Christmas Angel

by Lindsay McKenna

  “Yes,” he said, his voice thick, “you’ve always been a mother at heart. You’ve wanted a brood of kids since forever.”

  She opened her hands. “I thought when Tom entered my life, that I could love him. That we could settle down. He said he wanted kids, too.” She touched her nose. A memory. “I believed him.”

  “We fell out of touch after I left,” Kyle said, apology in his voice.

  “I couldn’t email you, Kyle. It was—too painful.”

  Nodding, he rasped, “Yeah, for both of us, but especially for you. It’s okay. I understand.”

  “After a while,” Anna whispered, “I wanted to email you. But Tom discovered all the letters and emails you had written to me over the years from eighteen until you were twenty-two…. He was furious and jealous.”

  Giving her a sharpened look, Kyle heard the anguish in her voice. “Jealous?”

  “Very.”

  “I took all the letters you’d written to me and hid them from him because I knew he would destroy them. He accused me of being unfaithful to him. Of loving you, not him.” Anna met his turbulent gaze. “I was twenty-seven at the time. We’d had a five-year marriage and I knew Tom wanted to leave me. I—I couldn’t get pregnant. I’d suffered two miscarriages earlier and he blamed me…. He said I still loved you and not him.” Anna flexed her fingers in a helpless gesture.

  “Damn.” Kyle’s mouth thinned as he pulled up to the hill. There was a path that led up to the Scotch pine that grew on the rounded summit. Turning off the truck engine, he unbuckled his seat belt and turned, sliding his arm around Anna’s hunched shoulders. Her face was filled with misery. “I wish… I wish I’d known all of this, Anna.”

  “Why?” She held his stare. “What good would it have done, Kyle?”

  He frowned. “Because I’ve always cared about you, Anna. Growing up, we always talked. We were best of friends. We held one another’s secrets.” Kyle took his gloved finger and moved some of her long hair away from her ear so he could see her face. “I never wanted to lose that connection with you, Anna. Not ever. I’m sorry if you thought I didn’t care. I always have….”

  Tears jammed into her eyes and she quickly swallowed them away. Just the grazing touch of his index finger against her hair sent sheets of prickles and pleasure through her. She pulled away, unable to handle Kyle’s contact. Because if she didn’t remove herself, she’d collapse into his arms, cling to him and never let him go again. “I know you care,” she whispered brokenly, pushing the door open, unharnessing and escaping.

  Leaving the cab, Kyle picked up the saw in his left hand. The wind was chilly and he walked over to where Anna stood at the foot of the trail. “Come on,” he urged her quietly, cupping her elbow. “Let’s go find some nice Christmas trees.”

  Every foot up that winding path, Anna recalled an earlier Christmas with Kyle. By the time they entered the tree farm, tears fogged her vision and she was no longer able to drive them away. Her elbow throbbed where his hand curved around it. She found herself wanting to stop, turn and throw herself into Kyle’s arms. Anna knew he would receive her. Kiss her.

  “What about this one?” Kyle asked, halting. Releasing her elbow, he pointed to a six-foot Scotch pine to their left. “What do you think?”

  Blindly, Anna moved toward it, not wanting Kyle to see her tears. With quick swipes of her gloved hands, she wiped the tears away. “I think it’s perfect,” she said. “Just the right size for that corner near the fireplace.”

  Kyle got down on his hands and knees, positioning the saw.

  Anna stood away, watching him work, the sawing sound filling the air around them. The snow was knee-deep and the wind was brisk. She pushed her hair away from her face, watching him make quick work of the trunk. In no time, the pine tipped and fell softly into the surrounding snow. Kyle grinned up at her.

  “One down. One to go…”

  Anna forced a smile. As she backed up, her boot slipped. With a startled cry, she threw out her hands, falling. In seconds, Kyle was there, catching her. He fell into the snow, bringing her on top of him, protecting her. Snow kicked up and flew all around them.

  Anna’s hair was showered with glistening snowflakes as Kyle rolled her on top of him to break the worst part of their fall. He was warm and strong and his arms curved around her, holding her safely against him, taking the brunt of the impact. He grunted as he hit first. Automatically, she closed her eyes, surrendering over to him entirely, knowing Kyle wasn’t about to allow her injured and healing head to slam into the hillside. She utterly relaxed in relief against him.

  “Anna? Are you all right?”

  The urgency in Kyle’s roughened tone snapped her eyes open. Snowflakes settled against her hair and across her face. She felt the length of his body against her own, her breasts pressed against his jacketed chest. She gave a short, nervous laugh.

  “Yes…I’m okay…really…” She started to struggle to get off him, but then made the mistake of drowning in Kyle’s narrowed gray eyes. His pupils were huge and black, reminding her of a predator that has its quarry sighted. Her heart banged violently in her chest as he eased her slowly off him, tucking her down beside his body, his arm beneath her neck and shoulder, cradling her.

  The world came to a halt. Their breaths were shared raggedly between them. It was going to happen. Kyle was going to kiss her. And Anna wanted this more than anything else in her world. She reached up with her gloved hand, sliding it across his stubbled cheek, and watched Kyle’s eyes suddenly grow intense upon her. Anna felt him move beside her, take off his glove and throw it aside and then curve his roughened palm against her cheek, guiding her lips toward his.

  The chill of the air was warmed by his breath as his mouth moved tenderly across her parting lips. Anna heard a groan start deep within Kyle, felt his fingers grow firm against her face, angling her so he could kiss her more deeply, more fully. His mouth was strong and hungry, but not hurtful. His punctuated breath, warm against her cold nose and cheek, made Anna sink more deeply into his embrace. A small whimper caught in her throat as he coaxed her mouth open, taking her, trying to rein in his hunger for her, allowing her time to respond.

  Anna’s entire world melted as his mouth slid and curved fully against hers, opening her, his tongue gliding along her lower lip, tasting her. His groan met and matched her own, and she sensed Kyle shift, pulling her hard against his body, his hand ranging across her shoulders, down her spine, trapping her hips against his erection.

  It felt as if a bomb had gone off low and deep within her body as Kyle worshipped her lips and kissed the corners of her mouth, urging her to kiss him in return. And she did, her hands framing his face, her lips taking his, drowning in his male scent, the cold, fresh air and the swirling fragrance of pine encircling them.

  Anna forgot about the snow melting against her face or the scattering flakes falling out of the strands of her hair. She forgot everything except Kyle as a man, a man she’d secretly loved all her life. His mouth took hers more gently now, rocking her lips open, moving his tongue inside, testing, tasting her. Her breath grew chaotic, fingers tight against his face. Anna couldn’t get enough of him.

  As Kyle eased his fingers through her hair, sliding strands aside, he lifted his mouth from hers and pressed small, feathered kisses against her hairline, her brows and then across her closed eyelids. She could feel his breath against her skin, feel him reacquainting himself with every square inch of her flesh. Anna luxuriated in his surrounding her with his caresses, his care. Her heart exploded with love, the rippling effect moving through her, and she boldly pressed her hips against his, feeling his erection, wanting desperately to feel him inside her once more.

  And as his kisses drifted near the lobe of her left ear, a little cry escaped her. Kyle knew how sensitive the region was in back of her ear, and even more so, her nape. His hand ranged across her hips
, keeping her firmly against him, letting her know just how badly he wanted her. Her hair was swirling around her face as Kyle eased her forward until her head lay across his chest, her hand on his right shoulder as he teased and caressed her nape. More softened sounds, mewls of pleasure, tore out of her.

  Slowly, so slowly, Kyle lightened his exploration and kisses across her slender neck and delicate ear. Easing up on his elbow, he cradled Anna in his left arm, staring down at her, raw need burning in his eyes for her alone.

  Every female cell in her body took off in screaming need for Kyle. Her breath was choppy, her breasts rising and falling sharply against his chest. When he lifted his hand and gently tamed the ginger strands away from her face, he gave her a faint smile.

  “It doesn’t seem like time means anything between us,” he rasped, smoothing a drop of water from melted snow from her brow.

  Her heart was galloping in her chest. Anna couldn’t think. A mass of accumulated starvation. The ache for this man so extreme, she could give only a brief nod.

  “Are you all right?” Kyle looked deeply into her dazed eyes. “Your head?”

  Her head was the last thing Anna was thinking of right now. The stunning fireworks going off in her lower body held her attention. She was soaking wet between her thighs, and it had nothing to do with snow melting there. Kyle’s kiss had unlocked that door within her, and Anna understood the power of him as a man to trigger her into bright, burning life and need. “I—I’m okay…I think….” She managed a one-cornered smile, still lost in his turbulent, stormy gray gaze.

  “That was one helluva surprise,” he murmured, giving her a slanted look. “I didn’t see it coming.”

  “I didn’t either….” Anna closed her eyes, content to be exactly where she was—against Kyle.

  “I’m not sorry, Anna. Are you?”

  She barely shook her head, her hair mixed and coated with the snow.

  “Come on,” Kyle urged her thickly, “we need to get you up and out of this snow before you get wet and chilled.”

  Kyle gently eased her into a sitting position, stood up and then brought her slowly to her feet. He held on to her gloved hands, making sure she wasn’t dizzy or unstable. Before Anna could pull her hands from his, he began to carefully brush the snow from her dark strands. Standing so near to him, feeling his raw animal heat, sensing his care cascade over her—Anna absorbed it like the starving woman she was.

  Kyle was so considerate, so careful with her. She had always felt worshipped by him. He loved her and she knew it. Right now, she’d accept secondhand love from this man because Anna had gone too long without him in her life. It was as if he were recharging her soul, allowing it to awaken once more, to dream, to want, to share with him again.

  “There,” Kyle murmured. Satisfaction vibrated in his tones as he nudged the clean strands across her shoulder. “You’re snow free. You sure you’re okay?”

  “Mmm, yes, fine…wonderful…” she whispered. Searching his eyes, Anna could see his love for her, and his lust. “I wish…”

  “Wish what, angel?”

  Anna quivered inwardly over the endearment. Ever since she could remember, Kyle had called her his guardian angel in this lifetime. “I wish…things were different….”

  He cocked his head, staring at her. “In what way, Anna?”

  Her throat tightened. Tears burned in the backs of her eyes. Swallowing, she said hoarsely, “That things were different between you and me, that’s all.” And if she didn’t pull away from Kyle right now, she was going to do the unthinkable: walk into his arms and never leave. But he would leave her. In less than thirty days. And Anna just couldn’t step across that chasm. Touching his jaw, she stepped back. “You’ve always known how to kiss me….”

  He remained where he was, watching her, saying nothing. There was regret in Kyle’s gaze. Want. Desire. Lust. She was sure she had the same expression on her face. And then, he surprised her by stepping toward her, sliding his hands around her shoulders and holding her in place.

  “We have to talk, Anna. There’s a lot that needs to be said. To be discussed. I was waiting for a time.” Kyle lifted her chin. “I was trying to wait until you felt better. When we weren’t so wary of one another…”

  Anna didn’t try to fight his embrace. The gesture was of a man claiming his woman. And she didn’t know what Kyle’s end objective was. “We never had wariness with one another until after you left for the Navy.”

  “Yes, it started then, Anna.” Kyle gave her a pained look, his hands resting lightly on her shoulders, not trying to draw her any closer to him. Not trying to kiss her again. “I needed to see the world, angel. I felt tied down here in Montana. I didn’t want to be like my father and never have adventures outside the ranch.” His mouth drew into an unhappy slash as he looked above her head for a moment, trying to choose the right words. His gaze fell on hers. “Anna, this was never about you. You were the innocent victim in all of this. I didn’t mean to hurt you, angel. I swear to God, I didn’t. But I did and you can’t know how forever sorry I am about it.”

  “Shh,” she whispered. “Don’t go there. There’s nothing to forgive, Kyle. I was too young to understand why you left. But later, I did. I realized you needed to see the world, experience life, live it. I got it. I really did.” Tears slipped from her eyes. She saw Kyle’s face crumple. He never could handle her tears.

  He swept her into his arms, crushing her, his face buried against her hair. Giving a broken cry, Anna collapsed against him, her arms slipping around him, their hearts beating frantically against one another. He smelled of sweat, of male, of pine, and Anna dragged it into her nostrils, drinking Kyle into her in every possible way. She could feel the tension rise in him, the tightness of his shoulders, holding her close, as if to somehow protect her with his large body. The sensation was exquisite. Exactly what Anna needed.

  Tears continued to stream down her face unchecked. She cried for the loss of two babies from her miscarriages; she cried for herself when Tom had beaten her; and she cried for the loss of Kyle she knew was coming. He was going to break her heart once more. A heart that had ever loved only him.

  CHAPTER THREE

  BY THE TIME they reached home with two Scotch pines in the back of the pickup truck, Anna had developed a blinding headache. Kyle worriedly glanced at her from time to time as he drove slowly toward the ranch. She’d become withdrawn and pale, tipping her head against the headrest. Her eyes were closed.

  Had it been their blazing kiss, clinging to one another? As if to let go meant they’d never see one another again? Had her crying brought it on? God, he didn’t know what to do when Anna cried. Kyle felt so damned helpless. He was a SEAL. He fixed things. That was his job. But damned if he could fix a woman’s tears. And she’d wept after kissing him. Why?

  The questions jammed in his throat like bitter brew, and Kyle knew this wasn’t the time to ask her anything. More than likely, Anna was upset over their unexpected kiss. They eventually had to face the end of this thirty-day emergency leave. He had to return to his SEAL platoon in Afghanistan.

  When they arrived at the ranch, Jepson met them with two wranglers. Together, the three men took the trees into the buildings. Kyle had wanted to be with Anna, but she’d slipped out of the truck and gone straight into the house, telling him she was going to go lie down.

  When Kyle had gotten the tree ready for decoration in the corner of the room, it was nearly 6:00 p.m. The winter night had closed in quickly, and he’d built a roaring fire that would keep the entire ranch house heated.

  He kept his hearing focused in case Anna was awake. He wanted to be with her. Kyle knew if he could hold her, she would feel better. It had always been that way between them. Frustrated, he got rid of his hat and gloves. Hanging his damp jacket on a wooden peg near the front door, he rolled up the sleeves on his chambray shirt
and went to work in the kitchen. Kyle made a point of fixing three meals a day for Anna. She was eating better, and he wanted her to regain that lost weight. Looking through the refrigerator and cupboards, he found enough items to make a hearty shepherd’s pie.

  It was near 8:00 p.m. when Kyle heard the door to Anna’s room open. He stopped himself from going into the hall to meet her. Sensing she needed some space, Kyle instead set the oak table for dinner.

  Anna appeared.

  “Hey,” he called softly, setting down the flatware, “how are you feeling?” She looked wan, her eyes dark.

  “Better,” she mumbled. Walking slowly, Anna used her hand against the black granite island to steady herself. Motioning wearily toward her head, she said in a quiet tone, “My concussion. The doctors said I could get terrible headaches out of the blue.” She grimaced. “They were right.”

  “Have a seat,” Kyle urged, pulling out the chair for her. Anna was clearly unsteady, and he held out his hand toward her. She took it, her fingers feeling cool and clammy.

  “Thanks.”

  “Would you like something to drink?”

  “Just water.”

  “How about some aspirin?”

  “No, docs said to stay away from them for now. The pain is pretty much gone, Kyle. I just feel bruised and beaten up, is all.”

  Grimacing, Kyle got her a glass of water. “You look pretty pasty.”

  Anna took the glass. “I feel pasty.”

  Kyle watched her take slow sips of the water. She used both hands to hold the glass. “I had a SEAL buddy of mine get traumatic brain injury when an IED went off too close to him. He had a helluva lot of symptoms like you do. His headaches were so bad they made him cry.”

  “Yes,” Anna said, lifting her eyes to him, “that’s about right. I feel for him. Is he better now?”

  Shrugging, Kyle shoved on a pair of mitts and opened the oven door. “Chuck is stateside and still doing a lot of physical therapy. I don’t get to email him often because the team and I are usually out on patrols.”