I Won't Give Up

by Sophie Monroe

  “Man, Fiona I’m sorry. She’s such a bitch. I tried to warn him, honest.”

  “It’s fine, I’m over it.” I said before shutting my eyes and willing the drive home to go as fast as possible.

  Finally we pulled into the driveway and I rushed upstairs still wearing Cooper’s shirt. I ripped it off and threw it on the floor grabbing a pair of pajamas from my dresser I hastily put them on and climbed back into bed and cried myself to sleep. When I finally woke up it was after one in the afternoon. I went into my bathroom and turned on the shower needing to get the rest of Cooper off of me. When I was done I walked into my room and looked at my phone there was five missed calls and a slew of texts from Cooper.

  Please talk to me.

  Don’t shut me out Fiona. It’s not what you think.

  Wow original. I’ve heard that before. I believe that’s what my mom said to my mom when Gigi first came to town.

  Fiona please just let me know you’re okay. I’m worried.

  His texts were growing more frantic.

  If you don’t at least text me back I’m coming there. I don’t know where there is yet but it can’t be that hard to find out.

  Great, just what I need. I quickly texted him back.

  I’m home, I’m fine, lose my #!

  Then it dawned on me how the hell did he get my number in the first place…

  I was so confused. I wanted to forget but I promised myself I wasn’t going to let myself get drunk anymore. I felt hurt and betrayed but did I really even have a right to feel that way? It’s not like we were dating, we kissed and sure it was an amazing kiss but I had no claim to him like Tabby did, nor did I want one. I looked around my mess of a room and decided I would clean it would help keep my mind occupied. I needed music because the quiet seemed to do nothing but scream the bitter truth. I walked over to my iPod dock and put my Gaslight Anthem playlist on and turned the volume up. I was singing loudly and off key when I looked to see the door open and Cooper leaning in the doorway.

  “How’d you get in?” I practically screamed, he scared the shit out of me.

  “Luke.” He said with a smug look on his face.

  “That traitor.” Luke was sooo getting payback.

  “Just needed to make sure you were fine for myself. I really to have some explaining to do.” He looked stressed.

  “No you don’t. I have no claim to you, nor do I want one. It’s fine, really.” I lied hoping I could keep my emotions in check.

  “Can I come in? Please.” He pleaded.

  “I’d rather you didn’t but if you insist.” He came in and walked over to the iPod dock and turned the music down until it was background noise.

  “I love Gaslight.” He smiled. At least he had good taste in music. “Can we sit?”

  “This really isn’t necessary Cooper. I get it.”

  “No Fiona I really don’t think you do.” He looked uncomfortable as we both sat on the edge of my bed. “I didn’t sleep with Tabitha, I swear on my mother’s grave. The kiss you saw that was all her. I didn’t want it to happen. I know you’re too good for the likes of me but it doesn’t mean that a guy can’t dream. I would love to get the chance to get to know you, the real you.” His mother’s grave?

  “I don’t even know who the real me is anymore. I’m broken Cooper. I don’t trust anyone, myself included. Just forget me.”

  “I can’t Fiona. I’m drawn to you like a flame. Please let’s just try and be friends, that’s enough for now, I promise. I will get you to trust me you’ll see.” He leaned over and kissed my cheek and was out the door before I could give him an answer.

  I really wished I wasn’t so fucked up, that I could trust him. I wanted to but I just couldn’t let myself get hurt anymore than I already was; I don’t think my heart can take it.

  Over the next couple weeks Cooper was relentless in his pursuit. He had been doing his research on me and was doing really sweet things like making me CD’s, leaving little quotes and notes in my locker.

  I opened my locker and there was a stuffed unicorn in it with a note attached.

  Fiona,

  Please give me a chance. It will be all rainbows and unicorns. ~Cooper

  Damn Casey for telling him I always told her she shit rainbows and unicorns cause she was always so damn happy; the eternal optimist. He texted me “sweet dreams” every night at ten-thirty like clockwork. I could feel him slowly wearing me down. One day he even left me a can of unicorn meat as a gag gift. I was in third period when I felt my phone go off. It was a text from Cooper.

  Hey my dad wants to take us out to dinner tonight. (it’s the five-month anniversary of losing my mom) It would mean a lot. Pick you up @ 7?

  Ugh, I didn’t want to do dinner with his dad but I was pretty much out of excuses and now that I knew it was five month anniversary of his mom being gone and I couldn’t even imagine the pain that he was experiencing. I should be there for him tonight…

  Fine. C U @ 7

  When I got home I practically ran to my closet to look for something to wear. Why is it that even with an entire closet full of clothes I still can’t find anything to wear! I finally settled on a black corset type dress that had a tulle skirt, which made it look whipsy. I added a red leather jacket and black ankle boots that had a really cute heel. I curled my hair and hoped for the best. At exactly seven the doorbell rang. I took a deep breath and opened it, Cooper handed me a bouquet of calla lilies and red roses, my favorite. I noticed his breath intake when he finally looked me over; I took that as a good thing. He had on a pair of light denim jeans and a fitted black button up with his usual black boots. He looked so handsome it literally made my heart speed up.

  “You look stunning.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek. He whispered in my ear. “Thanks for doing this. He’s been insisting for a while and I swear I’ve kept him at bay for as long as I could. It will be painless I promise.” I’d met him briefly a few times when I’d pick Cooper up and he seemed really nice.

  “Let me put these in water quick then I’m ready to go.” I ran to kitchen and grabbed a vase putting the flowers in quickly. I’d arrange them later when we got home.

  “I’m ready.” I said walking back up to Cooper. We walked up to his dad’s car. He opened the passenger door and pushed the button so the seat would slide forward for me to climb into the back. I was expecting him to climb into the passengers seat since he was so tall but he climbed in next to me and shut the door.

  “Nice to see you again Mr. Kinley.” I said.

  “Kurt please and you as well Fiona. Cooper talks about you all the time and I mean all he time.” I smirked at Cooper who turned bright red.

  “All good I hope.”

  “Of course.” He smirked in the rearview mirror. Cooper reached over and took my hand in his. I glanced over at him, this time he was beaming. He looked adorable. We arrived at La Dolce Vita Bistro; which automatically put me in an even better mood, I loved Italian food. The valet came and opened the passenger door. Cooper climbed out then offered me his hand helping me out. We walked hand in hand into the restaurant, it seemed so natural, I was going to let myself enjoy tonight and I’d deal with the repercussions of my heart later. He needed me tonight.

  We were seated in a quiet table at the back of the café. I knew where Cooper got his good looks from; his dad had the same dark hair and green eyes, he looked on the younger side probably around the same age as my parents. I wondered what his mom looked like. I made a mental note to ask him to show me a picture some time.

  Our fingers were still interlaced. He was rubbing my thumb reassuringly. I wasn’t really nervous but it felt nice, safe.

  We ate our dinner and made conversation. I already knew he was a dentist but I learned about how he met Cooper’s mom and how he was relentless in his pursuit to get her to date him. Just like Cooper. He said it was the best thing he’d ever did. His eyes got a little watery and it broke my heart. I couldn’t imagine losing the love of my life, that’s why I didn’
t want one. Turns out she was a waitress near where he was attending med school, she had just graduated high school and he would go there every day and request one of her tables. He asked her out every day until she finally said yes. The rest was history. He proposed six months later, they were married exactly four weeks later and Cooper arrived ten months after that! I guess she’d had complications when delivering Cooper not allowing her to have any more children. They moved here for a fresh start, which I’d already known. Cooper was so sweet all night and I really liked his dad.

  “Excuse me I’m going to run to the little boys room.” Kurt said.

  “Your dad is really sweet.”

  “Like father like son.” He grinned. Before I even realized what I was doing I leaned in and brushed my lips against his. I quickly pulled away but he lifted our interlaced fingers and brushed my cheek kissing me just once more. It was such a romantic gesture.

  “Stay with me tonight. We won’t do anything I promise I just need to hold you tonight.” I could feel his desperation, part of me was just as desperate. Something just pulled us together, it was inescapable.

  “I don’t have any clothes, plus shouldn’t you ask your dad first?”

  “He didn’t mind the last time you stayed. And you can wear one of my t-shirts again.” He winked and I remembered running past him in just Cooper’s t-shirt. The thought made me blush. I nodded.

  “Just as friends though.” I said sternly. He grinned like the Cheshire cat. When Kurt got back to the table he told him our plan, which he was totally fine with. I texted my mom and Luke letting them know I was staying out. We got in the car and headed back to his house.

  “Um, do you kids need to make any um…stops before we get back to the house?”

  “For what?” Cooper asked confused.

  “Um…um… do you need any umbrellas?” He said blushing, clearly embarrassed about something.

  “Dad what the hell are you talking about?” Cooper laughed.

  “Condoms. Do you need condoms?” Kurt stammered. I slouched down mortified. Cooper burst out laughing. Awkward! His laughter was contagious and I giggled too.

  “No dad we don’t do that but thanks for the offer.” I secretly wondered what it would be like if we did. The thought made me flush. I bet it would be amazing. I missed that connection, I’d only ever been with Jack but the feeling of being one with the person you loved was like nothing in the world.

  When we arrived at Cooper’s his dad who was clearly still embarrassed walked ahead of us into the house. I followed Cooper up to his room. I took my jacket off and he unbuttoned his shirt and threw it onto the bed. I picked it up and walked back over to him. I ogled his chest, especially his abs and that V by his hips, I wondered how sexy it would look while he was thrusting… I forced myself to look away before I threw myself at him like some horny rabbit.

  “Can you untie me?” I asked. He untied my dress deftly. “Turn around.” I ordered giggling. I let the dress fall to the ground and put on his button up. “I’m decent.”

  “I’d say you’re very indecent, you’re killing me here.” He teased. He was down to his boxers. Yum. I pulled his hand and led him into the bathroom where we brushed our teeth side by side. He’d kept my toothbrush from the first night I’d stayed. He came up behind me a nestled his nose in my hair.

  “Creep.” I teased. “Let’s go to bed. I’m exhausted.”

  We climbed into bed and I laid my head on his chest and put my leg over his listening to his heart. He wrapped his arm around my back and pulled me closer.

  “Hey can I see a picture of your mom?” I asked shyly hoping I wasn’t going to upset him.

  “Sure.” He reached over to the bedside table and pulled out a small black leather photo album and handed it to me. I looked through each picture. She was beautiful, stunningly so. I looked through the pictures of them at the beach, Disney, pumpkin picking, school dances her smile looked like it could light up a room. I didn’t realize that I’d started crying until Cooper ran his fingertips over my cheek.

  “I’m so sorry Cooper.” I said getting my emotions under check. I handed him back the album. I laid back down on him wrapping one arm around his chest needing to hold him. I leaned up and chastely kissed him on the lips.

  “Don’t be sad Fiona. Just you being here makes me feel better, so thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep. When we woke up the next morning he was already showered and dressed. He brought me breakfast in bed. A cup of coffee, some fruit salad and toast with butter and jelly.

  “Um don’t get super pissed but my dad left for work already so we’re going to have to take my bike to your house.”

  “Okay.” I said shrugging my shoulders I didn’t want to tell him after he begged me to go for a quick ride that I actually enjoyed it. I went to his dresser and pulled out a pair of his boxer’s rolling them up like shorts before putting my boots back on and following him down the stairs into the garage. He handed me a helmet, he said it was an extra but I think he bought it just so I would ride with him from time to time, we got on the bike and headed to my house. When we pulled into my driveway he shut the bike off.

  “Thanks for last night.” He said sincerely.

  “You don’t need to keep thanking me Cooper.”

  “I’ll wait here. We can race to school.” He laughed and I jabbed him lightly in the ribs.

  “You can come in.” He climbed off the bike and followed me inside. We went into my room. “I’m gonna shower quick.” I showered and dried my hair before walking into my room in my towel telling him to turn around. I threw on a pair of black skinny jeans and a tight grey shirt with silver angel wings on the back and a pair of knee high black leather boots. I grabbed a sweater and grabbed the small gift box I’d picked up a few days ago. I walked over to him wrapping my hands over his eyes.

  “Turn around.” I whispered. When he turned I removed my hands and placed the box in his hand.

  “What’s this?”

  “Just open it.” I watched him carefully peel back the paper. I’d found a mini version of his bike and added a note thanking him for taking me out.

  “This is so cool.” He said looking it over. “It looks just like mine. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Ready to go?” He nodded and took my hand following me to the kitchen where I grabbed my keys. He handed me my helmet and I put it in the trunk.

  “Start at the end of the driveway?” I teased. He nodded and laughed. We lined up and took off heading towards school. It was close but he was able to go around cars easier so he won and I knew I wasn’t going to live it down. Casey was looking at me curiously when she saw us. I just smiled. The morning flew by. Cooper came up to me at lunch.

  “Hey Crash.” He said smiling his sexy smile.

  “Cooper.” I smiled slightly back. When we were alone there wasn’t much awkwardness but here it just felt different, like everyone was staring.

  “Where are we doing dinner tonight?” Shit, it was Wednesday and they had turned into our “un-date-date nights” where he pretended it was a date and I spent the entire time trying to convince him otherwise.

  “Chucks?” I was in the mood for barbeque.

  “Sure. You’ll pick me up at the regular time?” I always drove since I had the car. He liked to take his bike said I was the only one he would ever take on the back, it made me feel special but still I felt safer surrounded by metal.

  “Yep. See you at six.” The rest of the day flew by quickly. I went home and did my homework and cleaned up my room a little, I still had a while before I had to leave and pick Cooper up. I laid down on my bed and began to think. I wanted to know if I could do a relationship with him. I had an idea that would maybe help me figure out where this un-relationship was headed, it would change everything.

  He was sitting on the steps of his front porch when I pulled up.

  “You wanna drive tonight?” I asked tossing him the keys.

 
“Really?” His whole face lit up. He’d been salivating to drive for a while now.

  “Yeah, I was actually thinking maybe we could head somewhere out of town tonight and ditch tomorrow?”

  “What did you have in mind?” He raised an eyebrow.

  “Honestly I have no idea, I guess wherever the road takes us. Go pack.” Both of broke out laughing.

  “Alright let me just grab a bag quick.” He was back in less than five minutes with a small duffel in tow. He tossed it in the back and climbed into the driver’s side. We drove about three hours away before we ended up somewhere near Levittville, which was some rinky-dink town in the middle of nowhere. It had a little drive-in theater so we decided that would be our first stop, we pulled in and there was only one other car there besides us. We, well he, watched some horror movie that I didn’t really see too much because I was too busy overthinking my plan. Could I go through with it?

  “Where to now?” He asked enthusiastically when the movie ended.

  I liked how he always let me take things at my pace or did what I wanted to do even if it was something that clearly he didn’t want to. He would do it and make it special.

  “How about a bar?” I had my fake ID though I think they hardly cared in this tiny town. Plus I really needed a little liquid courage.

  “A bar? I’m not sure that’s such a great idea, remember last time you drank with me?” He smirked.

  “Oh it will be fine, just one drink then we can go.” I pleaded making my best puppy-dog face. I could tell I had him.

  “One.” He said trying to sound firm. I nodded at him and clapped my hands as he started towards the bar. We pulled in to the parking lot and he came around and opened the door the gentleman that he was. He offered me his arm and I accepted it, he opened the door and the smell of smoke and booze hit me, filling my lungs. It was definitely what I was expecting, a run down, dingy bar. I pulled Cooper towards the bar and ordered us a each a drink and placed a twenty down. I walked over to the jukebox added a couple quarters and selected a few songs before making my way back to Cooper who was nursing his beer looking handsome and relaxed. He was always walking on eggshells, it was my fault that he didn’t look like that more often. I was glad I thought of this idea, it was nice to be myself here without having to worry about someone recognizing me or knowing all my problems.