The Torn Up Marriage

by Caroline Roberts

  He dropped his gaze and took his hand away, looking a little embarrassed. “Well, what have your girls been up to lately? Busy at school, I suppose?” He swiftly moved the conversation on.

  “Oh, swimming, painting, reading, the usual. There’s a trip coming up to the castle soon for Emily’s nursery group. I think they’ll all be dressing up as knights or something. They’ll love that.” The conversation rolled on, Graeme chatting about his nieces, his sister’s girls, who were a little older than Kate’s two. He seemed very fond of them.

  “Well,” he took a glance at his watch and drained his coffee, “Better get back to work. It was good to see you.” He lifted his jacket off the back of the stool. “I’ll see you again soon, maybe.” He pulled a five-pound note out of his wallet, left it on the tabletop.

  “Oh, it’s okay, Graeme. I’ll get this.”

  “No, no. I asked you, remember? My treat.”

  “Well, okay then, thanks. See you soon.”

  He was off with a hesitant wave. She watched, still somewhat bemused after the hand- holding incident, taking in his tall, slim frame, the back of his head with its sand-coloured hair, a few unruly curls at the nape of his neck. Was she just lonely, had imagined there might be more to it? Was he just being a friendly neighbour?

  “Hi, been up to much?” It was Mel, at the nursery gates.

  “Oh, hi. Just been into town. No, nothing much really. Just had coffee with a neighbour.”

  “Oh yes, male or female?” Mel’s curiosity was piqued.

  “Male, just a friend.” Kate wasn’t going to mention that something had somehow shifted on that front.

  “Going to tell us who he is, then?”

  “Yeah, it’s no secret, but I’m not sure if you’ll know him. He’s called Graeme. Come to think of it, I don’t even know his surname. He lives just over the road from us, in the new houses.”

  Mel raised her eyebrows, “Hmn, tall, bit lanky, dark-blonde wavy hair?”

  “That’s the one.”

  “Yes, I know him, he comes into the building society sometimes. He’s got an account there. Mandy, the cashier, thinks he’s cute… Ooh, she’ll be gutted when she hears,” she teased.

  “Don’t be daft. We only had a quick coffee”

  “That’s what they all say.”

  Kate swiped at Mel’s shoulder. “He’s just a neighbour, that’s all.” She started to explain, but then gave up and grinned, knowing she was still going to get teased. Anyway, it was nice to joke about, have fun. She’d almost forgotten how to.

  “You know, we really ought to arrange a night out.” Mel had noted Kate’s lighter mood, “Yeah, just a few of us girls, a night on the town. A few drinks, bit of supper. What do you think?”

  “Yep, okay, I think I’d like that.” Kate was surprised that she felt ready, wanted that sociability again.

  Mel smiled, “Great, that’s settled then. I’ll organise it. I’ll get a few of the usual gang together.” She paused, suddenly remembering the way the evening ended at Kate’s house those few weeks ago.

  Kate realised what she must be thinking, “It’s alright. You can ask Debs too. I’ve been thinking about it all.” It would be a relief to get this out in the open, it had been on her mind of late, and Mel hadn’t mentioned anything more since that night at Kate’s. “Look,” Kate continued, “I can see now why Debs didn’t say anything at the time. But I just felt so hurt. It seemed like you all knew. But I realise now that you probably didn’t… And she couldn’t have been sure it was an affair.” Kate sighed softly, “It must have been really awkward for her. I don’t know what I would have done in her shoes. But I was wrong to have had such a go.”

  “Well, maybe, yeah, but we did understand. She just felt awful, that she’d been the one to see them that day and that you took it so bad when it came out.”

  “Do you think she’ll still want to come? I was a bit hard on her, wasn’t I?”

  “Just a bit, but yeah, I bet she’ll come. Well, I’ll ask anyhow.”

  Kate felt bad. She’d overreacted, lashed out verbally. But she’d just felt so darned hurt at the time.

  “Don’t worry. She’ll have understood, I’m sure.”

  She should ring her up, apologise. Clear the air. Kate felt she was strong enough to deal with it now. Should have done it weeks ago, really, instead of leaving it festering.

  The nursery doors blasted open and the playground filled with small scampering feet, colourful clothing, shouts and chatter. Emily there, suddenly gripping Kate in a tight hug. Kate noticed Mrs Scott, the nursery owner, walking over to them.

  “Mrs Armstrong?”

  “Yes.”

  “Just a quick word, if I may.”

  Her heart slid.

  “I’ll catch you later.” Mel made her departure, giving them some privacy.

  Kate followed Mrs Scott through to the main classroom, Emily close by her side.

  Mrs Scott started speaking, “I’m a little concerned about Emily. I hope you don’t mind me saying, but she’s been a lot quieter of late, more prone to tears and the odd tantrum. Nothing too bad, but she just seems… unsettled. I wondered if everything is alright? Anything you’ve noticed at home maybe?”

  “Oh. Oh, I see. I’m sorry, yes, I should have informed you. Of course, I should have thought. Yes, things have been difficult…” Kate’s voice trailed, she glanced down at Emily.

  Mrs Scott latched on straight away. “Oh Emily, look, I forgot to clear the pencils away. Could you be a love and pop them all back in their container on my desk? Thank you.”

  “Thanks,” Kate continued, and watched Emily bustle off before resuming, “Her Dad and I have… separated.” She paused as she found the word, hating to have to say it, “It’s been really hard on all of us. He’s not living at home any more. I think the girls, Emily especially, are finding it hard to get used to.”

  “Oh, I see. Yes. Well, if there’s anything we can do to help, please ask. And I’m sure you’ll be trying, but are you managing to keep things as normal for them as possible? I know it can’t be easy, but from my experience it really helps to stick with routines, especially at this age.”

  “I know, I’m trying. Believe me.”

  “I’m sure you are.”

  Emily had filled the pencil pot and came back to grasp Kate’s hand.

  “She has done a fabulous painting today, haven’t you Emily?” Mrs Scott piped up animatedly, “It’s too wet to take home yet, but it’s there on the drying rack. Why don’t you show Mummy?”

  It was a beach scene with yellow sand, blue skies with puffy clouds, a dark-blue sea, and a huge sandcastle. There were no people in it. But it was bright and sunny and made Kate smile. “That’s lovely, Em, really good.”

  “Well, thank you for explaining the situation” Mrs Scott gave her a kind smile, “We’ll keep an eye on things and give her plenty of support here. And if you feel you want to discuss anything further, please just give me a call.”

  “Thank you.” Kate turned to go, smiling down at Emily, “Come on then, petal, let’s get home for some lunch.” She held her daughter’s hand closely, reassuringly, wondering how long they would all have to keep dealing with the fall-out.

  Chapter 21

  “S’cuse me love.”

  A good-looking 20-something male in tight jeans squeezed past with two dripping pints of lager held aloft. The five of them were squashed into a bar in the centre of town, music pounding, lights flashing, bodies sweatily close, having to shout above the beat.

  The meal earlier had been lovely. It had certainly been far more civilised in the bistro down the street. Kate had enjoyed her Thai fishcakes with salad, purposely choosing something light, though she did steal the odd chip from Mel, who was sitting next to her. Debs was there too, as well as Suzy and another friend from her banking days, Ruth. The wine had gone down well and the chat was easy.

  Suzy and Ruth said they’d go and get the next round in, nipping into the gap the six- foot,
beer-dripping hunk had left. Mel disappeared off to the loo.

  Kate smiled at Debs and drained the last of her vodka and coke, finding the courage to say what she’d been trying to get out all evening. “I’m sorry, Debs,” she started. She had tried to phone the other day, but it had just been on the answer machine and then Kate hadn’t known quite what to say. Now seemed the right time; she didn’t want any bad feelings left unaired. “That other night at my house,” Kate’s throat was tight with emotion and she needed to shout in the noisy bar, “When I found out you knew. Well, I overreacted and I’m sorry.”

  “Hey, it’s alright.” Deb’s hand was on her shoulder. “You were upset. Anyone would have been.”

  “Yeah, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. It was Michael I should have been angry with, not you.” Her voice dropped, edged with shame.

  “Honestly, it’s okay, Kate… I did wonder about telling you at the time, about what I’d seen, but if I’d got it wrong? It could have stirred up all sorts of trouble.”

  “I know, I know. It wasn’t your fault.”

  “Anyway, it’s all water under the bridge, honest. How are you doing now?” Debs’ tone was kind, forgiving. “Are you managing alright? It must still be tough.”

  “Oh, I’m okay-ish. Not as bad as I was, anyway. I think I’ve finally accepted that he’s not coming back. Actually, I’m not even sure if I’d have him back… not after all this.”

  Debs was listening intently, her head bent close in to Kate’s. A young girl pushed past and their heads bumped. “Sorry,” Kate muttered.

  “God, it’s like a cattle market in here,” Debs grimaced.

  “It is a bit. I’m not used all this. Haven’t been out like this in ages.”

  Mel, Suzy and Ruth were back clutching glasses of vodka and coke. “Sorry, no ice left.”

  “Cheers, ladies!” Mel grinned. They clinked glasses.

  “Cheers!” Kate took a large swig. Vodka on top of white wine at the restaurant – probably not such a good idea. But then, what the hell! In for a penny in for a pound!

  “Right then, who’s up for dancing?” Mel was grinning like a teenager and then launched into “I’m in the mood for dancing” a la cheesy Nolans, showing her age. Most of the others in here were teenagers or young 20-somethings, by the looks of them.

  “Romancing,” took up Suzy, roughly in tune and they were off for the dance floor, vodkas in hand.

  “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Come on, Debs. I haven’t had a dance in ages.” Kate grabbed her friend by the hand, happy that they’d cleared the air, and led the way through the crowd.

  They found the others positioned on a metre-square patch of parquet flooring, strutting their stuff. It was a Rhianna song, “Only Girl in the World”. They placed their drinks down on a nearby table and started to groove. Kate was in tight jeans and high heels, her new peach-coloured chiffon top shimmying with her. (She’d finally got to the shops and bought herself a couple of new things to pep up her wardrobe.) Kate liked Rhianna, the music was gutsy, as if she wasn’t going to be messed with. Then it was The Black Eyed Peas and Kings of Leon. Kate felt the music buzz through her, dancing away her troubles. Someone was dancing very close behind her, but she didn’t mind. It was all rather “up close and personal” in here, with the sheer mass of bodies. Then Suz started giving her funny looks, until Mel leaned across to shout, “I think he fancies you”.

  What the hell was she talking about?

  Kate half-turned to see the guy who had gone by with the pints earlier dancing within millimetres of her, with a dynamite grin on his face. God, he only looked about 20. His mate stood watching with a leery, glazed expression.

  “Hi,” Mr Tall-and-Twenty mouthed to her.

  “Hi,” she mouthed back, half afraid and half desperate to giggle. It was probably some kind of a joke. Chat up the old bird for a laugh.

  The girls were raising their eyebrows and grinning at her. She carried on dancing as before. She liked dancing. Dancing was good. The song came to an end and Tall-and-Twenty leaned across, his breath fusty with beer, “Can I get you a drink?” Oh, dear God, the mating signal of the pubescent male.

  “Oh, no. No thanks. I’m fine.” She felt herself blushing.

  “I know you’re fine.” He cast her an admiring look up and down. “But would you like a drink?” he persevered.

  He did actually have quite a nice face, dark, straight hair and was tall. Tall was good. But she knew when to keep out of trouble and that was definitely now. “No thanks.” she answered firmly and then smiled politely. “I’m here with my friends.”

  Mel moved in then to save her, just as the room went a bit fuzzy. Kate held on to Mel’s arm to steady herself a second. Definitely time to ease off the vodka. The lads gave them a bit of space and backed off.

  “Well, you certainly made an impression there. We’ll have to watch you,” laughed Mel.

  “Ah, they were just joking around.”

  “Come on, then,” Mel said “We’re going to have a break from dancing and top up our drinks.”

  “Okay,” Kate’s voice sing-song happy. Life was good… vodka, music, lights, someone fancied her, lol. Oh, but her feet were aching. Ooh look, someone she knew. Over there. She pushed through the crowd. “Hi, Graeme, fancy seeing you here, I didn’t think this would be your kind of place?”

  “It’s not really,” he shouted over the din. “I’m just here with a crowd from work. A 30th birthday bash, for Emma in the office.”

  “Oh, I see. Good night?”

  “Well, yep. Not bad? You?”

  “Yeah. Out with the girls.” She glanced back over her shoulder at the four of them watching her, and waved. “Kind of a first outing. It’s been fun actually.” She tottered a bit on her heels. He steadied her gently.

  “Had a few drinks?”

  “Just a few, yes.” she grinned. “You dancing?” She pulled at his arm.

  “No sorry, don’t do dancing. Well only at family weddings. You really don’t want to see me dancing.”

  “Aw, come on Graeme! Live a bit!”

  She tugged him through to the crowded dance floor, where he did some jerky robotic moves, his feet planted firmly to the ground, as she grooved along to the beat. Okay, so he was right. She laughed.

  “See, told you I can’t dance.” He pulled a face.

  “That’s fine. You’re doing fine.”

  After a while, Mel came across and shouted in her ear, “The others are getting a taxi back now. Do you want a lift with me? Kev’s fetching me at 12:00. It’s five to?”

  Oh, and the night was so young. Nearly midnight and she’d been having such a good time. Mind you, it was rather hot in here now and her feet were hurting like hell. She had a feeling any minute that the real world would come crashing in again and her Cinderella moment would be over.

  Graeme smiled across, having heard. “I’ll be walking back soon, or if you’d rather, we could share a taxi. I just live across the road,” he explained to Mel. “I’ll look after her, promise.”

  Mel gave Kate a long look, giving her the chance of a get-out clause. She’d recognised the chap as Graeme who lived across from Kate. He seemed a nice enough guy to be fair, and Kate already knew him.

  “Umn,” Kate dithered. Graeme did have to go her way and fresh air and a walk might just do her some good. “I think I’ll head back with Graeme. Yes, my knight-in-shining-armour, Graeme, is going to take me safely home.” Her voice was a bit giddy.

  “Okay, well, if you’re sure.” Mel steeled a hard look at Graeme as if to say, just you keep her safe and don’t try anything on.

  They were outside now, the night air was cool, refreshing. There were hugs and kisses all round. The taxi came and left with Debs, Suz and Ruth. It was a couple of minutes later when Mel’s husband, Kev, pulled up, “Last chance for a lift. We could take you back if you like.”

  Graeme glanced at her. Kate spoke, “No, the fresh air’ll do us good. Thanks, anyway. And t
hanks for organising tonight, Mel, it’s been great.”

  “No worries. It’s been a good night. See you soon, then.”

  “Bye.” Kate grinned, waving.

  “Night, Graeme,” Mel followed this with a stern look. “Take care both.”

  Kevin gave them a nod from the car as Mel got in, and then whisked her away. It suddenly seemed awfully quiet out in the street, just the thrum of the music from inside the club and the cold air hit Kate hard.

  “You’ve not got a coat?”

  “No, well it was warm when I came out earlier.”

  He smiled and made a small shake of his head as he took off his jacket and placed it around her slim shoulders. “There you go.”

  “But you’ll be cold.”

  “I’m fine.” His shirtsleeves were still rolled up from in the bar and his hair more unruly than usual in sweaty curls. She felt a little wobbly on her heels, tottering across the cobbles of the town square. She walked a little closer to Graeme and he put a gentlemanly arm about her. It felt nice, safe.

  “Are you feeling okay?”

  “Right now? Yeah, I’m fine. Just a ta-ad tipsy.” She hiccupped. “Oops, sorry.” “Yeah. I kind of guessed that.”

  She leaned in closer to him.

  “How are you, Kate? How have you been?”

  “Oh, so-so.” She didn’t feel like elaborating tonight, she’d had a good evening, a night off. Didn’t want to put into words that Molotov cocktail of emotions she was still going through.

  “Remember, I do understand how you are feeling. But you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”