A Path Toward Love

by Cara Lynn James

  Katherine fought the urge to pull away from her mother. “I do hope and pray you’re right, because if you’re not, you’ll be ruining two lives.” And Andrew’s made three.

  That evening Katherine followed the crowd to the beach where an enormous bonfire blazed and sent orange and red flames shooting upward into the blackening sky. The fire snapped and crackled and nearly drowned out the quiet wash of dark water gliding over rough sand and stones. She watched Andrew toss another log onto the pyre. He glanced her way as she wove through the tangle of guests gathered in the firelight and smiled at her longingly, just as Mama said. He didn’t hide his feelings well, but she’d hardly noticed before.

  Maybe she hadn’t wanted to notice because Andrew’s obvious affection complicated an already thorny situation. Because part of it felt deeply familiar.

  Randy motioned for her to sit beside him on a Muskoka chair while he strummed his mandolin. Dropping down, she watched Andrew turn to tend the fire and keep busy. He helped the footmen and gentlemen carry several benches and chairs from the lodge and the grounds. They placed them around the bonfire for the ladies to sit in comfort while Randy entertained with his music. The guests took their seats and settled down once he began to sing. Mama and Mrs. Clarke walked around insuring all the campers had chairs.

  Mama’s friends sang familiar tunes to the accompaniment of Randy’s mandolin. His rich tenor voice soothed like flowing honey. He led one song after another, his voice rising above the weak and reedy voices of several of the ladies. Some of the men’s voices boomed off-key, though most sounded just plain loud.

  Randy was as animated as Katherine had ever seen him. He sang well-known hymns and let the singers choose their favorites. He knew them all. Katherine wondered how he managed to remember at least four verses of every hymn since he seldom attended church. Or at least she thought he didn’t. But in the eight years they’d been apart perhaps he’d developed an unexpected liking for church music.

  Randy belted out “Rock of Ages” and “Shall We Gather at the River?” Everyone sang with gusto and some with obvious devotion. Later, the moon rose in a black velvet sky studded with twinkling stars. Katherine and Randy harmonized to several hymns they’d practiced earlier. After a while Randy stopped for a short break and drank down a tall glass of ginger beer to quench his thirst. The guests rose to mingle.

  “Please excuse me,” Katherine mumbled to Randy. She left before she heard his reply. Scanning the crowd for Andrew, she spotted him at the back of the circle. He grinned as she approached.

  “Can we talk?” she asked him. He looked so hopeful she dreaded telling him she’d decided to accept Randy’s attentions. But she needed to explain before he heard the news from someone else. He leaned closer. “But what about your parents?”

  “They approved a brief conversation,” she said.

  Andrew squinted his eyes and nodded, a tiny smile at the corners of his lips. “Of course. I’d be delighted.”

  She knew he wouldn’t be so pleased when she blurted out the reason for their tête-à-tête. They eased to the back of the group and then lowered onto a log near the border of the woods, well within sight of the bonfire and the crowd.

  Katherine stretched out her legs and spread her skirt down over the tops of her black boots. They talked of the unusually balmy weather and a few other trivial topics before she mustered the courage to speak about the courtship.

  “I need to talk to you about my future. This is hard for me, Andrew. I don’t know where to begin.” She’d never hint at her parents’ threat to fire him because he might very well become angry enough to quit on the spot. And where would that get him? If he overstepped, Papa would keep him from obtaining another legal position in New York, and probably anywhere else he applied. The tentacles of Papa’s power spread across the country. If Mama nudged him, he wouldn’t hesitate to use his influence. At first he might balk, but in the end he’d give in to Mama, just as he always did.

  “Begin wherever you like, but please don’t be afraid to tell me anything.” Andrew dug the heel of his boot into the carpet of sparse grass and crumbled leaves. “You seem awfully hesitant. Is this some sort of bad news?”

  “You might think so.”

  “Sometimes it’s best to just come right out with what’s on your mind.” He cocked his head. “You’ll feel better when you do.”

  Perhaps, but he certainly wouldn’t. Katherine forced an unhappy smile.

  When her gaze locked onto his, she felt such a rush of affection she couldn’t bear to upset him. Her heart filled with—she couldn’t say the word or even whisper it, but she knew what it was all the same. Love. The feelings washing through her couldn’t possibly be anything less.

  She’d never felt this way with Charles, who’d charmed her with his glib tongue and musical laugh. But his actions had never matched the selflessness of his silvery words. He talked a good story, but those words evaporated in the chill of reality. And she didn’t have these warm—no, sizzling—feelings for Randy either.

  Her mouth dropped open as she stared at him, any words leaving her head.

  “What is it, Katherine?” Andrew asked as Randy began to sing “A Bicycle Built for Two.” The rest of the crowd joined in the old favorite and several swayed to the beat of the music.

  “I should go now,” she said, but more than anything she wanted to stay.

  “But you haven’t told me what you brought me here to say,” he said, leaning closer to her. From the hungry look in his eyes, she knew he fought his urge to take her in his arms and kiss her with the passion she craved. And so did she.

  But she wouldn’t deceive Andrew. They’d never be together and he mustn’t believe they would. She’d not let her heart rule her, though she felt her resistance melting away. She wouldn’t embarrass her parents again. And more importantly, she wouldn’t jeopardize Andrew’s career.

  Andrew glanced over his shoulder at the bonfire. “May I walk you to your cabin?” he asked.

  She nodded. Together they left the edge of the woods. Andrew guided her across the night-shaded lawn until they reached the front door of her cabin. Only the moon and a dusting of stars gave off dim illumination as they faced each other. The balmy air wrapped around her like satin streamers. She drank in the scent of cedar and fir trees and the pungent smoke wafting from the bonfire.

  “It’s a beautiful evening,” she murmured. “But there’s something I should say.” Or I’ll let you kiss me and then everything will become infinitely more complicated.

  “Katherine, I—I’d like to say . . .” Andrew halted, grimaced, and shook his head. “I don’t know the right words.” Instead of continuing to stumble over his message, he moved quickly, bending forward and pressing his mouth against hers.

  The kiss stole her breath. She answered his gentle force by reveling in the taste of his soft lips; his arms clasped her waist and gently urged her toward him. And when it ended, Katherine let a sigh escape. They moved so close, not even the mild breeze flowed between them.

  Placing her palms on his broad chest, she glanced into his eyes, then around, making sure no one was about, then back to him. “We shouldn’t do this.” Her ragged voice sounded weak and unconvincing. She wanted to ignore her silly objections and return his kisses with the ardor overflowing her heart.

  “There’s nothing wrong with kissing if we’re both in love.” Then he stopped and gazed down at her with both hope and dread in his eyes. “Are we in love?”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Andrew held his breath, waiting for Katherine’s response. Her head dropped down, and in the dim light he couldn’t see her features. But he noted her sagging shoulders and heard her sigh above the hum of the crickets.

  “Andrew, I—how I wish . . .” She took a step away, putting her hands behind her back and tucking her chin.

  “Ah.” He held up his palm. “So that’s what you had to tell me. There’s no need to explain, Katherine. I understand.” He fought to keep his feelings
under control, but he burned with frustration and mounting anger. He hadn’t misunderstood the passion between them, the yearning in her eyes. Why did she have to cave in to her parents’ pressure? Now? After all these years? He understood the risks well—Mr. Wainwright had made his desires plain. And employees who did not support Mr. Wainwright’s goals never lasted long in his company. But money and position meant nothing to Andrew, compared to having her.

  He kissed the top of her head and inhaled the sweetness of her hair, struggling to control his feelings. He spoke softly, barely above a whisper. “I should be going. But I can’t leave before I tell you something.”

  She nodded and then glanced toward her closed door, clearly anxious to get away.

  “Katherine, I love you with all my heart and I always have. It seems nothing will come of it, but I need you to know. If there is any way we can be together . . .”

  She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing emerged except a strangled moan. A moment later she gently touched his arm. “Andrew,” she said, her voice choked. “I’m so sorry. For both of us.”

  He stared at her in confusion. “You’re going to accept Randy’s courtship,” he said dully.

  “You don’t understand,” she said.

  “No,” he said, shaking his head, “I don’t.”

  Twin tears ran down her cheeks, glimmering in the moonlight. Had it been just this morning that she had cried, but with nothing but joy and love in her eyes? How could he have been so wrong?

  “Good night, Andrew,” she said. “I’ll pray for you.” With an unsteady hand, she unlocked the cabin door. As soon as she vanished inside, he strode off toward the lodge, his head lowered. A searing pain cut through his entire body. You’re a fool, Andrew Townsend. After all, he’d always known her mother wouldn’t allow her to choose him over any of the richer and more prominent men. But, somehow, he thought she’d stand up to her mother and answer the call they obviously both felt.

  He had grasped for someone way out of his league. Well, he was human, wasn’t he? He couldn’t help who he found attractive. But he’d get over her, he hoped. He’d done so before and he’d do so again. He had no alternative. And he definitely wouldn’t sulk about life’s inequalities and unfairness. He had so much to be grateful for. Usually.

  When he arrived at the deserted chalet, he knew he didn’t want to return to his bedroom. The last person he wanted to run into right now was Randy. He turned on his heel and settled onto a path, hoping a walk would dispel some of the tension mounting in his chest. With only the moonlight to guide him, he hiked down the trail closest to the lodge, not caring that he could barely see a step ahead, a million questions in his head. Why hadn’t he swept her up and kissed her until she admitted she loved him too? He sighed. Because I can’t ask her to give up everything for me. He had so little to give in return, except love.

  Had he acted cowardly by not letting her decide? But then, hadn’t she really decided in that moment? He’d told her he loved her and all she could say in return was, “I’m so sorry . . .” Too many thoughts and emotions roiled through him. He needed to go back and put Katherine out of his mind for a while.

  Maybe he should find Aunt Letty and together they could give Katherine the news about the money they’d cobbled together to pay off Charles’s debt. Maybe then she’d decide to return to Florida instead of letting Randy court her. But he feared he and Aunt Letty were too late with their offer to make any difference. For some reason she felt cornered, unable to do anything but accept his cousin’s pursuit. His eyes narrowed. Had it all simply become too much for her to battle? The combined loans? Harriet’s impending arrival? Her parents’ constant pressure?

  He walked down the path toward the bonfire in search of Aunt Letty, but she was not among the group any longer. Perhaps she’d returned to the cabin. Desperate for diversion, he turned and moved back up to the lodge and entered the library.

  The gaslights burned dimly in the darkened room. He yanked Verne’s Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea off the bookshelf. It should hold his interest well enough, at least for a while. Settling into a soft chair, he lit the kerosene lamp on the end table, rested his legs on the hassock, and opened to the first page. Footsteps by the door caught his attention.

  “May I join you, Andrew?” Randy called as he stepped over the threshold and strolled across the bearskin rug, mandolin in hand.

  “If you’d like.” He didn’t want company, and Randy was the last person he wished to see.

  Randy plopped on a nearby sofa. “A book would put me to sleep in seconds.”

  “Hmm.” Andrew waited for his cousin to get to the point.

  “My mother says Katherine is close to letting me court her, but I’m not so sure. What do you think?” Randy paused and looked over to him.

  Andrew’s jaw clenched. “I don’t know. But I suppose she’s right.”

  “I don’t know why she’s stalling.”

  “Can’t you think of any reason?” He must know Katherine didn’t want to marry anyone, especially a fellow she didn’t love. She might believe she wanted a safe, boring marriage, but obviously her hesitation suggested otherwise.

  Randy shrugged. “Maybe she hasn’t gotten over Charles. It’s hard to compete with memories of the dearly departed. But it’s time she moved on. With me.”

  “You told me only a short time ago that you yourself weren’t ready for marriage.”

  “Actually, I’m not. But according to my parents, one never feels quite ready for such things, and I ought to take the plunge. And given that Katherine is their choice—and mine, of course— and our paths have once again converged, it seems rather fated. Can you think of a more perfect match?”

  One or two . . .

  “I take it you don’t object.”

  Andrew stared hard at his cousin, fury building in his chest. Why was he pressing him so? “Why would I?”

  “Because you might wish to marry her yourself.” Randy raised black eyebrows over equally dark eyes.

  “We all know she’s going to marry you eventually. It’s practically settled.”

  “But not quite settled. I saw you two leave the bonfire together and I wondered . . .” Randy stopped and sniffed. “Forgive me, cousin. It appears I actually am feeling some sort of jealousy. Imagine that.” The crease in Randy’s forehead smoothed into wide-eyed surprise and wonder. “It’s getting late so I think I’ll turn in. Good night.”

  Andrew nodded and watched his cousin depart. A hollow ache took over his heart. So it was done. He was a dreamer, a fool . . .

  But then a thought made him sit up straight. There was one more thing . . .

  Aunt Letty chugged into the cabin. “Wasn’t that bonfire delightful? Randy Clarke has the loveliest singing voice.” She placed her new straw hat rimmed with silk daisies and feathers on the hat stand in the dressing room. “I’d love a cup of hot milk. It’ll help me sleep. And maybe a nice piece of lemon meringue pie or perhaps a dish of Cook’s vanilla ice cream. Will you join me, dear?”

  Katherine nodded. She glanced at the clock. It was only ten thirty, and given the way her emotions whirled within her heart, she wasn’t ready for bed just yet. Sleeping was out of the question when all her conflicting thoughts and feelings bounced off the walls of her mind. “Of course. Shall we go?”

  They strolled down the darkened walkways and entered the kitchen. Cook and her assistant were baking muffins for tomorrow’s breakfast.

  Aunt Letty placed her order. “We’ll eat in the dining hall.”

  The young girl hurried ahead and lit a few gaslights to give off dim illumination. “Is this bright enough, ma’am?” she asked.

  “It’s fine,” Aunt Letty replied. She and Katherine settled into wooden chairs at the long table with a country-style tablecloth of blue and white checks. The sugar bowl and salt and pepper shakers were laid out for breakfast.

  The long, cavernous room had a cozy feel, despite its size. As soon as the maid served the hot milk and pie, Aunt
Letty dug in with gusto. “My, this is delicious.” She looked toward the young serving girl and grinned her angelic smile that must have once stolen the hearts of many beaux, including Uncle Norman. “Do tell Cook she outdid herself. Again.”

  Katherine sipped her cup of tea and watched her elderly aunt eat.

  Aunt Letty lowered her fork after a few bites. “May I speak frankly, my dear?”

  “Yes, please do.”

  Aunt Letty leaned across the table. “I think you’ve been mulling over your friendship with Randy and you can’t make up your mind what to do.” When Katherine didn’t comment, Aunt Letty continued, “I know there are a fistful of obstacles standing between you and Andrew. Personally, I believe those are ridiculous barriers.”

  “Andrew?” Katherine’s asked, surprised as how quickly Aunt Letty changed the subject.

  “Yes, my dear. It’s obvious you two are in love. Only you won’t face your feelings.”

  Katherine lowered her gaze. “As you said, there would be many difficulties to overcome.”

  Aunt Letty shook her head sadly. “If you’re not determined, those obstacles are nearly insurmountable. But if there’s a will, there’s a way. That’s what they say. And there’s truth to it, I believe.” Her sympathetic eyes narrowed. “I noticed Randy watched as you wandered off with Andrew Townsend.”

  Katherine blushed. “I should have stayed with the group, I know. But Mama and Papa knew I needed to speak to Andrew.”

  “Yes, if you’re concerned with propriety, you should have. But you never were—were you?” Her face belonged to a merry elf, full of mischief.

  “No. But I should’ve been. And I’m trying to conform more than I used to. No more childish lapses.” Though it turned out marriage to Charles was far worse than a mere childish lapse.

  Aunt Letty waved away Katherine’s comment. “Nonsense. You must do as you see fit, not what your mother or society demand. Of course, since I’m a Christian woman, I always consult the good Lord first to see what He advises. And if He’s clear enough, I follow His will without hesitation. He’s never led me astray so far, and I’m well near eighty. You’d do well to listen to Him too.” Letty ate another forkful of pie and looked up at Katherine.