of being the son he wants me to be.”

  “How do you know you’re not already? Have you seen the scrapbook he keeps of you? The Navy sent announcements for every step of your journey. He might not have come right out and said it, but he’s proud of you, Coop. So am I. Everything’s gonna be all right. You’ll see.”

  He happened to look up.

  Millie stood at the top of the stairs. She wore a tight-bodiced, flare-skirted red dress with red cowboy boots. She’d left her hair down—long and wavy. Just the sort of style he’d like to run his hands through while kissing her thoroughly out behind the barn. She looked beautiful. The perfect Valentine jewel. Only the joke was on him, because she wasn’t his—would never be his. Even if she wasn’t his sister-in-law, she deserved the kind of sage, family man who’d stick around. Someone like Jim—a saint of the sort Cooper would never be.