A Path Toward Love

by Cara Lynn James

  That evening at dinner Mama placed her next to Randy and consigned Andrew to the far end of the table, as usual. Randy chatted politely, but an unfamiliar awkwardness lay between them. To make matters worse, her mother listened to every word they said.

  After the interminable dinner finally ended, the ladies adjourned to the lounge while the gentlemen remained in the dining hall for cigars and brandy. Later, at Mama’s direction, Katherine played a few hands of bridge and then table tennis with a plump and pedantic young man, the son of one of her mother’s old friends. She beat him handily in three games and then quit before humiliating him any further.

  “I’m terribly tired. I believe I’ll retire to my cabin and read for a while.” Under Mama’s disapproving eye, Katherine hurried away.

  Although nightfall had blackened the sky, she dropped onto a wicker chair outside of her cabin. Inside, Aunt Letty was already slumbering, snoring steadily. Outside, crickets hummed, fish flopped in the smooth lake, and a few birds drew out the last notes of their evening song. She pulled her shawl around her shoulders against the breeze stirring the maple leaves and lifting the branches of fir trees and pines.

  A canoe with the silhouettes of two men cut through the dark waters toward camp. Only the moon and stars sprinkled the lake with pale light to guide the pair. They soon landed the boat and dragged it onto the beach. The murmur of voices rose above the hoot of an owl and the distant bark of Papa’s springer spaniel. The men walked up the gentle rise of the lawn.

  Of course. Andrew and Randy.

  Andrew glanced in her direction, but she couldn’t tell if he spotted her. Probably not, since her royal blue frock blended into the descending night. The pair soon passed and their voices faded away. But then a few minutes later, she heard footsteps creak the boards of the covered walkway. She glanced toward the sound as Andrew’s tall, broad-shouldered form emerged from the dusk.

  “I came to wish you a good evening.” He halted and then leaned back against the deck railing, his eyes riveted upon her as if he wanted to share something but didn’t quite know how to begin.

  “Good evening to you, Andrew. Come join me if you’d like.”

  He dropped into the wicker chair just inches from her own. Grasping his hands in his lap, he leaned forward. She caught a whiff of his aftershave, just as fragrant as the balsam trees. “Randy says you two might be getting serious.”

  “It is serious in no one’s mind but my mother’s and his.”

  He rubbed his chin. “But it’s not a part of your thinking at all?”

  “I daresay a woman should not share all that she thinks about with a man.”

  He smiled. “You don’t need an endorsement from me, Katherine. You’ve known Randy since childhood, so you ought to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with him. He’s kind and fun loving and rich.” His voice flattened. “And it’s expected.” He flicked the last few words off his tongue as if they were bitter herbs.

  For a moment she closed her eyes and let a deep breath escape from the depth of her lungs. “ ‘Marry in haste, repent in leisure,’” she said slowly. “I’ll not repeat that mistake again.”

  “But Randy may have other ideas . . .” Andrew sounded so tense she assumed he was sent here under duress. Was he here to warn her? Perhaps she’d evaded Randy’s advances today, but for how long could she hold him off?

  She shook her head. “No, I don’t think Randy really wants to commit to me. If he does, why didn’t he say so at the picnic? For a few moments I thought he might . . . but then he didn’t. He’s very ambivalent.”

  Andrew swallowed. “He told me you weren’t exactly encouraging.”

  She scoffed and stood up, pacing angrily back and forth. “And why should I be? I’m here to rest, not to find a husband. I agreed to do as Mama asked of me. But I did not agree to court again.” She frowned at Andrew. Was he annoyed with her? For discouraging Randy? She brought her fingers to her temple. It was all so perplexing . . .

  “I just thought you should know that Randy has it in mind that he ought to court you now and become engaged, sooner rather than later. Perhaps . . . perhaps it would be a relief to you too, Katherine.” Was Andrew gritting his teeth or was she just imagining it in the dim light? From the anguish in his tone, she decided he was delivering a message he found disagreeable.

  She sighed. In the end, if she couldn’t save the citrus groves, she might have to acquiesce to Mama and return to New York for good. But it was far too early to give up hope; maybe the harvest would bring in far more than they even hoped for! It seemed so wrong to buckle without trying her best to succeed.

  Regardless, she knew she shouldn’t tarry out here in the dark with a man she liked very much but could never marry.

  “Perhaps I should go inside,” she murmured.

  “No. Please,” he urged in a husky voice that thrilled her with its intensity. “Stay here for a while longer.”

  Katherine hesitated. “All right, but just for a short while. Let me get a light.” She rose and quickly fetched an oil lamp from her cabin.

  Andrew lit the wick and placed the flickering lamp on the deck railing. It gave off sufficient illumination to see her as a shadowy outline. He settled into the chair again. The wicker chair squeaked as he fidgeted. This closeness to Katherine sparked his heart like a match to a stick of dynamite.

  He’d completed his task for Randy, though he’d done a halfhearted job and accomplished little. But how could he pretend enthusiasm when he yearned for the same woman? He’d lose the only family he had left and his position if he attempted to win her, and in the end he’d have no one and nothing if she didn’t accept him. No, she had to find wholeness, healing first. Then and only then would he know if she was ready for anything but friendship with him.

  “Katherine, may I be bold and give you a word of advice?”

  She smiled crookedly. “If you think I need it.”

  Speaking too personally might end their friendship or at least sour it, but how could he watch her suffer and not try to help? “This isn’t about a courtship with Randy. I think before you move on with your life you must forgive Charles. And Harriet as well. They don’t deserve your forgiveness, but it’ll help you get past what happened and move on with your life.”

  He wondered if the hoot of a nearby owl and the drone of crickets had drowned out his voice when she didn’t answer right away.

  “Of course, I’ve tried. And I believe I have forgiven them, although I don’t feel very forgiving. But how can I forget their callousness?”

  “I think . . . only time allows us to fully forget. And maybe forget is the wrong word for it. It’s more like . . . the pain mellows, grows less sharp. Like a rock in a riverbed. It begins as a shard from a cliff, sharp enough to cut, but in the end, it’s nothing but a rounded marble of a stone, smooth to the touch.”

  Katherine exhaled a long, weary breath. “So you believe I’ll get through this?”

  “Of course you will! A new love will cause you to forget all about Charles and Harriet.” And her new love wouldn’t be Randy. Andrew was quite sure of that.

  “Perhaps that new love is already here.” She murmured so softly, he wondered if his imagination was tricking him. Maybe he’d dreamed it, because he wanted to hear that so badly. But judging from her surprised expression, he knew her thoughts had escaped unwittingly.

  He leaned away from her, stunned. “Katherine . . .”

  She stood abruptly, and he rose as well. He stepped in front of her and opened his arms. “Please. Come here.”

  She paused and then wrapped her arms around him. He held her tight, closing his eyes, barely resisting the urge to kiss the top of her head and run his fingers through her sweet-smelling hair. “I hope Charles didn’t turn you against marrying. I’m sure God will lead you to the right partner and a far happier marriage the next time around.”

  She gave her head a definitive shake. “I don’t know, Andrew. I just don’t know. It’s very bewildering.”
Katherine didn’t move a muscle for several seconds, but then she stepped away, forcing a smile as she wiped tears from the corners of her eyes. “How about you? Why haven’t you married?”

  He looked down at his feet, evading her gaze. “The right girl married someone else.” He looked back at her and cleared his throat. “And until I save more money, I won’t really be in a position to marry. I’m a man of modest means.”

  She stared at him for a long moment, lips parted. “What about your inheritance?” she stammered. “Surely you have something?”

  Was that a note of hope in her voice?

  He shook his head. “My father was a judge, not a millionaire. So my inheritance was small by society’s standards. Very small. I’ll have to make my own fortune. Thanks to my job, I’ve taken a significant step forward. But am I ready to propose to the right girl?” He shook his head gently and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m afraid I have a long way to go first.”

  And further if I continue to dally with the boss’s daughter.

  Katherine nodded, her eyes falsely bright with encouragement. “I’m sure you’ll do well. It’s getting late and I really must go inside. See you tomorrow?” She glided toward her cabin door, then glanced over her shoulder and smiled. Her dimples deepened. “Thank you for coming over. And for listening. It means a great deal to me. You’re such a comfort, Andrew. Truly.”

  He swallowed hard and then nodded. She was beginning to care for him. He felt it in his bones. But acting upon their feelings would undoubtedly bring disaster down upon them. Katherine knew it too. They both had much to consider.

  Back in the lodge, outside his bedroom, Andrew braced himself before he walked inside and faced Randy.

  Strumming on his mandolin in the corner, his cousin glanced up, eagerness written in every line of his face. “Well? What do you think? Is she more ready to marry than I imagined?”

  Andrew winced and fell to his bed. He laid the back of his hand over his brow. “Not really.”

  “But do you think she’s inclined to accept me, when the time is right?” Randy’s desperation made Andrew feel a twinge of sympathy.

  “I don’t know. She’s . . . Randy, she’s still working through her grief over her past. How can you even think of pressing her?”

  He sat up and pulled off his tie and tossed it toward the wardrobe. He didn’t bother to ring for the valet.

  Randy placed his mandolin in the corner beside his three-legged chair and sunk into his soft bed, propping his head with two fluffy pillows. “Why do I get the sense that this is more about you than me?” He stared hard at Andrew, silently challenging him.

  “Stop.” Andrew pulled off his shoes and placed them in the wardrobe and donned his night clothes. “It’s morally unconscionable to marry for any other reason than love, dedication. Just bear down and go to work for a while, Randy. It’s best for all of you.” How could Randy disdain the easy work of pushing papers for a few hours a day when he’d never tried it? He’d advance soon enough, if he showed any initiative at all.

  “Better for us? Or for you?” Randy asked, narrowing his eyes.

  Andrew ignored him, but his chest tightened. “Listen, find your focus elsewhere. If you don’t give Katherine more time, she’ll turn you down.”

  “Then what am I to do?” Randy whined.

  Andrew narrowly suppressed a shout of outrage. Lord, give me strength. Give Randy wisdom. Help us! “Think about it. Pray about it. Maybe the Lord has an answer you haven’t thought of.” Or maybe I’m the answer.

  Randy rolled his eyes and shifted to his side. “I hardly think so. I’m not the praying kind.”

  “Maybe you should be.” Andrew tried to cut the ice from his voice. “You might reconsider your relationship with God. He can definitely give you better direction than I can.”

  As far as Andrew knew, Randy hadn’t opened a Bible or darkened the door of a church in many years. He’d prove a bad influence on Katherine’s faith unless he shaped up and learned who granted all those blessings he accepted as his birthright.

  Already in his nightshirt, Randy slid beneath the covers and turned off the kerosene light on the pine nightstand between their narrow beds. In the semi-darkness, Andrew pulled back the bed linens and dropped into the soft mattress. The sheets felt so cool and fresh he thought he’d have little trouble sleeping.

  But tonight neither the gurgle of the lake nor the rustle of leaves outside his window lulled him to sleep. Still wide-awake at two o’clock, he let his thoughts meander until they rested on Katherine and Randy. Poor Katherine was determined to lead her own life without family interference. But if the groves failed, sometime soon she’d awaken to reality and the futility of struggling against her fate.

  She’d have little choice but to sell her business and marry Randy unless something—or Someone—intervened.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Randy stopped Katherine on her way out of the dining hall after luncheon a few days later. “If you’re not too busy, may I have a word with you?”

  “Yes, of course.” She noted the glances darting between Randy and his mother and shoved back a feeling of apprehension. Surely he’d taken the hint at the picnic. Katherine strolled beside him down the covered walkway leading to the gazebo, one of the few spots free of guests. Her heart thudded.

  Randy blew out short huffs of breath that resembled sighs of resignation. His mouth twitched; he tugged on the corners of his mustache so hard she thought he might pull out all the bristly hairs. But when they settled on the gazebo bench, Katherine knew exactly what topic he wanted to broach . . . if he could work up his nerve.

  She arranged her vanilla-colored dress over her legs and waited for the ordeal to begin. Her heartbeat sputtered and spun discomfort through her chest, but that was minimal compared to the distress on Randy’s face. Oh Lord, please let me do the best thing for both of us.

  Randy cleared his throat as he inched closer. Taking her hand, he closed his eyes for a few seconds, and then with a look of determination, he began to speak in a halting voice. “Kat, I’ve been thinking about us ever since you returned to Birchwood. And I’m hoping you’re as fond of me as I am of you. So . . . ” He hesitated for only a second. “Would you honor me by keeping company with me?” Relief swept the dark thundercloud from his face. “Nothing will make me happier than to court you, my dearest.” He laid his other clammy hand atop hers.

  “Randy, are you sure this is what you truly want? We’ve been friends forever, so please be honest.”

  He swallowed so hard his Adam’s apple quivered. “Of course. I wouldn’t want us to step out together if I didn’t care for you. Deeply.” Yet his voice lacked ardor, so she couldn’t quite believe he felt more than mild affection for her. Definitely not passion or love.

  “We mustn’t act too quickly,” she said, giving him a warm smile she hoped would soften his disappointment.

  “We’re not.”

  Her heart lay in her chest like a cold, dead trout. Surely she ought to feel something grand. Happiness, satisfaction, relief—a prick of something positive.

  Courtship, then an engagement followed by marriage promised to please Mama and end her own financial difficulties. She could sell the Osborne Citrus Groves to Stuart and be freed from all her responsibilities. She’d never again have to fret over payroll, winter freezes, or loans and mortgages. The temptation to accept Randy’s offer grew strong, almost irresistible. But the very notion of shedding her burdens should send her spirits soaring. Instead, her mood spiraled downward.

  “I’m honored,” she answered. “But I must take some time to think this through.” She rose and squeezed his palm. The poor fellow’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. He seemed to find all this quite awkward, just as she did. And he obviously faced the prospect of a possible engagement in the future with equal reluctance. But he expected her to accept his offer without delay.

  Randy let out a soft groan. Annoyance pinched his mouth. “Why do you hesitate, Kat
? You must have already given courtship some thought. Our mothers have been planning this for a long time.”

  That’s the truth of it, she thought. “I know. I’d like to please them just as much as you would. But it’s what we decide that matters, not what they want.” Or almost as much. “Neither one of us should bow to pressure from our parents. We must decide on our own.” Her words poured out like babble from a baby. “Courtship is a commitment of its own.” The sunshine slanted through the open sides of the gazebo, and drops of perspiration erupted on her forehead. She dabbed at her brow with a lace-trimmed handkerchief.

  “It’s all rather sobering, but I’m not afraid of it.” He gave her a lopsided smile. “You have never been intimidated by me before.”

  She smiled back at him. “I’m not intimidated by you, silly. You know that. It’s what it might mean . . .”

  He studied her a second. “When will you decide?”

  “Soon, I promise.” She lifted her most winning smile, but judging from his falling face, he didn’t accept her evasion with even a hint of grace. Surely he wasn’t really upset she’d put him off. Young ladies sidestepped these first steps toward marriage all the time. So why was he pacing across the gazebo floorboards? Bent over with his hands clasped behind his back, he resembled his dry-as-a-stick father. Would the dapper Randy become his father in another thirty years? Shuddering, she pushed the thought to the furthest corner of her mind.

  Katherine met his petulant gaze. “You can’t begrudge me a few days,” she said in surprise. “After all, this is a momentous decision.” I should refuse him now and not wait a minute longer. That was the right thing to do. She needed to consider this more carefully before setting her future in stone. She had to make sure no other avenues of escape were available.

  He threw his head back and closed his eyes. She’d never seen him without an easy smile. “All right, Katherine. If you must have time, you shall have it. But you might find our mothers questioning why you’re acting so stubborn.”