A Death in Canaan

by Barthel, Joan;

  S:

  A very astute observation.… So, let’s make a start, Pete. Let’s get this thing out.

  P:

  Yes. Well, are you gonna write it down now?

  S:

  Yes. OK?

  P:

  Um … I got home, I went in the house.

  S:

  OK.

  P:

  I did yell, “Hey, Mom, I’m home.”

  S:

  OK.

  P:

  And there was no answer. She may have been asleep and I may have shaken her to wake her up or something when I was home, I don’t know. So, she was definitely in bed. The bed lamp was on and uh, the—what-do-you-call-it was open. The sleeping bag or something. So, I think she came out to the living room. Her book was on the table. We must have argued about something. I don’t know what. There were several things we could have argued about. We could have argued about the fact that I wanted to get rid of the Corvette and she didn’t. We could have argued about the fact that I wanted to get a Vega wagon so I could transfer my amplifier on it.

  S:

  Mm.

  P:

  Because my amplifier—half of it would fit in the Corvette. And she—I remember other times she said, “Oh, you’re just getting a station wagon so you can transport everybody’s stuff around.” Really harping on me.

  S:

  Yeah, could be. Have you ever felt close enough to someone that you could really trust them?

  P:

  No.

  S:

  That you really liked?

  P:

  Nope … yes, excuse me. I do have someone that I could speak to like that. That would be Aldo Beligni.

  S:

  Let’s you and I try something. You try to feel about me …

  P:

  Like a father?

  S:

  Like somebody who’s really interested in you, and then …

  P:

  Well, I do already. That’s why I come out with all this.

  S:

  OK. Now when you say that you don’t know what you argued about, you said you were beginning to trust me.

  P:

  I said it and I do feel it. What do you mean?

  S:

  You know what you argued about.

  P:

  Well, no, I don’t.

  S:

  Peter, I’m saying to you that you are obviously a bright person.

  P:

  I don’t know. Am I? Do I seem to be?

  S:

  Yes, you are. A bright person. So far.

  P:

  Oh! I know what it was. And it slipped my mind again. I remember saying something about “leave me alone, leave me alone.” My mom was really harping on me about everything.

  S:

  What were you arguing about?

  P:

  Must have been something—something that—maybe because—well, that wouldn’t be it. That wouldn’t tie in, um, because I’d come home and maybe she was drunk, I don’t know—did the autopsy come up with a blood report?

  S:

  Oh, it will, yes.

  P:

  Where is she now?

  S:

  She’s over the hospital.

  P:

  At Sharon?

  S:

  Yeah. Now, why don’t you just try this. Try and believe in somebody. Believe that we’re not out to hurt you.

  P:

  Well, the thing is, every time I try to I always get fucked over.

  S:

  Yeah. But, you know, if you don’t try to trust somebody, somewhere along the way, there’s no hope here.

  P:

  Yeah, I know I’ve got to trust someone. That’s why I trust Mr. Beligni. Because he’s the only man I’ve ever met that never tried to burn somebody in a deal. He’s a well driller and one of the things he does—he charges half price for a dry hole. He’s the only person I’ve ever met who’s totally honest. I think maybe if I got involved in some religion it might help me too.

  S:

  Would you like to be like Mr. Beligni?

  P:

  Yes. Because he’s a very honest man. I can’t stand someone who lies. I didn’t realize I was lying on that lie detector … I mean, when I was doing it I didn’t realize it, until you started probing. You’re really busting your ass trying to help me right now and I really appreciate it. Just—if I could get something written down that says I wasn’t gonna go to jail or something, and I wasn’t gonna go into a psycho ward or a mental institution, it wouldn’t be so bad. But those are the two things that I’m scared of.

  S:

  Let’s say that you need institutional care, for a period of time. This will be a determination that I wouldn’t make and that you wouldn’t make.

  P:

  Well, what I’m saying is, I don’t think I need the treatment now. Now that she’s gone, all those things, all the tension and the pulling and the things on my nerves. Everything’s letting up and I feel free again. I feel like—reborn. I feel like I’m starting all over again, and I want a chance.

  S:

  All right. The first step …

  P:

  Is to break it down.

  S:

  Is to break this down. To get it out. And then let us put the wheels in motion. Why don’t you try to trust me?

  P:

  Well, OK. Where’d I leave off?

  S:

  We left off at the beginning. We haven’t got started yet. We’ve been here three days and we haven’t got started yet.

  P:

  Three days?

  S:

  Two days.

  P:

  Holy Christ! We have.

  S:

  But you’ve had some sleep. I haven’t had any.

  P:

  Well actually I’ve been up nearly as long as you.

  S:

  But you had about six hours sleep I didn’t have.

  P:

  Did I get six hours sleep? It went by just like that.

  S:

  Peter, put your trust in somebody. We’ll start from the beginning again. Trust me. Tell me what happened. Let me put the wheels in motion. I promise you I’m not going to hurt you.

  P:

  I understand that now.

  S:

  I don’t want to see you hurt. Mr. Mulhern doesn’t want to see you hurt.

  P:

  No, I like Jim. I really like him.

  S:

  All right. Let’s take the bull by the horns. Trust people.

  P:

  OK.

  S:

  All right.

  P:

  Right on the level now.

  S:

  Right on the level.

  P:

  I think I did it.

  S:

  Don’t be afraid to say, “I did it.”

  P:

  But I’m incriminating myself by saying I did.

  S:

  We have, right now, without any word out of your mouth, proof positive.

  P:

  That I did it?

  S:

  That you did it.

  P:

  So, OK, then I may as well say I did it.

  S:

  And by so doing, we take the first step towards getting you the kind of help you need.

  P:

  You know what one of the things—before I get into it—would have helped?

  S:

  What?

  P:

  When I was younger. When I was fourteen or fifteen, is if I had one of these Big Brother outfits.

  S:

  You know what would have helped, Pete?

  P:

  A father.

  S:

  A decent home, a decent mother and father. That’s what would have really helped.

  P:

  I don’t think my mom was that indecent.

  S:

  No.

  P:

&
nbsp; I think she did a good job for what she was doing. I think she really tried. But, last year or two she told me that at this point she wasn’t putting her all into taking care of me like she used to. When I have children, I want them to have a good family, a good home, the things they want.

  S:

  That you never had.

  P:

  Well, I had everything I ever wanted mainly.

  S:

  You haven’t had love.

  P:

  I haven’t had the love …

  S:

  Right.

  P:

  I’m hitting the nail over the head now.

  S:

  I want you to tell me the truth.

  P:

  Is my name gonna be put in the newspapers and everything?

  S:

  No, no, no.

  P:

  I mean will people find out what I’ve done?

  S:

  We don’t run newspapers, Pete, but we have an obligation to take every step possible to see that people like you aren’t crucified in the paper.

  P:

  Will I end up going on trial or something?

  S:

  Let’s put it this way. You’ll end up getting the help that you need.

  P:

  Yeah, but I mean am I actually gonna end up going into a court?

  S:

  You will go to court. You’ll be arraigned.

  P:

  I mean, will there be like twelve …

  S:

  No.

  P:

  … men there?

  S:

  This is a question I can’t answer. If it’s decided that you are in need of psychiatric help and you’re not fit to stand trial because you didn’t understand the nature of what you were doing.

  P:

  Am I under arrest now?

  S:

  No.

  P:

  Will I have a record or will it be considered a mental thing?

  S:

  This is a decision that will be made by the State’s Attorney. We have nothing to do with this. But I will say this, Peter, I think it’s obvious to everyone concerned here that the direction your case should take is for treatment.

  P:

  Yeah. But I’ll put my foot down right now that I just can’t go out of society for three months or something. Or leave my school.

  S:

  Suppose it’s the only way you can get help?

  P:

  Oh, if it was the only way, I’d do it. In a state hospital, would I still be going to school?

  S:

  You’re asking me questions that I really can’t answer. I’m a policeman, and I really can’t answer your question. I know basically what they do. They treat people. And, I suppose they have provisions for young people going to school. But you’re asking me questions about different things I can’t answer because it’s not within my—it’s not within the purview or scope of my duties. What is the primary interest to me is, number one: As it stands right now, we know and we feel that we can prove that you were responsible for what happened last night. Just by virtue of the time sequence here, we know you were in that house at a certain time and we know your mother died at a certain time, and the two identify. OK?

  P:

  What do you mean? Do you think I killed my mother?

  S:

  I know you killed your mother.

  P:

  I mean, do you think I kicked and beat on her until she was dead?

  S:

  As I said, Pete, I know that your mother died at your hands.

  P:

  In my hands?

  S:

  At your hands.

  P:

  Because of me.

  S:

  Right. Now what we do now is to seek the help you need. We do that first by establishing a trust between you and I. All you got to do is get over the mistrust. You’ve got to trust someone. I think you ought to trust me.

  P:

  But still, should I really come out and say something that I’m not sure?

  K:

  Peter, I think you’re sure.

  S:

  Pete, you’re sure.

  P:

  No, I’m not. I mean I’m sure of what you’ve shown me that I did it, but what I’m not sure of is how I did it.

  S:

  Pete, if you don’t begin to trust me, you’re never going to receive the kind of help that you need, because you’ve got a problem.

  P:

  Um, could you give me an idea when it could be arranged for me to see a psychiatrist? I mean, I want to go soon as possible.

  S:

  Well, the sooner that you and I sit down here and have our talk the sooner you’ll see a psychiatrist. Now, why don’t you start and just try to trust us enough to put your future in our hands. We won’t hurt you.

  P:

  OK. I walked into the house. I yelled, “Mom, I’m home.” Now maybe she did answer me and maybe she didn’t. And, I looked and I know I saw her. And, the double take was when I saw her on the floor. So, should I say I did it now? That I did do it?

  S:

  Peter, you did.

  P:

  I mean everything’s not too clear. Things are still getting clearer. Things are clearing up, you know what I mean?

  S:

  As you trust us more, if you do, things will clear up.

  P:

  Well, it’s hard for me to say I did take the razor …

  S:

  It’s hard for you to trust us.

  P:

  OK. And, I’m not sure whether she—well, she must have gotten out of bed. I don’t remember that, but she must have because the book ended up in the kitchen—uh, the living room. So, we argued about something, which I still haven’t been able to narrow down. Most likely, and in my head, it is about the car. Because of how much I needed a station wagon. And, whether she pushed me or she picked up the razor or what—came after me, I took it away from her or what, I don’t know. I remember slashing toward her throat and—let me see—things are getting lost now. And, at that point I’m not too clear on how her clothes got wet. Whether I took her—whether I cleaned her up on the floor or what. Or whether she—you know, they were wet when I got home or what. Or—which I—you know, I doubt. And, then I remember seeing her on the floor and that was the second half of the double take.

  S:

  You remember the knife?

  P:

  There may have been a knife but I don’t recollect it as well. Why do you ask about a knife?

  S:

  Well, Pete, you know there was a knife.

  P:

  I mean, was there a knife mark?

  S:

  Pete, you know very well why I won’t answer that question. ’Cause you’re not being honest. You’re being dishonest with me. You’re trying to maneuver me and trick me into telling you facts that you already know. I know the facts.

  P:

  Well, if you would give me some hints …

  S:

  No, Pete, it’s not necessary for us to give you hints. You know the facts as well as I know the facts.

  P:

  But I don’t.

  S:

  And, you know as long as you play these headgames with me, you’re not trusting me. You know, I’m going to tell you something and I’m telling you this from my heart. Until you begin to trust people, especially people like me that work for the state of Connecticut and are responsible for handling these situations, you’re not gonna get the help; you’re not gonna reach the goals or objectives that you have laid out for yourself.

  P:

  Well, I’ll go right in there on the polygraph—the polygraph machine again.

  S:

  Pete, you’re playing headgames again.

  P:

  No, no, no, no …

  S:

  Sure you are. You’re playing headgames with me, Pete. You’ve been playing headgame
s with us here for two days. You know it and I know it.

  P:

  I don’t know it.

  S:

  Listen to me for a second. I know for a fact you been kicked around. I know a lot about your background. Although you may think that my objective is to put you behind bars and hurt you or bury you someplace, you’re wrong. If I can help you, if I can help any citizen, especially any young boy or girl, that’s what I get paid for. OK? Playing headgames with me here, showing your mistrust in me, is not doing a thing for you. Because you see, Pete, I know what happened last night almost as well as you know what happened last night. And, I’m telling you honestly, and I’m telling you this looking you right in your eyes, that the only way you’re gonna have a prayer of straightening yourself out is to play it straight with us and we’ll play it straight with you.