Shelter for Elizabeth (Badge of Honor: Texas Heroes Book 5)

by Susan Stoker

  Cade smiled. It was amazing how different Beth was when she was at home in her own space and comfortable. He liked it. He liked her.

  Penelope hadn’t told him much about the men who’d rescued her, and she certainly hadn’t mentioned anyone with the unbelievably cliché name of “Tex.” He’d have to talk to his sister privately about the man. While he was proud of Beth’s computer abilities, what she was doing was illegal, and the last thing he wanted was for her to get caught. She had enough on her plate as it was…she didn’t need any more hassle.

  Wanting to get Beth’s thoughts off her computer, he asked, “What’s with all the candles?” Cade liked it when Beth was relaxed, and now that she knew some random hacker wasn’t messing with her data, she’d put the computer aside again and had folded against him. But with his question, he felt her tense up. He hurried to reassure her. “I wasn’t making fun. I like them, it’s just that I haven’t seen them before.”

  Cade looked around the room and noted just how many there were. There were some tealight candles on the kitchen counter, and a variety of colors and sizes of them in a box on the floor next to the sliding glass doors that led into the courtyard.

  “Now that I think about it, you have a ton of them, Beth,” Penelope chimed in. She leaned over and picked up one from the coffee table and smelled it. “This one isn’t even scented.”

  “Uh, yeah. I thought they were…but I bought the wrong ones.”

  “I have a friend who sells the really good kind. I can hook you up if you want?” Pen asked, trying to be helpful.

  “It’s okay.”

  “Well, if you want more, just let me know.”

  “I will.”

  Cade felt Beth relax against him again as they turned their attention back to the movie, now that the drama of the night was over. Something niggled at the back of his mind, but he pushed it aside, lost in the softness of Beth’s body against his.

  * * *

  Three hours later, well after Penelope had left, Cade stood at Beth’s door looking down at her. “I feel like we spend a lot of time standing here.”

  Beth smiled and wrinkled her nose. “I know, right? It’s just a door, but sometimes it feels like I really am in jail.”

  “You really shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”

  “I’m trying to get better.”

  “I know.”

  Beth looked away, then brought her eyes back up to his. “What if it doesn’t ever get easier? I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life.”

  “All you can do is go one day at a time. Don’t borrow trouble, sweetheart.”

  Beth sighed and slowly leaned into Cade, resting her forehead against his chest. “I want so badly to be like everyone else.”

  “I like you just the way you are.”

  Beth felt his words rumble through his wide chest and into her own body. “If I was like everyone else we might have normal dates.”

  “I don’t know. This one was pretty good. We hung out, watched a movie, laughed, and now we’re going to kiss each other good-night.”

  His words brought her head up, and she saw the blinding smile aimed at her. “First, I’m a total computer geek. I love it, but unfortunately it’s not exactly the sexiest thing in the world. Second, it might have been a good night here, but I want so badly to be able to hang out with you in public. A restaurant, a bar…your place.”

  “Done.”

  “What?”

  “We’ll start with my place. I’ll come and get you and we can hang over there. It’s not as cool as your apartment is though. It’s a bachelor pad.”

  “I’d love to see your place,” Beth said wistfully. “And meet your friends. You’ve talked about them so much, I feel like I know them.”

  Cade laughed. “You can meet them, but I swear if Driftwood or Crash hit on you, I won’t be responsible for my actions.”

  “They’re the playboys, right?”

  “I guess that’s as good a label to give them as any,” Cade said easily.

  Beth wrinkled her forehead. “Who are the others again?”

  “Let’s see. Firefighters first. Taco was here at your place when you tried to super-fry your chicken. He wasn’t the asshole who tried to force you outside though, just making that clear, that was one of the new guys who, thankfully, I don’t work with much. Squirrel is who you might call our resident geek. Tall, skinny, and wears glasses, but he’s the best medic we’ve got. There isn’t a medical situation he can’t figure out and take control of. If I ever have a heart attack, get my arm cut off, stab myself or get shot, I’d want Squirrel to be at my side.”

  “He’s that good?”

  “I once saw him triage and treat eight people at a bus wreck site. We were all there, but it was utter chaos. Every single person he touched that night survived, and every single one sent him a thank you note. And just so you know, this is highly unusual. People are thankful we’re there to help them, but only one percent actually follow up to say thank you.”

  “I’ve been meaning to get those thank you cards sent,” Beth said with a small smile.

  “You can thank me with a kiss, sweetheart. I’ll pass your thanks on to the rest of the team.”

  “What about the others?”

  “Ah, you’re killin’ me. Okay, there’s Chief and Moose.”

  “Moose is the one who was at the minivan fire the other night and who Pen likes, right?”

  “Yes. But the two of them are so stubborn, I don’t know if either of them will ever pull their heads out of their asses long enough to do something about it.”

  “And these cop friends I keep hearing about?”

  “Daxton is a Texas Ranger. He rescued his girlfriend, Mackenzie, from being buried alive. Cruz is with the FBI. He met his girlfriend when he went undercover in a motorcycle club.”

  “She’s a biker?” Beth asked incredulously.

  “Good Lord, no. She’s the sister of a woman who was in too deep with the club and… Anyway, no. I’m sure you’ll hear the story sooner or later from Mickie herself. Then there’s Quint, who’s with the San Antonio Police Department, and his girlfriend is blind, but she rescued herself when she got into trouble, which is totally awesome. By the time he showed up to save the day, Corrie had already gotten away. Then there’s the rest of the crew, who are all still single, and if they flirt with you, I’ll have to hurt them. Hayden, the lone female in our close-knit group, you might remember from the grocery store the other day. She’s the one Penelope was going shooting with. Then TJ is with the Highway Patrol, Calder is a medical examiner, and Conor, who’s a game warden.”

  “How did you guys get so close? I didn’t think firefighters hung out with cops.”

  “It was inevitable. Our paths cross so much. There aren’t a lot of calls we go on that don’t have some sort of law enforcement involved. They’re all great guys, and now that some have girlfriends, it’s even more fun to hang out with them. You’ll meet them all eventually. I know you’ll like them though.”

  “I hope I’ll get to meet them. I want to be able to go to that softball tournament you’ve told me about so often. It sounds hilarious.”

  “You will. We’ll work our way up to it. Although the game is only funny because the damn cops can’t play fair to save their lives. We have to resort to underhanded techniques to keep them from cheating,” Cade told her with a smile.

  “I’d do anything to be able to be casual about being outside this damn apartment. To be a normal person and able to meet you at the bar and have a drink or two before we headed off for a night at the movies or with your friends.”

  “Stop. If you were this fictional ‘normal’ that you keep talking about, we might never have met. You wouldn’t have been in that counseling session with Penelope and I wouldn’t have offered to help you clean up your place after that fire.”

  “You wouldn’t have?”

  “No, contrary to what it seems, I don’t go around helping all the people I meet on the job
after hours. I fully admit I enjoy being there when folks need help, but it’s not something I purposely set out to do when I go home. You knew my sister; that, along with the attraction I had for you, pushed me to want to see you again.”

  Beth licked her lips and looked up at the amazing man in front of her. He was so much braver than she was. She’d been attracted to him as well. The fact that he was Pen’s brother also made her let her guard down around him. She most likely wouldn’t have opened up to him otherwise.

  “So…you said something about kissing?”

  Cade’s smile lit up his face. “Yeah, I believe I did. Put your arms around my neck.”

  Beth stood on her tiptoes so she could clasp her fingers together at his nape.

  “Hold on, sweetheart.”

  Cade lowered his head and did what he’d wanted to do all night. Watching her bite her lip as she cyber-battled with Tex, as she licked her lips after drinking from the water bottle, as she smiled while he and Penelope bantered back and forth, almost pushed him over the edge several times.

  Now that Penelope wasn’t there to act as a chaperone, Cade took Beth’s mouth as if it would be the last time he’d ever touch her. He wasn’t gentle and didn’t ease into the kiss. He devoured her mouth with all the passion he’d been suppressing all night.

  Beth met his tongue with her own, curling around it and sucking. Cade could feel her fingernails digging into the sensitive skin on the back of his neck and he growled in approval. She learned quickly what he liked and what made herself feel good. He slanted his head and took her deeper, tasting and nipping. He probably shouldn’t have been surprised at her eagerness, but he was.

  The last time he’d stood at her door and kissed her, he’d gotten the impression she wasn’t that experienced, but tonight she seemed much more confident. It was if she was a different person, and the dichotomy entranced him.

  Finally, knowing he needed to pull back before he stripped her naked and took her against the infamous door she hated, Cade licked her lip one last time before ending their kiss. They were both breathing hard and he rested his forehead against hers.

  “Wow.”

  He smiled at the breathy word. “Yeah, wow.”

  Her fingers continued to caress him in what he thought was an unconscious act on her part. He squeezed her waist where his hands had crept during their kiss. They were resting under her shirt on her bare skin and Cade could feel goosebumps rise as he caressed her.

  “I feel like I could take on the world when you kiss me.”

  Cade’s fingers involuntarily clenched and he forced himself to relax, not wanting to hurt her. Her words were so sad. Cade couldn’t help but feel both elated and so very sorry for her at the same time.

  He put one hand under her chin and forced her to look at him. “Then I’ll have to make sure I kiss you more often, won’t I?”

  Beth smiled weakly up at him. “I guess you will.”

  Cade brushed his lips across hers in a chaste caress. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

  “Okay. Drive safe.”

  “Always.” Cade pulled away and dealt with the locks on her door, reaching out and squeezing her hand once more, before heading down the hallway toward the exit that led out to the parking lot.

  Beth watched from her door until the panic threatened to overtake her. She closed the door, locked it, and immediately went into the kitchen to get one of the extra-long matches she’d ordered online.

  She lit it and watched as the flame slowly burned down the eight-inch stick until she blew it out right above her fingertips with one hard puff.

  Beth put her head on her arms on the counter and breathed out a frustrated sigh. Her lips still tingled from Cade’s kisses and she swore she could still feel his fingers on the bare skin of her waist.

  Interestingly enough, she was more afraid of stepping foot outside her apartment than she was of getting involved with Cade. Even though Hurst had hurt and tortured her, she wasn’t afraid of Cade. Intellectually, she knew that sex with him wouldn’t be like what Hurst had done to her. She hadn’t been a virgin when she’d been kidnapped and wasn’t afraid of the act, per se. Cade was going out of his way to take things slowly with her, and she knew to the marrow of her bones he wouldn’t hurt her. He’d be gentle and would make sure she was comfortable and taken care of before he’d even think of getting off himself.

  She wanted to be his girlfriend. Wanted to be by his side as he hung out with his buddies from the station. Wanted to be able to drive to his place and be waiting for him when he got off work. Wanted to go to one of the infamous firefighter versus police officer softball games she’d heard so much about.

  But until she managed to kick the stupid agoraphobia in its ass, she wasn’t going anywhere. She was a prisoner in her own home.

  Beth picked up her head and reached for another match. They were the key. They’d be crucial to getting her out of her head and into the real world. If the flame kept her from concentrating on her fear, she’d use it to help her get better.

  Despite the small voice deep down that was telling her it wouldn’t be that easy, Beth was pleased with her decision.

  CHAPTER 10

  Beth stood still on the little patio, her back to the glass door behind her. Her legs were shaking, her breaths coming too fast to be healthy, but she was outside. By herself.

  It was two in the morning and Beth stared at the flames licking upward in the small circular grill she’d bought online.

  She’d started out lighting a piece of paper over the sink inside her apartment and watching it burn down to ash. Then she’d assembled the grill in her living room, put a short stack of paper in the bottom and watched as that too went up in flames. It was over too quickly and had produced a lot more smoke than she realized it would. Afraid her smoke detector was going to go off and wake the entire apartment complex, and, more horrifically, make Cade and his friends come busting into her apartment and find out her dirty little secret, Beth had carried the grill to the patio door and cracked it open.

  It’d taken a week, but after slowly moving the grill farther and farther back onto the concrete pad, she’d been able to stand in the doorway and watch the flames. Now, she was finally all the way outside. She’d done it.

  Beth knew she was a long way away from being able to function outside her apartment by herself, but she felt like she’d taken a giant step forward. Dismissing the small voice inside that mocked her by saying watching shit burn was not only not forward momentum, but was actually a scary, creepy backward leap, Beth took a deep breath.

  Things were going very well in her life recently. She’d gotten ahold of the mysterious Tex and he’d been putting her through some tests to make sure she had what it took to work for him…or for whoever he was grooming her to work for. She still hadn’t decided if she wanted to work for Tex, she wasn’t even sure exactly what it was he did, but the possibility of doing what she loved for a living, rather than customer service, was exciting.

  Beth had a blast trying to work through the challenges Tex put forth for her. She passed most of them with flying colors and when he’d typed “good job” one night, Beth had felt like her heart was going to burst with pride. She sensed that he wasn’t a man who gave praise easily, so earning those two little words from him had meant a lot.

  The thought of being able to quit her customer service job and work full-time with code, trying to prevent cyberattacks, was a dream come true. And while she wasn’t there yet, she felt good about where she was headed. Beth had no idea how to thank Penelope for hooking her up with Tex—even if he’d bested her in getting through her safeguards on her personal computer.

  Her relationship with Cade was also moving forward in a good direction. He’d come over and taken her shopping again, not once letting go of her hand, and with no crises on the way to or from the store. She’d felt more relaxed the entire time they’d been out and about than she had in the last year.

  Even though she didn’t see her
parents or brother much, she was very close to them. They were frustrated because they didn’t know how to help her work past what had happened, but she’d been making an effort to call them more often lately too.

  The only thing Beth felt was holding her back from being completely happy was her stupid fear of being outside. She knew it was a million to one shot that anyone would kidnap her again, but it was that one that was holding her back. She wanted to be able to confidently walk outside and not constantly have to look around her, but she’d take being able to be outside of her apartment and not turn into a blubbering basket case.

  She’d done tons of research online and knew there were various drugs she could take that might be able to help her, but Beth was stubborn. She wanted to be herself again, without having to resort to Xanax or something similar. Her first therapist back in California had prescribed it, and Beth hated how it had made her feel. Granted, it had been useful in enabling her to get to Texas without completely freaking out, but as soon as she was settled, she’d stopped taking it.

  Beth supposed her abhorrence for taking the drug was why she latched onto the idea of fire now. It gave her a similar sensation…a feeling of looking at herself from far away. While that flame was flickering and dancing, she didn’t feel scared or anxious. Both wins in her book.

  The problem was that Beth had no idea how to translate the peace and calm she felt while watching flames crackle and spit as they devoured whatever was burning, into her everyday life. She’d tried closing her eyes and imagining the fire, but it wasn’t the same. There was something about the slight burn in her eyes from the smoke and the smell of whatever was smoldering that made her not think about anything else going on around her.

  Not to mention, she hadn’t told Penelope or Cade about her new therapy, knowing they wouldn’t approve and would try to put the kibosh on it. Things with Cade were going well and the last thing she wanted to do was mess it up. It wasn’t as if she was a pyromaniac or something. She wasn’t setting buildings on fire or anything and she wasn’t hurting anyone. But she still knew, knew, it would affect her relationship with both Cade and Penelope.