by CM Doporto
Raven.
Even though it was cold outside, he had on a short-sleeve shirt and my eyes fixated on the way his muscles tensed. He was so pretty. Too pretty for me. I had to be the luckiest girl in the world.
“The grease will help absorb the alcohol.” He turned at the intersection and pulled into the parking lot of Whataburger.
“Okay, whatever you say,” I mumbled, staring out the window in a partially incoherent daze. Christmas lights twinkled against the windowpanes of the restaurant. Fake snow dotted the corners of the windows with shiny tinsel in purple and white strung along them.
“Do you want cheese on your burger?”
“Yeah and a Dr. Pepper.” I rarely drank sodas but since I had already had a few tonight, I figured what was one more?
He handed me the bag of food and the greasy smell filtered through my airways, making my stomach growl. Grease had never smelled so good. By the time we got to my dorm, I had almost finished my French fries.
“Cool. There’s a spot right there.” Raven sped forward, claiming a parking space across the street from the commons area, which I was glad for. I wasn’t sure I could walk very far without busting my butt. He parked the car and I quickly took off Delaney’s platform heels. I was smart enough to know that I’d end up with either a twisted ankle or scraped knees. I got out of the car and shivered when the cold air hit me.
“Cold?” he asked as he shut the door for me.
I nodded. He reached in the backseat and grabbed his jacket. He put it on me and I immediately snuggled in the familiar scent. Raven smelled so good. Too good. He held me close as I stumbled toward Carter Hall, praying I didn’t fall down. The brisk air blew against us and he drew me closer. Raven was like a huge stuffed teddy bear that I was dying to take to bed with me.
We entered through the back door since it was after curfew and my heart immediately started racing. I knew Raven was acting out of concern for me, but a part of me couldn’t help but wonder what might happen. Luckily, the elevator doors were open. We slipped in without anyone seeing us. The ride seemed to take forever and the movement upward made my stomach feel funky.
The doors opened and we got off. As we walked down the hall, we passed a few girls and they eyed me. I started feeling slut-shamed and retreated like a turtle into Raven’s jacket, hoping they didn’t think I was another one of his hoes. Then I reminded myself that I wasn’t. If I were, we would have been in my dorm room the first day we met.
“Do you know them?” He eyed me and I suddenly became self-conscious over how I was reacting.
“Unfortunately, yes.” I relaxed, allowing his jacket to fall past my shoulders. “Do you?”
“Fortunately, no.” Relief flowed over me as he looked back and shook his head. “But I have to know something.” Our eyes met and a familiar energy pulsed through me, warding off my buzz. “Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?”
“No, it’s just that…” I tried to think of what to say but no words formed.
Stupid liquor.
“You don’t want Collin to find out.” His eyes dropped and I saw a sadness that wasn’t there before.
“What?” I struggled to unzip my wristlet, thankful that I had thought to take my keys in case Delaney and I were separated. “No, he’s history. Trust me.”
“Let me help you.” Raven took my hand and worked the leather strap off my wrist, removing it in a slow and deliberate motion as his fingers brushed over my skin. Every stroke drove me crazy and I couldn’t help wanting to feel his hands all over me. Chills shot up my arms and down my spine. Could I get Raven to stay the night with me?
“You know any other girl would die to be seen with me,” he said, unzipping my little purse.
I bit my lower lip and sucked in a deep breath. “Who says I’m not dying right now?”
He grinned and his eyes flashed that enticing sparkle like that day at the stadium. At that point, I knew I was in trouble. It would take more than the forces of nature to stop me from attacking him. All I had to do was get him in my room.
Raven unlocked the door and then pushed it open. “After you.”
I walked into my dorm room, but it didn’t feel like my place. I felt like I was walking into his lair. The Raven’s trap. Though I had no idea what it looked like, I was sure it wasn’t decorated in pink pillows with a black fleur de lis on the wall and ornate mirrors. In a matter of seconds, I lost all confidence.
He shut the door and locked it. My heart rate kicked up a notch and I found myself confused over what I should do. I had no idea when it came to sex. Then again, did he want to have sex with me? My mind spun out of control, tossing different ideas around like it was a political debate and I was the candidate trying to defend my position. But what position did I have? Clearly not the upper hand since I had no clue when it came to sex.
Damn it! Why didn’t I ask Delaney or reread my books?
I tried to recall how the girl seduced the guy in the latest romance book I had read. All I could remember was Kyler and Syd were in a vacation home in the mountains, trapped by a horrific snowstorm. I tried to remember the details of how they ended up sleeping with one another, but the only thing that came to memory was they were stuck without electricity and little food.
Curse you alcohol.
“Are you going to stand there or eat?”
“Huh?” I turned around as he took a bite of his burger. “Yeah, I guess I should eat.” Hopefully he was right about the grease absorbing some of the alcohol. I tossed Delaney’s heels to the floor and shucked of his jacket.
Unwrapping my cheeseburger, I consciously sat at the opposite end of the couch, as if he had some kind of disease or sickness that I didn’t want to catch. Then, it hit me. What if he had herpes or AIDS? I knew he had been with tons of girls. The last thing I wanted was to catch something from him.
I sat in silence, eating my burger and conjuring horrible imagery. I had to give my mind a standing ovation; it sure knew how to kill the mood. One minute, I was dying to have sex with him. The next, I was freaking out about catching something from him. I was one screwed up girl.
“Why are you so quiet?” Raven wadded up the wrapper to his burger and tossed it in the bag.
“Just thinking,” I blurted before taking a big drink of my soda. I had so many off-limits questions for him. Questions I knew I shouldn’t ask, but things I had to know.
“About what?”
Tossing out everything my mom taught me about being prim and proper, I asked, “What’s with you? I mean, why do you insist on being with so many girls?”
His eyes widened and he let out a slight laugh. I knew my question had surprised him and if we ended up together tomorrow, I could always blame the alcohol.
“And don’t tell me it’s because you’re a guy.” I pivoted in his direction.
He clasped his hands together and drew in a deep breath. “You really want to know?”
I nodded as I continued sucking on the straw, drawing the last of the soda from the cup.
“I guess I like sex.”
On second thought, maybe I didn’t want to know.
“That’s such a guy response.” I set my drink on the coffee table, grabbed the last two fries from the sack, and chewed on them, nearly eating my fingers in the process.
He shrugged and turned his body in my direction. “Well, I promised I’d be honest with you. Now you know.”
And my knowing made me even more curious. “Yeah, but aren’t you scared you’ll catch something?”
His head jolted back and he seemed somewhat surprised by my question. “No, not really. I practice safe sex, Lexi. Don’t you?”
“Um…” My heart leaped from my chest to my throat as I struggled to breathe. Raven wanted to know if I practiced safe sex. Because he did. That meant he was more than likely disease free. It’d be safe to sleep with him. But should I tell him the truth? That I was a virgin?
“I suppose I would, if I were having sex.”
That w
asn’t so hard.
I exhaled and rested against the pillows.
His lips parted and he looked like he was holding back a laugh. A tinge of fury hit my blood. Was he making fun of me?
“I forgot I’m talking to an English major.”
I stared at him in confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I guess I should have asked, when you have sex, Lexi, do you or your partner use a condom?”
Oh crap, he really didn’t get it.
I pressed my lips together, trying to think of the best way to phrase it. The phrase repeated over and over in my head, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud. I had to tell him. Or did I? Unsure of where our conversation was headed, I made the decision to confess. Besides, if we did have sex, he would know.
“No,” I straightened as best as I could with the heaviness of the alcohol setting in, “because I’ve never had sex.”
“Ahh, okay.” He blinked a few times and shifted his weight.
“Surprise,” I said with a meek smile.
“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting that. I mean, I knew you were a good girl, I just figured you’d had sex with your fiancé.”
I shook my head. “He wanted to wait until marriage, I didn’t.”
“Are you saying you wanted to have sex with him?” His voice wrapped around me and a thrill that I couldn’t explain hit my veins. The room began to narrow and I focused on him.
Only him.
Somehow, I managed to speak.
“Yes, but he refused to break his vow.”
“That’s one committed guy.” He brought his hands to his thighs and rubbed them a few times against his jeans. He kept his gaze fixed on the floor instead of me. Had my confession been too much? Did I blow my chance to be with him? Maybe I shouldn’t have told him.
“Yeah, but it sucked. I had no idea if he even loved me, because he never showed me.” I went in for a quick recovery, hoping that my confession touched some part of him.
Raven moved closer toward me, as if my comment did mean something to him. “I’m sorry. I mean, that must have been hard for you.” He held up his hand. “Assuming that you were attracted to him and cared for him.”
“Of course I was and it hurt. All I knew was that I couldn’t marry him, not without knowing whether he truly loved me or not.” I tucked my hair behind my ear, feeling another flash of heat hit my face. “I’m better off finding someone who’s not afraid to show me how they feel about me.”
“Yes, you are, Lexi, and you should save yourself for the right person.” He looked at his watched. “It’s late and I better go.”
On impulse, I jumped to my feet. I wasn’t ready for him to leave. I looked at him and the front door. I didn’t know if I should try to kiss him or beg him to stay. But, how the hell would I convince him to stay? Pounce on him like a puma does her prey? Suddenly, the urge to pee hit me and I couldn’t hold it.
“Don’t leave yet.” I motioned for him to stay put. “I need to—” I motioned toward the bathroom and bolted through my bedroom door and into the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and released a portion of the alcohol I had consumed. It was amazing how adrenaline sobered my body. I flushed the toilet and stood in front of the mirror, washing my hands. I wanted to splash cold water on my face, but I knew I’d ruin what little makeup I had on. I fanned myself as I brushed the tangles out of my hair. I took out my makeup bag and quickly refreshed my blush and lip-gloss. I was a drunk, hot mess.
Raven’s hot mess, once again.
I proceeded to open the door, but stopped. What was I going to say? What was I going to do? I paced the small area, feeling all of the familiar sensations in all the right places, like I did when he was having phone sex in the writing lab. My ears continued to ring and my heart beat wildly, gearing up for the sex-a-thon.
Smoothing the wrinkles out of my dress, I opened the door. I reared to the left, bumping into the doorframe when I saw Raven sitting on the edge of my bed. He had the covers pulled back and my bedside lamp on. The glow reflecting on his face made his light brown skin shimmer a golden color. He was god-like. Eros himself was in my room.
Holy shit.
His hands were clasped together, as if he were patiently waiting for me. He looked up and our eyes met. The glint in his hazel eyes reeled me in and I was one-hundred-percent his victim. All sense of rhyme or reason left me. If he wanted me, I’d let him have me. Whether it was part of me or all of me, just as long as I got to experience him.
“Are you okay?” He stood and walked toward me. My eyes fixed on him and nothing else.
“Y-es.” I tried to catch my breath but couldn’t seem to inhale deep enough. “I just had to pee. A lot.” Once the words left my mouth, I wanted to punch myself. That comment wasn’t going to turn him on.
“Oh.” He had a quirky expression and I knew I was blowing it. “Then why aren’t you ready for bed?”
My legs went limp and I pressed up against the wall. Raven wanted to have sex with me.
Holy shit!
What was I supposed to do? Take off my clothes? I had kind of hoped he would have wanted to do the undressing, but maybe he just liked to get to it, not waste any time. What the hell did I know?
“I, um… I couldn’t get my dress off.” I had no idea what to say. I still felt drunk, but more coherent than when we left the party. Was this really happening, or was I passed out in the back of his car, dreaming the entire damn thing? I forced my head back and when I felt the hard thump, I knew it was happening. I was really going to lose my virginity tonight.
He stared at me, as though committing every part of my face into his memory. I tried to focus but my eyes darted all over the place, taking in every part of him. From his head to his toes. If I weren’t careful, I’d pass out from Raven overload.
“Do you need help?” He rested his hands on my waist and I flinched. It felt like it had been an eternity since he had touched me, even though he had just carried me to his car.
“Uh huh,” I managed to say.
He examined my dress for a moment and then gathered the hem in his hands. “Are you sure you want me to help you undress?”
I nodded, unable to verbally respond. Every muscle in my body went limp and I started leaning to the side.
“Whoa. You alright?” He pulled me against him and then returned his hands to my dress.
“No,” I replied. I definitely wasn’t alright. Raven was about to take off my dress and see me in my bra and panties. How in the hell could I be alright?
Don’t pass out. Don’t pass out. Don’t throw up. Don’t throw up.
The last thing I wanted to do was ruin this incredible moment. The anticipation was overwhelming and I rotated between deep and short, panting breaths. Raven began to lift my dress and then stopped around my hip area. “Are you going to get sick?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m good.”
“Okay, just making sure you’re not going to vomit all over me.” His warm breath spread along my neck and my eyes fluttered close. I was ready for him to start kissing me. There was no way I was going to throw up.
“I won’t, I promise.”
Raven continued in his quest and I stiffened when he had my dress at my waist. Need and desire crashed into each other, revving up my hormones. I opened my eyes, taking in his massive chest. My fingers tingled, eager to rip off his shirt and feel his muscles under my touch. Not knowing what to do, I helped him pull off my dress, inching it over my breasts. In one quick sweep, he slipped the dress over my head and tossed it to the floor.
His eyes swept over me and I cringed inwardly. Was I sexy to him? How did I compare to the other girls he had? I wrapped my arms around me, covering my poochy midsection. I made a mental note to do crunches at least three times a week from now on.
“Let’s get you to bed.” He picked me up and carried me. My body formed to his and I never wanted him to let me go. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tried to control the tremors, but they were too stron
g. I was freaking out. Should I try to kiss him? Wait for him to kiss me? I had no idea what to do.
He laid me softly on the mattress and stared at me for a moment. “You are so beautiful.”
“Thank you.” I smiled, relieved that he thought I was pretty enough to be with him. Even though I knew I wasn’t much compared to some of the girls he’d been with.
His body hovered over me and my heart walloped against my chest. The tension undulated within me and I wasn’t sure how much more I could take before I passed out from lack of oxygen and too much alcohol. I inhaled his scent and it was too much for my senses to handle. My already foggy brain thickened and my lips quivered. My hands started to slip away as he rose, but I held on to him tightly. His huge biceps pressed against my hands and I squeezed tighter.
“Goodnight, Lexi.” He leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. “Sweet dreams.” The light turned off.
“What? No. Don’t go.” I bolted upright, reaching for him in the dark. I felt my head hit him and then he moaned.
“Oh, shit.”
“I’m sorry.” I turned on the light. “Are you okay?”
Raven held his nose and he squinted his eyes in pain. “Yeah, I’ll be alright.” His eyes watered and I could tell he was holding back the tears.
“Let me see.” I urged him to sit down. I placed my hand on top of his and slowly pulled his hand away.
“Is it bleeding?” He tilted his head back and sniffed.
I checked his nose for any signs of blood. “No, it’s not.” I increased the space between us and took a deep breath. My shoulders slumped forward and I felt like an idiot. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I just got confused.”
“Confused about what?”
What an epic fail the night had been. One minute, I was freakin’ a guy I barely knew, then I was swept off my feet by Raven, and then about to have sex with him, only to find out that I wasn’t. My throat tightened and my eyes watered. Why the hell? Was I about to cry?
Stupid liquor.
“Why are you crying?”
I shook my head and wiped away the tears. “It’s nothing.”