Broken Dreams (Delos Series Book 4)

by Lindsay McKenna

  “Thanks,” Alexa said, straightening and momentarily releasing his hand. She saw pleasure deep in Gage’s narrowing eyes, felt his attraction to her, his want, his growing need. Her whole body went on alert, and she yearned to kiss him, but the parking lot was full of vehicles, and she knew this was a popular place for many officers.

  Gage shut the door and turned, placing his hand lightly against the small of her back. He cut his stride for her sake as he led her to the restaurant’s entrance. Earlier, he’d called to reserve a booth for them. The steak house was pretty upscale and a lot quieter than the pizza restaurants down the street. He opened the door and led Alexa up to the waitress, who was waiting with menus in hand, then told the girl about their reservation.

  “Right this way,” she said with a smile, turning and quickly walking between all the square tables draped with white linens.

  “Nice place,” Alexa told him as he walked at her side. The patrons were all in civilian clothes. “I usually come here about once a year when I’m deployed. I always like being here because it’s quiet, and you can actually hold a decent conversation with your dinner partner.”

  “I don’t usually come to this place,” Gage admitted. “It’s pretty fancy.”

  Alexa gave him a soft look. “That’s sweet of you to put yourself out for me, then.” The lighting was low, but she could see his shy response, his gaze moving away from hers for a moment. This was a man who didn’t get many compliments. Gage was an alpha male, no question, but he hid it well with his quiet demeanor. “But you look just fine with the clothes you’re wearing tonight.” Alexa wanted to put him at ease. Yes, there were some men in here wearing suits or sports jackets, some with ties. Others, like Gage, were dressed casually, and she actually preferred that to getting dressed up.

  “I don’t like suits and ties,” he admitted. “Never did. Of course, in the Corps, when you have to get into your uniform, there is always a tie. I put up with it because in my line of work, ties aren’t required on a sniper op.”

  Alexa grinned and nodded. “Well said!” She was delighted that they had an intimate booth at the back away from the kitchen. The height of the booth made it even more private, which pleased her immensely. She scooted in and Gage sat opposite her, removing his jacket and laying it down on the seat beside him. The waitress handed them the menus and took their drink orders, then left.

  Gage thought the lamplight on the wall of their booth made Alexa’s hair shine, showing off the burgundy, gold, and copper strands. “You look so different when your hair is down,” he said.

  “Versus my hair in one long braid down my back?”

  He saw her lips curve. “Yes. This way”—he gestured toward her hair, which lay thickly upon her shoulders—“you don’t look like a combat pilot hauling an A-10 around in the sky. You look like a beautiful young woman.”

  “Thank you,” she said, holding his shadowed gaze. “It’s nice to get dressed up and be a civilian from time to time—far better than wearing a shapeless flight suit. I really love being a girl and being girly. My mother is the same way. She loves to have her nails done, wear makeup, and be feminine.”

  The waitress brought back a glass of white wine for Alexa and a bottle of cold beer for Gage. They gave her their orders, and he drank some beer. Then he said, “My mother would have fallen into your girly-girl category, too. My dad was in the Marine Corps, and we didn’t have a whole lot of money, but she had a part-time job. It gave her ‘pin money’ to get her nails done and her hair fixed up.”

  Alexa sipped her wine, studying him in the low light, his rugged face relaxed and tension-free. She realized he was opening up to her, and a thrill moved through her. That meant he trusted her, at least up to a point.

  “She sounds like someone I would have loved to meet.”

  “I’d show you a photo of her, but as you know, we can’t carry anything personal on us. I have her photo taped on the inside of my locker door, though.”

  “Right,” Alexa agreed. “Nothing personal on us.” Because if they were captured by the Taliban, they would look for items just like that and use them to exploit the person in captivity. Or use it on an Internet video.

  “Can you describe her for me? If you want.” Alexa wasn’t sure how much he wanted to talk about his family.

  “She had brown hair with red highlights in it, blue eyes, and was a little taller than you.”

  “She gave you her blue eyes, then.”

  “Yes. I got my dad’s black hair and his build.”

  “You said he was a Marine?”

  “Yes. He was my hero. Always will be.” Gage frowned, moving the chilled bottle with beads of condensation on its surface around slowly in his hand. Looking up, he said, “He was in the Corps from the time I was born. He was deployed four times to Iraq with only six months between them. The last time, he got badly wounded and earned a Silver Star for his bravery in a firefight.”

  “He’s a real hero, then,” Alexa said softly, seeing different emotions play across his face. Tonight, Gage did not wear his guarded expression she’d seen off and on. He was more relaxed, spreading out his long legs beneath the table on either side of hers. She liked his ability to “slum it,” as she called it. And snipers had a tendency to be very laid-back, casual, patient, and easygoing when not on a sniper op. If they were on one, all bets were off. They became intense, controlled, and focused. Gage personified those traits like her big sister Tal did.

  Nodding, Gage said, “He’ll always be my hero and my role model.” He hoped Alexa would not ask about the loss of his family. He wanted to take the opportunity to open up more to her, but he realized that family meant everything to her, so he was being forced out of his comfort zone.

  He found that he was willing to share with Alexa because she was a loving, highly sympathetic person. And if he looked at his reasons more closely, he saw he needed the TLC she easily gave to everyone, including him. Alexa nurtured him in ways he’d never experienced before, and he was lapping it up like a stray dog.

  He hoped, in some small way, he could somehow give back to her, but he wasn’t clear on exactly how. Alexa seemed to have everything, so he was mystified as to how he could contribute in some positive way.

  “And you wanted to become a Marine because your dad had been one, right?”

  “Yes. He was a sniper.”

  Alexa sat back, her fingers around the stem of her wineglass. “Like father, like son.”

  “Very much.”

  “I’m sorry you lost them, Gage. I can tell just how much they each gave you. It just breaks my heart.”

  Her words were a balm spreading across his soul, filling in the hole that their deaths had left in him. Shrugging, he couldn’t meet Alexa’s eyes for fear he’d start to cry. He’d never cried for the loss of his family, stuffing it so deep inside it would never see the light of day. They were dead. His tears would not bring them back. Marines didn’t cry, pure and simple. He’d never even seen his dad cry except for one time, when Jen had been murdered by those gang members. Frowning, he lifted his gaze and held hers. “They’re still alive in my heart and my memory,” he rasped, fighting emotions.

  Alexa reached across the table, her fingers curving around his lower arm. “You’re a very brave person, Gage. I don’t think I could be as put together as you if my family was taken away from me.” Her fingers tightened momentarily. “I’m so sorry you lost them . . .” She choked up a little, giving him a sympathetic look.

  Her fingers felt soothing to him, touching his past with warmth and caring. Gage fought down his need to haul this woman into his arms and simply kiss her into oblivion. He knew how to please a woman and reveled in it when it happened. Because of his sniper trade, he was gone on deployments far longer than he’d been stateside and couldn’t maintain a relationship for as long as he wanted. And he didn’t like one-night stands, either.

  Nor did he like to have women come on to him at an EM, Enlisted Man’s, club, draping themselves all over
him when they found out he was a sniper. He never told anyone what he did in the Marines, but his buddies did, causing him a lot of embarrassment. He didn’t want a woman glorifying him for killing other human beings. That wasn’t the kind of woman he wanted in his life.

  “I am, too,” he croaked. “I used to dream, but I don’t any more. Any dreams I had? They died with them.” He let go of the bottle of beer in his hand and made a bold move by enclosing her fingers in his. “If anyone could understand, Alexa, it would be you.” His voice shook a bit, surprising them both. She just naturally made him want to open up and spill his guts to her. He squeezed her hand and then released it, even though he didn’t want to.

  “I’m a natural dreamer,” Alexa whispered, deeply touched by his hoarse admittance.

  “Listen,” he said gruffly, “this is supposed to be a happy time for us tonight. Let’s talk about something else. I don’t want our dinner ruined with my past.”

  “Sure,” she said. Alexa saw Gage struggling to put his losses away. Her acute senses told her that he rarely, if ever, talked about his family. But he had with her. “It’s a gift, Gage, to hear about someone’s journey,” she whispered, giving him a tender look. “And any journey has good and bad in it. That’s the way it is in life. I’d be very honored to hear about your parents—if or when you want to tell me more, I’d love to sit and listen.”

  Gage felt her sincerity and saw it banked in her eyes. “I’ll keep that in mind. Why don’t you tell me something about yourself—preferably a happy moment.”

  She could feel his worry that she’d ask other important questions about his family, like, “What happened to them?” It was eating Alexa alive not to push or ask directly, but she knew Gage would slam shut on her.

  She was just grateful that he’d opened the door on his family to her; it showed her that he wanted to know her better. And that he already trusted her.

  People didn’t start a relationship without becoming personal with one another. Her heart spun with hope, because she knew without a doubt that she wanted to know Gage on a serious level. Alexa didn’t care if he was enlisted and she was an officer. She was getting out in less than three months, anyway. What she did want to do was to protect Gage so he wouldn’t get into trouble by having an illegal relationship with an officer.

  And frankly, she wasn’t sure what Gage wanted from her. It could be something as simple as lust or it could be deeper and more profound, a real relationship that was sexual but held important elements that would feed their hearts and souls. That was the type of relationship she wanted.

  She realized that her track record was abysmal at best, and her idealistic outlook hadn’t helped. Now, with Gage, she was trying to be realistic about him, not idolize him or put him on a pedestal.

  On the other hand, he was heroic by nature, now confirmed by his father having been a Marine and a Silver Star recipient. Bravery ran in Gage’s psyche, but that had been obvious to her from the moment she’d met him. She was drawn to his quiet confidence, which radiated like a powerful beacon from around him to her. No man had made her feel as protected as Gage did. And that had her full, undivided attention. She wasn’t one to need protection, always confident and, at times, as a combat pilot, brazen as hell. She was the protector of those men and women on the ground, and she took her job seriously. Gage’s kind of protection toward her felt good to Alexa. It wasn’t suffocating or stifling, rather, giving her a sense of safety in their unsafe careers.

  The waitress interrupted them bringing their meals. Alexa’s mouth watered as she placed a plate with a thick T-bone steak, medium, down in front of her, along with a steaming baked potato with butter and sour cream on the side. She didn’t want a salad tonight, instead wanting to go straight to the meat because her body craved the protein it would provide. Gage had a similar look on his face as the waitress placed his steak before him.

  “I don’t know about you,” Alexa said with a smile, “but I’m starving!”

  “That makes two of us.” The words slipped out before he could stop them, and in that moment, when their eyes met and held, she was swept up in a powerful wave of happiness coming straight from Gage. His pale blue eyes shone with quiet joy.

  Alexa already knew that Gage rarely smiled, and she promised herself that she would get him to smile more often. Gage was locked up tightly by his past, she realized that, but the past could be opened and the wounds drained of their toxicity. Then real healing could take place. And if Alexa had anything to say about it, she was going to help Gage, whether he knew it or not. She had a knack for sensing other people’s hurts and injuries. And though he hid his well, she could sense how much this pain put him into a shield like mode where he hid his vulnerability from others and the world at large.

  Alexa was going to dream for him. She’d done it for others and it worked, and she’d never wanted to do it for anyone more than she did for Gage Hunter. He had nothing but broken dreams. She could help him create new dreams, breathe life and hope back into him. Feeling driven to do this for him felt right and good to her.

  *

  Alexa didn’t want the night to end as Gage parked the Humvee and turned off the engine. They sat quietly in the vehicle, neither speaking. For two hours, they’d eaten, stuffed themselves, and talked intimately about her family. She kept plying him with stories that made him smile. One time, he’d actually laughed, and it had made her heart beat fast, because Gage’s entire expression changed, taking her breath away.

  It was then that Alexa realized how much the ghosts from his past still had a stranglehold on him. She saw his quiet reserve melt away as the evening wore on, and maybe, Alexa thought, she’d begun to wear down his resistance to sharing.

  She’d pulled down that dark family mask he wore like a good friend, and when it slipped, she’d actually seen the real Gage. What she saw made her heart race with excitement, and with it her need to be close to him grew.

  The darkness surrounded them in the Humvee. It was 2100, and most people were in bed by now. Alexa studied his profile. Gage silently regarded her, the moment rich with promise, with yearning. Alexa didn’t try to think with this man; instead, she leaned over the large console and lifted her hand against his jaw, coaxing him to lean toward her. Stretching, she brushed his lips with hers. It was something she’d wanted to do all night. At first, she felt a split second of reaction in Gage, a momentary tension. But then, as her lips brushed against his, she heard him groan, his hand moving around to her nape, drawing her hard against him.

  Her breath came faster as his lips took hers, and she felt the tenderness with which he slid across her mouth, engaging her, inviting her. Her fingers tightened against his jaw, an involuntary sound of deep pleasure escaped her, telling him how much she enjoyed his kiss.

  Gage certainly wasn’t shy in that respect, but he was a man who monitored himself with his partner. His mouth was seeking, caring, and he sipped from her lips, tasting her, placing small kisses at each corner of her mouth. He flowed into her, and she inhaled his rich, masculine scent, sending fire streaking straight down through her body. She felt him controlling his reaction to her, monitoring her. How like a sniper.

  Almost smiling beneath his mouth, she opened up to his nudge and felt herself losing herself in him. Gage knew how to kiss a woman and instill fever in her blood. There was a decided art to kissing, and he knew it well. She thrilled to his touch as he slowly deepened his exploration of her.

  His fingers moved lightly across her nape, her flesh skittered with heat and promise. Her breasts tightened, her nipples hardened, and he’d barely touched her. But Gage knew a woman’s erogenous areas, and her nape was particularly sensitive. She spiraled into the heat and strength of his mouth taking hers. Small explosions fired off within her, and she hummed, wanting so much more from Gage.

  Gradually, Alexa eased from his mouth, drowning in those narrowed, shadowed eyes that studied her with such intensity. Gage removed his hand from her nape, allowing her to sit down.
They were both breathing erratically. Alexa could see the bulge of his erection against his chinos, had felt that he’d wanted to do a helluva lot more than just kiss her into oblivion. She tasted him on her lips and boldly held his gaze.

  “Where are we going with this?” he asked in a low voice, searching her eyes.

  “I don’t know,” Alexa whispered, clasping her gloved hands in her lap, “but I’m not sorry I kissed you, Gage. Are you?” She might as well find out right now if he was as interested in her as she was in him. Alexa was determined, this time, to be a realist. And instead of assuming he was, she would ask. That way, her rose-colored glasses would not interfere.

  Studying his expression, she saw he was torn. “As much as I’d like to entertain something long-term and serious with you, we have a few firewalls in the way. You’re an officer, Alexa. I’m enlisted.”

  Her mouth flattened and she nodded. “I know.”

  “You’re getting out in March, but until then”—he picked up her hand, holding it—“the UCMJ is going to run your life. We can’t have a personal relationship or you could get into trouble, Alexa. I don’t want that.”

  “I know.” Alexa held his concerned gaze. “What if I told you that I think we can be careful, Gage? That out in public we won’t fraternize, but behind closed doors where no one can see or hear us, there are no barriers? Would that make a difference in how you feel about me right now?”

  “Alexa, I’m so damned drawn to you I can’t think two thoughts without you being one of them. Since I met you, I feel like I’ve been in free fall. I don’t know what is happening, but I’m not afraid to take it on.” And then his eyes glittered with amusement. “And obviously, you aren’t either.”

  She grinned. “Guilty as charged. I kissed you. Not the other way around. Guess it’s my personality, huh?”