The room had a king-sized bed, shelves filled with books and toys, and a desk with a computer and three dated screens. I imagined that the computer hadn’t been turned on in years.
“When were you last here?” I asked.
“Christmas. I only visit for holidays and special occasions.”
“What’s Christmas like with your family?” There were no holiday or birthday celebrations at the Academy, and I didn’t remember celebrating Christmas or any special occasions with my family.
“The house is decorated and there’s always an enormous tree. My parents go overboard with everything … presents, food, liquor. It’s always very festive and they usually throw a few big parties. Clarissa loves getting gifts, but I think she likes giving them even more. Last year she gave me a painting that I know cost crazy money. I like it, but I’d never spend that much unless it was a Picasso.”
“Hmm, I think I know the one you mean. It’s in your living room, right?”
“That’s the one.”
I walked over to the desk and ran my finger across a screen. There wasn’t so much as a speck of dust on it.
“Did you spend a lot of time on your computer as a kid?”
“Yeah. I was really into gaming … before I got in with the wrong crowd. I sort of gave it up after that. I was too busy finding trouble.” He laughed.
“You had a good life here. A comfortable, good life.” I didn’t play any computer games as a kid. I didn’t even have a computer … or time for fun. I was always cooking or cleaning for my stepfather. Once I got to the city everything I did was to survive for one more day. Things were easier at the Academy, but we spent most of our time studying and training.
“I was lucky that they took me from the orphanage. That’s for sure,” said Conan.
“Have you found anything out about my mother?”
“No. I’m sorry Scarlet. As you said, she may’ve changed her name, or she’s no longer in the city.”
I walked along the shelves and looked at Conan’s childhood possessions—books, toy figurines, games. He’d had things I was deprived of.
“I know you had a rough time growing up. Does seeing all this make you sad?” he asked.
“No. I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine. I’ll take you back to the city.” Conan threw me over his shoulder and tickled me.
“Hey, put me down!” I laughed. He certainly knew how to cheer me up.
“Okay, but if you run I’ll have to kidnap you,” he said as he set me down.
“Deal.” I stuck out my hand to shake on it.
“We’ll just say goodbye to everyone and head back. I’ve had my fill of family life for today.”
“Sounds good.”
Butterflies
As soon as we got to Conan’s apartment I put on a bathrobe and climbed in bed. He removed his shirt and snuggled up next to me, flesh to flesh.
“It wasn’t that bad meeting my parents was it?” he asked.
“It was okay, but I’m not sure I was ready for that.”
“Not ready for what?” Conan frowned.
“Meeting your family made everything more real or something. I just want to take things slowly, that’s all.” Mimi, Vanus, and the White Queen were my family, and I wasn’t sure if I could choose Conan over them. I wanted to stay alive to find my mother. Betraying the White Queen wasn’t a good idea.
“We can take it slowly.” Conan reached into my bathrobe and began kneading my little girl. “Very slowly.”
“Stop,” I moaned softly. “We should take a nap first.” I pushed his hand away.
“It doesn’t want to take a nap first,” he said as he moved my hand over his rigid need. “Unbutton my jeans and take it out.”
I reluctantly sat up and unbuttoned Conan’s jeans. I pulled everything off, leaving him naked. He yanked me down and rubbed himself against my back. He slipped my bathrobe off my shoulders and put his arms around me. I closed my eyes as he stroked me through my panties and we melted into each other.
I remembered a Chinese story that Mimi once told me. It was about two lovers who couldn’t be together in their lifetime, and they turned into butterflies after they died. Visions began flowing through my mind. Pink cherry blossoms were showering down over an oriental landscape. A pair of rainbow butterflies rose from beneath the scattered petals—their transitionary old selves discarded and their metamorphoses complete—and they flew up into the sky. The pink cherry blossoms turned into sunflower fields and the butterflies danced through the blue sky. Life is transitory … and love is poetry in action.
Conan turned me around and hungrily sought out my mouth with his. Our tongues circled and entwined as we sucked the breath from each other. His stiff manhood jabbed into my stomach and I lightly touched the tip, teasing him as my fingers barely glided over his throbbing need.
“Ah, Scarlet,” he groaned. “You make me so hard. I would be a fool not to marry you.”
“Who’s getting married?” I squeezed and tugged him hard.
“Ouch!” Conan’s legs jerked. “That felt … good … but be gentle with me tonight.”
I reached into the nightstand and grabbed a strawberry-flavored lube. It was my favorite.
“Don’t use too much,” said Conan.
“I won’t.” I dribbled a little bit over him.
I wrapped both my hands around his solid cock and smeared the lube all over—rubbing up and down and around and over the tip. Conan’s eyes rolled back and he started to moan. He was my lollipop and I sucked and licked and nibbled the sweetness off him.
“Oh yes,” said Conan as he propped himself up on his elbows. “I have to watch you take me in your mouth.”
“Down!” I ordered as I shoved him back on the bed. “Close your eyes.”
“Yes my Scarlet Queen.”
“There’s a good boy,” I said as I lightly kissed his lips.
I got out of bed to grab his laptop and turn off the lights. We were shrouded in darkness except for the white glow of the computer screen. I put on a soothing erotic track and attacked my lollipop with fervor, filling my mouth with his stiffness. I licked and sucked and stoked him until his whimpers of pleasure filled the room.
“Take all of me,” he moaned as he gently guided my head up and down. “Yes … oh yes. That’s it. I have to be inside you. Take it all.”
We both began panting as I choked down his pulsating cock, sucking as hard as I could. My little girl was weeping for his member, but it felt divine in my mouth and I couldn’t stop sucking and rubbing him.
“Wait … you’ll make me come.” Conan groaned.
I sat up and let go of him. I was lightheaded from my feeding frenzy and it took me a moment to collect myself.
“My turn,” said Conan. He reached for a condom and rolled it over his bulging red erection. “On your back and close your eyes.”
I relaxed and let my muscles melt into the soft bed. Conan’s fingers dabbled in my wetness before he spread my legs and lowered himself onto me. I gasped in delight as he shoved his hardness inside. He cupped his hands over my ears and began moving in and out very slowly, driving me crazy.
“Faster … harder,” I begged.
“As you wish my queen.”
Conan began pounding me at full speed. I contracted all my muscles, clutching him with my little girl and digging my nails into his back as our bodies fell into a rhythmic ecstasy. He began growling and tensing up. I let him bring me to a climax before he gave a final thrust and a loud grunt. We were breathing heavily and dripping with sweat as we relaxed into each other. I was in heaven.
“We’re so damn good together,” he said, rolling over. “Why don’t you move in?”
“I don’t think you’re ready for a live in girlfriend and her cat, and I won’t abandon Milky.” I desperately wanted to be with him, but I didn’t know if I could leave Mimi, Vanus, and the White Queen.
“Pets are allowed in this building and I own the unit. Bring her with
you.”
“I don’t think I’m ready for that sort of commitment … yet.”
“Fine.” Conan frowned. “You and Milky can move in whenever you’re ready. Will you at least stay over tonight?”
“Um.” Did I leave enough food out for Milky? Yep. “Okay. I’m too exhausted from today to go anywhere.” I looked at the clock. It was only seven forty-five.
“Good,” said Conan. “We’ll take that nap now and order dinner later.”
I closed my eyes and snuggled into him. We transformed into butterflies fluttering over green fields. We went higher and higher, flying into the blue sky … toward freedom.
* * *
Conan’s driver dropped me off at home on Sunday afternoon. I fed Milky and had a shower before taking the train to Midtown.
I emerged from the subway and walked aimlessly through the busy streets of Manhattan. I was just another rat scurrying through the chaotic crowds of this capitalist metropolis. Like everyone else, I had to put on a façade to face the world … to survive.
We all wear masks, but do I even know who I am? Am I really nothing more than a cold-hearted villainess? Was I only born to victimize and terrorize the White Queen’s enemies? Why do I do it?
I thought about the freezing night the White Queen saved me from starvation. I was desperate and I fled straight into her arms. I accepted her as my savior without a second thought.
She became my champion and my mama. She gave me a confidence in myself that I’d never known. My stepfather constantly belittled me, but the White Queen lifted me up and told me I could be someone some day. I needed to believe her and I was thankful—supremely grateful—for the kindness and warmth she’d shown me.
Sometimes she met me after training sessions and took me to the mansion. I would lay in her lap as she caressed my hair and made me feel loved. She would say, “You’re home now lovey. You never have to worry about anything again. You’ll do our organization very proud one day. I’m your mama and you’re my Red Hourglass.” I would kiss her soft hands and say, “Yes Mama, one day I’ll make you proud.”
Words I hadn’t heard in a long time began sounding in my ears. It was the Academy chant:
“Rid the world of evils, we must.
Uphold the legacies of the past, we do.
To serve and worship, we vow.
The children of the future, we are.”
We chanted these words every Monday at the morning assembly, and any other time the White Queen gathered us in the round auditorium. The code gave us purpose and we strove to uphold it—to be worthy of the White Queen’s love and protection.
I’d never questioned our code. It had served me well for years, but something was different now. I’d realized that the words were a deceptive lullaby of servitude that bound us to the White Queen, soothed us into a false sense of duty and sisterhood. In reality, we were the White Queen’s private band of assassins, risking our lives for her gain. We didn’t serve the greater good. We served her in whatever ways she saw fit. We weren’t the children of the future. We were disposable pawns. If the White Queen decided that one of us was no longer useful, or had become a threat, she didn’t think twice about sacrificing a pawn.
I didn’t need the White Queen’s lies and lullabies anymore. The anger in me—at my mother, my stepfather, Max—evaporated when I thought of Conan. He was all that mattered now. I loved him so much it hurt, but not as much as the thought of continuing my life as a solitary huntress. I didn’t want to put Conan in danger, to bring the White Queen’s wrath down on him, but I knew I couldn’t go on without him.
When Conan smiled at me, touched me, kissed me, nothing else was real. He was joy itself, living happiness, and the world disappeared. Is this what it means to see the face of God? Life is only complete when you have someone else to live for. Only love is real … reality is unreal. What am I going to do?
Someone jostled me so hard that I stumbled into a huge window. I stepped back and realized that I was in front of one of the expensive department stores on Fifth Avenue. The stylish mannequins were wearing the latest fashions. The empty smiles on their plastic faces seemed to be repeated in the sea of shoppers. I’m drowning in a sea of superficial materialism. None of it’s real … none of it matters. I wanted to rip the mannequins’ plastic limbs out of their sockets.
A sense of desolation swept over me, and my reflection in the glass came into sharp focus. I felt like an empty shell bobbing in the waves. I’ve only ever been what other people told me I am. Am I real or just a reflection?
I remembered Dave and his unconquerable spirit. I wish I could see him again. He would tell me to be strong, to create my own life … my own identity. I took a deep breath and got on the train. I’ll meditate when I get home.
A Year in Wilmar
It’d been almost a year since I started working at Wilmar. My sisters were still gathering financial information for the White Queen to use in her negotiations with the CEO of Zhong Yuan, but mostly we were biding our time until the Zhong Yuan board came to New York.
There was a bouquet of white lilies from Conan on my desk when I got to work. I smiled. He brought me a happiness I’d never known. When he held me in his arms, everything was peaceful and tranquil—the world was perfect. I felt as though his love was always around me, supporting me, even when he wasn’t there. If only he knew who I really am … if only he could save me from the clutches of the owl who’d plucked me from the subway station. Even if our love isn’t an illusion, it’s impossible.
I sat down and turned on my computer. There was an email from HR. All employees were “required to undergo a compulsory health screening for our new health care provider.” I was to report to the cafeteria at four thirty and I had to “be prepared to give blood and urine samples.” It’s a good thing I don’t do drugs.
The phone rang.
“Conan Casey’s office.”
“It’s Mimi.”
“Hi Mimi. What’s up?”
“Have you seen that email?”
“Yeah.”
“Well this is the biggest load of bullshit. As if it’s not bad enough that they’re throwing people out of their homes and businesses and onto the streets, now they want our blood!”
“Maybe they just want to find out if we have any health issues.”
“I don’t want to get poked by needles!”
“I understand,” I said, “but just bear with it … it’s part of the job.”
“UGH! I’ll see you later for lunch.”
“Okay, see you later.”
* * *
Conan was waiting for me when I got back from my health screening. He looked as suave as ever with his neatly combed hair and sleek suit. I was holding my arm where the nurse had stuck me with a needle.
“I see you’ve been for the health screening,” said Conan.
“Yeah. A lot of people are really unhappy about it.”
“I know. I wasn’t too happy about it either, but our new health insurance company insisted. They’re only looking for preexisting conditions and genetic indicators that point to possible issues down the line … it’s not for drug testing.”
“That’s almost worse,” I said. “Is Wilmar going to fire people with preexisting conditions or bad genes?”
“Of course not. We’re a big corporation, but we’re not monsters. We’ll make sure everyone gets the care they need. That’s all. I promise.”
“I hope so. I’ll be very upset if people who really need health insurance are suddenly fired.”
“Don’t worry,” Conan assured me. “That’s not what this is about. Anyway, it’s Friday, shall we go to dinner?”
“Yes, I’m hungry from blood loss,” I teased, pinching his arm.
“Are you going to change?”
“Oh, is it that kind of dinner?”
“It is your birthday dinner. I think it’d be nice if you wore something special … like that pink gown with the crystals on top.”
“My birthd
ay isn’t until next week.” It was a good thing he reminded me. I’d almost forgot about my fake Halloween birthday.
“It takes three months to get a table at the restaurant we’re going to. I’d left it a little late to make the reservation and tonight was the closest I could get.”
“Fine. I’ll meet you at the elevators.” I took my garment bag off the coat rack and went to the bathroom. I put on a little make up and fixed my hair before dropping the garment bag back at my desk and grabbing my flowers.
“You look gorgeous,” said Conan as he kissed me on the cheek.
Everyone in the company knew we were an item by then, but it still made me sort of uncomfortable. I hope Mimi hasn’t told the White Queen that I have feelings for him.
Conan’s limo was waiting for us in the parking lot in the basement. The chauffeur opened the rear door and said, “Good evening.”
“Wonderful evening my man, wonderful evening. We’re going to L’Etoile,” said Conan.
“How did you know my birthday’s coming up?” I asked as I slid across the seat.
“What?” Conan looked at me like I had two heads. “You work for me. I have access to that information. I thought you’d be pleased that I was interested enough to find out.”
“Why didn’t you just ask me? It’s sort of creepy knowing that you find things out about me behind my back.” I hope he doesn’t go digging too much.
“Scarlet, I want to know everything I can about you.” He took my hand and kissed each finger. “Every little thing.”
“Conan, believe me, you do not want to know every little thing about me.”
“Of course I do, even it takes me a lifetime to find out.”
“You’re talking nonsense now. Stop.”
“What’s wrong with you tonight?”
“Feelings come and go … and anything could happen tomorrow.”
“Now you’re the one talking nonsense. You make me want to be a better man.” He squeezed my hand. “No one’s ever made me feel the way you do. You know I love you.”
“How do you want to be better?”
“I want to be a better person … treat people better,” said Conan as he looked out the window. “I’ve also been thinking about how my father wants to keep control of the company in the family. I’m seriously thinking about being the CEO after he retires.”
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