The Ultimate Choice

by Emma Darcy

  The probability was that, the more she tried to say, the worse the situation would become. The assumption he had leapt to seemed all too credible in the circumstances. She could only hope that Justin would not be able to reject the truth of what they had shared when he had more time to reflect on it.

  Meanwhile, there was one thing she had to make clear so that he would not expend his fury on her grandfather and Judge Moffat.

  He was dressed when she emerged from the bathroom. A mixture of antagonism and intense bitterness glared at her. Kelly's stomach heaved with nervous apprehension. No way would he let her near him again. Not in his present mood. How she was going to soften him she didn't know…

  'Grandpa and Judge Moffat didn't send me up here, Justin,' she said as steadily as she could. 'I came because I… because I wanted to. They didn't think it was a good idea at all.'

  'But you knew better,' he lashed at her. 'I give you full marks for persistence, Kelly. You stop at nothing when you want to win.'

  The sting of his words goaded her into another appeal. 'Justin, I love you…'

  His mouth twisted in savage mockery. 'Don't worry. I'll serve your purpose. And then you can serve mine.'

  Kelly flinched at the hard contempt in his voice. 'I never…'

  'The car is waiting. And so is your grandfather. Not to mention everyone else who is engaged on a futile and misleading search. We'll have time for more words later. The rest of our lives together.'

  He opened the bedroom door and waved her out.

  Kelly moved, aware that any more argument was useless. Whatever Justin thought now, at least he was granting her some intercession for her grandfather and Judge Moffat. And that gave her another chance to prove the sincerity of her feelings for him.

  The car was waiting for them at the front steps. Kelly tensed as Justin spoke to Roy Farley, but he merely announced his intention to take her home. He did not even mention Octavian Augustus the Fourth. But, to Kelly's leaping apprehension, Justin's face was as pale and immobile as marble when he turned back to her and performed the courtesy of seeing her into the car.

  The drive down to her grandfather's house was short in distance but long in dreadful silence. Kelly wanted to ask Justin his intentions, but the expression he wore was too forbidding. He had shut himself off from her before, but this time she felt there was a solid, unbreachable wall around him.

  He parked the car beside Judge Moffat's. Anxious to get the worst over, Kelly leapt out and led the way up the veranda steps, down the hallway and into the kitchen. Justin St John followed in her footsteps. As they entered the room, her grandfather and Judge Moffat hastily pushed themselves to their feet. Their faces underwent a wild spectrum of expressions from startled surprise to embarrassed guilt, before settling into stubborn righteousness.

  Octavian Augustus the Fourth looked up in mild interest at the sudden bustle of activity around him.

  'Justin, I would like you to meet my grandfather…' Kelly began shakily.

  Justin nodded curtly, not offering his hand.

  '…and his good friend, Judge Moffat,' Kelly finished, shrivelling inside at Justin's unforgiving manner.

  The judge cleared his throat, but Justin cut off any speech he might have made. 'It doesn't look as if Octavian Augustus the Fourth has come to any harm. I'll have something to say to you two gentlemen in due course.' His voice was dry and bitter, and didn't brook any argument. He turned to Kelly. 'The search must be called off immediately. Where is your telephone?'

  'Just behind you.' She pointed to the wall beside the door where the instrument hung above a handy cupboard surface where messages could be written.

  They all watched him lift the receiver down, fearfully wondering what explanation he would give for the ram's presence in Michael O'Reilly's kitchen.

  He dialled the number with sharp, incisive movements. It gave the impression he would gladly have jabbed the telephone through the wall. He rapped out instructions with machine-gun rapidity. He made no elaboration on the flat statement that Octavian Augustus the Fourth had been found. The ram would be held at Michael O'Reilly's home until collection could be arranged. The whys and wherefores were not entered into.

  He put down the telephone and turned around, a cold, merciless pride stamped on his face. His eyes sliced at all three of them. 'Well, it's a fine conspiracy we have here,' he said in a biting tone. 'Two old men hiding behind a girl.'

  The judge's face went red. 'That's preposterous…' he blustered.

  'Kelly didn't know a thing about it until she came home from Dapto,' her grandfather interrupted strongly. 'What we did, we did for ourselves. Because what you were doing was wrong. So don't you take it out on her. That ram belongs to this country. So does its progeny. Just because you own it…'

  'The reason I'm involved with the foreign sheep breeding programme is entirely on humanitarian grounds,' Justin said with steely emphasis. 'It has the support of our government…'

  'I'm against them, too.'

  'Grandpa… please,' Kelly begged, recognising the truculent look on his face and desperate to stop him from stubbornly digging his own grave.

  'Reckon we've done enough interfering, Michael,' the judge put in with hasty wisdom. ' If Mr St John takes back Octavian Augustus the Fourth, and that is the end of the matter…' he shot a hard, meaningful look at his friend '… I'm ready to forgive and forget.'

  'Ah…yes,' Michael O'Reilly murmured, and his face visibly brightened.

  The hairs on the back of Kelly's neck prickled. She knew her grandfather and Judge Moffat too well not to sense some hidden understanding behind their words. Had they committed some other crazy mischief as well?

  'I wouldn't be wanting to upset Kelly any more,' her grandfather said decisively. 'So I'll say no more. Even though there's a lot more I could say.'

  'Thank you.' Justin sliced a mocking look at Kelly. 'I trust my future wife will keep you to your word.'

  'Wife?' Judge Moffat echoed in bewilderment. Then his jaw dropped open as Justin slid his arm possessively around Kelly's shoulders.

  To her intense mortification, Kelly blushed to the roots of her hair. In her emotional confusion at Justin's blunt announcement, she forgot all about her suspicion that the judge and her grandfather had been up to something else besides taking the ram.

  'Kelly!' her grandfather squawked in horror. 'You can't marry a man for a sheep! Not even one like Octavian Augustus…'

  'I'm not doing that, Grandpa,' she denied hotly.

  He looked confused. 'You're not marrying him?'

  'Yes, I am,' she corrected. 'I want to,' she added hurriedly as his face stormed into disapproval.

  'I won't have it! I don't care what he does or who he is! I won't have you… you…' He glared at Justin St John as if he were the purveyor of all evil. Before more words came to mind, his expression of rank condemnation changed to one of searching suspicion. 'I know you. I never forget a face. I'm not too good at remembering names any more, but I've met you somewhere before. Where was it?'

  'Sixteen years ago you accompanied Henry Lloyd to a hospital room,' Justin acknowledged, a bitter irony threading his voice. 'You came to thank me for saving your granddaughter's life.'

  Michael O'Reilly looked thunderstruck. Judge Moffat shook his head as if the whole situation had got completely beyond him.

  The charged silence was broken by the sound of vehicles arriving, doors slamming, footsteps pounding up the veranda steps.

  'I'll handle this,' Justin stated with calm authority. 'It will be much better if you say nothing at all. Any of you.'

  No one questioned his command. All three of them stood dumbly by as Justin effected Octavian Augustus the Fourth's recovery with a minimum of fuss. The ram was taken away. The men who had come departed. Whatever Justin told them apparently satisfied them. The case of the missing ram was closed.

  'Well… uh…' the judge rumbled when Justin returned to the kitchen. 'I think I'd better be getting home. All's well that ends well
. We must be philosophical about these matters. Leave these young people to their… uh… more private affairs.'

  He shot a beetling look at his old friend. 'I'll come around on Monday night, Michael. For our chess game. You can keep me fully informed then.'

  Michael O'Reilly's gaze flitted from Justin St John to Kelly and back again, his brow creased with worry. 'Yes. You go on, Judge,' he answered, too distracted to think about chess or anything else. The bombshell that Justin St John had thrown him was set to blow his world to smithereens.

  Judge Moffat turned to the erstwhile enemy and swallowed some pride. 'I appreciate your…uh…forbearance, Mr St John. From your point of view, it must have been somewhat galling.'

  'When next we meet, I hope it's under more auspicious circumstances,' Justin said drily.

  'Certainly, certainly,' the judge concurred, and took his leave without more ado.

  Her grandfather broke the silence that followed Judge Moffat's departure. 'Kelly…' His eyes probed hers with deep anxiety. 'Do you really want to marry this man?'

  She looked at Justin, who stared back at her with hard intensity, challenging the love she had declared for him.

  'Yes. Yes, I do, Grandpa,' she said firmly. 'More than I've ever wanted anything.'

  'Kelly…!'

  Her grandfather's distraught cry drew her gaze back to him. He was shaking his head in despair. He heaved a deep sigh and turned to Justin.

  'I'm an old man. I'd like to see my granddaughter settled happily before I die. Will you make her happy?'

  'If it's within my power. I'll give her what I can, Mr O'Reilly. But only Kelly can tell you if her happiness truly lies with me,' Justin answered circumspectly, then slowly added, 'I will never deliberately hurt her. It's far more likely that she will hurt me.'

  'You loved Noni Lloyd,' her grandfather shot at him accusingly.

  Justin's face tightened into cold hauteur. 'That's true.' He swept them both with a look of glittering bitterness. 'I'll leave you to dissect me in private. Goodnight.'

  He was out of the kitchen and down the hallway before Kelly recovered enough from his exit line to fly after him.

  'Justin…'

  He halted on the veranda. 'You can give up the charade now, Kelly,' he said wearily. 'You've got what you want. Your grandfather won't come to any harm at my hand. Now be a good girl, and leave me alone.'

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Kelly hesitated, tormented by the knowledge that she had pushed Justin through one hellish pressure after another today. He looked totally drained, his eyes bleak and lifeless, his face older than his years. The strong sense of purpose that had justified all her decisions wavered and fell.

  No matter what emotions she had stirred in him, Kelly felt in that moment she had failed… would always fail to earn the pure, unfettered love he had given to Noni. The bond they shared was twisted, shadowed, tainted.

  A feeling of utter helplessness flooded through her as she envisaged Justin returning to Marian Park, sitting in the drawing-room, staring at Noni's portrait with that aching look of loss and yearning.

  'Leave me alone.' The words beat a tattoo of despair through Kelly's heart. She watched him turn away from her, his shoulders hunched against the insidious arrows that fortune had flung at him, his footsteps painfully uneven in his walk from the veranda to his car. He did not look back at her, not even when he settled into the driver's seat and started the engine, nor when he drove away… leaving her alone.

  'Kelly…'

  She couldn't reply to her grandfather's call. She felt drained, too…drained and broken and lost. There was no fight left in her… nothing. Her eyes followed the tail-lights of Justin's car. They seemed to glitter derisively at her as the wheels bumped along the rutted road to the gate.

  An arm curved around her limp shoulders and squeezed. 'You really do love him, Kelly?' her grandfather asked gently.

  'Yes…it was a whisper of yearning, broken by a sigh of despair '… but he doesn't believe me, Grandpa.'

  'Because of the ram?' came the gruff question. He swung her around to face him, his face deeply lined with urgent concern. 'Go after him, Kelly. Go after him and make him believe you.'

  She stared up at him with empty eyes. 'I tried. I tried all I could. It wasn't… good enough, Grandpa.'

  His fingers dug into her shoulders. 'You're not beaten. Do you hear me, Kelly? You've been thrown. That's all. And what you do when you're thrown? Get right back on that horse before either you or he has time to think about it. Now go after Justin St John and stamp your will on him before it's too late.'

  'It is… too late.'

  'No!' His gaze stabbed over her shoulder and his mouth curved with grim satisfaction. 'Old habits die hard. The judge shut the gate when he left. Your man has had to stop, Kelly. Go now. You can catch him if you run hard.'

  He half propelled her down the veranda steps and Kelly stumbled into a run, her legs pushed along by a force that was beyond her control, gathering a headlong momentum that pounded with painful need…a frantic, hounding need that had no hope, yet would not be denied.

  Justin's car was at a standstill. The gate looked a garish white in the headlights. Kelly didn't understand why Justin was still in the car, why he hadn't moved. Her heart was bursting. Each breath was a pant of agony. He would get out, any second now. He would open the gate and go…and she wouldn't reach him in time. The red tail-lights mocked her, but her legs kept churning on…closer…closer…

  The car door swung slowly open. Justin's silhouette unfolded against it. He leaned against the car as if he needed support, as if all purpose had deserted him and he was trapped there motionless, neither moving forward nor retreating… a shadow without life or meaning.

  'Justin…Her cry was a thin, reedy sound, insubstantial, yet wafting on the stillness of the night, reaching him, twisting him around.

  'Kelly…' His cry was hoarse, driven, tortured…

  'Wait… wait…'

  She did not have the breath, the strength to plead more, but he waited. He even took a step towards her as she half fell against the boot of the car in blind exhaustion.

  'Listen…please listen to me,' she gasped, not knowing what to say, only knowing that he had waited and was giving her the chance to say something. Tears of desperation sprang into her eyes. Her throat burned as she dredged words from her heart and forced them out.

  'Justin, I know you will only ever love Noni. I loved her, too. She was like a big sister to me… so warm and kind and always so much fun to be with. I missed her…very much…and while she'll always live in my heart, she's not here any more, Justin. And I am.'

  The tears overflowed and trickled down her cheeks, but Kelly wasn't even aware of them. Her whole being was concentrated on the man who was her life.

  'I love you,' she said in passionate entreaty. 'If I didn't love you, I wouldn't fight with you. I'd give in to everything you want. But I won't. It's wrong, what you're doing… the way you've let things affect you…'

  Her breath was coming in chaotic sobs and Justin's face was only a blur, but the words kept spilling from her lips in a torrent of despairing appeal. 'When you held me in your arms tonight, that was real… wasn't it? You loved me… a little, didn't you? Enough to… to have something good with me, even though I'm not Noni…'

  'Don't!' The cry was wrung from him, scraping through the mangle of doubts that had entangled the truth. He lurched forward. His arms wrapped around her and held her tightly to him. 'Don't say that, Kelly. Don't ever say that again,' he implored huskily.

  His voice was half muffled as he rubbed his face over the top of her head again and again. 'I did love Noni. I always will. She was everything you said she was and more… much more. But you, my darling girl… you are the life I want more than any other.'

  Kelly barely heard the words. He was holding her, holding her as if he never wanted to let her go, and she burrowed her face into his shoulder, flung her arms around his waist, and clung as hard as she could. />
  He drew in a ragged breath. 'How can I explain it to you?' He sounded as desperate as she felt. His voice floated over her, strained with regret and hope and need. 'With Noni, love was a splendid discovery, a wonderful new dimension of life, and I took it for granted that it would go on forever. It was a shattering blow when she died. So this time… with you…' He gave a shuddering sigh. 'It frightens me… what I feel for you, Kelly. It's so deep, it ravages my soul. I've tried desperately hard to control it. To protect myself. To protect you. It's so terribly strong…the temptation to take you, keep you entirely to myself, hold you safe from anything that might take you away from me. I have to keep fighting it.'

  He pulled slightly away to cup her face with infinite tenderness. 'I know I would stifle all your joy in life if I did that. And I love your joy, your courage, your unbounded spirit, Kelly. I love what you are… all that you are… too much to change one part of it.'

  'You…love…me?' she whispered, still too torn by her own emotions to give full credit to his.

  'With all the depth and breadth of life itself,' he answered, his voice heavy with resignation. 'There's no escaping it for me, Kelly. It's driving me insane. Whatever you do, whatever you want, I can't do anything else but love you. You're part of me now. Perhaps it was always meant to be… a little child that I had to save. I don't know. I think… sometimes… I don't know anything any more… except… I love you.'

  'Oh, Justin,' Kelly breathed ecstatically. 'Keep on loving me. Keep on loving me forever.' And she reached up to press the deep fervour of her own love into a kiss that would leave no doubt as to her feelings for him.

  He responded, because he could not help but respond, and they kissed and kissed again, hungry for repeated confirmation of their commitment to each other. Time was a meaningless swirl as they recaptured the closeness they had shared all too briefly at Marian Park, and with their uncertainties banished forever, the sense of togetherness was even more magical, more intoxicating, more fulfilling in every way.