The Mattress: The Glasgow Chronicles 4

by Todd, Ian

  Johnboy smiled tae himsel, as a solution tae make life a wee bit mair comfortable fur that brain ae his dawned oan him. He thought aboot sharing his anti-noise-up plan wae Silent, his partner in crime, who wis in the cell next door, bit he wis so pissed aff wae him fur getting the two ae them intae this situation, that he decided tae let the skinny basturt suffer in silence, and enjoy the racket coming fae the pallet shed ootside their cell windaes. It wis so simple because it wis staring him in the face, that he wondered why the fuck he’d never thought aboot it before noo. He knew that as soon as the screws came oan duty in the morning, usually aboot six o’clock, they made ye dump yer mattress, blanket and pillow oot intae the corridor and swapped yer stripy pyjamas fur yer uniform. They then slung ye back intae yer empty cell, wance ye’d emptied yer chanty pot ae pish doon the cludgie at the end ae the digger corridor. Ye wur then expected tae hing aboot aw day, until aboot hauf eight at night, when the bun boy, escorted by a screw, came roond wae a mug ae tea and an auld stale bun fur ye. It wis then that ye swapped yer uniform fur yer pyjamas and goat tae take yer mattress, blanket and pillow back intae the cell until the next morning. Johnboy decided tae fuck them by gaun oan the night-shift. He wid sleep aw day and then when he goat his sleeping gear in at night, he wid lie awake, basking in the luxury ae his pish-stained horsehair mattress, wrapped up in a warm flimsy moth-chomped blanket, wae that heid ae his oan a nice saft feathered pillow. By sleeping during the day, his time wid fly by, and at night, he’d lie, in the stillness ae the night, collecting his thoughts. There wur three things that he needed tae sort oot first though. The first thing wis where tae kip during the day? There wis jist nae comfort tae be hid, lying oan the moulded concrete bed oan the flair. He’d tried it and hid ended up tossing that way and this way. He’d tried lying face doon oan it wae his chin over-hinging the feet end ae it, bit his clammy forehead hid kept getting stuck tae the red gloss painted flair. He’d tried sitting wae his back tae the wall wae his erms oan his knees and his heid oan his erms. That hid been okay fur aboot twenty minutes and then the back ae his neck hid started tae get sore. The lack ae comfort tae be hid while trying tae get comfortable oan the concrete bed or flair, always seemed tae be connected tae they erms ae his. No matter where he lay his body or heid, they erms ae his always seemed tae get in the way and he ended up so uncomfortable that he hid tae keep shifting aboot. He knew it wid only be a matter ae time before he came up wae a solution tae his wee problem though, as he always came up trumps when he put his mind tae things. It wis when he wisnae concentrating, or let his guard doon fur hauf a minute, that the shite usually hit the fan and he’d end up sitting where he wis sitting noo...in the digger...wae an eejit next door, mair stupid than himsel. The screw hid jist been in and taken his metal grub tray away. The racketeers wur back in the pallet shed, gieing it big fuck wae they hammers ae theirs. He wis sitting wae his back against the cell door staring intae space when it came tae him. He knew before he even went tae try it oot that it wid be perfect. He goat up and went across tae staun, facing the two heating pipes. He reckoned that the pipes must’ve been running through the cells before they put in the moulded concrete bed in the tap left haun corner ae the cell. Underneath the bottom pipe, the gap between the windae wall and where the pillow end ae the bed started wis aboot fifteen inches wide. Looking doon fae where he wis staunin, the space only looked aboot eight inches wide, bit when ye goat doon oan tae yer knees and hid a wee swatch, the gap wis wide enough tae tuck a body intae it. He lay doon oan tae his left haun side and slid his body intae the gap.

  “Ahhh!” he groaned oot loud, listening tae the echo ae his voice compete wae the hammering fae ootside.

  He wis comfortably wedged between the tap end ae the concrete bed and the pipes, wae plenty ae room tae slip his body under the pipes and then slide his left erm and his left leg up between them and the wall, wrapping them roond it, as if he wis gieing the pipes a hug. The problem ae where tae put his erms wis noo solved. He stood up and took aff his jumper and rolled it in tae a wee pillow and put it intae the gap where his heid wis gonnae be. He couldnae believe his luck. This wis gonnae be a bloody doddle, so it wis. Wae his right erm and right leg hooked o’er the tap ae the hot pipes at the front, he shut his eyes fur his first test drive ae his new sleeping arrangements.

  Chapter Six

  Digger night wan

  Johnboy lay back in the lap ae luxury, feeling cosy under his blanket, getting aw set fur his first nightshift. He put the back ae wan ae his hauns up tae his wet lips, took a deep breath and let oot an imitation ae a clap ae thunder fae they lips ae his that reverberated aroond the whole ae the digger. He thought he heard Silent let oot a wee chortle fae next door. He’d jist heard the night screw walking past his door in they tackety stud-soled boots ae his, deliberately jangling his bunch ae keys, tae disturb his and Silent’s sleep as he went tae clock-in at the wee box oan the wall, tae prove that he’d been daeing his roonds oan the night shift. The prick wis obviously daeing his best tae make as much racket as he could tae noise-up the two occupants ae the digger.

  “Filthy basturt,” Tackety Boots muttered, as he goose-marched back past Johnboy’s door.

  Efter arriving at Polmont, it hid taken him a few weeks tae notice the wee boxes that wur scattered aboot the place oan the walls. When he’d found oot they wur fur the nightshift screws tae clock-in tae prove that they wur oan watch and nae sleeping during their shift, they’d become fair game tae him and Silent. Mind you, he hidnae kicked wan aff the wall fur a few months though...no since he’d heard that they’d gone and alarmed them.

  He thought aboot Silent lying in the cell next door tae him. When the baith ae them hid first arrived in Polmont, Silent hid telt them at the reception that he wis an apprentice joiner when they’d taken his details. That hid been news tae Johnboy, who’d known Silent since they wur baith ten years auld. The only time he’d seen Silent putting a hammer tae good use wis when he wis breaking the lock aff ae a shoap front door or a garage lock-up. When Johnboy telt them he wis an apprentice joiner as well, they’d noted it doon, bit hid gied him a disbelieving look. Efter their initial six-week assessment period ae being messed aboot and hivving tae march here, there and back and being made tae staun beside their beds wae aw their blankets and sheets folded intae neat square shapes while they wur inspected by a useless basturt ae a screw who thought he wis a sergeant major, they’d baith been allocated tae South Wing. This hid come as a surprise tae Johnboy. He’d thought Silent wid’ve been picked up by the psychiatrist as being an ideal candidate fur Carrick Hoose, the block set aside in Polmont fur aw the boys who wur a wee bit disturbed or aff their heids. No only hid he passed through the assessment unnoticed, bit Silent hid managed tae get himsel a wee cushy number working wae wan ae the joiner-screws while Johnboy hid been shipped aff tae the pallet shoap tae join the mad, the bad and the useless, who the authorities believed widnae benefit fae a stint up in the funny ha-ha suite. Johnboy blamed the psych-quack fur his workplace allocation as the basturt hid hid a go at Johnboy before he’d even opened that gub ae his and it hid been aw doonhill efter that.

  “So, ye’re the apprentice joiner wan, eh?” McKenzie, the senior screw, hid asked him oan his first day.

  “Ah think ye’re thinking ae somewan else. Ah’ve goat alopecia,” Johnboy hid telt him. “Ah’m allergic tae anything that’s been near a tree.”

  “Ho, fucking, ho,” McKenzie hid scoffed, signing Johnboy oot a claw hammer and pointing tae a pallet bench. “Aw the benches ur full, so ye’ll jist need tae share wae that pair fur the time being,” he’d said, nodding at the two boys who wur looking o’er at him wae grins spread across their faces.

  His luck hid been in. The Two Johns…John Blair and John Park, who wis also known as Wee Parky, originally came fae the Toonheid, bit wur noo running aboot up in Roystonhill. The baith ae them wur in fur robbing Provi-cheque men. Efter The Mankys put The Big Man oot ae the doo business, back in the sixties, Wee Parky hid ended up becoming
wan ae the maist respected and biggest breeders ae quality doos in the toon, despite his age. Him and Skull Kelly, wan ae the original Mankys, who’d goat frizzled in a dookit fire up oan Parly Road when he wis ten, hid been the best ae pals. Between them, they’d been walking encyclopaedias oan fleeing and breeding doos. The Two Johns wur jist coming tae the end ae their sentences and wur due oot in a couple ae weeks time. Baith ae them hid been working as brickies across in Cornton Vale, the new wummin’s nick, bit hid goat slung aff efter the two ae them hid assaulted a screw and a civvy brickie fur gieing them a bit ae lip. Johnboy knew his back wid be well-covered in the workshoap, at least fur a wee while. The pallet shoap wisnae the maist friendly ae places fur a Manky like him. An ugly wee reprobate called Toffee Simpson...the youngest ae the notorious Simpson clan fae Possil...also worked there. He wis McKenzie’s office bum-boy, the wan who haunded oot the hammers and jemmies tae the boys oan the benches and then sat oan his spotty arse, watching everywan oot oan the flair working like demented hens, while he sat kidding oan he wis daeing something important like keeping the claw hammers polished. He’d make McKenzie his tea and the two ae them wid sit doon slurping like a couple ae hauf-wits, sniggering at aw the boys, who wur grafting away, covered in dust and knocking fuck oot ae a hunner pallets every day. As soon as Toffee Bum-boy hid clocked him, he’d started tae sling Johnboy looks that wur meant tae be scary. Johnboy hid decided that if he goat any cheek or lip aff ae the ugly bampot, he wis jist gonnae whack the basturt across the heid wae a hammer. Johnboy also noticed that whenever he made a wisecrack and goat a laugh back fae The Two Johns, Toffee Arse wid make sure Johnboy could see him and then scowl across at him tae let him know that he wis watching him. It hidnae come as a surprise tae find oot that this wan wis as paranoid as his bigger brother, Toby. Wee Parky wisnae that convinced that Toffee Arse could fight sleep, bit nae fucker in the place wid even dare get intae an argument or disagree wae him because ae they aulder brothers ae his. By the end ae his first few days in the pallet shoap, Johnboy hidnae been attacked, which hid come as a big surprise tae him, and he’d soon settled doon and relaxed a bit. As well as hivving back-up fae The Two Johns, he’d found oot later that wan ae the Garngad uglies, another good pal ae his called Freckles Kelly, hid warned Toffee Arse’s best pal, who worked in the borstal kitchens wae Freckles, that if anything happened tae Johnboy in the pallet shoap, then he’d be the first tae cop his whack. Toffee Simpson might’ve convinced himsel he wis a hard basturt and hiv a couple ae big brothers who wur feared across the city, bit everywan knew that Freckles and the crowd he ran aboot wae in Polmont didnae take any nonsense fae anywan, big hard brothers or no.

  Efter being shifted through tae South Wing, the only time Johnboy hid seen Silent hid been at meal times and at night when they sat playing Bella wae Freckles’s crowd. Silent and Johnboy’s game plan when they’d first arrived hid been tae keep themsels tae themsels and volunteer fur nothing. They knew hauf the people in the place oan account ae the fact that maist ae them hid been in Larchgrove Remand Home, in Glesga...known as The Grove...or in Thistle Park Approved School, oot in Paisley, wae them when they wur growing up. In Polmont, the nearest him and Silent hid come tae being wae anywan fae the Toonheid in South Wing hid been the crowd fae the Garngad, or Roystonhill as some people knew it as. The Two Johns, alang wae Toffee Simpson and his pals fae Possil, wur in East Wing. None ae the Garngad crowd hid changed since the day Johnboy hid first met them at the Toonheid Swimming Baths when he wis aboot ten years auld. Skull, alang wae Tony Gucci, Paul McBride and Joe McManus, hid brought Johnboy thegither wae them. When he said they hidnae changed, whit Johnboy really meant wis that whit they usually goat the jail fur hidnae changed. They wur aw intae their violence and hid been in and oot ae approved schools, as well as the closed-block up in Rossie Farm, fur attacking other city gang members, the bizzies or anywan else that they took a fancy tae assaulting. Johnboy and the rest ae The Mankys aw thought they wur great, bit couldnae fathom oot why they always wanted tae be fighting and dishing oot sore faces tae people they didnae know, insteid ae making money, like Johnboy and the crowd he ran aboot wae. The Shamrock boys that wur in Polmont when Silent and Johnboy arrived hid consisted ae the best ae the Garngad crowd...or the worst, depending oan whit side ae the fence ye wur sitting oan. There wis an ugly wee buck-toothed gnaff, who’d start a fight in an empty hoose, called Patrick McSwiggan, bit known tae everywan as Patsy. He moaned like fuck fae morning tae last thing at night. Then there wis Tottie, or Thomas O’Malley, another moaner, who wis quite free wae they hauns ae his, and anything else, including the use ae weapons, if he could get his hauns oan wan. Cross him, and ye’d need tae move oan pretty quick. If ye didnae, he widnae stoap till he goat a haud ae ye. And then there wis Frederick Kelly, or Freckles. His uncle, Wan-bob Broon, wis wan ae the right-haun men ae wan ae Glesga’s tap gangsters, Pat Molloy. Freckles hid goat sent tae Polmont fur setting two pit bulls and an American pit bull oan tae two plain-clothed bizzies who’d been daft enough tae kick doon his wee maw’s front door up in Rhymer Street wae a search warrant in wan ae their hauns. Seemingly the polis hid shouted through the letterbox tae Freckles tae open the door because they knew he wis in. When he hidnae responded they’d gone aheid and booted it in.

  “Ah’m telling ye, Johnboy. Get yersel a couple ae pit bulls. They’re bloody mental, so they ur. Loyal as fuck as well. While they poxy bizzies wur getting their hee-haws chewed aff, screaming the place doon and upsetting ma wee maw, Patsy, who’d been kipping o’er fae the night before, nipped oot ae the bedroom windae and Ah slung doon the two big boxes ae fags that the bizzies wur looking fur. Ah then nipped intae the bathroom and jumped intae the bath, which wis still full ae manky water. Luckily fur me, that filthy beast, Patsy, hid left the plug in the hole efter he’d hid a bath earlier. Kin ye imagine the surprise oan their coupons when Ah went intae the kitchen, dripping wet, wae a towel wrapped roond that spotty arse ae mine? When Ah demanded tae know whit the fuck wis gaun oan, these two pricks, who wur hunched up thegither oan tap ae ma wee maw’s kitchen units like a pair ae monkeys, dripping wae blood, informed me that Ah wis under arrest,” Freckles hid bleated, a hauf smile appearing across that freckly coupon ae his.