Running From Love

by J. Nichole

  I look at him pouting, “Only yellow?” When he brought me roses before he brought a mix of red and yellow. Yellow symbolizing friendship. I ask, “Starting completely from scratch?”

  He nods his head. “I didn’t want to assume you were ready to jump right back in where we left off.” Before seeing him this morning I managed to keep him off my mind and didn’t think about getting back together. But seeing him made me accept how much I miss him, and kissing him, kissing him voids any doubt I have about being back with him.

  “We can work on it.” I wanted to say, forget about the baby steps let’s jump back in it head first, but that’s probably partly due to the pulsating between my thighs. He continues walking towards the bed and I follow closely behind him. “Where does one get flower petals this time of night, anyway?” I ask as he starts undressing me.

  “I have”—with a kiss to my neck—“resources.” I moan and think, of course he has resources. “Lay down,” he demands. With my eyebrows arched I sit on the edge of the bed before laying back. He pulls his sweat pants off, and I watch them fall to the ground. How did I not realize he was wearing sweat pants? Grey sweat pants at that. I smirk as I watch his shirt go over his head. He leans forward and says, “Can I have your hand?” Not sure what he’s going to do next, I look at him before raising my hand to his. He takes my hand and places it between my legs where I feel the pulsating from earlier beneath my fingertips.

  He guides my hand as he kisses from my belly button to my lips. A pool of moisture surrounds my fingertips and my body begins to move, my back arching and my legs spreading. “Aiden,” I whisper into his ear. “I’ve missed you so much.” He covers my mouth with his, and his tongue dips in and out of my mouth, until my body begins to stiffen.

  He breaks our kiss and stills my hand. “Not yet.” He takes my pointer finger into his mouth tasting all of me. He walks away to his nightstand. My eyes are closed but I can hear him unwrapping the condom.

  Before entering me he rubs against my clit, and I release a loud moan. My body sensitive to each and every touch. “I missed you too,” he says as he enters me. My chest begins to heave and my hands roam the darkness to find his face, pulling him into me for another kiss. Between thrusts, he rubs between my legs until my body begins to quiver, and his thrusts quicken before my legs collapse. He plants a kiss on my nose and lies beside me. Propped up on his elbow he asks, “How about those flowers?”

  Grinning, I respond, “I hope your resources know nothing about those.”

  His mouth opens and he says, “Naw, she doesn’t know anything about those.”

  She? His resource who went out in the middle of the night to bring him rose petals to be sprinkled across his bed is a she? I was playing with my comment but now I’m curious. “Who is this resource anyway?”

  He puts his head back and says, “I did walk right into that one didn’t I?” I nod my head. “My assistant. I’ll introduce you to her when you’re ready.”

  “Please tell me she’s an elderly white woman.” His eyes squint and he looks at me cautiously. “I mean if she’s delivering in the middle of the night I just want to make sure she isn’t dropping off all you need.”

  “Wow.” He pulls me into his chest. “I didn’t realize you were the jealous type.”

  Rubbing from his navel to his chest, I say, “Not jealous.” I look up at him and continue, “But territorial for sure.”

  “Noted.” He sits us up and says, “I didn’t finish showing you around the place. Let me show you to the bathroom.” He leads me to the bathroom before saying, “I’ll grab your bag.”

  Through the bathroom is a walk-in closet that I peek into before he returns. Had I seen his closet before I would have known he was more than a tech nerd at a company; the variety of suits he has yells boardroom. “I made some space for you in there.” I look behind me as he places my bag on the bathroom counter. “You’ve had your place open to me for months. If you’re up for it we can occupy my space for a while.”

  Shrugging I say, “I can dig it.” He smiles before leaving me to my thoughts in his bathroom. As I do my obligatory post-sex piss, I think about what life would be like with Aiden. Having someone as considerate as he is, and with resources, who I love being around. Then I remember I’m a few weeks out from moving hundreds of miles away.

  Chapter Twenty

  Tapping Aiden’s shoulder I say, “I should probably go back to my place tonight.” Aiden pouts and I shrug. “Damn reality.” Since the night I came over to Aiden’s, bag in hand, toe-curling sex, resource provided flower petals, I’ve stayed every night, right here, sharing his space and his bed. But I need to finish packing.

  “Or you could just tell your job to kick rocks and just stay here.” I roll my eyes at Aiden’s persistence. We’ve had this impractical conversation multiple times, and each time it ends with me saying that I have to move. As much as he’s tried to convince me that I could stay, stay and be a house- girlfriend, I’ve remained realistic.

  He’s reluctantly helped me pack up most of my apartment. As small as it is, it hasn’t taken long, and I don’t have much left to pull together. I just need to separate the things I’m taking in my car from the things the moving company will ship. “I have an offer for you,” Aiden says looking up from his laptop. “Our accounting department is growing.”

  I look at Aiden shaking my head. “Growing?” Aiden’s company has done well for a start-up. They’ve amassed a large subscription base on the DateNight app, and partnered with venues across the U.S. to host events. When I got over the fact that I didn’t know he was independently wealthy, I had questions, tons of questions about how the company worked. He’s filled me in on most of them, those that he hasn’t deemed proprietary. But the one thing I know for sure is that his back office is outsourced.

  “Listen, none plus one is growing.” I laugh at his nonsense. “If it makes you feel better, you can report to Boris.” In all of our conversations, he’s never proposed me actually working for his company.

  As lovely as it sounds I say, “Aiden, let’s talk about a visitation plan instead.” Like my parents, Aiden is skeptical that I’ll want to make many trips back to Houston. The drive doesn’t sound glamorous, but seeing my folks and my boo will be well worth it.

  “If you insist, but Boris will be sad you didn’t accept his offer of employment.” I slap his leg and he closes his laptop. “I have a better idea.” He grabs the hem of my shirt and kisses my navel. As his hands start roaming my chest and our kiss deepens, the doorbell rings.

  He sighs and says, “Her timing is always off these days.” By her, he means the infamous resource who I met recently. The gorgeous assistant who gave me every reason to change from territorial to plain out jealous. The one who spends her day with a desk facing Aiden’s office allowing her the pleasure of watching him, all day. I’m sure her timing has more to do with the introduction Aiden gave when we met. My girlfriend, Jennifer. Her eyes grew wide and I recognized the moment the air was sucked from her lungs. Since then, she’s made it her business to call, text, or drop by with every and any excuse to disrupt his personal time.

  “Sorry to bother you, Aiden,” I hear her say from the door. Aiden responds and moves away from the entrance to let her inside. Instead of eavesdropping from the couch, I decide to go pack my bag.

  I hear Jules talking about documents as I walk into Aiden’s room. Before I disappear too deep into the room I hear her say, “Hey, Jennifer.” I peek out of the door and wave with the best smile I can plaster on my face.

  With my toiletry bag open I collect my makeup, toothbrush, and hair pins. I laugh at myself when I realize how comfortable I made myself in his house. I just moved my shit right on in.

  The front door closes and I walk back out into the living room. “Thought you were territorial,” Aiden asks from the kitchen. “I thought you would have stood guard while she was around.”

  “You got jokes?” I say with the absence of any other plausible comeback c
oming to mind. I should have stood guard, but for what? “If Jules wants you, she has access to you all day. Right across from your office, she could just show up with no panties and open her legs.”

  Aiden coughs, spitting out his water onto the counter. “I’m thinking instead of growing our accounting department, I’m in need of a new assistant.” He wipes his mouth and the counter. “But only if you’re willing to show up to work pantiless, with skirts, of course.” We both laugh and I grasp at my side as he describes the different ways I could cross my legs while he listens in to conference calls. He lifts me onto the counter, tugging at my waistband. “I think we were on to something before we were interrupted.” He nudges his nose into my collarbone. “Can we pick up where we left off?” he asks looking up into my eyes.

  With an eyebrow raised I ask, “Were we onto something?” I trace his jawline with my finger.

  He nods his head before dipping it between my chest. Kissing each mound before saying, “If we weren’t, we should have been.” He winks before kissing down my stomach. He’s right, we should have been but ol’ girl, Jules, decided she needed to make her way over here. I sigh loudly. “Wait, that’s not the sound I want to hear.” He kisses along my thigh. “What’s on your mind?” He stands up and leans his head to the side.

  I lean mine in the opposite direction. “Nothing,” I mutter.

  “Didn’t we just have this trust discussion?” he asks with his eyebrows arched. He rubs his beard then moves to my side, hopping on the counter beside me.

  “Does she come over often?” I ask. He looks up, probably considering the question before answering. “I mean, I’m pretty sure she’s attracted to you.” I look towards the door. “If given the opportunity, think she’d make a move?”

  Aiden shakes his head and hops off the counter. “Listen, you have nothing to worry about with her”—he nudges my chin so we are eye to eye—“or any other woman.” I stare into his eyes and want to believe, badly, that he’s telling the truth. He smiles, and asks, “You hungry?” I shake my head and look down at my hand gripping the counter. “Too bad, ‘cause I’m starving.” He says licking his lips. When he looks down at my thighs I realize what he’s talking about and my eyes grow wide.

  He tugs on my pants pulling them and my panties to my ankles, and I don’t stop him when his hands circle my calves, parting my legs. With his head between my thighs, he devours me. Each flicker of his tongue making my back arch.

  Closing my eyes, I let my head hang back, one hand still gripping the counter the other finding its way behind his head. He continues, before he scoots me back further onto the counter. Leaning onto my elbows, I look around the kitchen and smirk at myself. Before now, I limited my sexcapades to the bedroom with the occasional fondling on the couch. And just as I was considering my modesty, or lack thereof, Aiden sends me into an orgasmic convulsion and my legs instinctively wrap around his back.

  He stops, and looks up at me, before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Looking at him, I smile, and say, “That assistant job sounds more and more intriguing.” Laughing, I grab my pants, shimmying them up my legs before hopping off the counter. Glancing behind him, I look at the clock and say, “I should get out of here before it gets too late.”

  Aiden eyes me as he opens his refrigerator. Grabbing a bottle of pre-stocked green tea he asks, “Would I be intruding if I came along?”

  “You know my place is a mess,” I respond without thinking. “I’ll probably wrap up and just crash.” Aiden makes things complicated. If he’s at my place it’ll be hard for me to focus on getting my shit together.

  Watching him pout as he follows me into his bedroom is tough though. “I was just hoping we could continue our streak.” Our streak of spending every night together.

  “I’ll be back tomorrow.” He looks at my duffel bag in my hand. “I need to grab a few more outfits.”

  He reaches for my bag. “Let me walk you down to your car.” On our way to the car Aiden says, “What do we have”—he pushes the elevator button—“about ten more days left?” I nod my head, a tinge of regret deep in my gut.

  He throws my bag in my back seat and opens the driver’s side door. I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck. With a moist kiss to his lips I look at him and say, “See you later.” He pats my ass as I climb into the car, shutting the door behind me. As soon as I’m out of his parking garage I call Nicole.

  “What’s up chick?” she says when she answers the phone.

  “Nicole,” I say exasperated.

  “Ah, hell. What happened now?” Nicole, always skeptical of my decisions, seems to always be the one I call when I’m looking for advice. I can count on her to give it to me straight, no chaser. Monica and Laila are straight shooters too, but they tend to be fans of the heart where I’m a creature of logic.

  “I have to end it,” I admit, out loud, for the first time.

  “Girl, what the fuck are you talking about? I’m assuming you are calling me ‘cause you haven’t told Aiden yet, which is good, ‘cause you shouldn’t.” Of course I shouldn’t, but I have to end it. The way Jules just made me feel will drive me crazy when I’m not around. I won’t be able to deal with a long distance relationship and the new responsibilities of my position.

  “Nicole, I’m too jealous to have a long distance relationship.”

  “Girl, we are all jealous, but that’s life.” I can hear her setting a glass, or maybe a plate, on the counter. “You trust him now, right?”

  Other than not telling me the whole truth about his background, Aiden hasn’t given me a reason to not trust that he’d be faithful. But thinking about the women who’d have access to him, the ones who’d be throwing themselves at him at any given opportunity, and the fact that he’s a dude and— “Jennifer, you trust him, right,” Nicole asks, interrupting my thoughts.

  “I do trust him.” I was expecting the old Nicole, the one who would have told me to fuck him and leave him, and make sure I had a few more on my team to rotate through. Instead I got the Laila and Monica version, the one who is rational about love. “But I mean, what’s the point?”

  I could see myself falling in love with Aiden, if I were to stay in Houston. Moving to Dallas, the one thing we haven’t addressed is what we will do long-term, like we’ll visit every now and then. “The point is love, Jennifer.” Nicole almost sounds poetic. “The point is having someone you are attracted to, that you can trust, someone you can vibe with,” she continues. “Someone, unlike Derrick, who can blow your back out.”

  My panties still damp from our flurry in the kitchen, I smile at the realization of Aiden being able to please me sexually. “You’re right, he’s all of those things.”

  “Jennifer,” Nicole sighs, “I don’t even know why we are having this conversation. Wait. Let’s step back. Something happened, didn’t it?”

  Driving through the gate of my apartment building, I say, “His assistant dropped in to bring him documents.”

  “Oh.” She laughs. “The sexy chick.” I groan. “Listen, you are not going to let some random ass chick come between you and your man. This is not the Jennifer I know.” She laughs. “Well maybe it is, but you can’t run from love. Whatever your hesitation is around a long distance relationship, get over it, make it work. He hasn’t done anything to prove he isn’t worth the effort.” And my heart agrees, but my mind, still too logical, can’t get on board.

  “Thanks, Nicole,” I offer. “I’ll let you know what I decide.” Hanging up the phone I walk into my apartment, amongst the boxes, and wish this move didn’t have to happen.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Breaking up is hard to do. When I broke up with Derrick, it was more emotional than it needed to be. I was a blubbering fool, a constant flow of tears streaming down my face while I tried to speak the words that Derrick knew were coming. At least he said he felt they were coming, felt our time was over before I even asked to talk to him about our relationship.

  This time, this time I k
now better than to try to do this in person with Aiden. Fortunately for me, I grabbed all of my stuff from his place. Guess I knew this was what I needed. Even though I tried to talk myself out of it.

  “I can’t do this Aiden,” I manage to say before losing my nerve. “I care about you, but I don’t want to be in a long distance relationship.”

  “Jennifer, we talked about this,” he says into the phone. “If it’s only the distance that’s the problem, then stay. Why can’t you just stay?” It’s easy for him to say. He has all the money he needs, and the freedom to work where he pleases. Me on the other hand, I’m still writing checks to Sallie Mae each month, with other bills to go along with it. I can’t afford to not work.

  “I have to go, and I know I just won’t have it in me to ward off the jealousy that I’m certain will creep up while we are apart.”

  “After all this, you still don’t trust me,” he says, more to himself than to me. “I get it,” he breathes, “and I guess you have all of your stuff.”

  I hold the phone close to my ear, not wanting to end the call, not wanting to hear him say goodbye. “I do.” I inhale. “I have all of my stuff.”

  “Cool.” Neither of us says anything else. I know I have to hang up. I want this to be over, so why is it this hard to let go? ‘Cause I’m an idiot. “Bye, Jennifer,” he says.

  I exhale and say, “Bye, Aiden.” I look at the phone after it disconnects and try to contain my emotions. At least with this breakup, Aiden doesn’t have to watch the tears stream down my face. This time, it’s just me, in this apartment that feels as empty as my soul. The boxes not doing enough to stifle the sounds of my cries.

  Five more days till I move, but my last day in the office. Thankfully, the powers that be granted me personal time before my move to get my shit in order. But with the recital this weekend, I won’t have much free time. I’ll be busy with the final practices, and dress rehearsal.