by CM Doporto
His brows knitted in concentration and he leaned closer toward me. “Don’t lie.” His alluring stare made me nervous, but in a good way. My lips quivered as I watched him speak. “What’s bothering you?”
Pressing my lips together, I withheld the sobs threatening to escape. What the hell was wrong with me?
“Tell me, Lexi. Please.”
I threw my hands up in the air. “I thought you wanted to have sex with me,” I blurted in one breath.
Raven sighed heavily. “Shit. I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “It’s my fault, I’m still buzzing.”
“Lexi, you don’t—”
“No, I totally misread you. It’s just that when you asked me why I was still dressed, I assumed you wanted to have sex.”
“Damn, Lexi, you’re making this so hard for me.” His voice broke and a shimmer glinted in his eyes. The muscles in his neck tightened and I could tell he was holding in his own emotions.
“I was stupid for thinking that you did. I mean, you just told me the other day that you didn’t want to be with me.”
“Lexi, it’s not that I don’t want to be with you, because I do. I want that more than anything. It’s just that…”
“It’s okay, Raven, I get it. I’m not what you want.”
“Hell, you’re everything I want and more.” He cupped my face with both his hands and using the pads of his thumbs, wiped away the tears streaming down my cheeks. My body was unraveling under his simple touch. I hated that he had that effect on me. I didn’t want him to.
“But you said you didn’t want to be with me.”
“Just because I said I’m not good for you, doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be with you.”
I felt my head spinning. Between the liquor and the conversation, I was struggling to understand what he was telling me. Did he want to be with me or not? “I’m so confused, Raven.”
“It’s really not that complicated.” He inclined his head and I followed his movement. “You see, because not only do I want to be with you, but I also want to make love to your body until you can’t stand it. Until your begging for me to stop.”
“What?” I muttered, more confused than before.
Did I hear him correctly?
“But not like this. Not while you’ve been drinking.” He stroked his fingers against my cheek and my body shivered against his touch. Hot and cold clashed inside of me and my stomach took flight. My entire body soared to an unbelievable height. Never had I felt so much affection and attention without even a kiss. Raven wanted to be with me. He also wanted to have sex with me. But I was too damn drunk to do it.
Shit!
I couldn’t breathe.
Couldn’t think.
Couldn’t function.
“Raven, stay with me… please,” I said, looking deeply in to his eyes. “I don’t want to be alone.”
“If I stay with you that could be dangerous.”
“I like dangerous.” I bit down on my lower lip, trying to contain the surge of emotions flowing through me. It took all my strength not to pull him in bed with me.
“No, you like stupid and that’s me.”
I let out a soft laugh. “You’re not stupid, Raven.”
“Well, I’m stupid, crazy for you.”
“Will you show me just how crazy you are for me?”
He kneaded his fingers through my hair and rested his head against mine. The exchange of energy between us was practically unbearable. Never had I felt a connection like this before. Especially not with Collin. My soul called out to Raven’s, dying to be connected with the piece that had been missing. Raven held a piece of me that I couldn’t function without. I needed him to be whole.
“I want to, Lexi, I really do. But I’m not taking your virginity, not like this.” Placing a soft kiss on my lips, he said, “You deserve to feel every part of me. To remember every part of me.”
∑
Chapter 9
The next morning when I woke up, I couldn’t help wondering if I had dreamed the entire thing. Had Raven really told me all of that or was I so drunk that I made it up? I grabbed my phone to check my messages. If things had took a turn for the better, then surely he had texted me. Staring at my phone, I saw several messages from Delaney.
Delaney: WTF? Did you take off with Raven?
Delaney: Are you okay?
Delaney: I’m on my way to the dorm. Hopefully you and Raven are screwing and that’s why you’re not responding.
A laugh escaped me. Oh how I wished that were true. But seeing the message did confirm one thing. Raven had definitely brought me home last night, which meant that I didn’t dream everything that happened. I threw back the sheets and got out of bed. The dorm was quiet, so I figured Delaney was still asleep. I shuffled down the hall and approached her room.
The door was open, so I peeked in. “Delaney?”
I looked around, but she was nowhere to be found. Her bed was made, which was unusual, and everything was in the right place. Had someone abducted my roommate and cleaned her room in the process? In the distance, I heard my phone chime. Scurrying back to my room, I picked up my phone. I frowned when I saw that it was a text from Delaney instead of Raven.
Delaney: I didn’t want to wake you, but I had to get going. I was supposed to be home last night.
Me: Let me guess, you don’t want Luke to find out you went to that party?
Delaney: Yep and my parents just told me were going to Arizona for Christmas so I need to pack.
Me: Okay. I promise I won’t say anything. Thanks for going with me.
Delaney: No problem. So, what happened? I expected to find Raven in your room or you with him.
I laid on my bed, reminiscing over our conversation. I licked my lips, recalling how he kissed me tenderly. How his body hovered over mind. Why was his touch so intoxicating? Butterflies fluttered in my stomach and I wanted more of it.
More of him.
Me: He brought me home, obviously. We kissed a little and he said that he really wanted to be with me.
Delaney: Aww. I’m so happy for you guys. Why did he leave?
Me: He said I was drunk and that he wouldn’t take my virginity like that.
Delaney: My heart just melted. He’s a keeper, girl!
Me: I know!
Delaney: Talk to you later. Have a Merry Christmas if I don’t talk to you before then, but I’m sure we will. I’ll be back for New Year’s Eve and we’ll party!
Me: Okay
The second I pushed the send button, my screen switched to a picture of my mom. I hesitated to answer the call, but knew I couldn’t avoid her.
Reluctantly, I hit the green button. “Good morning, Mom.”
“Good morning? It’s almost noon. Why didn’t you answer last night?”
Um, because I was drunk and had a hot guy in my room.
“Sorry, I guess I didn’t hear my phone ring.”
“I left a message. Did you not get it?”
Holding the phone away from my face, I hit the recent tab and saw that I had a voicemail from her. “Stupid phone. I don’t know why it didn’t alert me,” I stated, blaming my lack of responsibility on technology. She huffed over the phone and I knew she was frustrated with me. What else was new?
“I thought you and Luke were coming home last night.”
“You did?” I paused for a moment, trying to recall my last conversation with her or Luke. “Sorry, I don’t remember saying that we were. I had my last final yesterday, so I’ve been concentrating on school,” I lied, because I’d really been thinking about Raven more than my school work.
“Oh, I see.” Mom’s voice instantly changed from accusatory to understanding. “Well, what time will you and Luke be home? I want to finish putting up the Christmas decorations and I need to get started on my shopping. I didn’t get a chance when your aunt and uncle were in town…” Mom continued to ramble and I was glad that I didn’t have another hangover. The greasy hamburger had worked wonders.
I smiled, thinking about Raven again. He really did care for me.
“Lexi?” Mom interrupted my pleasant thoughts.
“Yeah?” I redirected my focus.
“What time can I expect you two?”
Rolling onto my stomach, I felt the irritation swelling inside of me. I really didn’t want to go home, even if it was the holidays. Being around my mom was not fun or relaxing. I’d forgo the presents just to get her off my back.
“I don’t know, let me call—” I stopped midsentence when my phone beeped. I pulled away, hoping it was Raven coming to my rescue. My head hit the mattress when I saw that it was Luke. “That’s Luke calling. I’ll talk to him and then I’ll let you know when we’re leaving.”
“Okay, but don’t be too late. The day is halfway gone and—”
“Gotta go, Mom.” I hung up, not giving her a chance to say bye.
“Hey, I was just on the phone with Mom.”
“Good. Now I don’t have to call her back.” Luke sounded relieved, but I knew I would take the brute of the nagging since my breakup with Collin was at the top of her conversation list. I just hoped she didn’t have plans to try to get Collin and me back together. But something told me that would be her new quest.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” I sighed. “She wants to know when we’re coming home.”
“Never,” Luke snorted.
“I’d stay here at the dorms if they were keeping them open, but they aren’t.”
“Yeah, too bad for you. At least I can escape to my apartment.”
I rolled off the bed and opened my closet door, pulling out my luggage. “Rub it in, why don’t you.”
“Well, you can always come over here.”
Struggling with the straps, I gave a hard yank. “Um, no thanks. My luck, Collin would be there.”
“Have you talked to him?” Luke’s voice lowered and I listened in the background for Collin. Was he with him or had he already headed to his parents’ house for the break?
“No,” I quickly answered. “I don’t plan to either. I’m done with him.”
“Shit. Don’t get so offensive.”
Thumbing through my clothes, I pulled a few shirts and pants off the hangers and tossed them on my bed. “I’m not. It’s just that I don’t have anything to talk him about. Our relationship is over.”
Luke stalled for a moment and I got the sense that he had talked to Collin. Part of me wanted to pry and ask out of curiosity and the general care I had for Collin, but another part of me didn’t want to know. I made the decision to end it and I had moved on.
“Maybe you should give him a call. See how he’s doing.”
I grabbed another handful of clothes and flung them on the bed. Frustration tinged my blood. Why did my family insist on telling me what to do? “I’m guessing you talked to him, right?” I prodded. “Otherwise, why would you be telling me to call him?”
“Look, I told you I’d stay out of it and I meant it.” I could hear the frustration building in his voice, too. “I really don’t care if you call him or not. I just suggested it, that’s all.”
“Fine.” I opened the drawer to my dresser, grabbed a handful of my panties, and tossed them in the suitcase.
“Fine.” His voice was firm and deep. “What time will you be ready?”
Glancing around my room, I sighed. Clothes were strung along my bed and hangers were everywhere. “In a few hours. I need to finish packing and take a shower.”
“Alright, I’m in no rush anyway.” His voice shifted once again. I thought about asking him about Delaney, but figured he had already talked to her and it was best if I didn’t get involved in their business. After I had forced her to go party with me last night, I didn’t want to get her in trouble.
“I’ll text you when I’m ready.”
“Okay,” Luke replied and hung up the phone.
For the next hour, I gathered everything I would need for the four-week holiday break. I was dreading every minute of it, wishing I didn’t have to go home. I checked my phone several times, wondering why I hadn’t heard from Raven. If last night’s conversation had taken place, which I was pretty sure it had, why hadn’t he called me? I checked the time once more. It was half past one and I knew he had to be awake. Why hadn’t he called me? My fingers hovered over the keyboard and I clenched my teeth together. It took all my effort not to reach out to him, but I forced myself to be patient. To wait and let him call me. I didn’t want to seem desperate, even though I was.
At two-thirty, I was beside myself. I messaged Delaney and she told me what I didn’t want to hear — either be patient or call him. It wasn’t the advice I wanted, but in reality, those were the only two choices I had. I opted for the toughest one and continued to wait. After getting dressed, I finally convinced myself that he wasn’t going to call and I was so damn drunk that I must have dreamed the whole damn conversation.
Picking up my phone, I texted Luke.
Me: I’m ready when you are.
It took him a few minutes to respond.
Luke: I’ll be there in about thirty minutes. Let Mom know.
Growling, I reluctantly typed out a message to our mother.
Me: We’ll be home in an hour or so.
Mom: Please hurry. The news said a storm is coming in tonight. Snow and sleet. I want to get to the mall as soon as you get here. We can decorate tomorrow.
I thought about telling her that she didn’t need me to go shopping, but I knew that would result in a phone call and I really didn’t want to talk to her more than I had to. With indifference, I responded.
Me: Okay. We will be there soon.
Sitting on the edge of my bed, I stared at my phone as if that would do any good. No matter how hard I willed for a message or call from Raven, it didn’t happen. I reached into my bag and took out my Kindle. I scrolled through several books I had last downloaded and settled on Taking the Heat by Samantha Long. I propped up against my bed to start reading, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t focus. My mind wouldn’t stop thinking about Raven. Why hadn’t he called me?
Feeling overly frustrated, I powered down my Kindle, grabbed my stuff, and headed downstairs. I refused to sit around in my room for one more minute. Raven’s scent lingered in the air and it was driving me even more insane.
I rolled my luggage behind me and walked toward the one thing I knew would help, the piano. It had been weeks since I had played. A vivid memory crossed my mind and I recalled the last song I had played was with Raven.
Maybe this isn’t such a good idea after all.
Pushing aside the memories, I sat my things along the wall and took a seat on the bench. People shuffled behind me, hauling their belongings out of the dorm, but I didn’t let it stop me.
I lifted the fallboard and stretched my fingers across the keyboard. The cold, ivory keys felt good against my skin. The tips of my fingers hovered over the black and white keys and automatically started pushing them as if the song couldn’t wait to be released from me. I played softly at first, then louder and stronger as I unleashed all the pent up anguish harboring around my heart. Why the hell were guys so damn confusing? Why couldn’t they just face their emotions?
Tears filled my eyes, but I blinked them back. I had nothing to cry about. Just because Raven had told me he wanted to be with me and wanted to have sex with me, didn’t mean he would.
I played the chords over and over again, whispering the lyrics to Stay by Rihanna under my breath. I truly didn’t know what to think or how to feel about Raven and me. But there was something about him. Something about the way he made me feel. Something that I couldn’t live without.
I closed my eyes as my fingers continued pressing the keys. The song fit Raven and me so perfectly. I hated it, but I couldn’t stop playing it. It soothed me in a weird kind of way. I wished Raven could hear me playing it. Hear me saying how much I needed him and how much I couldn’t stand being without him.
“It’s not much of a life you’re living
.” My breath faltered and my body stiffened. I knew I had to be dreaming again because Raven’s voice was echoing in my ear. I opened my eyes and turned to see him standing behind me. How long had he been watching me? He stood with his jacket hanging off the tip of his finger, hitched over his shoulder. He had on a blue, striped shirt and faded jeans, paired with work-type boots. My eyes stayed glued to his sexy, model stance and I wondered what magazine cover he’d be on next. Raven was the best eye candy I had ever seen. The candy my body craved.
He laid his jacket on the floor and took a seat next to me. He continued singing and I had to take a deep breath to get my body moving again. I hit a few wrong keys, but kept playing. I couldn’t believe that he was actually there. He stared intently at me and all sense of worry and sadness seemed to vanish in an instant. His presence had a way of doing that to me and no matter how hard I tried to warn myself to be cautious, my heart took full control of the situation. Every time.
Something told me the words he sang were exactly how he felt. That he couldn’t live without me; that he wanted to stay with me. My heart soared to a new level of contentedness as our gazes connected. We began to sing, creating a lyrical dialogue that we were both too afraid to say out loud. Telling each other that the reason we held on was because we both needed the hole in our bodies gone. That we were both broken and we both needed saving. Even though we had no idea who was in need of it most.
We continued singing, not missing a beat until the song ended. Our eyes stayed fixed as we poured our hearts into each other. Our connection not only reunited us, but also took us a step deeper. I knew exactly how he felt and I was one-hundred percent sure he knew how I felt. We were the only people that could truly save each other.
“That was beautiful, Lexi.” Raven tucked a stray strand of hair away from my face, reducing my body to a puddle of water. I was a lost cause and totally consumed by The Raven’s trap. But there was no one else I’d rather be imprisoned by.
“Thank you, but I messed up.” I removed my hands from the keyboard and held them tightly in my lap. Every muscle twitched, eager to embrace him and never let go.