True Love Lost (An FBI Romance Thriller (book 3))

by Kelley, Morgan

  Elizabeth couldn’t help it, her husband cheered her up and she started laughing. “I wish. Your dad gave me a flint and taught me how the last time we were over his house.” Wyler Blackhawk was hard core Native American, and at one time saved her life when a killer was hunting her in the woods. He wanted to make sure his daughter-in-law could survive out in the wild if she ever needed to again. “I was informed no daughter-in-law of his should be wandering around in the world without a way to make fire.”

  “Isn't that handy,” he said laughing.

  “I tried to explain that I married a caveman who could make fire if need be, but he wasn’t buying that and insisted I needed to hone my Native American survival skills.”

  “More skill by proxy,” he added grinning.

  Elizabeth pointed at her baby bump. “I may not have a single ounce of Native blood in me, but your son does, and I’m not going to be one of those moms that doesn’t practice what she preaches. Yes, a Zippo would be easier, but it’s not the way of the ancestors.”

  Now he was laughing. “I love you and you’d make a kick ass Native woman,” he added. “Want to go back to my teepee and make fire together?”

  “You didn’t just say that did you?” Tears filled her eyes, she was laughing so hard. “I’m ignoring that comment. Anyway, I happen to think I would make a kick ass Native, as does Baby Blackhawk,” she said, rubbing her belly. “Don’t you Leroy?” Now she was going to torment him.

  “What?” Blackhawk stared incredulously and wasn’t laughing anymore. “You aren’t naming my son Leroy.”

  “Our son,” she corrected. “How about Heathcliff?”

  Blackhawk honestly wasn’t sure if she was teasing him or dead serious.

  “Mick?”

  “Elizabeth, it’s not happening.”

  “Then I guess you need to get that very sexy Native behind moving on helping me pick a name, or it’s going to be Leroy Heathcliff Mick Blackhawk IV.”

  “What? Where did the fourth come from?” Now he was starting to smile.

  “That’s so everyone thinks you, your father and grandfather all have that name when they meet him. Boy are they going to be pissed at you for saddling them with that atrocity.”

  Blackhawk started laughing. “Okay, point taken, baby,” he said grinning. He was going to suggest a name, but he heard the second Denali. “Sounds like they’re here.”

  “Terrific,” she mumbled, all the humor leaving her face, and no more laughter filling the room.

  Blackhawk assessed the situation. Yeah, his brother did something to jack their happy little group up. As soon as he got him alone he was going to kick his ass and make him fix it pronto!

  When the door opened, Callen and the ME entered, one more hesitant than the other. “It’s started snowing again,” he said, brushing himself off, and Desdemona too. “Nice house, how did we score this?” he asked, looking at his brother.

  He noticed his sister-in-law was starting a fire and wasn’t looking at him, not even a glance. Part of his chest clenched. It was the part that held his heart. He knew he drove this wedge between them. All he wished was he could get her alone to tell her what was going on, but he didn’t have that chance yet. Had he not hurt her, by now she’d be smiling at him, punching him playfully, or hugging him. God, how he hated the anger he placed between them.

  “You can thank Lyzee. Apparently, she pulled the guilt and best friend code to keep us out of a roach coach.”

  Callen stared at Elizabeth, waiting for her to look up at him. All he wanted was one of her reassuring looks to know he still had her love. If he damaged them and couldn’t fix it, there was no way he could continue to be near her. The pain would be too much.

  Blackhawk looked in the kitchen. There were provisions sitting on the counter. Gabe was a lifesaver. “Gabe had food delivered, so it looks like we need to make dinner.”

  “Great. What’s on the menu?” asked his brother. “Burgers?” He knew his sister-in-law loved them, and he was hoping to make her happy. When in doubt, bribe the pregnant carnivore with cow covered in bacon and cheese.

  “Lyzee?” Blackhawk directed the choice to his wife.

  She stood and watched the ME standing closely to Callen, and felt the tears building. “I’ll pass, I’m not hungry,” she said, her eyes meeting his. The tears were evident and she didn’t care. “See you all in the morning,” she said, walking from the room. Right now she didn’t want to have a brawl in the rental house. With the way she felt, she was going to either punch her brother-in-law out for breaking the rules of family or weep at his betrayal.

  When she found her way upstairs, the men looked at each other in surprise. Elizabeth wasn’t hungry? That was a bad sign. Hell had just frozen over, and both men knew it.

  Blackhawk pointed at his brother, when Doctor Adare wasn’t looking and mouthed ‘what did you do to her?’.

  Whitefox looked contrite. He now knew exactly how badly he’d screwed up.

  He shook his head and wasn’t even sure what they could do to patch this mess back up again. He should probably ask his brother what happened, but this was his mess to clean up. ‘Fix it’, he mouthed, before turning his attention to the other woman.

  “How about you, Doctor Adare,” Blackhawk inquired. “Do you like burgers?”

  “I don’t eat meat. I’m a vegetarian,” she offered. “Unless you have veggie burgers, but don’t worry about me. I’m fairly self-sufficient.

  Oh hell!

  Not only had his brother pissed off his wife somehow, but they had a vegetarian in the house with the queen of all carnivores. Someone was definitely going to be maimed. Maybe all four of them in the same house wasn’t a good idea. Right about now, Gabe Rothschild was sitting somewhere laughing his ass off over all of this at Ethan’s expense.

  All three sat at the table and ate dinner. It had to be the most uncomfortable meal any of them had in their lives. There was no laughter, just simple courtesy and nothing more.

  Desdemona felt horrible. She knew the reason her boss went to bed was to get as far away from her as possible. She needed to face the cold hard truth. Elizabeth Blackhawk hated her. After they got back to FBI West, there was no doubt the woman would be getting rid of her in a heartbeat. There was no mistaking the look on her face when Callen came to her side at the crime scene. Elizabeth obviously didn’t like the idea that she was moving in on her territory. This had to be the worst day of her life.

  The entire time she was eating, all she could think was how grateful she was that her house was paid for, and if she had to sell it, it wouldn’t financially break her. Part of her wanted to go upstairs and confront her boss, not in a bad way, but just to ask her what she could do to make them a better team. When she looked up at Callen, her heart skipped a beat. For now, he was being supportive, but when Elizabeth dropped the ultimatum, she was sure that the man would run screaming. There was no point in getting attached to the man at all. He’d stick with family and a woman like Elizabeth over mousy her any day.

  Even if the chocolaty brown eyes made her feel safe and secure. When he held her hand she felt stronger and less alone, she had to face the cold hard truth. At some point, he’d run from the goth-y mess she was and regain his sense of sanity.

  Callen Whitefox couldn’t help but watch the woman across from him. Deep in his heart there was an ache for her, and how sad her eyes appeared. It was like she always expected the worst outcome. Part of him wanted to pick her up and carry her away to someplace safe and the other part wanted to stand her in front of a mirror until she saw the truth. Desdemona was a lovely woman; the only thing wrong with her was her view of herself. There was so much fear, and self-doubt that he wasn’t sure he could ever find the real woman beneath. Yes, he’d seen bits and pieces, when her guard was down, and she was being herself, but around Elizabeth she was like some terrified animal. Callen understood about being helpless and weak, and that’s why he felt the need to protect her.

  Callen wished Desdemona wou
ld take the time to learn about the woman upstairs, and how sweet and gentle she was inside. That was the other part that hurt him, that the woman upstairs always protected them both. The way she killed their estranged brother to protect them both in the quarry was just one example of how she loved unconditionally. That day she left with blood on her hands and soul, to protect them both from the knowledge that they took their sibling’s life. Elizabeth stood in front of them, and at what cost?

  The woman fought hard for the people she loved, and it crushed him that Desdemona didn’t see that in her too. Yes, Elizabeth was tough, but that was just the outside. Inside she had a warm squishy center, and so much compassion and love. Look at the family she loved. The Blackhawk men were a mess, and she stood by each one of them and loved them fiercely. Elizabeth protected their grandfather, took care of their dad after heart surgery, and loved Ethan and himself with all she had in her heart. Elizabeth was his champion, and he cherished her.

  Now she was hiding in a bedroom, and it was partly his fault. His only hope was she’d understand when he had the chance to tell her why he was standing between her and Desdemona. Elizabeth was tough and could take a hit to her armor. Desdemona had nothing to protect her, and he didn’t want to see the debilitating blow break her. His fear was one battle of words with Elizabeth, and Desdemona would be crushed. How could he explain to her that he was compelled to protect a complete stranger over her?

  He loved Elizabeth, but he had the tiny whisper of attraction to Desdemona. At Quantico, they told you to always go with your gut, and his gut said that Doctor Adare needed him. He chose to ignore the part that was sending up the warnings. He had to stick, at least until she either turned him down or ran from him. Both of which he knew was a possibility. Deep down he trusted Elizabeth to pick him up and brush him off when it happened.

  He could always rely on her to have his back. Then he remembered the woman he’d come to rely on for everything was the same woman he just betrayed. Whitefox betrayed what he knew was truth. Elizabeth was his true love, just forever out of his reach.

  Blackhawk didn’t know what the hell to say or do. First there was his wife, and she was stirred up about something big to skip dinner. When he tried to get her to come down, she had locked herself in their bathroom to take a bubble bath and didn’t want to be bothered. He was pretty sure that Callen needed to fix this and fast.

  Elizabeth had never hid before in her life. That just wasn’t her style. She’d kick in a door and beat someone to their senses, but locking herself away didn’t bode well for the assignment.

  He knew that Elizabeth had some insecurity issues with Desdemona. His wife might be a hard ass and tough as nails, but the one thing that was a constant was everyone pretty much loved her. The elderly neighbor back in Georgetown had insisted he marry her after one day, her deputies in Salem loved her too. Strangers gravitated to her, just because she had a heart of gold, and then there was Doctor Adare. No matter how much his wife tried, the woman backed away, and that was driving Elizabeth insane trying to figure it out. She blamed herself.

  But there was more.

  Whatever Callen did greatly exacerbated the situation. His wife had an attachment to his brother. Not one that bothered him, but he honestly believed it had to do with her own brother being a killer, and having no family left. She’d been adopted by the Blackhawk men, and each of the four men loved her and protected her fiercely. Now there was trouble brewing between them, and he wasn’t quite sure what had happened. There were few men he’d ever let near his wife, but his brother was one of them. His father and grandfather the other two. It warmed him when his brother felt comfortable around his wife, but now that warm had gone ice cold.

  “I’ll do the dishes,” Desdemona said, standing. “Thank you for dinner, Director. I’ll cook tomorrow, it’s only fair,” she said, trying to be friendly. Maybe if one Blackhawk liked her, then the other one wouldn’t be able to fire her as easily. It was a silly hope to have, but it was her only hope at that moment.

  “I’m going to go talk to Elizabeth,” said Whitefox, tossing down his napkin and standing. He couldn’t eat his dinner with this wedge between him and Elizabeth. He’d hurt her and he needed to patch it up.

  “You may want to rethink that, Callen. Give her the night to calm down,” Blackhawk warned.

  “I need to talk to her. I’ll take my chances. Isn't there a saying that you shouldn’t go to bed mad at the people you love?”

  Desdemona cringed inside, and almost wanted to tell him it was ‘never go to bed mad at a spouse’ and not loved one, but what did it matter? She pretty much understood that Callen defending her at the Boy Scout camp was a mistake. It was obvious that he was in love with Elizabeth, and she wondered if he realized it or not.

  Blackhawk watched his brother go off, and wished him luck. What he was doing was either very brave or very dangerous. All he wanted was his family to be back in one piece again, so they could focus on Red River and not the family drama that they brought with them. It was hard to believe that all this turmoil stemmed from the little woman washing dishes in the kitchen.

  Callen stood outside Elizabeth’s door for a few minutes just staring at it. How did he apologize to the woman that gave him so much love and he’d wounded her heart as a thank you?

  He’d have to figure it out.

  Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the bedroom door. When there was no answer, he opened it, peeking inside. Elizabeth was inside and asleep in bed. He didn’t know if he should leave or enter the room. Part of him wanted to walk out, but he needed to get it off his chest, whether she was awake or not.

  He sat on the side of the bed, and watched her sleep. His heart skipped in his chest, and he remembered the first time he’d ever seen her. They were in FBI West, and he was there for her help. He’d always laughed at the phrase ‘love at first sight’, but on that day he fell hard for the woman. Callen lost his heart that day, and then had his dream shatter when he found out that she was married to his brother. God, weeks had passed and he still felt the same. Nothing made the ache of truth go away.

  Once he’d betrayed the man downstairs over a woman, and he swore if he ever got a second chance that he’d keep them both safe. Despite what he felt inside for her, he wouldn’t cross that line. If the man she married was anyone else, he’d be fighting to win her heart in a bloody battle to the death. Since it was his brother that she loved, he’d relegated himself to loving her from a distance. What he felt for her would remain in his heart and locked away, even though he was sure she already knew. Callen was sure it was one of his secrets she carried. Elizabeth was very astute.

  “Lyzee are you awake?” he whispered, softly.

  When she still didn’t move, Callen debated again and almost lost his nerve.

  “I need to talk to you, and this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to admit in my life. The first day I met you, I fell in love with you. Head over heels, because you’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman. Then I found out that you were married to my brother, and I couldn’t ever hurt him again,” he paused, picking up her hand. “I won’t ever betray him, despite what I feel inside for you. I know I’ll never get over you, but right now I may have a chance to find happiness.” Whitefox took a deep breath and prayed to get through it. “Anyone will always be second to what I feel for you. You’re my true love, Lyzee.”

  “No one’s ever protected me and loved me the way you do. For so long I believed I wasn’t worthy of it. My own mother never felt anything for me, and then you showed up. You loved me unconditionally, and accepted me as part of my brother’s life. You made me feel alive and valued. Granddad loved me, but when you hug me, or tell me you love me, it fills my heart enough to get through the cold moments. It’s a different love from them. I’ve never felt anything like it before.”

  Callen brushed a curl from her cheek and gently touched her face. “Today I hurt you, because I didn’t side with you. I saw it in your eyes, and it broke my heart. T
he day you married my brother on the Rez, I showed you the tattoo we all had done, and it means everything to me. Not only because you have my back, but because it’s a reminder of who has part of my heart.” He didn’t know if he should continue. “You have half of me, and always will. No matter who comes into my life, you’ll always live inside me. Maybe it’s unfair to any other woman, but it’s the truth. I’m still in love almost half a year later and it’s not going away. I got the tattoo, Lyzee because I’m in love with you.”

  Whitefox wiped his eyes with his free hand. He wished she was awake to tell him it was all going to be okay. That she loved him, and always would even though he screwed up.

  “You have to understand that Desdemona is a gentle soul, I can feel it. But right now she’s broken in a million pieces inside and scared shitless of you. I took her side to protect her, and to keep her from being broken more. She doesn’t hate you, she’s afraid of you. Somewhere in her past she’s been damaged, and that’s something I completely understand. Before you I was broken into so many jagged pieces. There was no one to put me back together again. Then you knocked me over and fixed me. I was lucky. I had you to heal me. She doesn’t have someone like you to fix the pain.” Whitefox twisted the wedding band on her finger, wishing it was his. “She’s alone and scared.”

  “Whenever I’m around her I feel like I need to keep her safe. I want to wrap her up and put her on a shelf where nothing bad can reach her.” Whitefox brushed another curl from her cheek. “I need you to trust me on this. I look at her and see the fear and it crushes me. I know I have no right to dump more on you, but I need your help. I’m not good at the woman thing; if I was I wouldn’t be sitting here telling you what an ass I was to hurt you.” Whitefox lay beside her, facing her.

  “I know you’re carrying so much right now. Granddad has dumped us all on you. Wyler needs you to help him patch his relationship back up with Ethan and me. I’m a mess, and you’ve kept my secrets. Even ones that my brother doesn’t know about, and now you’re creating the next generation of men you’ll still be carrying.”